


Therapeutic Crying

by MisMot



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: AU, Blow Jobs, Breastfeeding, Childbirth, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, F/M, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mentions of Masturbation, Non-Penetrative Sex, Oral Sex, Shower Sex, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-28 20:23:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 98,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14457027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisMot/pseuds/MisMot
Summary: The only thing Joseph had been wrong about was just when the world was going to end. Now, the Deputy finds herself locked away in a bunker with Jacob Seed himself.She was expecting things to be tense but not like this.





	1. Chapter 1

The bunker was large enough to not be reasonably claustrophobic and Rook was sure that if she’d been stuck inside it by herself or even with anyone else in the world, it would have felt perfectly fine. She felt like she was stuck in a too-warm elevator. There was plenty of food, she had made sure of that within the first hour of them being trapped inside of the damn thing. She’d even taken to squirreling a can or two away a day, just in case poor management skills made them run through the cans and boxes faster. Rook hadn’t known the family, but from the pictures she had seen in their house and the ones that had been on the desk, there had been at least five of them. Logically, they would have enough food for five people for a few years.

Hopefully she wouldn’t be stuck there that long, but the deputy hadn’t been having the best run of luck lately to begin with.

When the sirens sounded and explosions erupted in the distance, neither she nor her unexpected partner had had much time to think. They just ran towards the nearest bunker, everyone else be damned. If only she’d had Sharky with her. If only she knew if the Ryes were safe. But her new roommate was making checking difficult. The massive man had been planted in front of the small radio set since the door locked behind them, sending out a message every hour on the hour, checking for any sign of his brothers. Rook was pretty sure he hadn’t even bothered to sleep the first few days they’d been stuck.

At least they had managed to stumble upon one of the better-stocked bunkers in the Whitetail Mountains even if she was absolutely sure that he wouldn’t be willing to play one of the board games with her. There were plenty of books lining the wall next to the radio and magazines under one of the hanging cots. There had even been one of the comic books she was pretty sure Nadine had asked her to look for. She had even managed to find an old print out that looked like it’d been made in the 1950’s on what to do in case of nuclear war. Rook had learned a lot she hadn’t known before from the few times she’d skimmed through it. According to the pamphlet, it would be safe to leave after two weeks.

That had been a week ago.

When the rookie had tried to leave, her companion finally reacted to her, grabbing her wrists hard enough to bruise and shoving her roughly against the wall. She was still surprised he hadn’t growled in her face like a fucking wolf. His brother Joseph had been so convinced of everything and had been right. Why wouldn’t he also be right about it taking seven years to be safe again? Besides, he reasoned with her, that stupid pamphlet hadn’t equated how close they might have been to the blasts and if they’d been downwind or not. There’d been more than one bomb set off, after all. She’d seen them with her own eyes, she’d been nearly knocked down by the shockwaves. Hell, she would have been if Jacob Seed hadn’t grabbed her under her armpits and all but dragged her down the steep steps.

“Has it been seven years yet?” Rook spoke up, tired of staring at the underside of the cot above her head.

“Stop being a child.” His voice was rougher than normal. He hadn’t been drinking the water she set beside him and that worried her. She still had nightmares about the stories he’d told her when she had been behind bars, desperate for scraps of food. She had those nightmares nearly every night since that fucking door clanged shut behind them.

“I’ll always be a child to you. It’s not my fault you’re like a hundred.” He didn’t bother to respond to her, shifting forward to adjust the dials on the radio for the thousandth time instead. “Can’t you just make a Geiger counter thing?”

“With what?” He finally looked towards her with an expression that reminded her that he’d dealt with John as a child. “How do you purpose I make a dosimeter with the shit supplies in this bunker?”

“At least it would be doing something,” she complained, knowing that he would probably get mad and threaten her some more.

“Like hiding food is doing something or like crying in the bathroom is doing something?” Rook felt her face flush and tried not to look away from his pale blue eyes. She cried in the bathroom at first, but she was pretty sure he was talking about her most recent time when she had accidentally cried out while her fingers were buried between her legs.

“Crying is therapeutic,” she mumbled out when one of his eyebrows slowly rose. “Helps relieve tension.” The deputy was almost positive that Jacob had been around people masturbating before. Hell, how long had he been deployed overseas? Surely someone had rubbed one out late night in the barracks, right? Maybe he had once or twice.

“That something you do often? Cry?” Jacob’s eyes slid down her as she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the cot. She knew damn well that she was playing with a mad dog, but it was the most normal conversation she’d had in who knew how long.

“I happen to have a very healthy relationship with myself.” _Before that fucking music box, at least._ Jacob grunted deep in his throat as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“I don’t share my emotions like John does.” Fuck, why did everyone think that she slept with the youngest Seed? Sure she’d been trapped in his bunker, but he’d been more focused on driving his knife into her chest than driving his dick into her. Not that she’d been a fan of either scenario, of course.

“I wouldn’t know,” she shrugged, looking away from him and regretting bringing the conversation up. She wasn’t having fun anymore. She should have just let him continue staring at nothing as she did the same in peace and quiet. Jacob grunted again, his eyes never leaving her as she couldn’t help but fidget. “It’s been a while.” She had been using her last sexual encounter as ‘spank bank’ material, the memories of Pratt going down on her in the locker room before their ill-fated mission burning behind her eyes. With a twist of her own nipple, black hair had transformed to a bright red as she imagined the teeth that had been skimming her inner thigh bite into the sensitive flesh. She wished her hands were larger, more calloused as she circled her clit roughly, eyes squeezed shut and teeth digging into her bottom lip. A cry escaped her lips as she imagined Jacob taking her on the floor like the dog he was, hands bruising her hips and teeth digging viciously into her shoulders.

Looking at him now was as hard as it had been after that incident, shame making her ears feel like they were on fire.

“What about Boshaw? Surprised that idiot didn’t at least offer.” She’d considered it, the eccentric man’s gentle flirtations having worn her down over the weeks she had spent with him by her side, but time never seemed to allow for more than the occasional ‘what if’ to cross her mind.

“Thought about it. Ended up in one of your cages instead.”

“Can’t say I’m sorry about that,” he chuckled, his nose curled in disgust. “The weak shouldn’t get the chance to breed.”

“Breed? Who said anything about that?” The Deputy forced herself to laugh, trying to change the subject. “I thought we were talking about emotions. You know. The stuff you hate.” With a jolt, she stood from the cot and nearly banged her head on the cot above. She barely noticed as the nervous energy churned inside her gut and heat pooled slightly below that. All she could think about was Jacob caging her in with his arms, nipping at her neck as he murmured in her ear about how _good_ she was. Fuck, she wanted it. She wanted her knees and the palms of her hands to ache as he took her against the concrete ground, she wanted her legs wrapped around his thick waist as he slammed her against the shower wall. She wanted to offer to suck his cock as he sat in the chair and waited for any signs of his brothers. Her tongue burned to offer herself up but fear clamped her jaws shut.

“Never said I hated it. There’s a time and a place for everything. Out there,” he gestured towards the stairs leading towards a radioactive death, “isn’t either. Hasn’t been for a while. Down here?” Rook stopped her pacing when Jacob paused, glancing at the hunched over man as his eyes burned into her. “Down here we’ve got nothing but time.” She wasn’t sure if Jacob was trying to call her bluff or was actually seriously proposing they fuck to pass time.

“The bathroom’s right through there, you know,” she offered, jerking her thumb over her shoulder. He could honestly use a shower. In the month they’d been locked away together, he barely took the time away from the radio to sleep, let alone bathe. Memories of his Miller story encouraged her to always make enough food for him whenever she made something for herself. He smiled at her, all teeth and no reassurance as he stood from the chair suddenly enough to send it backward.

“No offers to join me? I’m wounded you care so little, kitten.”

“Someone has to watch the radio,” she offered weakly, hating how meek her voice sounded to her own ears. If anything, Jacob’s barrel of a chest seemed to puff up even more and she was suddenly reminded that as different as they might be, he was still John’s big brother. Rook felt rooted to the spot as he prowled closer to her. Even if she’d tried bolting and even if there’d been anywhere for her to escape to, he’d proven time and time again that he could always hunt her down no matter how hard she tried. If he was a wolf then she was no better than a deer in headlights. She was his prey and she likely had been all along.

“Tell me something, kitten,” he murmured as he got close to her, his breath tickling her ear and sending a shiver down her spine. “Did you ever let Peaches fuck you or did you just use him?” For a split second, Rook’s mind flashed to the temperamental cougar but she quickly remembered his nickname for Pratt. With a jerk, she tried to pull away from him but his massive hands wrapped around her upper arms too quickly.

“What? How do you...?”

“He told me.” It was like he was telling her that fish lived under water and birds flew. “He told me everything I wanted to know about you just for a scrap of food more. He was too weak for you, kitten. He was a child.” When Rook could only gasp at him, her mouth hanging open in shock, he squeezed her arms hard enough to bruise.

“He wanted to. I… I didn’t. It was just fun. Exciting.” All she could focus on was the raised scars scattered across his face, his cold eyes as he seemed to devour her. If Staci really had told Jacob everything then he’d known what turned her on the entire time. Had he known intimate details about her before he’d even captured her for the first time? Was that all he could think about when she was locked away in his little brother’s bunker? “He wasn’t what I really wanted in a partner.”

“And what did you want?” One of his hands left her arm and tangled itself in her hair, jerking her head back ever so slightly so she had no choice but to look up into his eyes. She knew exactly what he was looking to hear, but the stubborn part of her resisted.

“Someone else. I don’t know. It… It didn’t feel right.”

“It’s okay to want only the strongest. He was weak, deputy. You knew something better was just around the corner.” She thought for sure that he would kiss her at that moment, claim her lips as if they had always been his. But he didn’t. Instead he released her and brushed past her, humming softly to himself as he disappeared into the bathroom. A moment later, she heard the water turn on and rustling as clothes began to hit the floor. He’d left the door open as if he expected her to go crawling to him like a well-trained dog.

If she was less afraid of him, she might have. But she was terrified. If she did, then how would her life be for the next few weeks or however long he kept them in that bunker? Joseph was so convinced of seven years. How could she fuck someone that long? Realistically, she wasn't on birth control, not after having missed it for so long, and she doubted there were condoms hidden around the bunker. She also had a feeling Jacob wouldn't be the sort of man who would pull out if she requested it. A large part of her was afraid of seeing him naked, of actually seeing how scarred and broken his life had left his body. Rook knew that it would break her heart and that the eldest Seed wouldn't look too kindly at her weakness.

She could hear him washing himself. The water splashing against the ground as he lathered himself in the bulk bought soap that had been drying out her skin. Rook wondered if he had carved his sins into his flesh the way that his brothers had, if he had tattooed the symbols of Eden’s Gate into himself. Her chest burned there John had branded her with ‘wrath’ under her collarbone. Making up her mind, Rook undid the button holding her pants up and shimmied the worn jeans down her legs. She slipped her t-shirt off as she slowly walked towards the bathroom, doing her best to keep her breathing steady and stopping herself from considering the infinite what-ifs.

Turning the corner, she froze at the sight of him. His hair plastered to his head, his beard dripping with water as his eyes closed and his hand wrapped loosely around his thick cock. The burn scars littering his arms went as far up as his shoulders where they mixed with freckles and the coarse hair decorating his torso from shoulder to cock. All the time she had spent thinking of him as a wolf when she should have been thinking of him as a bear.

“Nice of you to join me, kitten,” he chuckled without even opening his eyes. Rook snorted as she unhooked her bra, closing the distance between herself and the shower while taking care not to slip on the wet floor. Of course he would leave the shower door open to prove a point.

“Woulda been rude if I hadn’t,” she shrugged, slipping out of her panties before finally joining him. His mouth was on her neck in an instant, his damp beard rubbing against her skin like a wool pad. It itched and tickled and she wanted more. He reached for her hips, but she stopped him from shoving her against the wall by wrapping her hand around his cock, giving it as firm of a squeeze as she could. The deputy really hadn’t been expecting him to be so thick.

He devoured the skin of her neck as he squeezed her in return, his rough fingers digging into her ass. At this rate, she was positive that her neck would just be one big hickey by the time he was finished with her. The water beat down against her as he slipped a hand between her legs to return the favor when she twisted her hand just so. Rook cried out when two of his fingers curled inside of her, slipping all the way to his knuckles and stretching her in ways her own fingers hadn’t been able to. She tried not to picture how his cock would feel inside of here. She knew how bad of a decision that would turn out to be in the long run of things.

“Fuck, kitten,” Jacob growled against her, interrupting himself to run his teeth along her jaw. “If I had known you’d be willing to join me, I would have brought it up myself.”

“It’s the most you’re getting,” she promised him as she pumped his cock faster, loving the contrast between how velvety he felt in her hand and the way his wet chest hair tickled her nipples. “I haven’t seen any protection laying around, have you?” Jacob grunted against her lips before sealing his against hers, slipping his tongue past her lips as he wrestled a moan from her. Instead of answering her, he rubbed his thumb against her clit in rough circles, thrusting his hips in tune with his motions. With her free hand, the deputy cradled the back of his neck and tried to bring him closer to her level, loving the way that he handled her body as if he’d always known it.

She supposed she had Staci Pratt to thank for that.

The hand that had been squeezing her ass so hard that she was convinced she’d have bruises in the shapes of his fingerprints suddenly released her and found its way to her breasts instead. Rook sucked on his tongue, rolling her thumb over the head of his penis as he tugged on her nipple.

“Oh, _fuck_ , kitten. You’re perfect.” The moan that slipped from her lips sounded straight out of a low-budget porno, but she didn’t care. She just wanted him to keep talking to her with that low, even voice of his.

“Oh god, Jacob,” she cried out, bucking her hips into his hand as his thumb sped up and a third finger joined its brothers inside of her. She’d never been so wet in her entire life. Jacob’s cock twitched in her hand at the noises she was making and his thrusts got rougher, deeper.

“You mewl so good, kitten. So wet for me,” he groaned, shoving his face against her neck as his fingers twisted inside of her, pressing and stroking all the right places.

“Jake, please!” Rook begged as she dug her nails into the back of his neck and ached to wrap her legs around his thick waist.

“You beg so prettily,” he moaned into her hair, pulling sharply on her abused nipple as his thumb rolled almost painfully against her clit. “You _know_ how good I could make you feel.” Rook felt like she was losing her mind, letting her head slam back into the cheap shower wall and moaning at the feel of the cooling water hitting her chest. It felt amazing against the irritated skin rubbed raw from Jacob’s chest hair. “Good girl, come for your daddy. That’s it.”

As he spoke, she felt his cock jerk in her hand before the hot spurts of his cum splashed against her stomach only to be washed away by the shower. She couldn’t handle the low noise he made in the back of his throat that seemed to vibrate through her. With a strangled cry, she felt like she was going to pass out as her orgasm ripped through her. She felt like she could barely breathe as her body seized up, jerking her hips wildly against him and arching her back towards him.

With a shaky sigh, she realized that she still had a death grip on his cock and let it go with a murmured apology. “Holy shit, Jacob.” He hummed against her hair, reaching behind her to twist the water off. Even as he moved, he held her against him as if he knew she would crash to the floor if he let her. She wasn’t sure if her legs would ever feel steady under her weight ever again as she placed gentle kisses against the stubble on his neck. She definitely should have started fucking with him much sooner if he was always like this.

“Can you walk or do you need me to carry you, Deputy?” He asked, his voice more gentle than she’d ever heard it.

“Would you mind?”

“I wouldn’t offer if I did, now would I?” Even though his words were harsh, his tone was gentle as he scooped her up in his massive arms.

“Did it help? Crying, I mean?”

“You were doing most of the crying, kitten. Maybe we should try again sometime.” Rook couldn’t help the wave of disappointment from crashing into her. It hadn’t been as good for him as it was for her and she felt guilty.

“I’m sorry.” She would have to try to be better next time around because she had no doubt that there would be a next time.

“You were perfect, kitten.” He set her down on the cot she’d claimed for herself and kissed her gently on the lips. Arching into his touch, she tried to encourage him to take things further, but he pulled away with a laugh. “I’m an old man, remember? You wiped me out, girl.”

“Grace. My name is Grace.”

“Sure thing, kitten.”


	2. Chapter 2

Grace laid on her back looking at a book with unseeing eyes as she listened to Jacob grunt next to her. He was doing push-ups, intent on staying as in shape as he could in such a small space, but she had stopped listening to him after he got to the thirties a little bit ago. She had been more interested in him when he had been doing sit-ups and how his abs looked with every crunch. Since their shower incident, he had grown confident enough to occasionally forgo wearing his shirt as he exercised, partly because what clothes they did find stored away were too small for him and partly because she refused to wash his shit for him. He was sorely mistaken if he thought having his fingers in her cunt one time would magically turn her into some sort of domestic type.

“ _-his is John Seed of Holland Valley,_ ” The youngest Seed’s voice erupted in a hail of static from the idle radio, damn near scaring the deputy out of her skin and spurring Jacob into action. “ _This is John Seed of Holland Valley_ ”

“John,” Jacob greeted as desperately as Grace had ever heard him, cradling the receiver as if it were the most precious child in the world. “This is Jacob Seed. Over.”

“ _Jacob! Brother, I have been trying to reach you since The Collapse. You aren’t at the bunker._ ” Jacob waited a moment before he replied to his brother. Grace would have laughed at the childishness of it if she weren’t scared shitless. What was this about to mean for her if the Seeds were suddenly in contact with each other again? Was Jacob going to kill her now?

“John, you have to say ‘over’. Over.” Jacob didn’t even glance in her direction as he sat heavily on the chair, quickly jotting down the frequency his brother reached him on and who knows what else he deemed to be important.

“ _Fine, okay. But where the fuck are you? Over._ ”

“Some prepper bunker in the Whitetail Mountains,” he explained, murmuring details to his baby brother. Grace didn’t want to think about how many times the eldest Seed had been forced to comfort his younger siblings as their worlds were living hells. She felt almost guilty for having had a normal childhood with a cop for a dad and a teacher for a mom. “Are you safe? Over.”

“ _I’m fine. I was in my bunker, hearing our dear Deputy Hudson’s confessions when it happened,_ ” John’s voice explained and suddenly all Rook could see was red as fury overtook her senses. She howled before Jacob could get a chance to respond to his brother and lunged for the radio with half a mind to verbally rip John a new asshole. She would kill that motherfucker for hurting Joey, even if it took her seven years to do.

“God _damnit_ , kitten!” Jacob yelled, grabbing her around the waist and wrestling her against himself as if she really were just a kitten. “Sit down and shut the fuck up unless you want a broken fucking wrist to give you something to think about.” She didn’t want to calm down but she wasn’t a fool. Despite what she had gotten up to with Sharky Boshaw, she wasn’t a fool. Knowing full well that he would make good on his threat, Grace went slack against his body as if she were little more than a ragdoll and listened patiently for any sign that Hudson was still alive or even still in her right mind. “John, I want you to check in with me at least once a week, understand? I can’t reach you and Joseph the same way I could have in my bunker. Over.”

“ _I understand._ ” If Rook hadn’t been as familiar with him as she unfortunately was, she would have thought for sure that he wouldn’t heed his eldest brother’s request. As far as she knew, John was on his own to raise any sort of hell he could think of. “ _Have you heard from Joseph yet? Over._ ”

“Not yet,” Jacob frowned, his arm unconsciously tightening around the deputy’s waist in concern for his middle brother. “You’re the first person I’ve heard from. Over.”

“ _I think he has our darling deputy,_ ” John mused in a way that made Grace’s skin crawl and debate if having a broken wrist was truly worth it or not. “ _I only heard from his bunker that he is alright, not from him yet. Over._ ”

“I have her with me. Over.” As he spoke, his hand abandoned her waist in favor of clamping down hard over her mouth and jerking her head back to press sharply against his broad shoulder. The chuckle that echoed out from John’s end of the radio was enough to make her regret not killing him when she’d had the chance.

“ _Oh, deputy,_ ” he drew out the word as if it was the most sinful thing in the universe as if he would give a hand if he could groan it against the shell of her ear for the rest of his life. “ _You’ll take good care of my big brother, won’t you?_ ” For a moment, she was certain that Jacob was going to tell him what they’d been up to, but instead he cut his brother off.

“John, anyone can be listening in to these broadcasts, including The Father,” he reminded his brother as his fingers bruised her face. “I will be waiting for your call in a week, you hear? Over and out.” He clicked off the radio as he released her and it was all Grace could do to not bite him or smack him or anything to make him hurt. Maybe dig her nails into his scars and see how he liked being jerked around.

“I’m shocked you didn’t tell him you already had me in the palm of your hand,” she sneered, trying to put as much distance between them as she could.

“I told you that I don’t share like John does. None of his fucking business, kitten.”

“Don’t call me that!” Any hint of warmth that might have been lingering on the older man’s face was gone in an instant, her instincts screaming at her to _flee_.

“You keep talking to me like that and I will have to take something away from you, _kitten,_ ” he growled, stilling completely as he watched her fidget with cold, cold eyes. She had almost fooled herself into forgetting that he’d eaten a man before. She was nothing to him. It scared her as badly as the thought of the world burning down just a door away from them did.

“If your brother is still alive, then my friends might be, too,” she reasoned with him, trying her hardest to keep the fear from her voice. To keep the weakness out. “Let me try to contact them like you did with John. Please, Jacob.”

“You think you deserve a reward after that stunt you just pulled?” There was nothing she could say to that. Sure, she'd used a police radio before and was even tested on it but she'd never used a ham radio. The basics were as far as her understanding went and she knew she needed Jacob’s knowledge if she wanted any real chance of finding news of at least one of her friends. Hell, it was either play nice or hope that Dutch was able to stumble upon them.

“I'm sorry.”

“You will be.” Shit, she should be running. If she actually got through the door leading to the outside, would he follow after her? He’s more cautious about fallout than she was. But it would take time to open the door and she wasn’t even wearing shoes.

“Jacob,” she stopped herself after his name. She knew that arguing with him would be the exact worst possible thing she could do, but she didn’t know what she was _supposed_ to do at this point. When he started to undo his belt, Grace felt like someone dumped an entire bucket of ice water over her head. Without taking his eyes off of her for even a moment, he slipped the worn leather out of his belt loops.

If he so much as hit her with his belt once, she was going to stab him in his sleep.

“Deputy, do you have siblings? Someone you would and have done _anything_ for?” Even when he had been torturing her friends, threatening her over the radio, or singing that damnable song, Jacob's voice had been warmer than it was in that moment. Adrenaline rushed through her veins as her pulse thundered in her eyes as she tried to think up any sort of escape route. His body was blocking the stairs. He could easily kick down any door she shut behind her.

“No,” she managed to whisper, desperate to buy herself more time.

“Well, I wouldn't expect you to understand the feeling of taking beatings for them,” he reasoned, finally taking a step towards her. “How horrific it was to listen to their cries when you were too _weak_ to defend them. How it weighed on your soul to spend a lifetime without knowing if they were safe.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Are you? Because I just spent the last month not knowing if my brothers survived the goddamn apocalypse.” Grace knew that there wasn’t anything she could say, not really. From the way he coiled the belt around his knuckles, she knew that Jacob had made up his mind to be angry.

“Your brother tortured me,” Grace stuttered as she backed away from Jacob. She could either try hiding in the bathroom for a few days or hide in the small storage room that had all of the repair supplies but none of the food.

“John isn’t a perfect person,” Jacob agreed, watching calmly as she struggled with herself. “For that, I’ll give you an option before I trim your claws, kitten. You can either walk yourself to that room,” he jerked his head towards the storage closet she’d been considering a moment before. “Or I drag you there, kicking and screaming. You wanna act like a child? You can be treated like one.”

“I’ll go, just don’t hit me.” Jacob snorted at her and once again jerked his head towards the small supply room. The deputy knew she had no choice but to sleep in the bed she made and walked towards it cautiously, uneasy at the idea of having her back turned towards Jacob even for a moment.

“Wait.” Grace froze at Jacob’s command, glancing at him over her shoulder as she waited for whatever curveball was about to come next. “You’re not getting off that easy, kitten. Put your arms behind your back.”

“Are you going to start reading me my rights?” She asked as she obeyed, dreading what she knew was coming next.

“You don’t have any.” He grabbed her arms and jerked them into the position he wanted them in with her hands grabbed her elbows. He quickly wrapped the belt tightly around her forearms, guaranteeing that she wouldn’t be able to struggle out of the bonds.

“I didn’t know you were into this kinda kinky shit, Jacob Seed,” Grace grunted, wiggling her fingers and wincing at the pain. Jacob merely snorted again and shoved her into the room, sending her crashing into one of the shelves before slamming the door shut. From the sounds that followed, he barricaded her in. As if she would have been able to open the door on her own with her hands tied up in the first place.

The Rookie stood there for a moment, willing her eyes to get used to the darkness of the room and for her pulse to normalize itself. She had no idea how long Jacob planned to keep her in the room and the uncertainty was finally starting to settle on her. She had _known_ that he was capable of the worst, but she still allowed her wrath to get the better of her. Maybe like Joseph, John had been right all along.

Deciding to make the most of her newfound alone time, Grace tried to sit on the floor but ended up more so sauntering vaguely downwards as she slipped and landed on her face. While she was absolutely positive that Jacob had heard the crash and the cry she let out, there wasn’t so much as a shuffled footstep outside the door. The cool concrete soothed her surely bruised cheek as she thought over her options, trying to think of the best way to apologize and get out of the room faster.

After a while, her arms began to grow numb, pinpricks like needles dancing from her fingertips to her shoulders as she tried to keep track of time. It was hard enough to do in the main part of the bunker where there was light and things to do, but in the darkness, her mind started to play tricks on her. Grace felt like all she could see where memories of the forest burning around them, the feel of Jacob’s meaty hands as he swung her up on his shoulder. She felt phantom pains in her stomach from the jolting wallop she felt with every step he took. Her throat felt raw from the smoke and her screams, even after healing for more than a month. No matter how she shook her head, if she squeezed her eyes so hard that she saw blips of red, or kept them open long enough to water, the images returned.

She couldn’t imagine what it had been like for Jacob. The deputy couldn’t imagine facing the demons from a war long over on top of the sight of hell erupting around them.

Grace knew that at some point, she had started crying. Huge sobs that shook her ribs as she struggled to breathe and her skin raw from tears and her own snot running down her face. Everyone she’d known was dead. In the light of the bunker, it was easier to deal with, but alone in a cold dark room? She had nothing but realizations to keep her company. She hated it and she wanted Jacob to come back for her. She would do anything if he would only open the door.

Her stomach had stopped growling a while ago. Now it just hurt. She knew it had to have been at least a day or two since he’d shut her away. She could hear the occasional muffled voices from the other side of the door and sincerely hoped that was just Jacob speaking to someone on the radio and not her losing her mind. Grace knew she would be a sight for sore eyes the second Jacob opened that door and a bitter part of her hoped that he felt guilty at the sight of her bruised and laying in a pile of her own filth. Her jeans stuck to her in a way that even if she washed them a hundred times, Grace would never want to wear them again.

The sudden light splashing on her face felt like it blinded her as she sputtered like a fish out of water. Grace hadn’t even heard him near the door, let alone taking apart whatever he’d used to barricade her inside. The junior deputy hadn’t even realized she’d been screaming again until he started shushing her, stroking her greasy hair from her face and gently prodding at her swollen cheek with a calloused finger. “It’s okay, kitten. I’m here. It’s okay.”

He picked her up and carried her out to the main room where he had pulled one of the plastic mattresses down to the ground. Setting her gently on her stomach, he slowly removed his belt from around her arms, gently rubbing feeling back into her pained limbs as he went. Grace cried the entire time, hissing at the feeling returning to her arms and moaning at how hungry she was. Strong hands that she never thought could be gentle rubbed at the aching muscles in her shoulders, gently working at the knots. Her arms burned viciously as feeling bled back into them again and Grace couldn’t help but to cry weakly into the mattress under her. “I’m sorry for scaring you, kitten.”

“Please don’t leave me. I’m sorry. I’ll be good, I promise.” He sighed as he gently turned her over, holding her up against him like a sickly child and not once wrinkling his nose at the stench of her.

“Here, drink this. It’s chicken broth.” He held a cup to her lips and she had to fight with herself not to gulp all of it down at once. “It’ll give you some strength and shouldn’t make you immediately vomit or anything.” His voice had never been particularly soothing to her before, but now Grace felt like she could cry for a solid week.

Jacob held her for what must have been hours, the aches and pains eventually ebbing away as he cradled her in his arms and whispered against her hair. “Jacob? Can I take a shower, please?”

“You’ll fall. Let me help you.” Grace could only nod, wrapping her arms around his neck as he lifted her up again. She buried her face against his neck and breathed deep, trying hard to not think about how strange it was for him to smell better than she did. Usually odor clung to him like a wet dog, but he was a breath of fresh air in comparison. She sat on the sink as she watched him adjust the water temperature, eager to burn her jeans the moment they were off of her legs.

Jacob helped her raise her t-shirt over her head, ripping the sleeves the moment she gasped in pain when it jarred her tender shoulders. He didn’t say a word the entire time so Grace didn’t try to. She was half afraid that if she did he would call her weak and leave her to take care of herself. But he didn’t. He held onto her as her legs stumbled beneath her, as she slumped against the shower wall and moaned at the feeling of warm water caressing her skin. The deputy felt less ashamed to lean against him, to borrow his strength as she adjusted to not being locked in the room anymore.

“You see, kitten? Things are so much easier if you’re a good girl.” Grace could only manage a moan around her sore throat and he gently rubbed his soaped up hands against her back, working on the sore muscles.

“I know. I’m sorry,” she whispered as she leaned her head back against his chest. A part of her expected him to take advantage of her and dip his hand between her legs again, but when he did was only to gently wash away caked on filth. “You don’t have to take care of me like this, Jacob.”

“Oh, I know. I spoke with Joseph. He is convinced that I overreacted in punishing you.” She should have known he wouldn’t be treating her this way out of the goodness of his own heart. “He’s convinced that in seven years, you will be joining us at the table and that I need to guide you there.”

“Finally drinking the Kool-Aid, Jacob?” Grace couldn’t help but sneer, trying to stand on her own two feet and pull away from him.

“With those bombs going off and killing who knows how many people, I have to say Joseph has a compelling point.” On that, Grace had to agree with him.

“Just promise me you won’t start carving my sins into me, okay?” He laughed and Grace tried to not let it bother her how he didn’t actually agree to her demand. As Jacob helped her wash her hair, she decided she didn’t actually want to know how long she had been locked away for. She didn’t ask if he’d come into contact with anyone besides Joseph on the radio, she knew they would only argue again and she hadn’t even been on equal footing when she’d had a meal in her stomach and full use of her arms.

After their mutual shower, Jacob dried her off carefully and slowly to not upset aching joints as best as he could. The deputy refused to let him carry her out to the cots and insisted on walking, even if he had to support her. They didn’t bother to dress her as he helped lay her down on the floor mattress and Grace struggled not to panic under his weight as he leaned over her. “Jacob, what are you doing?” She managed to ask as he laid a kiss on her jaw.

“I want to make sure things are copasetic between us,” Jacob murmured against her skin, gently running his teeth along her throat.

“Jacob, I still hurt,” she protested, pushing against his shoulders as best as she could even as she spread her legs to allow him to settle between them.

“Let me make you feel better, Deputy.” He kissed down her torso, stopping long enough to run his tongue over the angry ‘wrath’ across her chest.

“Is Joseph going to mark us both with ‘lust’ when we get out of here?” Grace moaned, wrapping a hand around his neck and guiding his mouth lower when he sucked at the tattoo a little too hard.

“You, maybe. He knows better than to try me.” Grace was going to respond, but Jacob’s mouth clamped on her nipple and all thought left her head. His damp hair tickled her as he pulled and teased her with his teeth, his beard rubbing against the underside of her tit. Grace tried wrapping her legs around his waist, but Jacob pulled away from her, nipping at her breast as he pulled away. “This is about you, kitten. There will be plenty of time for you to return the favor later.”

“Confident, huh?” She tried to tease, but Grace wasn’t sure if he could even hear her around her moans as his fingers slipped against her clit. He squeezed her neglected breast as he sucked his way down her stomach, growling as she writhed against him. Grace felt like she could cry as he nipped her hips, soothing the pain with broad strokes of his tongue in tune with how he tugged at her stiff nipple. Her nails dug sharply into the back of his neck as her other hand reached up to twist and pull at her other breast.

Jacob’s fingers parted her labia, his thumb teasing her clit as he seemed to worship her stomach and Grace nearly howled in frustration. He was so close, damnit. Why was he still teasing her? Jacob laughed, deep and dark, and Grace bucked against him wishing he would just hurry up so she could wrap her thighs around his head. His mouth finally drifted lower, placing a firm kiss on her mons pubis as he made his way south.

She swore she would kill him slowly as he bypassed her clit, laughing against her as he feasted on her cunt like a bear trying to get as much honey out of a bee’s nest as it could. Her legs finally found their way around his head, squeezing as tightly as she could in retaliation for him taking his sweet time and teasing her so cruelly. Her mind reeled as she tried desperately to think of a way to get his lips to envelope her poor, forgotten clit and if she wasn’t so certain that he would just bat her hand away, she would have just rubbed it herself.

“Daddy, _please,_ ” she managed, clenching her eyes closed in embarrassment. He’d called himself that before, right? God, if he made fun of her, she was going to live in that fucking closet. Just like open sesame, those seemed to be the magic words as he all but attacked her clit, sucking on it so hard that her cunt clenched desperately at the fingers he so graciously provided for her. Looking down herself at him, she nearly fainted at the look he was giving her.

Jacob looked as if he was a starved man being provided a feast he had only dreamed of. For a second, her mind wandered to Staci and she flushed as she imagined him describing her body to Jacob. How long had Jacob been wanting this? The idea of him masturbating to the idea of her sent a jolt down her body as she couldn’t help but throw her head back against the hard mattress.

Her orgasm hit her exhausted body like an explosion, toes curling and muscles locking as she struggled to breathe. It took Grace a few moments before she realized that tears were running down her face as she pleaded for Jacob that she’d had enough. Seeing the tears on her face, Jacob was on her in an instant, his arms wrapped tightly around her and kisses planted on her temple. If she still had her wits about her, the Deputy would have seen the smug smile spread across his slick covered mouth.

Grace couldn’t help the sobs that shook her body as she clung desperately to Jacob, apologizing over and over for being so weak, so soft as he held her. He didn’t say a word as he rubbed her back soothingly, pressing his forehead against hers and refusing to let her hide her face against his chest the way she so desperately wanted to. Eventually, she felt herself slipping out of consciousness, the past however long catching up with her exhausted body, forcing her to go limp in Jacob’s arms as sleep overtook her.

When she woke up, she would have to make a point of showing him how good of a girl she could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for such a warm response to the first chapter of this! I hope the change of pace in this chapter wasn't too unexpected or out there. If I continue it from here, my goal is to have at least one sexual scene per chapter. Idk if that'll happen, but who knows.
> 
> Either way, I really gotta stop writing 7+ page chapters. This one hit nine and I am too lazy for that shit, tbh.


	3. Chapter 3

Time passed and Grace did her best to avoid looking at the back of Jacob’s head. They hadn’t spoken about her time locked away in the closet or what he’d done afterward, but occasionally Grace would catch Jacob looking at her with a smile that suggested it was only a matter of time before he wanted her to return the favor. The cuts her nails had left of the back of his head did nothing but remind her of how weak she was. She had at least seven more years to look forward to.

“Jacob, would you rather run out of toilet paper or run out of toothpaste?” Grace asked in an effort to distract herself. She stood looking at the collection of books that she must have stared at a thousand times already, desperate for one to seem interesting enough to read. Anything to keep herself from staring at the back of his head.

“If we run out of toilet paper, I’m using your fucking books.” Jacob was at his usual seat by the radio, pouring over the cryptic notes he’d been compiling. She wasn’t sure when he’d started referring to the books as hers, but he hadn’t shown an interest in any of them yet. It felt odd claiming ownership of things that once belonged to people who were more than likely long dead at this point.

“What about toothpaste, though?” Grace couldn’t help but laugh, wondering how bad it’d be for whatever plumbing they had to flush a bunch of pages.

“Your books,” he shrugged, still not looking over at her.

“How are you planning on brushing your teeth with books? Papercut the plaque away?”

“You never hear of brushing your teeth with wood ash?”

“Books aren’t wood, Jacob.” She grinned over at him when he only grunted in response. Grace could almost feel like a normal person again when they had conversations like these, even if it only lasted for a short while before Jacob’s humor ran dry. “Okay, so say we run out of toothpaste, toilet paper, _and_ books. What then?”

“Kitten, if you’re looking for something to occupy your mouth with so bad, I’ve got something over here you could do.” For just a split second, she hoped that he would finally allow her use of the radio, but when he finally looked over at her with a raised eyebrow, it was her turn to sigh with annoyance.

“I’m not in the mood.” Her stomach had been aching something fierce lately, even though she’d had enough food, enough water. The lights were starting to give her pounding headaches, too. Grace really hoped she wasn’t getting sick or something worse. At least she could say for sure that it wasn’t morning sickness. Jacob grunted and looked back to his notes, tapping the end of his pen against the notepad. Grace looked at him, biting her bottom lip as she mulled things over. “You know what, if you rub my stomach, I’ll come over there.”

“Why do you want me to rub your stomach?” He asked, looking back at her like she just told him she wanted to cut her own face off. “Some weird kink of yours?”

“No,” she snapped, regretting even bringing it up as she crossed her arms over her chest. “It just hurts and I don’t exactly have a hot water bottle to curl up around.”

“Fine. Get over here.” Grace blinked at him as Jacob patted his lap, raising an eyebrow when she didn’t immediately climb on him. She was half expecting him to shove her off of him, but he just laid his bear paw of a hand on her stomach and pulled her back against him so that her head rested against his shoulder. She knew she was tense, stiff as a board as his chest moved against her with every breath he took. The deputy wished that he would say something to break the silence because she couldn’t think of a single thing. Asking about the weather or some sports team really lost any effectiveness it might have had locked away in a bunker.

He was like an electric blanket and his hand was firm as he worked his fingers against her stomach. Grace had known Jacob was good with his fingers before, but now he was damn near lulling her to sleep. She ran her fingers along his arm, humming to herself as she examined the rash. “Is this clearing up at all?”

“Poison Oak eventually clears up,” Jacob shrugged behind her, the whole action moving her body. Grace had to remind herself that she had touched his arms before and that the rash itself wasn't contagious. Pulling away from him now might make him stop rubbing her stomach. A part of her felt guilty for finding comfort in his arms again but at least with the other times she had been able to justify it as much needed relief. She wasn’t sure how to sell this to herself to ease her mind. 

When Grace opened her eyes next, Jacob was bouncing the leg she was perched on, humming a song she could go a lifetime without hearing again. She hadn’t even realized she had fallen asleep, her limbs felt heavy and for the first time in longer than she cared to think about, she felt actually rested. Her stomach had long since stopped cramping and a large part of her wanted to go right back to sleep. “Don’t you know any other songs?” Her voice was a croak around her dry throat but he still chuckled behind her.

“None as enchanting as this.” Grace turned her head to give him a sour look, but he only grinned at her, leaning towards her to rest his forehead against hers. Grace wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do, pressed so close to him and damn near sharing the same breath. The intimacy of the moment was beginning to panic her despite having had his fingers inside her more than once and his mouth practically latched to her cunt. 

“How long was I asleep?” The deputy asked instead, pulling away from him under the guise of stretching. His arm tightened around her waist to help balance her while she tried to pop her back.

“Long enough for my leg to go to sleep and you to drool on me.” He didn’t release her like she expected him to, instead he gently pulled her back to rest against him once more. 

“I don’t drool!” Grace scoffed, turning to face him as best as she could. From the look on his face, Grace could have punched him. “Don’t even say it. God, you really are John’s brother.”

“The offer’s still there, kitten.” Grace tried not to think about how she was practically straddling his thick thigh, how his muscles felt under her, the way his firm hand felt against her lower stomach. Most importantly, she tried not to think about how much she liked the feeling of him pressed against her.

“Maybe if you know another song, I can be persuaded.” Grace should have known what she was getting herself into, even before those words left her mouth. When Jacob immediately started singing that fucking ‘ _Oh John_ ’ song, Grace couldn’t help but feel like she was losing her mind she laughed so hard. “That doesn’t count and you know it.”

“I’m not going to argue with you about it, y’know. I’ve had you mewling and I will again. If you want it, you’ll come home to me, kitten.” Even though his tone was light as he spoke against her ear, Grace gasped, sobering up immediately as heat flooded her veins.

“Did you get that line from a bad porno?” The Rook knew her voice was unsteady, trying to focus on anything but the feel of his cock twitching against her through their layers of clothing. Her fingers traced over the thickly corded muscle on his forearm, dancing through the sparse patches of his arm hair that sprouted around his scars.

“That depends. Did it work?” His mouth brushed against her neck, just behind her ear and Grace didn’t even try to fight the shiver that ran through her. “You already crawled in my lap. You can’t deny that you want this.” Grace didn’t want to hear his bullshit about the strong again so she turned her head and kissed him to shut him up. She had expected him to all but devour her, but he didn’t. He was almost gentle as he held her against him and it was throwing Grace off.

Her body seemed to ache for his tenderness, but she craved how rough she knew he could be. She wanted him to manhandle her, to grab fistfuls of her hair, anything to take her mind off of their forced solitude. Grace nipped at his bottom lip and other than a deep grunt she felt reverberate against her back, he didn't rise to her bait.

“Do you want me to return the favor?” She asked against his lips when Jacob pulled away for air. He looked at her for a moment, his pale eyes taking in her face as he mulled over her words.

“I want to be inside you, it doesn't matter to me if it's your mouth or not.” As he spoke, his free hand grasped her breast, his thumb brushing against her nipple and making her wish she hadn't worn a bra. Grace moaned as she rolled her hips back against him, clenching his thigh between hers. She tried not to think of how good it would be to ride him, to hold on for dear life as he bucked up into her like a wild beast. But unless condoms started growing out of the walls, Grace promised herself that it just wasn’t going to happen.

“You’re gonna have to settle for my mouth,” she gasped against his mouth as he leaned in for another kiss. Jacob grunted and pulled away from her to give her enough space to slide down to her knees before him. He lifted his hips and helped her unbuckle his belt, sliding the worn jeans down enough to give her space. 

His dick seemed thicker than she remembered, although that could have been due to it being at eye level now. Grace licked the palm of her hand before wrapping it around the base of his cock, giving it a firm squeeze as she looked up at him. There was no point in trying to be coy with him as she licked the head of his cock, trying not to wince at the bitterness of his precum. If they ever got out of the bunker, she would make it her personal mission to find some pineapple or something to eat.

The groan Jacob let out was worth it, though. His fingers laced through her hair and gently held her in place, his callouses catching on the soft strands. “Are you waiting for some sort of invitation, Deputy?” Jacob asked, rolling his hips up towards her face as she shifted her weight on her knees. Grace glared up at him as she took him fully into her mouth, grunting as she slowly slid down his length. His girth made her jaw ache and his pubes tickled her nose in a way that made her want to sneeze, but his hand on the back of her head kept pushing her further down his cock. When she started to try to pull away for air, he bucked his hips, forcing her nose flush against him. She tried to look up at him, but could only blink through teary eyes.

Grace grabbed his hand and forced him to let her up, coughing harshly as his cock left her throat. “Don't _do_ that shit unless you want me to bite your dick off,” she snarled, slapping at his jean covered thigh. She coughed again and blinked the tears out of her eyes as she glared at him, pumping his cock with her free hand.

“I thought you liked being rough,” he teased, pulling her hair. 

“I don't like choking. That's not on the table.” Jacob made a grunt that sorta sounded agreeable and Grace decided to drop the subject for the time being. She still owed him for helping with her cramps, after all. She gave him one last look before licking him from base to tip, making sure she had his full attention before taking him in her mouth again. She watched him as she bobbed her head up and down, trying to focus on breathing through her nose as she dipped lower and lower on his cock.

His fingers tightened in her hair but he didn’t force her further down his cock again. His eyes occasionally started to roll back in his head, but he mostly kept them locked on her, brushing her bangs out of her face to make sure he could see everything clearly every once in a while. Every soft groan she tore from his throat was like a victory as she pulled out every trick in the book she’d learned from gossip magazines, friends in college, or even from trying on Staci. It made her feel powerful, even though her eyes kept watering, her jaw was starting to ache, and she could feel herself drooling. She would have to wipe her mouth before he could make fun of her for it.

The muscles in his thighs seemed to jump and tense under her hand as she balanced herself on his, wrapping her free hand around the base and squeezing gently. Jacob’s hips jerked towards her face causing his cock the hit the back of her throat. He grinned down at her lazily when she did her best to glare up at him, but she was sure the look only encouraged him as he kept rolling his hips gently. She could always call him an asshole later.

Rolling her eyes at him, Grace closed them and tried to focus on getting him off as quickly as she could. In a way, she almost felt like a tired housewife going through the motions even as she felt herself get slicker and slicker. She knew Jacob would be more than willing to return the favor, but she didn’t want to. She still wasn’t in the mood, even with his cock shoved what felt like halfway down her throat.

Almost as if he could tell she was distracting herself, Jacob leaned forward and grabbed her breast, twisting her nipple as he rolled his hips even harder against her mouth. “Sweet little deputy,” he crooned, gasping as she moaned around his dick. “Seeing you like this is better than anything I pictured.” Grace grunted, knowing that he was teasing her. “I’ll have to tell Joseph that you’ve taken to your knees for salvation.”

He laughed at the look she gave him, twisting her nipple harshly through her shirt and bra. She wanted more, even if she was annoyed at him and he seemed to know it. Jacob seemed to thrive on it as he groaned around his chuckles, trying to bring her head further down his dick. Grace moved her tongue along the underside of his cock as best she could, fighting the hand in her hair as she forced her head up his length to swirl her tongue around the head. 

“Oh, kitten, you keep doing that,” he groaned, his hand abandoning her breast in favor of joining its twin in her hair. “Ah, fuck, baby.” Grace closed her eyes, glad that she couldn’t grin with her mouth so full as she began to hum ‘Oh John’ and caress his balls with the hand she’d been supporting herself with.

The sounds he made almost reminded her of the calls the wolf beacons let out, great roars as he thrust up, his cock seeming to leap into her mouth as he got closer to the edge. She’d never heard him make a sound that loud, that passionate, and Grace ached to sneak her hand between her legs. Jacob chanted her name, his fingers digging into her scalp painfully as he chased his release.

With a thrust and a shout, Jacob came in her mouth, his cum washing over her tongue as he tensed under her. Grace stayed still as the spurts hit the back of her throat, the taste reminding her of her mission to get him to eat some goddamn fruit. When he went slack beneath her, she pulled away from his slack hands and swallowed quickly, wincing at the bitterness as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Looking up at him and smiling at the dazed look on his face, Grace leaned her forehead against his jean-clad knee and watched him as she tried to calm down her own erratic heartbeat.

They watched each other for a long while, their breathing eventually falling in tune with one another’s in the quiet of their bunker home. “You said something about seeking salvation,” she spoke up, licking her lips as she struggled with her wandering thoughts.

“Sure,” he nodded, raising a thinning eyebrow at her. “You got a confession or something?”

“I killed Faith,” Grace mumbled, her forehead pressing even further into Jacob’s knee. She tried not to jump out of her own skin when Jacob’s hand came gently down on the back of her head.

“I’m not Joseph, Grace. I don’t care about that.” Grace blinked up at him in surprise. From what John and Joseph both said, she had assumed that every member of the family welcomed the girl into their lives. “She wasn’t my sister, no matter what Joseph said.” Grace nodded slightly, thinking about the note she’d seen about a woman named Selene. If she’d joined the cult like Joseph wanted, would she have become some new version of Faith? Is that what she would become after they eventually crawled out of the bunker?

Grace shivered and pressed her face to the softer flesh of his thigh. If the bombs hadn't dropped, Jacob would have captured her himself and taken more of her mind away. She still couldn't believe that he had mostly left her alone in this confined space they got to call home now. She shivered, trying to push the thoughts from her mind. She was glad that she was stuck with Jacob. He knew how to survive anything.

If they ever got out of this bunker, Grace knew that she would need Jacob to ensure her own survival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to leave Grace as vague as possible to allow people to see her however they want to, other than her name and gender. Also, shout out to Bea Harper. I tried to be funnier but I am not actually a funny person. Mostly just funny-lookin'.
> 
>  
> 
> Please allow me to reinforce the fact that the scenes of abuse referenced or depicted in this work of fiction are in no way condoned by me as the author. This story is written for entertainment purposes and is in no way intended to be an erasure of abuse and or domestic violence.


	4. Chapter 4

“Do you wanna place bets on which of your brothers will make you an uncle first?” Grace winced as she asked the question, remembering Joseph’s story about his infant daughter. Behind her, Jacob only grunted, not seeming to notice her slip up.

“Probably John,” he mused, rolling over and taking up more of the tiny cot they shared. “He would have mentioned something if he had one on the way already.” Grace couldn’t help the frown that wormed its way onto her face, once more glad that she hadn’t been stuck with either of his brothers or even in one of the larger bunkers.

“Do you think they’ll continue with the Jay name theme? There’s a lot of biblical Jay names left.”

“Hard to say,” Jacob yawned, flexing his arm and drawing her closer to him as he settled deeper into the hard mattress. Grace hated the way it made her back ache but she had no doubt that Jacob had spent a decent amount of his life sleeping on much worse. She waited for a moment to see if he had anything else to say about it before awkwardly rolling over to face him, nearly falling off the cot in the process.

Grace adjusted her head to lay more comfortably on his shoulder as she looked at him, wrapping an arm around his stomach. The circles under his eyes were still dark as bruises but they seemed to be lightening up slowly and the rashes on his arms were still there. The parts of the rashes that had been caused by poison oak were long since faded, but the deeper, painful looking ones lingered. She wished that she could use to internet or something to look up the cause because whenever she brought it up, Jacob gave her a look that made her think he was considering shoving her in the closet again. 

“Hey, Jacob?” Grace asked after the silence started to get to her. “You know that big white sword you guys painted on the side of the mountain? What was the point of that?”

“Deputy, I am never going to agree to lay down with you if all you do is talk my ear off.”

“I can do that from across the room,” she grinned, squeezing closer to him and flinging her bare leg across his hips. “Do you want me to cut your hair for you? Unless you want to start wearing a man-bun, I mean.” Jacob grunted and reached up to feel the sides of his head as she spoke. The previously shaved sides were long enough to touch the tops of his ears now and he had barely kept up with trimming his beard. Not that she’d kept up with her own grooming, but it was almost jarring to not see someone like him obsessive about his routines.

“I’ll get around to it,” he sighed, dropping his hand and resting it on her waist. Grace snorted and rolled herself so that she was straddling him, her covered slit pressed against the zipper of his jeans.

“Maybe you just want to look like Eli,” she mused, squealing when he slapped her ass sharply. “You know, he does have a sort of feral look that makes me want to sit on his face.”

Jacob slapped her ass a lot harder that time, jerking his hips against hers and nearly sending her crashing into the underside of the bunk above them. “What have I told you about running that mouth of yours, kitten?”

Grace moaned and rolled her hips harder against his, running her hands across his pectorals when his cock started to harden under her. “Just imagine, all you can do is lace your fingers through his back hair and cling like a bucking bronco.”

“You're disgusting,” he snarled, grabbing her hips to speed up her movements. “You wanna get fucked like that? Just say the word and you won't walk for a week.”

“You keep making me these promises, Jake,” Grace moaned, reaching down to unbuckle his jeans. “Startin’ to think you're all talk.”

“Yet you won't let me fuck you,” he pointed out, squeezing her breasts as she squeezed his cock. “Runnin’ around with no pants all the time and wanting to cuddle up on me. No better than a little tease, crying out in the shower but not letting me in.” Grace didn’t bother arguing with him. She’d said her peace. She leaned down and nipped at his throat, doing her best to ignore the stray beard hairs and how they tickled her nose. Before Jacob, she’d never found facial hair attractive and hated the feeling of it against her face and thighs. 

She’d grown used to it, though. Just like the sound of the generator rumbling on, the cold canned food, and the banging on the heavy steel door.

Grace’s lips stilled against Jacob’s throat as his hands froze on her hips. He’d heard it, too. There was a banging sound ringing out from the bunker door, almost as if someone was trying to pry the heavy steel open. Her voice froze in her throat as fear shot up her spine and before she knew it, Jacob launched her off of him. Grace darted between watching him slip himself back into his jeans and the stairs leading up to the door. Before she knew it, he had snatched up his knife and went work on one of the other cots in the bunker, digging the knife into the sides. People were very clearly knocking on it now, scraping and pulling. How were there people out there? Joseph had to have been wrong if there were people still alive out there.

Across from her, Jacob used his knife to undo the screws holding the support bars of the cot in place and the second he had all four undone, the metal clanged down against the concrete wall as he went bounding towards the door. Grace couldn’t see what he was doing with the bars, shaking herself violently to try to snap herself out of the shock that settled over her mind. She threw herself towards the cubbyhole Jacob had hidden his rifle months ago and snatched the red rifle. He reached for it without her even needing to tell him that she’d brought it to him, almost as if he had felt its closeness.

“Jacob,” Grace started to say but stopped herself as Jacob’s hand raised to shush her. He was tense like a cat about to pounce, his pale blue eyes locked on the door he’d shoved the metal bars into the handles of, lodging it closed even around the lock. She stood behind him and watched the stairs leading up to the door, holding her breath as best as she could in case she missed something over the sound of her own breathing. The scraping noise continued, getting desperate before holding off for a moment, almost as if whoever was on the other side was trying to find different things to pry the heavy door open.

She didn’t know how long they stood there for, but eventually the noises stopped. Even then, Jacob stood there, tense and ready for anything, ready to have been lulled into a false sense of security. How long could snipers stay that still for? Hours? Days? Either way, he didn’t need her. He was strong enough on his own to defend their haphazard home.

Grace eventually left his side, taking a moment to slowly pace the small space they had been sharing for half a year now. It was cramped, uncomfortable, and she hated it. But now after being faced with possibly losing everything she had for the nth time in barely a year? She was terrified. Grace knew that no matter what she’d been through or what she’d learned at the academy, she hadn’t been eating more than a few thousand calories a day. She hadn’t been working out, pushing herself to stay fit in the same way that Jacob had.

Grace didn’t know if she would have been able to defend herself and that scared her more than anything else had come close to.

Glancing at the back of his head, Grace walked quietly to the bathroom, stripping herself of the few clothes she bothered wearing anymore and stepping into the shower. She stood there for a moment, tracing the faux marble pattern on the laminate with her eyes as her thoughts raced. For just a split second, she longed to talk with Joseph, to confess to him that he had been right the entire time and that she was scared. But Grace shook the thoughts out of her head and slowly turned the faucet on, half expecting Jacob to come in and scold her for using so much of their water supply.

The first blast of freezing water hit her and all she could do was gasp and shiver violently, forcing herself to stand under the spray and feel something. Anything other than fear. Grace tried to make the most of her unscheduled shower, but she hadn’t thought to bring the bar of soap in with her. Jacob would scold her for sure if she left a trail of water on the floor if she went out to get it. No matter what she tried to distract herself with, her thoughts kept slipping to the banging on the door.

What if that had been looters so desperate for food that they would be willing to kill for it? What if it had been scared children cold and alone in a hellfire filled world? What if that had been the Whitetails tracking down radio signals in hopes of finding her? What if that had been Eli coming to her rescue? What if it had been Staci? _What if, what it, what if_.

Grace hadn't even realized she'd been shaking until Jacob's thick arms wrapped around her, pulling her tightly against him under the cold spray. She hadn't noticed that it had grown even colder. She hoped that he wouldn't yell at her for that irresponsible indulgence later on. Neither spoke as he slowly rocked them from side to side, his chest rumbling slightly with every deep breath he took.

Jacob held onto her for a while, the heat radiating from his body around her making her feel safe again. He murmured something against the top of her head, but she couldn’t hear him over the sound of the water and her own still racing heartbeat. She wished that he hadn’t disarmed her before carrying her to safety. She wished that they had more ways to defend themselves than a knife and a single sniper rifle. How were they even supposed to get to Joseph and John after everything was settled down?

He started to press firm kisses on the side of her neck, slowly running his hands over her arms in an effort to draw her out of her shock addled mind. Jacob plucked at her nipples and rolled his hips, pressing his stiffening cock against her ass. He did everything he could think of to surround her with his touch, coaxing her out of whatever shell she’d crawled into. Grace let her mouth drop open in a moan she didn't really feel and closed her eyes, desperate for anything to lull her from her thoughts. He reached around her to shut off the shower spray and turned her to face him. 

It wasn't until the shower was off that Grace realized that she'd been crying, the tears fat and heavy as they slid down her cheeks. God, Jacob was right. She was weak. She needed him. Meekly, she held out her arms to him, burying her face against the side of his neck as he hauled her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist obediently and tried not to wince at the way their damp bodies clung to one another. “Jacob, _please_ ,” she whimpered, digging her nails into his shoulders and trying to bring him closer. “I need you.” 

He didn’t kiss her as his cock pushed inside of her, spreading her open and pulling a pained cry from her lips. No matter how many times he’d had his fingers buried in her, it was nothing compared to the stretch of his thick cock. He didn’t wait for her to adjust before he moved, his hips slapping against her loudly in the small bathroom and all Grace could do was cling to him and muffle her cries on his broad shoulder. Jacob didn’t say a word even as she babbled about things she couldn’t even remember having said.

Grace leaned back from him, raising her hands to his jaw and watching him as he thrust into her. For a moment, she could fool herself into thinking this was normal, that the world was perfectly fine outside and that she would be going to work soon. That her parents were alive and everyone she’d ever known was safe. “Jacob,” she whimpered, leaning forward to press their brows together and tried to pull him closer by tightening her legs.

He grunted and slammed into her harder, pressing her against the cheap wall of the shower. His hands dug into her ass as he rocked into her, breath billowing out of him like a snorting bull. Jacob groaned as he sped up his thrusts, slipping a hand around her to roll his thumb against her neglected clit. Grace nearly screamed at the feeling, her head smacking painfully against the wall as she crumbled under his touch. She could feel herself drawing blood as she dug her nails into his back, shoulders, and anywhere else she could reach as her orgasm seemed to rip through her.

She felt herself clenching around him, milking his cock dry as he spilled into her. Grace moaned, pressing soft kisses to his cheeks and holding him tight against her even as he softened inside of her. The deputy didn’t know how long they stayed together in the bathroom, the air chilling their damp bodies and her legs stiffening from the strain of keeping them wrapped around him so tightly. “Baby girl,” Jacob grunted as he pulled away from her. “You’re killing my back here.”

“Not my fault you’re an old man,” she mumbled, pressing her face into his bloody shoulder even as he set her down. True to all the promises he’d sneered at her over the months, Grace’s legs felt like Jell-O under her as she tried to stand on her own.

“If you call me Daddy, I’ll carry you to bed,” Jacob laughed, throwing a towel her way as he shook himself like a dog. He barely even glanced at the cuts she’d left behind as he stepped into his jeans. She could never figure out how it didn’t drive him up the wall to pull on his pants when his body was still so damp. It had to have been uncomfortable.

“Never. Not worth it.” She was glad that he didn’t tell her if there had been any more attempts to open the door while she was standing under the spray of the shower or if he’d radioed his siblings to let them know they might be in danger. Jacob knew what he was doing and she trusted him for it. She was safe with him and today proved it. Grace needed Jacob and Joseph had been right all along.

She followed after him, wrapped in her towel and nothing else as she looked around their home. He had taken the time to take the support bars from the bunk above the one he’d broken, fixing the one that was closer to the floor. He had slid the extra mattress under the bunk she’d claimed for herself months ago in an effort to keep their space as tidy as he could. Grace watched as he lowered himself into his usual place in front of the radio and blinked dumbly at him when he made no move to try to contact either of his brothers.

“Do you want to sit on my lap or something, Deputy?” He asked slowly as if he were talking to a spooked horse. Grace thought about it for a moment before nodding. If he didn’t care about his jeans being damp, then she wouldn’t care about getting them even wetter. He held his arms out for her as she settled herself, pressing her cheek into the damp hair covering his chest. Neither of them spoke for a long time. “Do you remember learning about the Crusades as a kid?” Jacob asked suddenly, not even bothering to look at her.

“I mean, sorta. Wasn’t there one with a bunch of kids?”

“There was. Most of ‘em ended up in slavery. Nothing but weak little kids trying to fight an adult’s pointless war.” Grace nodded absently, wondering where he was going with it. They didn’t exactly have a great history together when he started talking about empires of the past. “Point is, the Crusades were supposed to take back the Holy Land. They were supposed to put a stake in the ground and declare ‘this is ours, you can try to take it away from us, but you will fail.’ A sort of unbreakable dedication to faith.”

“I guess I remember reading something like that once.” She hadn’t been the best history student… Or student in general, not that it mattered anymore.

“That’s what the white sword was supposed to be. A declaration of Hope County being Eden Gate’s Holy Land.” Grace had to think hard for a moment to remember what he was babbling on about when she remembered the playful teasing she’d given him earlier. It felt like weeks ago, not just hours. “Course, none of the Crusades succeeded for long.”

“Do you wanna place bets on if it’s still there when we get out of here?” Grace tried to joke, pulling away to look up into Jacob’s pale blue eyes. “Whoever’s right gets to boss the other one around for a day sort of thing?”

“If you remember making that bet in seven years, I’ll let you boss me around for a week, kitten.” Grace felt herself grinning up at Jacob, humor finally seeping back into her.

“I’m going to make you let John tattoo a sword on your neck.”

“That’s a great idea, Deputy. I think I’ll have him tattoo one on your ass if I’m right.” Grace snorted and punched his arm, knowing that he wouldn’t _really_ let his baby brother do that to her. Probably. Hopefully.

Shit, he actually might.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have some good ole Stockholm that I'm sure at least one of you were waiting for. Also, maybe don't let a cannibal cum inside you. Or eat you out, I guess. 
> 
> I sure do love Eli. Man, it'd be great if I included more of him in this hot mess.


	5. Chapter 5

“ _Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb!_ ” A recording of Joseph’s voice crooned on the radio, wavering in and out of clarity as his words built in intensity. Jacob didn’t seem to mind his brother’s passionate words, too focused on cleaning his custom rifle with whatever scrap of cloth he pulled out of the box of clothing they’d discovered to pay it much mind.

“Jacob, I think I’m dying,” Grace groaned, curling even further into a ball. The fabric of the towel bit into her bare legs and she just wanted to cry. She hadn’t had cramps this bad since she’d started taking the pill at fifteen and she could have really gone without a reminder of how bad they’d been. “ _Please_ turn that fucking radio off.”

It was probably from months of stress and poor eating habits that had affected her menstrual cycle so badly, but Grace was at the point where she was hoping she’d get lucky and it would have delayed itself another seven or so years. Then again, she’d never been accused of being lucky in her life. Although after letting him fuck her raw just a few days ago, a part of her was glad to have it. She smothered another groan in her arms when Jacob didn’t even bother replying to her, wishing for some way to ease the pain. Hell, she’d settle for a pillow to throw at him.

“What would you have me do, Grace?” Jacob sighed, finally putting aside his rifle after she sighed for the millionth time. “You won’t let me near you. You won’t let me feed you. You don’t want to shower. I can’t go out and buy you shit at the corner store.”

“Can't you just put me in a sleeper hold for a few days or something?” She'd managed to find a few boxes of pads stored away, but they weren't the right kind and it only made her more grumpy.

“Do you really want me to, Grace?” Jacob stood and walked the few steps over to her, leaning down to run a hand through her sweaty hair. She thought about it for a second, memories of the closet bubbling up in the back of her mind like a terrible oil spill, the darkness and desperation ringing in her ears. Finally, she shook her head and rolled to face away from him. Grace didn't want him to see her tears. Not again, at any rate.

All she could think of was Staci and the time he'd surprised her at her ramshackle apartment, a pack of that expensive drinking water she liked so much in one hand, a grin on his lips, and a goody bag full of pain medicine, candy, and tampons in his other hand. They hadn't even been dating. Not officially. She should have been better to him and now she was beyond betraying his memory. He’d actually cared about her or at least had the roots of deeply loving her one day planted. And she’d ignored him. Lead him on. Used him.

“ _There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light!_ ” Joseph’s voice ripped her from her self-pity and she couldn’t help but scream, all thoughts of Staci being replaced with a need to smash the radio into a thousand tiny pieces so she never had to listen to Joseph again.

“Jacob, please for the love of god, turn the fucking thing off!” She wanted to scratch his eyes out when he made no move towards the harmless radio, jerking violently against him when he sat down on the edge of the cot, his weight dipping the mattress and pulling her towards him.

“Kitten,” he started with a sigh, calmly reaching over and grabbing her wrists to prevent her from slapping at him like she so desperately wanted to.

“I’m not your fucking kitten, old man,” she snarled, thrashing to try to free her wrists. “My name is Grace. You’ve used it before.” He didn’t even react, merely staring down at her like she was a child throwing a temper tantrum. “You’re old enough to be my goddamn father.” That wasn’t exactly true. Her father had been in his 40’s by the time she was born, too focused on his career as a police officer to pay much attention to starting a family. When he’d gotten drunk, he used to tell her about how he’d never wanted kids.

Grace shook her head to clear her thoughts before the unwanted comparisons she was sure her mind would provide her with could pop up, snarling up at Jacob again for good measure.

“Turn over,” he commanded after a moment of just looking at her with an expression so unreadable it scared her. Over the last few months, she mistakenly thought she’d seen every look cross his face at one point or another.

“What? No!” Despite the small part of her brain left over from lizard ancestors or whatever telling her to avoid any confrontation, Grace protested against his demand and tried to free her wrists again. The skin was turning a sick sort of bloodless and her fingers were starting to tingle in a way that alarmed her. Jacob didn’t even seem to blink as he flipped her over, grabbing a hold of her shoulders as he swung his legs over her hips and straddled her ass. In the small space of the bunk, Grace could have sworn she was hyperventilating, it happened so quickly.

“Are you done?” He asked, shaking her shoulders roughly. When she could only grunt in defeat, he huffed above her, adjusting his weight as best he could in such close quarters. “Yeah, you’re done.” If it’d been any other time when her organs didn’t feel like they were trying to hold a coup d'état against her, Grace may have enjoyed the pressure of him looming over her, his breath hot on the back of her neck.

She had to bite her tongue to keep her mouth closed as his hands slowly trailed from her shoulders, fingers gently prodded the sore muscles and knots that had been left behind by stress and sleeping on the shitty mattress. It hurt as he tried to work her sore muscles, but it was pretty obvious to her that he’d never tried to give someone else a massage before. The heat of his hands did more to make her feel better, as much as she hated to admit that he was actually helping in a strange way. His thumbs dug into the flesh around her spine, the pressure making her vertebrae pop like a zipper coming undone. She moaned at the feeling, flexing her shoulders to try to get more of her back to crack.

“Jacob?”

“What?” He grunted, digging his thumbs into the small of her back in bruising strokes.

“What ever happened with the people trying to get in?” His movement slowed to a stop as she waited patiently for him to answer the question that had been stewing in the back of her mind. Joseph’s voice fluttering in through the radio and the whirl of the generator seemed to be the only noises in the bunker as Grace tried to keep her anxieties from getting out of hand. “Did you ever tell your brothers you might be in danger?”

“If that was someone looking for me from the radio calls I’ve made, then I don’t want to confirm for them that they found the right bunker and narrow down their search for me, Deputy.” Grace’s heart lurched in her chest at the idea. If it was Eli or Wheaty or Tammy or any of the other Whitetails… “I’d rather not be backed against a wall.” No, he’d rather back her against one.

“Speaking of,” Grace grunted, forcing her hands under herself and trying to push herself up. “You can get off me now.” He wasn’t helping her cramps hurt any less from his perch on top of her, his weight was starting to make her hips hurt. He didn’t move and Grace looked over her shoulder at him, only to wish she hadn’t. She’d seen the look on his face only once in passing as he decided the fate of some poor sap in the cage next to hers. They’d been weak and they had been culled.

“Do you really think anyone coming through that door would save you? Do you _really_ think you’d escape? Deputy, you’re not getting away from this until I want us to leave.” She hated his eyes. She really, really did. They were terrible in how cold and pale they were, like a glacier sliding over her soul. All she could do was look up at him, helpless on her stomach under him, helpless in her weakness. She’d lose every fight she tried to pick with him. He’d disarm her if she got ahold of one of the weapons more viciously than Grace knew her mind would be able to wrap around.

Eventually, she nodded and looked away from him, hoping that he would take pity and get off of her. He did when his brother finally finished whatever latest sermon on hellfire and damnation he’d concocted, rolling off of her to turn off the radio. Grace laid there for a moment, counting the heartbeats that echoed in her ears before Jacob walked right by her and into the bathroom. As soon as she heard the door click shut behind him, she rolled on her side and faced the wall. The sound of the shower running soothed her frazzled nerves as she let self-pity was over her and promised that it would be the last of her tears. She had to deal with him for the next seven years, even if he died of a heart attack in the middle of the night. She had nowhere to stuff his body, no way to get rid of it.

He’d probably just eat hers if she died in her sleep. Or if he killed her.

She shivered and clutched at her aching stomach at the thought. The howls of wolves and a man she’d never met had been haunting her dreams lately. She didn’t want to live like this, in fear of the only person she would really have contact with for nearly a decade. Sure, there were the voices on the radio, but humans were social creatures. She remembered countless stories of how just touching someone’s arm while speaking to them could improve health. With a sigh and a wince, she forced herself off of her bed and towards the bathroom.

A sense of déjà vu didn’t so much wash over her as it punched her in the stomach. Just like he had months before, Jacob was standing in the shower, his head tilted back and water trickling down through his hair. It was much longer now, her offers to help him cut or at least trim it brushed aside with protests that he would do it himself. Grace found herself standing numbly in the doorway, watching him lather himself with soap and efficiently wash away whatever layer of filth he’d managed to build up in the days since his last shower. He either didn’t see her or more likely ignored her as he went about his business, taking care not to irritate the remaining rashes on his arms.

Her legs seemed to move her with minds of their own, carefully stepping out of her underwear and slipping her worn t-shirt off as if in a trance. He didn’t react to her joining him in the shower and a small part of her withered in disappointment. She’d wanted him to envelope her in his arms, to kiss her, and groan against her neck as he worshipped her. But he didn't. He didn’t even shuffle around to make room for her in the tiny space. Still, she stepped in behind him, watching as the muscles on his back rippled with every movement he made. There were scars there, too. Little nicks in the skin that she knew probably came from a belt buckle swung a little too hard, tiny burns that looked almost as if someone had put out a lit cigarette on his back. Some were probably older than she was, remainders of a childhood best left in the past. Grace had never been behind him this close to examine his back before and she felt her heart break a little more with every scar she discovered.

Without even realizing what she was doing, she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist and pressed her cheek against the damp skin in front of her. Jacob paused under her touch, finally acknowledging her presence behind him. A massive hand wrapped around her forearm and rather than bat her away like she was afraid he would, he just squeezed her arm slightly and went back to bathing himself. They stood there for what felt like an eternity before Jacob leaned forward to turn off the spray, not even bothering to ask her if she wanted to wash herself. “Jacob,” she started, but stopped herself. Grace didn't know what she wanted to say or if she even had anything to say.

“Joseph being born is one of the first things I remember.” He spoke and she listened, her heart speeding up in fear for what she assumed was a story of heartbreak and abuse. “My dad went to work, same as he always did, and my mom went to the hospital by herself. I sat at home alone in front of the TV and watched the news. There’d been a volcano in Sicily and it erupted. At the time, I wanted to watch because I loved volcanos and I wanted to see the destruction. Looking back on it now, though, I don’t know. Maybe the god Joseph believes in was celebrating his birth or some shit. I don’t know.”

Grace didn’t know what to say so she lied. “I didn’t know there were volcanoes in Italy.” She felt the snort Jacob let out and found herself smiling. At least she had managed to pull him from his thoughts. That was a victory in its own, right?

“Where the _hell_ did you think Pompeii was?”

“Greece?”

“Grace, if you find a world map in one of your books, let me know so I can beat you with it.” He sounded like he was joking, but she figured he might very well beat her with a map of the fucking world if she pissed him off enough.

“So, how old were you? Did they leave you home alone?”

“Three, going on four,” Jacob shrugged, pulling away from her to towel off. Grace stood there, blinking at him as she tried to think of her first memory. She was pretty sure it was way later than three. She didn’t think you were even supposed to form lifelong memories that young. “My father would have been back in a few hours and what were they going to do? Hire a babysitter?” Jacob snorted and threw the damp towel her way, taking a moment to step into his jeans and eye her clothes on the floor. “My father always insisted I wasn’t his because my hair was red. Looked just like him, but my hair was the wrong color.”

“Red is recessive,” Grace agreed, wincing at the dampness of the towel as she ran it over herself. She should have thought to bring the towel she’d been laying on. “Did one of your grandparents have red hair?”

“Could have,” he shrugged, tossing her panties to her when she was ready for them. He examined his hair in the foggy mirror as she swapped out the too small pad for a new one, taking care to try to not stain anything with her blood. After she was done, she perched herself on the closed toilet seat, running her fingers over the hair that had sprouted up on her legs. He disappeared from the bathroom for a moment before returning with his knife. Grace watched him as he started carefully shaving his throat with it, tilting his head carefully. She remembered the sight of Staci doing the same, taking care not to so much as knick him as he spoke cruel words to her. He finished with his neck and pulled on his beard a little bit, measuring how long it had gotten.

“You sure you don’t wanna go for the wild mountain man look?” Grace found herself asking, biting her tongue to keep herself from adding on the _like Eli_ part that threatened to spill from her lips. Their eyes met in the mirror when Jacob just grunted, a slow smile spreading across his features.

“You trying to tell me I look better like this or something, Gracie?”

“It’s not my fault you’re not feral and hairy enough for me, Jakey.” Jacob actually laughed at her comment, finishing trimming his beard quickly and tapping the blade on the side of the sink as if it were a razor instead of a monster of a knife.

“I take it you’re not willing to help me with the rest of my hair then, is that it?” He turned to face her then, leaning back against the sink as she stood from her perch on the toilet.

“I suppose so. You want me to get that chest hair too? Make you look more human while I’m at it?”

“Unless you’re running your fingers through it while I fuck you, you’re not touching it.” Jacob sat heavily on the toilet seat, eyeing her as he handed the knife over.

“Hmm. Okay. So the next time I’m sucking your cock, I have to keep my hands to myself. I gotcha.” The look he gave her could have peeled paint off of cars, but Grace only grinned at him with a wink. Stepping close to him, Grace tilted his head where she wanted it as a shudder ran through her. She didn’t think Staci or anyone else he’d have groom him over the years had had the power to move his head where they’d wanted it. She knew it was control probably not given to anyone else before.

It was easier to cut his hair with the dampness from the shower, the slick sound of his knife running over his scalp somewhat soothing as she worked in peace. As she worked, she considered the longer part of his hair, the part he’d kept carefully styled in an undercut and wondered how she was supposed to trim that. She had no idea how to actually cut hair and she was pretty sure that he’d just sigh and shake his head when he caught sight of the edges she was leaving him. “Not going to lie to you here, but that smile has me a little worried, Deputy,” Jacob spoke up, wrapping a hand around the back of her knee gently as she worked.

“I mean, maybe I’ll get better at this by the time you have to be seen by another human being, right?” Grace snorted, taking a second to try to adjust his hair to clean it up more. She was nearly done with shaving the sides of his head and he almost looked like his old self. “Can you cut the top part of it yourself? I don’t really want to cut the tips of my fingers off over here.”

Jacob chuckled before leaning his head forward, pressing his brow into the softened flesh of her stomach as she finished shaving his head. His puffs of breath tickled her skin, distracting her from finishing quickly. She was all too conscious of the shirt on the ground behind her as his hair tickled her belly. When she was done, she tried to pull away from him but his hands on the backs of her legs stopped her. He started placing kisses on her stomach, his lips lingering after each press of his mouth against her. “ _Grace,_ ” Jacob moaned, his hands sliding up her legs.

“Jacob, I am not fucking you on a toilet,” Grace sighed, looking at him like he was crazy. Jacob raised a thinning eyebrow at her and grunted softly in thought.

“You don’t wanna fuck at all. That’s fine. Could always just blow me.”

“I’m _definitely_ not giving you a blumpkin.”

“What the hell is a blumpkin?”

“No. Absolutely no way. I will _not_ be the one who tells you what that is, Jacob Whatever-your-middle-name-is Seed.”

“I could always ask John,” he shrugged as he stood up, towering over her and pulling her to his chest. “Then, of course, he’d ask why I wanted to know. I would tell him, you would be mad at me, then we would fuck and make up. It’s nothing but cycles with you, kitten. You’re getting predictable.”

The idea of John even having an inkling of the sort of things she and Jacob spoke about was enough to make her skin crawl, but there were some things she just wasn’t going to do. “Go ahead. I’m calling your bluff because I don’t think you really want to hear it from him.” He just smiled down at her before kissing her softly. It raised warning bells in the back of her head because she couldn’t remember Jacob having ever kissed her like that before, not even when he was apologizing for something he’d done.

Her concern paid off when he hoisted her up, his fingers digging into the back of her thighs as he brought her more level with his face. Grace wrapped her legs around his waist without thinking about it, her arms lacing around his neck as he walked them from the bathroom. Jacob didn’t seem to mind as his knife clattered to the floor behind them, too caught up in peppering her neck with tiny bites. Grace felt herself melting in his arms even as hesitation settled in the back of her mind, churning in her gut. 

The eldest Seed set her on the cot, gently pushing her back and following after her. “Jacob,” Grace tried to make her voice hard, but she knew she sounded as breathless as she felt. “I don’t want to fuck you right now.” That was a lie but she really didn’t want to deal with the mess afterward. 

“That’s fine,” he agreed, resting his forehead against hers as he settled above her. Grace grunted at his weight, trying to wiggle out from underneath him when the rough denim of his jeans rubbed against her inner thighs. “Doesn’t mean I can’t comfort you in your time of need.”

“Don’t make it sound like I’m dying.”

“You’ve been bleeding for the past four days,” Jacob pointed out, propping himself up on his forearms above her. “After the last few months, I didn’t really think you would, to tell you the truth.”

“Stress and malnutrition, I guess,” Grace shrugged, wrapping her arms around his shoulders again. Jacob hummed to himself for a moment, looking away from her towards the closet where all of their supplies were kept. Even after months of no human contact aside from him, Grace still couldn’t really read his expressions. She hated that more than she would ever care to admit. She’d been ready to make a career off of being able to reasonably guess what someone was about to do, but he was a damn near mystery to her. “What are you thinking about now?”

“We should have enough supplies for more rations, I think.” It shouldn’t have scared her, but it did. If Jacob was wrong and they ran out of supplies six years from now, just short of when he would let them out of the bunker… Grace shook her head to try to clear the thoughts from her head and Jacob looked down at her questioningly. “Something wrong there, Deputy?”

“No, I think I’ll be fine. Maybe it just took a bit to recover from being on birth control for almost ten years and had to normalize the change of calorie input or something.” She knew that she was talking out of her ass but she hoped that Jacob didn’t. “No reason to use more food than we need to. I mean, who knows what might change.” He gave her a heated look at her words and Grace felt a spike of heat throb low in her gut. “Like if we have to stay eight years of something.”

“Or something,” he agreed, slowly resting more of his weight on her. “Of course, we should be able to feed a family of five.”

“Good thing we’re just two people, then.” Jacob grinned a smile that looked better suited on either of his brothers’ faces and bent to press a kiss at the top of her sternum, nipping the skin softly and soothing the irritation his beard left behind with a few strokes of his tongue. “Jacob,” she tried to admonish, but it ended up coming out as a moan. He grunted against her, trailing down her chest. His hair tickled her, falling over her skin and dragging softly behind the path he made for himself. “Jacob, stop.”

He pulled away immediately, looking up at her with his pupils blown wide. “I know, I know.”

“No, let’s switch,” Grace pushed at his shoulders, trying to get him to roll over in the small space. “I might as well suck your cock or something.”

“Well, if that isn’t the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Just shut up,” Grace laughed, smacking at his shoulder as she positioned herself between his legs. Jacob leaned back on his elbows, reaching down to run a hand through her damp hair as she undid his jeans. “God, why is it so hard for you to wear underwear? It’s weird.”

“I’m not wearing a dead man’s underwear.” Grace wanted to point out that he was willing to eat a dead man, but that wasn’t a fight she ever wanted to have. Instead, she grunted and took him out of his pants, taking a moment to spit into the palm of her hand. By now, Grace figured she had a pretty decent idea of what Jacob liked, starting by gripping the base of his cock with one hand and gently rolling his sac in the other. Making a point to look him in the eye, she leaned forward and slowly licked from the base of his cock to the tip, tracing the vein that ran along the underside of his penis the entire time. When she got to the tip, she gently blew on it, knowing that the burst of air was sometimes enough to make his eyes roll back. They didn’t, but he nearly ripped a chunk out of her hair in the process.

“Jacob, god _damnit_ ,” she hissed, slapping his thigh to get back at him. By the grin on his face, he knew exactly how much she hated that. “You want me to bite you or something.”

“You’d lose teeth,” he pointed out calmly, running a hand through her hair to soothe the irritated follicles. Grace glared at him but went back to work, taking the head of his cock into her mouth and caressing it with her tongue. He groaned above her, pushing at the back of her head to try to get her to take more of him in her mouth, but she braced herself. Breathing through her nose, she pumped his cock, squeezing and twisting to try to get as much of his girth covered by her small hand. 

He moaned under her, his hips starting to roll towards her as Grace finally took more of him in her mouth. Just to spite him, she started to hum ‘ _Oh John_ ’ under her breath and she bobbed her head, knowing that the vibrations would drive him nuts and irritate him when she told him just what she’d been humming in the afterglow of his orgasm. With the hand that had been cradling his balls, she squeezed gently before releasing them, gently trailing her nails across his jean covered thigh and up to his stomach where she entwined it in his body hair. Jacob groaned and bucked his hips, his head falling back as his breathing started to get heavier.

Grace considered pulling off of his cock to make a joke about pretending he was Eli, but she figured that she had teased him enough for one day. Instead, she closed her eyes and focused on taking his entire length until her nose was tickled by his pubes, holding still for a moment as he moaned and bucked against her. His cock stretched her throat in a way she still hadn’t grown used to yet and her eyes watered painfully, but the noises he made were worth it. Opening her eyes, she looked up and moaned at the sight of him. Sweat beaded on his brow and his mouth hung open, tongue sneaking out to moisten his lips as they made eye contact.

“God, Grace, you look so good with your mouth so full, baby,” he damn near whimpered, his hand encouraging her to go back to bobbing up and down on his cock as his hips started bucking harder and harder against her face. From the way his cock twitched in her mouth, she could tell that he was getting close. She pulled back so that only the head of his cock remained in her mouth and worked him with both of her hands, squeezing and pumping as if her life depended on it.

“C’mon, Jacob,” she gasped, pulling away from him to swipe a lick along the slit in his glans, licking up the pre-cum that flowed. At least he was starting to taste better, now that he’d run out of cigarettes. “I know how badly you’ve been wanting to cum on my tits.” Jacob gasped and pulled sharply on her hair, trying to drag her up against his body to either kiss her or fuck her properly, Grace wasn’t sure. “C’mon, daddy.”

Jacob came with a shout, his fingers pulling so hard that some of her hair did rip out of her scalp, but Grace only pumped his cock harder, milking him for all he was worth as his cum splashed on her neck and chest. It tickled a little as it dripped down her nipples and Grace moaned, shivering at the feeling. His hips jerked hard enough for the cot to creak on its hinges, almost sounding like the metal would snap and send them sprawling to the hard ground any moment.

Grace continued to pump his cock even as it began to soften in her hand until Jacob finally pulled her away with a deep groan. “I finally got you to call me daddy,” he chuckled, dragging her up to lay across his chest, not caring about the leftover semen smearing across himself.

“Yeah, my jaw was getting tired,” she shrugged, burying her face against his neck to hide her blush. “Don’t expect me to be doing that again, okay?”

“Sure thing, kitten.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True story, but the worst thing that I own is a custom engraved wine glass one of my friends gave me for my 21st birthday that says 'Real Friends Give Friends Blumpkins' and I hate it. This one is super long at ten pages and I am kinda surprised that I wrote it so quickly. I have some things coming up in my personal life the next week or so, hence the rush job on this chapter. 
> 
> In case anyone is wondering, they have currently been locked away for a little over six months, so about 28 weeks, give or take a few days. Only 337 weeks left for these two!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 30. 335 weeks remain.

“So, what food do you miss the most?” Grace asked, flipping absently through the fallout bunker guide she’d been forcing herself to ignore for weeks. “Like, if you could have a lifetime supply of it appear in the bunker sort of miss.”

“I don’t know,” Jacob shrugged from where he reclined on the bunk across from her, a massive forearm draped across his eyes. While his breathing was almost always raspy, it got deeper when he was sleeping so she’d known without even having to look up at him to know she wasn’t disturbing his rare rest. “I guess those little chocolate roll things with the layer of chocolate icing.”

“Oh, the Swiss cake things? Those are good,” Grace grinned, excited by him actually answering her. “Honestly, I was half expecting you to say some stereotypical man thing like bacon or some shit.”

“Nah, I haven’t eaten pork in a long, long time.” Jacob’s voice trailed off, his voice carrying the sort of tone that let Grace know he was losing himself in memories. She knew he was thinking about Miller and could have kicked herself for not thinking about it before she ran her big mouth.

“Yeah, I don’t know why people like it. I’ve actually never had it.” That admission seemed to draw him from his thoughts as he turned to look at her, a frown on his face. Grace took a deep breath and got ready to make the same argument that she’d had to make for herself her entire life. “It’s not Kosher,” she explained, looking down at her hands. “That’s pretty much the only thing my mom followed or really instilled in me before she died. Never even got to have a bat mitzvah, can you believe that?”

“I never knew you were Jewish,” Jacob spoke softly as he sat up, giving her his full attention.

“My mom was, sorta. Didn’t really follow anything. My dad was a Roman Catholic. Sure as shit didn’t bother raising me like that. How about you?”

“Southern Baptist.” Jacob had a way of saying things so plainly and so blasé that it almost made her embarrassed that she hadn’t guessed the answer for herself.

“So, in like a thousand years, what do you think historians will refer to the Project at Eden’s Gate as? Branch Josephians? Seedlings?” They stared at each other for a second before Grace couldn’t hold her laughter in any longer. “Can I start calling you my Little Seedling? Oh, please say yes, Jakey.”

“I should have left you up there where you fell,” he sighed, running a hand down his face. “That or I should start locking you in the closet.” Even if he wasn’t being serious and even if he hadn’t shoved her in the closet since that first time, the memory still gave her chills. Grace looked at the worn booklet in her hands, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth as she tried to remind herself that he was just joking and that he wouldn’t do that to her over something so small. But fears were fickle things and seldom rational. 

“Do you think it’ll get colder in here as time goes on?” Grace forced herself to keep talking to keep her mind off of things. “Like, if there’s a cloud of ash or something up there, wouldn’t it cool the Earth and it’ll get colder down here. I mean, it’s not like we’re swimming in blankets or ways to warm ourselves in this fucking pit.”

“Grace,” Jacob sighed, his pale blue eyes locked on her every movement. “You’re psyching yourself up over something we have no way of knowing.”

“Does it ever bother you that we go through these same stupid fucking cycles? One of us gets mad, we fuck, then it’s calm for a while until we start it all over again.” Grace swung herself off of the cot and found herself pacing the length of their living area, wringing her hands in front of herself as she spoke. She knew she sounded crazy, but she was pretty sure she would kill someone if only for a gallon of paint just to change the walls of this fucking place. “Jacob, we’re living like rats in a cage down here.”

“Well, I’m not sure about you, but I’m not particularly mad about anything right now. If you want to fuck though, I’m willing.” He spoke calmly to her, his eyes carefully trailing after her for any sign of snapping. “We’re in an unnatural situation, Grace. Humans were never meant to be stuck in a space this small with no outside stimulation. We have to find our little routines with each other so we don’t lose our minds.” Grace stopped and thought about his words. From the bare minimum she remembered from classes she’d taken a lifetime ago, what he was saying sounded about right, but he was clearly more interested in the inner workings of the brain than she was.

“So, what do we do? Same shit as always until we lose our minds anyway? You’re…” Grace paused, her heart hammering in her chest as she fought against the words that seemed to want to tumble out. “Right now, you’re all I have.” Jacob didn’t react to her words for a long time, staring down at his hands and barely even breathing. She didn’t want him thinking about her words. She just wanted him reacting and angry. She… She wanted to fall into the routine they’d established so that she wouldn’t have to think about anything but the way he made her feel for a little bit.

“Do you want to try to contact the Ryes?” Jacob finally asked her, not looking up from his hands.

“What’s the catch?”

“Why does there have to be a catch?” She just frowned at him, knowing there would be something hooked onto his offer somewhere down the line. Jacob looked up at her and grunted, standing from his cot and making his way over to her. “Fine, alright. Ground rules since you want them so badly, Deputy. You will not mention me to them. You will not mention people trying to break in to them. You will not even tell them you’re in the Whitetails, do you hear me?” Grace nodded and resisted the urge to ask when she had been allowed to give him rules for speaking with his siblings, but some things just weren’t worth the trouble they bring.

“Okay. Show me how to use it.” Jacob looked at her like he wasn’t sold on the idea, but she’d been thinking about it for the last couple of weeks. “Don’t. Look, if anything were to happen to you, like the flu or a heart attack or whatever, don’t you want me to be able to contact your brothers?”

“Alright.” Grace had to stop herself from gasping in surprise. She’d been expecting them to at least get into a huge fight about it, have their weird make-up sex ritual, have another fight, and him eventually agreeing with a list of rules longer than her arm. “Don’t give me that look, come here.” So she found herself standing by his side as he carefully explained the radio to her, jotting down a list of things she had to do as he spoke just in case. At the bottom of his list, he added space for both John and Joseph’s frequencies if she ever needed them.

“Jacob?” She paused until he looked up at her, a frown beginning to pull at his lips as he raised an eyebrow at her. “Thank you for teaching me all of this.” She leaned down and placed gentle kisses first on one check and then the other, lingering a moment before kissing the tip of his nose. Jacob grunted under her when she missed his lips, wrapping his hand around the back of her leg and sliding it upwards.

“You made a good point,” he agreed, squeezing her ass to emphasize his point. “Next time I have to contact John, I’ll have you do it to get practice in.”

“Can I try to contact the Ryes now?” Grace pulled away from him enough to reach for the sheet he’d been keeping on the various frequencies he’d tried over the months as she spoke, fearing that he would try to distract her from his promise. Jacob grunted again and waved his hand in a sort of ‘go ahead’ motion, leaning back in his chair to give her more space at the desk.

For a moment, Grace just switched through some frequencies, pausing long enough to try to hear if there was a pre-recorded message waiting to be discovered by her before moving on to the next. She took care to avoid the ones Jacob had listed for John and Joseph, figuring she had heard enough from either man to last a lifetime. Her hands felt clammy as she turned the dial, trying to keep her eyes focused on the little metal box before her just in case Jacob changed his mind and never let her have another opportunity at trying to contact her friends.

“Deputy, calm down. It took me weeks to find my brothers.” Grace nearly jumped out of her own skin at Jacob’s sudden and soft words. She’d been so focused on the static, she’d have forgotten about him being right next to her if it weren’t for the heat he seemed to radiate. 

“I’m trying,” she sighed, finally releasing the dial and dragging a hand down her face. “It’s frustrating. I know how to get to them on my handheld, but the dials are completely different on this fucking thing.” Jacob grunted again, rubbing his beard as he looked around their small home. Grace stared at him as hard as she could, trying to needle him into feeling bad for dropping her radio along with the rest of her weapons in his scramble for safety. 

“What was the dial on your handheld?” He asked, pushing her aside as he leaned forward to the radio.

“He was number three for me,” she shrugged, trying to see what he was doing over his shoulder. “If you can somehow MacGyver a way to find Dutch on this thing through that, I swear I will let you fuck me any way you want for a week.”

“Promises, promises,” he mocked quietly as he worked, shouldering her out of the way whenever she got too overbearing. “Okay,” he said after what felt like an eternity of waiting. “Try to reach him.”

“Dutch?” Grace shocked herself by how shakey her voice sounded as she spoke into the microphone. She took a moment to clear her throat and glance over at Jacob for some sort of reassurance. “Dutch, are you there? It’s Rook. Over.” She made sure to add the last bit, the memories of Jacob’s gentle chastisement of his brother bubbling up in the back of her mind. 

“Go ahead and repeat it,” Jacob instructed her, his hand finding the back of her leg again and squeezing gently. Grace swallowed thickly but nodded, too afraid to look him in the eye as she tried to get ahold of herself.

“Dutch? This is Rook, over.” They waited for a moment, eager for any sign of the old man on the other end of the line. Grace reached out and grabbed onto Jacob, desperate for anything to anchor her as she felt a wave of panic wash over her. “Dutch, this is Rook. Are you there? Over.”

“ _Kid, that really you? Over_.” Dutch’s voice rang out from the near silence of the bunker and Grace screamed, sobbing as she clung to Jacob now.

“Yes, yes, it’s me!” She cried into the microphone, wishing she could wrap her arms around the paranoid man who’d actually bothered to care about her. “Have you heard from anyone else?”

“Grace,” Jacob reminded, running his fingers over her leg. Grace hip bumped his shoulder and otherwise ignored him.

“ _Heard from Fall’s End,_ ” Dutch confirmed after a moment, something in his voice making her pause. “ _Lotta people didn’t get a chance to get to their bunkers thanks to that sonovabitch John Seed._ ” Next to her, Jacob didn’t even let out his usual grunt at Dutch’s news, almost as if he wasn’t surprised in the least. “ _Pastor Jerome is leading everyone as best as he can, from what I figure. You want their frequency to ask for yourself? Over._ ”

“Yes, please,” Grace forced herself to speak around the new lump in her throat. Her legs felt shaky under her weight as she jotted down the series of numbers that Dutch read off to her on the back of the sheet Jacob had provided for her. “Dutch, have you heard from anyone else?”

“ _The Ryes are safe with the other Fall’s End folks, if that’s what you mean,_ ” Dutch offered gently. “ _How about you? Where are you at? Ain’t nobody’s heard from you in six months. Over._ ” Jacob’s hand found itself on her waist, his fingers a steady pressure against the soft flesh in warning.

“I’m safe,” she confirmed after a second, trying her best to keep her voice even and calm. She knew Dutch. He would latch on to even the slightest thing in her tone and figure out a way to send out a rescue party for her, even if it was beyond dangerous. “I have plenty of food and running water. It’s a little cold, but I guess any bunker would be. Over,” she tried to laugh, but she knew neither Dutch nor Jacob would buy the forced laughter. “Jacob, what am I supposed to say here? You won’t even let me tell him what region I’m in.”

“Don’t tell him anything else. Not now.”

“ _Kid, the Whitetails have been looking for you,_ ” Dutch’s voice was as collected as it always was, but Grace refused to let that lull her into a false sense of security. Maybe Jacob’s paranoia was started to rub off on her. “ _Eli says someone reported that they’d seen you fighting with Jacob Seed before the bombs dropped. Everyone but Eli thought you were dead._ ” Next to her, Jacob tensed like he was about to lunge for the radio or cut it off mid-call, but the only thing he did was dig his fingers into her side. Grace gasped in pain and swatted at his shoulder to try and get him to release her. “ _Do you know where Jacob is, kid? Over._ ”

“Jacob, he already knows,” Grace pleaded, sinking to her knees next to the older man.

“If he knows, what’s from stopping the Whitetails from tying a stick of dynamite to that door keeping us safe?” She hadn’t heard his voice that cold, that detached in so long she almost forgot that it could get that way.

“If Dutch thinks I’m safe, he’ll get Eli off our backs.” Jacob looked at her for a long moment, dissecting her soul with nothing but a look.

“I’m right here, Roosevelt,” Jacob drawled into the microphone as he reached around Grace. He didn’t even bother with the courtesy of saying ‘over’, but Grace knew to leave well enough alone over it. Grace pressed her forehead against his arm and squeezed her eyes shut, desperately wishing the bombs had never dropped. None of this would have happened if they had never tried to arrest Joseph nearly a year ago.

“ _Seed,_ ” Dutch eventually greeted, his voice even and cold. “ _You the reason why it took six months to hear from the Rook?_ ”

“Had to know I could trust her. You spoke to her yourself. You know she’s safer with me than with anyone else in this godforsaken county. She doesn’t have a bruise on her body from me and she can tell you that herself at any time.” That might have been an outright lie, but it was better if Dutch believed it.

“ _Kid, you still there?_ ” Dutch asked after thinking for a moment. Grace looked up at Jacob for a second, trying to read the look on his face before shifting up to better reach the microphone he’d lowered for her.

“Yeah, I’m still here. Look, Dutch, I know how it looks, but good lord.” Grace risked a glance at Jacob as she paused, worrying her lip between her teeth as she tried to think of a way to say what needed to be said without sounding like she was batshit insane or indoctrinated into the cult. “Joseph was right. I hate it more than the next person, but what if he was right about everything else? About it taking seven years before it’s safe out there again? I’d… I’d rather stay in here than die of cancer or worse. Over.”

“ _If you’re sure about it, Rook. Listen, just do me a favor and check in when you can, will you? Over_ ” Jacob ran his fingers through Grace’s hair as Dutch finally agreed to her, silently rewarding her for a job well done. Grace tried not to let the feeling get to her as she focused on Dutch’s words, but a shiver ran down her spine regardless. 

“Yeah, I can do that. Thanks, Dutch. Listen, Jacob and I agreed that we don’t want to burn out the radio or something by using it too much, so we usually leave it off. Jacob switches it on to check in with his brothers once a week, so I’ll contact you then, too,” she looked at Jacob for permission and quickly pressed a kiss against his lips when he nodded at her. “I’m… I’m glad you’re okay, Dutch. If you hear from Jess or anyone else, will you let me know? Over.”

“ _Jess is here with me,_ ” Dutch spoke up immediately, finally sounding happy since he confirmed it was really her. “ _That fucking Boshaw kid found his way in, too, but I wasn’t about to turn a friend of yours away. They’re both broken up about not being with you while you were fighting with Jacob. I’ll let them know you’re safe. I’m sure they’ll be bickering about who gets to talk to you first. Over._ ”

“Jesus _fucking_ Christ, I do not want to hear from Boshaw,” Jacob growled next to her, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. Grace shoved at his shoulder as she grinned from ear to ear at the radio. If only she’d been nearer to Dutch when the bombs went off and could have ended up in his bunker instead of this tiny prison.

“Dutch, just tell them that I would be glad to talk to any of you, will you? And maybe don’t tell Sharky that I’m here with Jacob, okay?” Grace stood there for a moment, trying to think of something she could say to inspire hope in someone, but she wasn’t good at words. It was only after being locked away with Jacob that words started to become more natural to her and she finally became talkative for the first time in her entire life. “Don’t worry. Everything is gonna be okay. Over and out.”

Jacob waited a moment before leaning forward and switching off the radio, keeping his eyes on her face the entire time. “I think that you’re going to be able to contact any of your friends from now on,” he mused, grabbing her wrist and coaxing her down onto his lap. “They probably never responded to me because it was me trying to get ahold of people.”

“Maybe,” she agreed, snapping herself out of her stupor and wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. “Thank you for that, Jacob.” She pressed her face against the side of his neck, letting his beard tickle her and just breathing in the scent of him.

“If the Whitetails come back, I’m going to skin Roosevelt alive the second I get my hands on him.”

“You’d have to get into his bunker, first,” Grace rationalized, shifting herself to sit more comfortably.

“He’d open the door in a heartbeat if you were with me.”

“Maybe.” She didn’t want to think about that. All she could imagine was Dutch hurt because of her and it killed her. She didn’t know what she would do if something like that had actually happened. Grace knew that she would never be able to forgive herself if anything ever happened to her friends because of her.

“Next time you talk with him, remember to ask him exactly what day it is,” Jacob ordered, gently running a hand up and down her back as he let her settle against him. “I want to record exactly how long it’s been to better catalog supplies and everything else. Set up a more specific shower schedule.” Grace nodded and closed her eyes, melting into his touch like a cat.

“I’ll ask, but do John and Joseph not have calendars in their bunkers?”

“Joseph didn’t want something like that to distract the less faithful,” Jacob shrugged, shifting her weight on him. Grace frowned and just barely stopped herself from asking him if that made him less faithful to his own brother. They’d had a good day together so far and she didn’t want to instigate anything between them, accidentally or otherwise. “Besides, I seem to remember you saying something about letting me fuck you however I wanted for a week.” As he spoke, he grabbed handfuls of her ass and jerked her up against him, pulling her center flush against the seam of his zipper.

“You’re like a teenager,” Grace laughed as she pulled back enough to face him. “I always thought that older men were supposed to be more refined, more mature. You know. Gentlemen.”

“Aren’t younger girls supposed to be demure and respectful of their elders? You could use a spanking or ten, kitten.” Grace snorted in disgust and slapped his chest gently as Jacob laughed hard enough to have a slight coughing fit. She waited for him to quit, debating on if she should go get him some water but he had always denied her offers in the past. When it finally passed, Jacob leaned back in the chair and stared at her with hooded eyes, breathing deeply as he ran his hands gently up her thighs. “Why don’t you do all the work tonight, Deputy? Show me how bad you want it.”

Grace frowned at him for a moment before sighing when he only raised an eyebrow at her. “If you have a heart attack and die, I swear I am going to find the Whitetails and fuck Eli monogamously for the rest of my natural life.” Jacob hummed in thought under her, making a great show of rubbing his beard and not once taking his eyes off of her.

“Kitten,” he finally sighed, reaching and pinching her nipples harshly through her shirt. “He wouldn’t treat you the way you like to be treated and you know it. You’d get bored of him in no time at all.”

“So confident, Jakey,” she moaned, shifting herself to pull off her damp panties. As much as she resented it, Jacob did have a way of working up her body so deliciously. “Remind me to make you put your money where your mouth is later.”

“So greedy, kitten,” he tsked at her, unzipping his own pants and pulling his cock out. He watched her finger herself to spread her wetness around, the sight of her preparing herself for his thick cock doing wonders to help get him harder. “So desperate for me that you can’t even wait for it.”

“It’s not my fault your cock is your most redeeming quality, Mister Seed,” Grace moaned as she shifted herself forward, wrapping a hand around the base of his cock and giving it a slight tug. Her hand was dwarfed by his as they worked his cock together, Jacob pausing long enough to pull his sac out of his jeans as well. 

“I should just have you lay around, buck-ass naked from now on,” he groaned, abandoning his cock to tease at her soaked pussy. Grace made a sound she would be embarrassed about later as she batted his hand away and scooted forward to position herself over his cock. “You’re so wet for me, you’d let me take you any which way to Sunday, wouldn’t you?”

Grace sank down on his cock, taking a moment to settle around his girth as she watched his face. Jacob’s mouth fell open slightly as his eyelids dropped down, his hands grabbing handfuls of her ass and squeezing as if his life depended on it. She rolled her hips in time with his gentle thrusts, squeezing him with her inner walls in a way that had his head dropping back and a long, low moan escaping from deep in his throat. Grace grinned and leaned forward to press a series of kisses against the column of his throat in reward, careful not to get a noseful of his facial hair that would only cause her to go into a sneezing fit.

After a few moments of getting used to him, Grace adjusted her knees to better brace herself on the chair, pushing herself up and sealing her lips across his as she sank back down to the hilt. “Keep bouncing slow like that and we’ll be here all week,” he taunted, lifting her hips easily and bringing her back down himself. She tried to keep up with him for a moment, but the chair was too narrow to really get a good position on her knees around his hips let alone his thick thighs, so she let him take control. Grace pulled off her shirt, tossing it off towards the cots and reached up to caress her own tits as he thrust into her sharply. She couldn’t help but moan at the way her breasts bounced with every thrust he made, tugging on her nipples and biting her bottom lip to keep herself from babbling endless praises.

Jacob groaned under her, pulling her roughly as he leaned forward to bite one of her nipples, teasing the sensitive bud with his tongue as he latched on. Grace yelped and grabbed the back of his head, pulling him closer as she bucked against him. “Oh, _fuck_ , Jacob,” she whimpered, shuttering against him as he switched nipples. She ground her hips against him as best she could, aching for some stimulation against her clit but he kept her too off balance with his thrusts. Grace cried out in desperation as her hips seemed to jerk with a mind of their own, her orgasm building, winding tighter and tighter as his cock slammed into her. 

“Baby, you got any idea how good you feel when you do that?” He gasped out, bringing her down roughly after pulling out so that all that remained inside her was the tip. His cock twitched as he pounded into her, finally reaching around to roll her clit against his calloused thumb. “You sound like a goddamn porn star, kitten. _Fuck._ ” His hot cum spurted deep inside her and Grace felt herself come undone as her walls spasmed viciously around his cock, desperate for more of him. She rocked against him harder even as she felt like she was going to pass out from her climax, her head swimming in a sea of cotton as he continued to bite and pull at her nipples. She could hear her own cries grow weaker as he drew out her pleasure almost to the point of pain.

“You know something, Jacob?” Grace forced herself to croak out after she fell forward against him, pressing her sweaty forehead against his broad shoulder.

“What’s that, kitten?” He asked, holding her hips firmly against his own. She tried not to giggle when she felt his cock soften in her, the slight tickle sending a shudder down her spine.

“When we get out of here, I think I’m going to miss your cock most of all.” Jacob laughed, smacking her ass irritably before helping her off of him, holding his arms out for a moment before her legs steadied under her.

“You’re not gonna leave me for that exact reason. You love my cock too much.” Grace smiled softly at him as she pushed his sweat-slicked hair out of his face, trying not to think about how her heart clenched painfully in her chest.

She would leave him the second those doors open and the moment he wasn’t looking at her. He might chase her, sure, but she would leave that fucking county if that was the last thing she did.

“You know, when you say such sweet and heartfelt things like that,” Grace crooned, leaning in close to press a kiss against his sweaty brow. “You almost make me wish I was with John instead. As bad as he is, I don’t think even he would say that corny shit.” Jacob chuckled and stuffed his cock back into his pants, watching her from the corner of his eye.

“You keep saying things like that and I’ll start thinking you actually do want to fuck my baby brother. I’m sure he’d love to hear it, too.”

“You wouldn’t,” Grace smiled at him, trying her best to box him in by putting her slim hands on his shoulders. “You wouldn’t because then you would have to listen to your _baby brother_ masturbating to me over the radio.” Jacob’s eyes narrowed as she spoke, surprising herself with what was coming out of her mouth. “Would you really want people to overhear you being all but cuckolded on live radio?”

“You know, kitten,” Jacob started, his tone low and dangerous, “I’m starting to think you really do have the hots for John. If you didn’t cum so prettily on my cock, I’d send you right out that door to go be with him instead.” Before Grace could even think of a response to that, Jacob lunged forward and all but devoured her mouth, pulling her back down into his lap in a vice-like grip.

As much as she hated the cycles they kept finding themselves in, she really couldn’t complain too much. Why try to fix what wasn’t really broken?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have admittedly been distracting myself by messing around with AUs I will honestly never upload for Far Cry. I saw a post on tumblr about a Fallout: New Vegas thing and well... I have a terrible weakness for FNV. I have also been working on a John story for a bit now, but that is delayed a bit because of a complicated thing.
> 
> But yeah. I don't honestly know how HAM radios work and I don't really care to research it, so apologies if it's wrong and awful.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 32. 333 weeks remain.

Grace laid back and tried to ignore the occasional trickle of sweat that landed on her, tickling her over sensitive skin as Jacob rested his sweaty brow against her bare collarbone. His chest hair irritated wherever they were pressed together and it did nothing but make her glad for all the times Jacob had just rolled off of her after they were done fucking. She wasn’t about to shove him off of her, though. It was nice being cuddled after sex again. The deputy turned her head and tried to crane her neck to see the makeshift calendar Jacob had made and frowned.

“Jacob, is it about time for Joseph’s sermon or whatever?” She ran her fingers through sweat-soaked hair to soften her words. Jacob sighed above her, taking a moment before pushing himself up and off of her, looking down as he brushed his hair aside.

“We can skip it if you’re up for a second round, kitten,” he offered, running a hand from her knee all the way up to her cunt and pushing a finger in. Grace moaned, automatically bucking her hips as a second finger slid inside of her.

“God, you don’t know how tempting that is. Not having to listen to Joseph? _Fuck._ ” Grace closed her eyes as Jacob’s fingers started to slowly thrust into her, his thumb brushing against her all too sensitive clit and reaching to caress one of her breasts. “I feel like he’d know, though.”

Jacob grunted and added a third finger into her, working her with ease. “It is possible,” he agreed after a moment of watching her. Grace opened her eyes again and moaned at the sight of him leaning over her. She reached out to him, trying to wrap her arms around his shoulders and pull him in for a kiss, but he pulled away. “You’re probably right. Besides, I don’t want to fuck you when you’re thinking about my little brother.” Grace could have killed him when he slid his fingers out of her and wandered into the bathroom like he hadn’t been trying to drive her insane.

“You _asshole_ , Jacob Seed!” Grace snarled and swung her legs over the side of the cot, waiting a moment to make sure she wouldn’t just immediately fall on her face as she scanned the room for her underwear. She sighed when she couldn’t find it and resolved to just wear Jacob’s stained t-shirt as she went into the bathroom to clean herself up. As much as she hated it, Jacob seemed to enjoy making messes out of her and she always ended up almost painfully sticky. “I swear, you are the most annoying, immature old man that I have ever met.”

“Mhmm,” he agreed, barely paying her any attention as he washed her dried slick from his beard. She waited for him to make room for her, but when he didn’t, she smacked his bare side softly. She knew that she would have ended up on the cold floor if she’d tried to hit him harder or move him when he wasn’t ready to move. “Why don’t you go turn the radio on while I clean up, kitten?”

“Because I’m gross and sticky.” She gave him a pointed look, gesturing to the juncture between her legs. She knew it wouldn’t do too much to help, but her grandmother had always told her about how she’d washed herself a certain way after sex to try to get as much semen out of her as possible. Grace wasn’t sure it was helping, but she hadn’t gotten pregnant yet and her grandmother had only had her father.

Since Dutch had given them his best guess at the calendar two weeks ago, Grace had been hard at work trying to remember all the aspects of everything involved. By her count, they still had a few more days before she was too fertile to do anything but mouth and hand stuff safely. Jacob grunted and stepped aside for her, taking a moment to dry off his beard before handing her the towel and leaving the room without a word. She stood there for a moment, looking at herself in the dirty mirror and trying her best to not notice the bags under her eyes or how limp her hair had been looking lately. 

There wasn’t anything she could do to change her diet when she hadn’t even been the one to stockpile food. Shaking her head, Grace soaked the towel in water from the sink and carefully cleaned herself, wincing at sore muscles and bruises dotting all over her body. From the other room, she could hear Joseph’s voice over the radio, droning on and on about whatever vision he claimed to be having now.

“ _Faith has always been a beloved member of our family,_ ” Joseph preached as Grace slowed her movements. “ _She is the most devout of us all and now in the time after The Collapse, Faith will help shepherd us all into the Eden that awaits us when our seven-year journey is complete._ ” She dropped the towel from numb hands as her mind whirled around at the self-proclaimed prophet’s words.

“Jacob,” Grace gasped as she bolted from the bathroom, feeling herself get more and more light headed as she struggled to process the words over the radio. “Is he making another fucking _Faith_?”

“Sounds like it,” the large man agreed, lounging back in his chair with his pants low on his hips and his chest bare except for his ID tags and the dog whistle. “Can I have my shirt, please?”

“How are you not freaking out about this?”

“Because whoever it is he’s chosen, she’ll be just as weak as the others have been. That’s why they always fail.”

“ _It is by our Brother John’s hand that we have our newfound Faith, one who is strong enough to help lead us into better times._ ” Grace felt her heart seize in her chest as she tried to understand, but everything seemed to be just out of her grasp. “ _It was God’s will who brought Faith to us, eager to do her duty. When the time comes, I hope for you to all embrace her and cherish her as much as I do._ ”

“Joey.”

“What?”

“Your fucking brother… He did something, he had to have. Joey would _never_ have done this on her own.” Grace wasn’t sure if Jacob could understand her around the sobs that ripped from her, tears violently escaping her eyes as she tried to get a handle on what had been going on in John’s bunker. “He did something.”

“It’s possible,” he agreed passively, watching her carefully as she collapsed against the cot, landing heavily on the hard floor. He leaned forward to switch off the radio, instantly allowing silence to fall over them. Grace couldn’t handle it. In the absence of Joseph’s voice, she cried even harder. Loud, painful sobs shook her body as she buried her face in her hands and pitied herself. If she had just been faster, if she had started in John’s region instead of making a mad dash to try to rescue Sheriff Whitehorse and Marshall Burke, maybe she would have been able to save Joey. Maybe she would have been able to die in the blasts or end up happily locked away with everyone else at Fall’s End.

Anything but where she was now.

“I have to go rescue her,” Grace nodded to herself, trying to steady herself enough to push herself up off the cold floor.

“Grace, stop. You’re not going anywhere,” Jacob sighed, crouching down to her level and wrapping a massive hand around her elbow. “There’s nothing you can do for your friend. She saw an opportunity to become stronger and she took it. Be proud of her for it.”

“You don’t really believe that,” Grace argued, trying to rip her arm away from him but his grip was too firm. “You just said that all of the Faiths have been weak and deserved to be culled.”

“Maybe Joseph saw that a change was needed for us to survive the new world. Weakness isn’t going to be tolerated. Only the strong are going to survive.” He helped her up onto the cot, reaching up to brush the snot and tears from her face and pressing his forehead against hers.

“Then why did you save me? I’m _weak_. I couldn’t even kill your brother in time to save my friend,” she argued as she tried to pull away from him again.

“Joseph wants you.”

“Fucking _what_.”

“You’re welcome to ask him yourself, kitten.” Jacob finally leaned away from her but kept his hands on her, rubbing his thumbs soothingly against her skin as he watched her mind work over the new information. Grace shook her head violently, sending the room around them spinning as a headache brewed just behind her eyes. “Look, you wouldn’t like the way I can explain it to you.”

“I already don’t like it. I don’t like any of this. I wish you hadn’t saved me.”

“That’s too bad because I already did.” She snarled at him as he pressed a kiss to her brow, uncaring about how she shoved against him, trying to break free from his firm hold. “Listen, you’re mad about it. I get that. You are blaming yourself for something you didn’t do. But what good is that going to do you now? Save that anger until you can actually use it. Kill her in her sleep when the time comes. I don’t care.”

Jacob pressed kisses along her face as he spoke, his beard tickling her gently with every word. Even as rage burned hotly in her heart, she knew he was right. There wasn’t anything she could do. Even if she somehow get out of the bunker without Jacob stopping her, how was she going to cross the wasteland that was surely waiting on the other side of the steel door? How was she going to get _into_ John’s bunker if she managed to do all that?

So she laid there, barely listening to him as he droned on and on. She wanted to hurt. She wanted him to hurt her, to be rough with her. She knew he was capable of it, the bruises dotting her body were evidence of that enough. “Jacob,” she croaked, grabbing ahold of the sides of his head and guiding his face towards her, stopping him from kissing her any more. “I need you to fuck me so hard I forget about this. At least for a little while. Please.”

He looked at her for a moment, his cool blue eyes seeming to gaze into her soul as he considered her words. The older man shifted his weight, bringing himself to his knees between her legs and reaching down to undo his jeans. Grace rolled her hips eagerly towards him, grasping her own breasts and panting as she watched him slowly slide his pants fully off. Jacob leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss against the ‘wrath’ his brother had tattooed onto her and Grace hissed in irritation. She wanted teeth and bruises, goddamnit.

Her nails dug harshly into his back, but he still moved slowly over her, pressing softer kisses than he’d ever given her into her skin, lathing his tongue where he’d left painful marks in the past. Nothing seemed to spur him on the way she wanted, no matter how she squeezed him between her thighs, if she drew blood with her nails, sunk her teeth into his bottom lip… Nothing. Jacob just held her as if she were something precious and worth something, rolling his hips against hers as he slid into her. He even had the nerve to wait for her body to adjust to his girth, even though they’d fucked like animals barely an hour before. 

“Jacob,” Grace moaned, trying to encourage him to slam into her as hard as he could, but he didn’t even pull out of her all the way before meeting their hips together again.

“Shut up,” he sighed against her neck, kissing up her throat. Grace growled and tried to shove him off of her, yearning to start some sort of argument. She couldn’t handle him being nice to her. Not tonight. The only allowance he made for her was reaching between their bodies to gently tease her clit, softly pinching it between his thumb and forefinger and rolling it in time with his thrusts. 

Grace felt tears slide down her cheeks and into her hair as she clung to him, pulling him as close to herself as she could manage as he lead her closer and closer to the release she so fiercely needed. His thrusts started to get harder against her, but not nearly as hard as she knew he could be, unsteady in his tireless rhythm as he started to kiss away her tears. She tightened her legs around his hips, digging her heels into his toned ass in a last attempt to get him to speed up or be just a little bit rougher, but he only laughed against her mouth, kissing her as if he loved her.

Grace sobbed as her orgasm finally washed over her, toes curling and muscles shaking as he continued his slow thrusts into her. Her nails were sticky with his blood as she moaned into his kiss. With a grunt and a lingering kiss, Jacob spilled inside of her, his fingers finally bruising her shoulders as he came. Grace continued to cry as he held her, pressing their foreheads together and laying his full weight on her. She cried for herself, for Joey, for everyone they had lost. She cried because she was scared and because she knew that as badly as she wanted to… She wouldn’t be able to kill John Seed when she got out of the bunker. Jacob would never allow her to.

“Are you still pissed?” He asked after the minutes slid by them in the quiet of the bunker. 

“No. Maybe. I don’t know,” she confessed, wrapping her arms around him and not letting him pull away from her. He chuckled and kissed her, his tongue slipping easily into her warm mouth as he pulled out of her, rolling them so that they lay side by side on the narrow cot.

“You can figure it out another day, kitten.”

“What would you do if someone did that to John? To Joseph?” Grace asked after letting him hold her for a while.

“I would kill them.” From the way he said it, Grace knew that he may very well have actually killed for his brothers in the past. Either way, she didn’t doubt him when he got that cold tone of voice. She knew better. “I’ve taken countless beatings for them. I’d do it all over again if it meant that they would be safe.”

“How am I supposed to protect the people I care about? I’m nothing.”

“Let her be Faith. Let her be strong in the role she was reborn into.”

“Am I going to be shaped into someone else?” Jacob didn’t say anything for a long time and Grace couldn’t help but feel how the sweat cooled and dried against her skin in the time she waited for him to respond. “Am I going to forget who I am now?”

“No. I don’t want that to happen and Joseph knows it.” She knew that Jacob didn’t intend for his words to scare her, but they did. She pressed her face into her neck and allowed herself to cry, promising herself that it would be the last time she cried for herself. She wondered what was happening to Staci, if he was still trapped deep inside Jacob’s bunker. If he was dead or just waiting faithfully for Jacob to return, no better than a dog waiting for their owner to return.

She hadn’t been able to save him, either. Joey, Staci, Marshall Burke… Maybe even Sheriff Whitehorse. She had failed to save all of them and it was only by chance that a handful of people had survived, then again she hadn’t really helped them, either. They would have survived with or without her.

“Jacob?” She whispered, wishing he was asleep but she knew his breathing too well to be able to fool herself into thinking he was. “Why did you really torture Staci? You… You wanted me to kill Eli, but what about Staci? What was the point of everything?”

“It was so I could get to you,” he admitted after a while, the hum of the generator churning softly nearly drowning out his soft words. They really needed to turn that off if they were just going to lay there, but she didn’t want to get up. “It was all for you. He was too weak to be useful beyond that.”

“And what if he’s still alive after we get out? Will you let him go?” Would he even let her go? Doubtful. Then again, to her knowledge he hadn’t been fucking Staci. Jacob didn’t respond to her for a long time, reaching up to run a hand through her damp hair and shifting his weight around on the cot.

“That’s up for Joseph to decide when the time comes. Us being here together… It threw off his plans. You were supposed to be with him.” She shivered at his words, too afraid to ask what he’d meant by that. “You know, Joseph still wants to talk to you.”

“I’m not ready for that yet. Especially not after today.” Some rocks were better left unturned and Grace knew that she’d be damned if she went willingly down that rabbit hole.

“As long as you know you can’t avoid him forever, Deputy. He’s had his eyes on you for a long time now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was always only supposed to be a one-shot.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 34. 331 weeks remain.

In the time since her discovery of Joey Hudson’s fate, Grace had been having an admittedly difficult time mustering up the energy to do much of anything. Bathing, reading, even warming up food had seemed to drain her more than she ever expected it to. At first, Jacob didn’t say anything when she napped for a majority of the day, waking up only long enough to use the bathroom, drink some water, and glance at their calendar. It wasn’t until she was pushing a week of little food that Jacob interfered, forcing her to eat a bowl of whatever soup he’d grabbed at a glance and woke her up with.

She ate as much as she felt able to, the spoon limp in her hand as she pushed the soggy vegetables around the bowl. It was more tasteless than mass-produced soup tended to be but she nearly threw up at the very idea of trying to add black pepper or even salt to it. Jacob didn’t say a word as he sat with her, nudging her arm with his elbow whenever she just sighed and stared into the bland, overly creamy mass. “Hurry up and eat so you can call Roosevelt,” Jacob sighed after the hundredth time of nudging her. “The last thing I need is him convinced that I murdered you and am wearing your face.” Normally she would have laughed at his attempt to joke if only to encourage him to try and joke more often but she could only blink around the tears welling up in her eyes.

Dutch, Jess, and Sharky were just more friends that she had disappointed and failed. It was only a kind twist of fate that they had managed to survive the apocalypse. If it hadn’t been for Dutch’s bunker, Jess’s determination, and Sharky’s resilience, they probably would have died in the blasts no thanks to her. It was only by luck that Nick, Kim, and their daughter had made it to the Fall’s End bunker, from what she’d heard. There were a lot of people who weren’t so lucky, but Pastor Jerome hadn’t said much about it the brief time they spoke to each other.

“Grace, enough,” Jacob commanded as he nudged her shoulder, shaking her from her thoughts. “How many months did you beg me to be able to call your friends?”

“I don’t feel well.” Jacob’s hand burned into her skin and Grace clenched her eyes shut in an admittedly childish hope that he would just leave her be.

“What do you want me to tell Roosevelt?” He finally relented, using his grip on her to force her to turn and look at him. Grace looked anywhere on his face but his eyes, wishing that he would go back to ignoring her the way he had when they were first locked away.

“Just tell them I’m dead.”

“I’m not telling anyone that,” Jacob paused for a second, his eyes burning into hers. “Not even if you do end up dying in this pit.” Grace grunted and looked away from him, weakly wrapping her arms around herself as a chill washed over her.

“Jacob, please.” He grunted but finally released her, leaving her to wallow in her own self-pity as he prepared the radio to call Dutch. He sat down with a grunt and made a point to slam things around on the desk. Grace flinched and could only hope that he wasn’t breaking things that he’d need later and somehow find a way to blame her for it being broken.

“Roosevelt, this is Jacob, over,” Jacob spoke into the microphone, glaring at her the entire time. Grace ignored him, setting her unfinished food on the floor before rolling over on the cot to face the wall. She stared at the hastily painted over cement and thought about the haphazard attempt to make the space more homey for a family that never got to use it.

“ _Where is the Deputy, Seed? Over._ ” While Jess’ voice usually would have gotten her rushing towards the radio and being bold enough to shoulder Jacob out of the way, she barely blinked at her friend’s voice. 

“She’s pouting in bed,” Jacob explained, likely trying to antagonize a reaction out of her. She only blinked and did her best to think about nothing. “She’s been like this for a while, so blame her for missing last week’s radio call.” There was a long pause on the other end of the line, long enough where even Grace looked over and wondered if the connection had somehow been dropped.

“ _Grace,_ ” Dutch’s voice called out, instantly bringing tears to her eyes. “ _If this is about what happened to Hudson, then there’s nothing you could do about it. I know it’s hard, but you made your choices and you have to believe that they were the right ones to make. She’s still alive. Let that count for something._ ”

“He’s not wrong,” Jacob added in, getting up and pushing her towards the wall so that he could lay behind her, wrapping her in his massive arms. “You can’t save everyone.” Grace wanted to lash out at him, scream at him that he wasn’t helping, to make him hurt as badly as she did at the moment, but she just laid in his arms, letting her eyes fall closed. She was too tired to be mad at him. All she felt like she could do was hiss at how sore everything on her body felt and sleep for the rest of the apocalypse.

“ _Did you hear the good news?_ ” Dutch asked her, continuing on as if she weren’t pretending to ignore him. “ _That little goddaughter of yours said her first word the other day. Apparently, she can’t get enough of telling Nick ‘no’._ ” Grace couldn’t help the smile that snuck onto her face, settling back against Jacob’s warmth. Jacob’s hands immediately began gently roaming over her, caressing her stomach like he had weeks ago when her cramps first came back, pressing his brow against the back of her neck.

“Jacob, will you please just end the call?” Grace asked feebly, a last attempt to cling to her self-pity.

“Not happening, kitten.”

“ _You know, the two of you weren’t the only ones lucky enough to come across a prepper’s bunker,_ ” Dutch continued, the forced cheeriness in his voice washing over her as she closed her eyes again and went back to ignoring Jacob. “ _Adelaide and that boy toy of hers are held up somewhere in the Henbane. You should give her a call, I’ll give Seed the information if you’re still set and determined to let an old man talk to himself over here._ ”

Jacob grunted behind her, holding her tighter against him instead of getting up to respond to Dutch like she half expected him to. His hands wandered up her chest and gently squeezed her breasts. Grace hissed in pain and dug her nails into his wrists, pulling his hands away from her and trying to wiggle out of his grasp. “Jesus, Jacob, that fucking hurt. Just leave me alone,” Grace snapped, scurrying over him to angrily stomp to the radio. “Dutch?” Grace spoke into the microphone, glaring over at Jacob as he watched her calmly. “I’m sorry to make you worry. I can take down Addie’s information now.”

“ _Sure thing, kid,_ ” Dutch’s told her, his voice still forcibly cheerful. “ _It’s good to hear you. Over._ ”

“I’m… sorry that I wasn’t the best conversationalist this week, Dutch.” Grace picked at her fingers as she spoke, wondering what she could even say to make him not fear the worst about her. The last thing she needed was her friends worried about her when there was already so much disaster to contend with everywhere they looked.

“ _Don’t beat yourself up over it, kid. There’s always next week. You’re not as alone as you feel, Deputy. Now, I have to go and stop that fucking Boshaw kid from setting my fish on fire. You take care of her better, Seed, you hear? Over and out._ ” Even though she hadn’t spoken to him much that week, Grace felt refreshed in a way. She still anguished over how Joey must be suffering, but she knew that they at least cared enough to call her every week. They wanted her to survive as badly as she wanted them to.

“C’mere,” Jacob commanded, breaking her out of her inner musings and emphasizing his point by tapping on the mattress next to him. He'd coiled an arm behind his head and didn't even bother looking at her as she followed his order. Grace sat hesitantly next to him and waited anxiously for whatever it was he wanted to say. This was it. He was sick of her and he was going to snap her neck or throw her back in the closet, she was sure of it. “You can't keep living like this. Staying in bed all day, wallowing in whatever self-pity you have cooked up in that brain of yours.” He didn't bother to look at her as he spoke and Grace realized that he was speaking from experience, of something that he'd done in the past. “It won't actually kill you the way you want it to.”

“I know.” It was painful to admit, but the words seemed to have a mind of their own as they tumbled out of her mouth. “I just… I feel so empty. I failed at everything I was supposed to do. You were right. I am no hero. I am just this thing. An ugly, twisted thing.”

“Grace, you are more beautiful than the day you stepped foot in the church.” She blinked at him with a frown, waiting for him to continue whatever thought was swimming in his mind. “You were scared then. Just following orders that should have never fallen to you. They were cowards for making you be the one to step forward into Joseph’s view.”

“I had a choice to walk away,” she argued weakly, hating how the conversation turned to Joseph.

“What a choice it was, too. Follow a bullshit order no better than the goons at Nuremberg,” she glared at him with a shiver at the low handed comparison he _knew_ he was making, “or don't and face whatever reprimand that useless fucking Marshall could cook up.”

“What should I have done then?” Jacob didn’t say anything for a long time, mulling over the different scenarios in his head before he finally sighed and looked at her.

“Other than not becoming a cop, there was nothing you could do. The game was rigged from the start.” She looked away from him and realized he was probably right. “You played it the best you could.”

“What did you think of me then?” She forced herself to ask, desperate to end the self-examination. The deputy looked back at him and blinked at the wolfish look on his face, surprised at the broad grin waiting for her.

“I wanted to fuck you until you didn’t look like such a lost lamb anymore.” Grace could only nod, biting her lip as her mind wandered again. “I picked Peaches because he knew you best.”

“Why are you telling me that?” He already knew that she was devastated over Hudson, why was he making it worse? Jacob’s massive hand rested on her thigh, squeezing it softly to get her attention back on him and him alone.

“Because even if things seem like they’re fated or you can’t do anything to change them, you sit, bide your time, and plan. You can’t just sit around, feeling sorry for yourself and expecting things to get done.”

“And what? You have everything you want locked away in this fucking bunker?” Grace snorted and laid her hand on top of his. His skin was rough and dry under her fingers, not that hers was faring much better thanks to the worst soap in the world.

“For now,” Jacob shrugged, reaching over to pull her down against him. “I will see my brothers again.” Grace allowed herself to be pulled to his side, wincing at how tender her muscles felt. She must have worn herself out more than she realized by not eating when she’d already had a limited diet before that. Grace bit her lip and tried her hardest not to think about everyone in her life she would kill to see again. Her parents were long gone. She doubted that Joey would remember who she was if they ever saw each other again. She hadn’t heard anything about Sheriff Whitehorse or about the prison, so who knew what had happened to them. It wasn’t like Jacob was about to let her try to contact the Whitetails to see if they would go check it out.

And Staci… If Staci survived, how could she ever face him again? Could she even use to excuse of trying to survive? Was that all she was doing anymore?

Grace pressed her face against Jacob’s shoulder and tried to remember how to breathe. Deeply and evenly, she tried to think about things that had always kept her calm. Watching thunderstorms from an open garage with her mom as a kid. Going fishing with her dad on his rare days off. Hell, even just sitting back on her couch and watching daytime television had been enough to take her mind off of things for a little bit.

“Jacob?” She asked, hoping that he could still hear her around her face pressed against his bare skin. “What did you do with Staci?”

“What do you mean?” Jacob shifted to look down at her, drawing an arm around her and holding her close.

“After he helped me escape, what did you do to him? Did you take him out back and put a bullet in him? Force him to torture people for you?” Jacob sighed under her, rubbing tiredly at the bridge of his nose as he considered her questions.

“He was put in my bunker as punishment. I still haven’t had any contact with them and I can’t say for sure if they made it or not.” She knew how hard he’d been trying for any sign of his people, those he spent months training and surviving next to. He hadn’t said much about it but Grace got the feeling that he considered it a personal failure of his. She hadn’t heard anything from Joseph about it, either, but she’d put real effort into avoiding the self-proclaimed prophet.

“Was he alive?”

“The last I heard, yes, your boyfriend was alive.” Staci really had deserved better than she could ever be. She didn’t even bother trying to argue that she hadn’t really been dating Staci. It wasn’t any of his business and what was the point anyway? He didn't care.

“How can I undo whatever bullshit was done to Hudson?” She changed the subject, squeezing her eyes shut to try and block out the horrific images of what had happened to Staci her mind unhelpfully provided. She hoped he didn't notice the tears seeping into his shirt.

“Depends on what my brother did to her.” His fingers wound themselves into her hair as he spoke, pressing his face to the top of her head. Grace wasn't sure what he meant but she was sure she didn't want to know what happened.

“Could I use conditioning to get Joey back?” She knew she sounded like a child, her voice meek and her words unsure, but Grace needed something to cling to, no matter how weak the hope might be. She knew in her heart Earl and Staci were dead. 

“Grace,” Jacob started, holding her chin between his fingers and forcing her to meet his pale eyes. “Your friend is probably gone. In the six years and however many months that are left before we can even think about leaving the bunker... I have no idea if she will remember you. You need to focus on your own survival. You can’t keep quasi-starving yourself whenever the mood strikes you like this. I am going to start forcing the food down your throat. Do you understand that?”

“Yeah.” Grace had known somewhere in the back of her mind that he would probably do something like that. She figured that even Jacob wouldn't want to be forced to be down there by himself, nothing but the radio and her rotting corpse to keep him company. “I know.”

“Look, kitten, there's only so much I can do to try and cheer you up.” Grace nodded and snuggled closer to his warmth. If she closed her eyes, she could try and pretend he was Staci just spending the night after a rough day at work. Maybe after doing a wellness check on someone. He'd always hated doing those, filling her ears with horror stories about them.

“I mean, there’s our tried and true method of fucking the pain away,” she joked softly, yelping when he flipped their positions. Before she knew it, Grace was flat on her back in the middle of the cot with a bare-chested Jacob hovering over her with a smile.

“Hmm, now that you mention it, it hasn’t failed us yet,” he reasoned, gently tugging on the edge of her worn shirt. It wasn’t in tatters yet, but it was fast approaching the realm of being damn near see through. Not that Jacob would ever complain about her wearing it.

“It’s not like we have anything better to do,” she reasoned, helping him remove her shirt and taking a moment to admire the way his muscles seemed to dance under his skin. Jacob chuckled and leaned towards her, kissing along her jaw and massaging her hip bones with his thumbs. Grace moaned and spread her legs for him, running her nails along the back of his head as he started to kiss lower and lower.

He dragged her underwear down her hips, pressing biting kisses against the soft flesh on her lower stomach. Grace moaned and let her legs fall open, inviting him to continue his trail down her. With her panties kicked to the ground and his fingers teasing at her entrance, Jacob moved up her body again, darting his tongue into her belly button and chuckling at the soft squeal she made. Grace pushed at his head, trying to get his mouth back down towards her pussy as his thumb teased her clit.

Grace bit her lip, refusing to cry out in the way she knew he wanted her to and spread her legs further to try and accommodate his broad shoulders. She just wanted him to get her off quickly so she could roll over and go to sleep. Jacob chuckled against her, nipping at the soft skin under his mouth as he kissed back up her chest. He paused by her aching breasts, being as gentle as he could be as he took a nipple into his mouth and toyed with it. She hissed and dug her nails into his shoulders, rolling her hips to try and encourage his attention back where she wanted it.

“Still hurting?” Jacob asked with a raised eyebrow, lathing at the bud with the flat of his tongue.

“Yeah, I don't know,” she frowned, gasping as one of his thick fingers slipped inside of her. “Maybe my period is coming early or something.” Jacob grunted and looked at her for a moment before leaning up and kissing her roughly. He slipped two more fingers into her as their lips met and Grace pulled back to swear at him. Her head dropped back against the pillow as his fingers thrust gently into her, his lips all but attacking her exposed throat. “ _Jacob._ ”

“Yeah, Deputy?” He had the nerve to ask, rolling her clit under his thumb as she moaned loudly. “Careful, don't wanna wake the neighborhood.”

“Jacob Seed, I am going to kill you if you don't hurry up and eat me out.” Jacob grinned down at her as he slipped his hand out of her, earning an angry gasp from the younger woman.

“You're so impatient tonight, Grace,” he chided, pushing himself up on his knees and quickly undoing his jeans. Grace watched as he slipped his cock out and pumped it slowly, making a point to use the hand that was covered in her slick to squeeze his shaft. “Why don't you touch yourself. Show me how much you want me to finish the job for you because your fingers just aren't enough.”

Grace couldn't help but obey him, flushing with embarrassment as he jerked off between her legs, his widespread thighs forcing hers almost painfully open. He was right. Compared to his hand, hers felt far too small as she rolled her clit between two fingers. Her eyes were locked on the head of his cock as he fisted it almost violently at the sight of her spreading herself under him. “Tell me what you want to do with me,” Grace all but whispered, biting her lip and forcing herself to look him in the eye.

“Oh, you don't want to know,” he laughed, pumping his dick a little faster. “You could never look me in the eye again if I told you.”

“Please,” she moaned, reaching up and playing with a sore breast. “ I want it.”

“The first time I saw you, all I could think about was fucking you so hard that you couldn't speak right there in the pews.” Grace pinched her clit between her fingers at the same time as her nipple, twisting despite the pain. “I wanted you desperate as you are now, drooling for anything I would give you.” Even with her eyes pressed closed at the throbbing pain she was bringing herself, she could picture Jacob perfectly as he spoke, the sound of him masturbating over her driving her insane as she tried to fill the ache between her legs.

“What… What do you want now?” She gasped out, forcing herself to open her eyes and look up at him again. She cried out at the wolfish grin he gave her, devious and full of dark promises.

“Right now? Right now I’m thinking about knocking your hands aside and fucking you for the rest of the night.”

“What’s stopping you?” Grace mocked, biting her lip and grinning up at him to try and bait him into doing just that.

“I’m not a teenager anymore.” Grace laughed and reached up for him, trying to pull the solid man down to her level. Jacob let her, pressing a kiss to the side of her mouth as he helped her wrap her thighs around him. Pulling back enough to watch her face, Jacob slowly thrust into her only stopping when their hips were flush together. Despite his words, he gave her a moment to catch her breath around him, her fingers still resting against her clit between them. At her nod, he rolled himself against her, bracing his knees under them as he rocked back and forth.

“ _Jacob_ ,” Grace moaned his name against his neck, wrapping her arms around him and holding her close. With her legs locked tightly around his hips, he wasn’t able to thrust in her as wildly as they’d just talked about, but that seemed to be exactly what she had been needing. With his forearms bracing on the cot below her she knew that any other time she would probably feel caged in by him but it only comforted her. Jacob wouldn’t let anything truly bad happen to her. She had to believe that. He only wanted her to be strong.

She knew that there was no such thing as fucking depression away or some magical cure-all, but Grace couldn't see anything wrong with taking comfort and refuge in the arms of her companion.

Pressed chest to chest with someone else made her feel connected to another living thing. Even though his cock was buried deep in her cunt, it was the feel of his heart thundering nearly against her own, the tickle of his hair against her overly sensitive skin, the uncomfortable slide of two sweaty bodies that reminded her that she was alive and that she was still Grace. 

With that thought, Grace mewled helplessly as her orgasm softly overtook her. It wasn’t the toe-curling crash that she’d come to expect with Jacob but she still clung to him, pressing open-mouthed kisses to his shoulders, neck, and anywhere else she could reach. He grunted softly as he followed soon after her, his sweaty brow pressing against hers as his hips sputtered and his cock twitched the last few spurts of his cum into her. They laid in each other’s arms for a moment, Grace closing her eyes as she let the routine soothe her still frazzled nerves. “Jacob?” 

“Yeah, Deputy?”

"Jacob. I need you to promise me something,” Grace swallowed thickly as the words stuck to her throat, tears threatening her eyes as she locked her arms around him and tried to prevent him from pushing away from him. “Promise me that you will kill me if I ever get turned into another Faith."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had some severe health issues on my end causing a tiny delay, but I am fine now. If this chapter reads a bit melancholy, I had some serious shit on my mind and I apologize if that is reflected in my work.
> 
> Thank you for your patience.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 36. 329 weeks remain.

Fuck. _Fuck fuck fuck._ Grace pressed a cold hand against her feverish brow and tried to breathe through clenched teeth. She didn’t understand how she managed to catch the flu down in a bunker, far away from any infected people, but Jacob seemed fine for now. She hated him for it. The deputy pressed her head back against the cold wall of the bathroom, squeezing her eyes shut and wrapping her arms around her middle as she groaned softly. Her joints ached something fierce and all she wanted to do was curl up under the hot spray of the shower and stay there until the end of time.

Reaching behind herself to flush the toilet, she winced at a sudden and sharp cramp. As if things couldn’t get any worse, her period had started, leaving behind a nice little blood stain on Jacob’s jeans that he hadn’t been exactly thrilled about. Adjusting the pad in her underwear, she looked over to the shower rod where Jacob’s pants were drying with a frown. She’d washed them for him, sure, but that was the first and only time she’d wash his shit for him. “Jacob,” she called out pitifully, shuffling out of the bathroom after washing her hands.

“I’m not going to hold you,” he grunted, not even bothering to look up from his notes. 

“You did before.”

“You weren’t sick before.” Grace all but fell against the cot, only narrowly avoiding smacking her head against the upper bunk as her body collapsed on itself. “Jesus, it’s just a cold. You’re not dying.”

“I could be. I could have some scary radiation infected superbug.” 

“Deputy, I promise you that radiation doesn’t work that way.” Jacob sighed, finally leaning back in his chair and looked at her.

“How do you know?”

“Just trust me.” Grace scowled over at Jacob and tried to curl in on herself, hissing when a wave of nausea rolled over her.

“I hope you get sick next and see if I comfort you any then.” Jacob chuckled at her misery, going back to his notes. Grace wasn’t surprised by his lack of empathy. How many people had he sat and watched starve to death in his cages? How many people did he brainwash and torture in the name of his brother? She truly never wanted to know the exact numbers. Hell, it was entirely likely that they were living in a bunker that had once been built by someone he murdered. She shivered and pressed her face into the mattress, trying her hardest to think of something else.

“Do you want me to call one of the other bunkers to see if a doctor can talk to you and tell you that you’re not dying?” Jacob offered after a few minutes, the chair squeaking as he got up and walked over to her. The hair on his bare thigh tickled her arms as he sat down next to her, his massive hand coming to rest heavily on her shoulder. Grace shook her head, knowing that he would probably never let her live it down if she’d agreed. “You’ve thrown up everything you’ve eaten,” he pointed out, slowly rubbing her shoulder.

“I know. I’m not hungry. I just ache everywhere and I have a headache. If it’s possible to die from cramps, I think that’s how it’s gonna happen.” Jacob chuckled again and pinched the bridge of his nose. Sure, there was a medicine cabinet with a few bottles of pain relievers, fever reducers, and even something for constipation, but it was obvious that the family hadn’t finished stocking the supplies before they were forced out of their home. Grace frowned and looked up at Jacob as pitifully as she could manage. “Do you still want to hoard the pain stuff until a worst-case happens and one of us breaks a limb or something?”

“Are cramps that bad?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, using the hand resting on her shoulder to turn her to get a better look at her. “It’s just a muscle spasm.”

“I am dying,” she confirmed and refused to look him in the eye. With the chemical burns and the abuse he had to have suffered from his own parents, it was hard to tell him that something so inconsequential sounding could hurt so badly. How did someone even compare the pains? Thanks to spending time in his cages and in the closet, she knew a little bit of what it felt like to suffer from starvation but the two discomforts didn’t really compare. “Well, at least there’s a silver lining to all this.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m not pregnant,” she grinned up at him, laughing when he grunted softly and pinched the bridge of his nose again like he was getting a migraine. “Don’t make that face at me. Just think about it. If I’m annoying you this badly with just a common cold just think of how awful I would be in labor.”

“That’s as good of an argument for celibacy as I’ve ever heard.” Grace rolled her eyes and tried to curl up in the fetal position again, groaning softly as another cramp spasmed painfully. “I’m getting you a pain pill. That’s just pitiful.” She barely even grunted as he got up and retrieved the pill for her, nudging her with the cup of water and waiting patiently for her to swallow it.

“Thank you,” Grace muttered, handing him the cup back and rolling over to face the wall. She closed her eyes and willed the fifteen minutes it took for painkillers to enter the bloodstream after swallowing them to just hurry up and pass.

“You haven’t been coughing or sneezing.” 

“Thank god for small favors.” Jacob sat down behind her again, gently running a hand through her messy, sweat mussed hair. Grace cringed and tried to wiggle away from him, grumbling under her breath about how she already knew she needed a shower, thanks. “Do you need a hand standing up in there or something? It’s not like you to skip showers, Grace.” 

“I’d fall over even with you holding me up. Besides, your jeans are drying in there right now.” Jacob grunted and rested the back of his hand against her brow, frowning to himself as he tried to feel for a temperature. “Will you just let me take a nap or something? Jesus.”

“Grace, get up. You’ll feel better after a shower. Probably sleep better, too.” She wanted to argue with him, but she didn’t have the strength to do much more than glare half-heartedly. When they were little, had Jacob made his brothers take baths to help them feel better when sick? From what little he’d mentioned over their months together, neither of their parents bothered over their wellbeing.

“Fine, but you’re taking one with me.”

“Like that’s something I’d complain about, sweetheart.” Grace shot him a dirty look, but he only laughed it off, standing from the cot and holding out a hand to help her up.

“Tell me again why I had to get stuck with you of all people,” she grumbled, leaning on him more than she’d wanted to as he helped her to the bathroom. Her legs were as wobbly as a newborn deer and she hated letting him see her so weak. It was embarrassing.

“You’d pick me all over again if you had the choice,” he pointed out, leaving her to lean against the sink as he removed his pants from where the hung over the shower rod. She slipped her thin t-shirt over her head and did her best to wiggle out of her panties without his help. Grace paused and frowned, leaning down to scoop up her panties and examine them closely. “Is there something wrong?” Jacob asked, throwing his pants over the back of the toilet to continue drying.

“I don’t know,” she admitted after a moment, gently prodding at the pad she’d changed an hour before. “It’s probably nothing.” She dropped her underwear and shrugged, biting her lip as she mulled things over. Her period had been pretty consistently heavy since it had started when she was barely a teenager, but there was hardly anything there on the pad. Jacob turned the water on and held a hand under the spray, waiting patiently for it to adjust. Normally when they showered together he would just jump right in and she would join him when it was warm enough for her. He’d always grouch in his old man way that she did nothing but waste water and she would always grumble back that he was as bad as a dad defending a thermostat.

Their teasings usually ended up with her face pressed against the cool wall and him biting her shoulder, muttering about what a bad girl she was and how he should teach her to respect her elders.

“What are you smiling about?” Jacob asked her as he stepped under the spray finally.

“Just thinking about the good memories we have in this piece of shit shower.” Jacob looked around the small space and grinned wolfishly at her, nothing but teeth and dark promises. “Hey, think we can bring it with us when it’s time to leave?”

“I’m going to destroy this fucking bunker when it’s time to leave,” he pointed out, his voice icy in the steam filled room. Grace smiled at him and accepted his help stepping into the slippery shower.

“Not if I destroy it first, Jacob Seed.” He handed her the cheap shampoo that she hated, grabbing up the bar of soap and gently rubbing it along her back as she lathered up her hair. She hated that he’d been right again, the shower already making her limbs feel better and the heat doing wonders for her cramps. Grace leaned her head back against his shoulder and moaned at the feeling of clenched muscles finally relaxing. Jacob pressed kisses against her neck at the sound, tickling her with his damp beard. “Jacob, you know I don’t like that.”

“You don’t like being fucked when you’re on your period, I know. I’m not fucking you right now.” His big paw of a hand reached up and squeezed her breast, lightly nipping at the column of her throat now. “Haven’t you ever heard of sweatin’ out a sickness before?”

“Sure, but with sex?” She couldn’t stop the moan from bubbling up when he toyed with her nipple, still gently caressing her tender stomach with the bar of soap. “Jacob!”

“Sex makes you sweat, so why not?” He laughed, licking the harsh bite he just left on her throat. Grace mumbled a curse, thankful that at least there wasn’t anyone around to see the bruises he liked to leave on her. “Besides, could get me a head start on getting my immune system used to it.”

“That doesn’t seem right,” Grace tried to shift herself out of his grasp but he wrapped an arm around her waist and dragged her tightly against himself. “I am dead fucking serious about no fucking on my period, though.”

“I know. I had something else in mind.” The hand that had been teasing her nipples trailed slowly down her body as he spoke, skipping the area covered by his arm and dipping through the hair covering her mound. Grace leaned her head even further back against Jacob and closed her eyes tightly as his middle finger slipped into her folds, his thumb swirling lazily around her bundle of nerves. He added in another finger, gently pumping them in rhythm with his movements against her clit, almost teasingly slow as he sucked her earlobe into his mouth.

“Goddamn you, Jacob,” she moaned, reaching up to caress her neglected breasts, spreading her legs further apart to give him enough space to move. He chuckled against her easily adding a third finger as he started to rock his hips gently against hers, his thick cock prodding against the meat of her ass. He moaned softly against the shell of her ear, sending a wave of heat curling down her spine as her hips jerked frantically. She quickly abandoned one of her breasts and reached behind her, grabbing a hold of the back of his head and trying to draw him down for a kiss. He laughed against her lips, nipping them gently but avoiding an actual kiss.

“I thought you didn’t want to get fucked tonight,” he murmured against her, speeding up his fingers and reaching up to grab the breast she’d let go.

“I don’t,” she all but growled at him, sliding her hand down and trying to move his fingers even faster with her own. “This is a bad idea.”

“Only if you think about it,” he pointed out with a groan, pushing her forward against the cool wall. The water beating down on them from the shower head was starting to get cold but she hardly noticed. It felt like the only thing that mattered in the universe was the feeling on his body against hers and she needed more of it. Grace ached for the sort of toe-curling orgasm that left her seeing stars and a twelve-hour nap afterward. She squeezed her eyes closed again and tried to focus on the pressure building in her lower stomach, the heat that seemed to boil at the bottom of her spine. Jacob’s cock thrust against the cleft of her ass and she had to bite her lip to keep from telling him to stop.

They’d had that discussion before and she knew they would likely have it again. Jacob was already pushing her comfort zone and knew better than to try any of that with her.

“God, you feel so good,” he all but whispered to her, his breath hot and heavy against her ear. “Honey, just think of how good it’d feel to clench around my cock as you scream for me.”

“Jacob,” she hissed and tried not to think about how right he probably was. His thrusts sped up against her, his thumb digging into her clit even harder and it was all she could do to not beg him to fuck her senseless.

“Yeah, baby?” Grace braced herself against the wall and tried to bury her face in the crook of her arm, wishing that she didn’t have to beg him to get what she wanted.

“Tell me, please.”

“Tell you what?” He taunted, pulling his fingers almost entirely out of her before thrusting them back in roughly. “Tell you how wet you are? How bad you want my cock?”

“ _Yes._ ” Behind her, Jacob grunted and pressed his brow against her shoulder, his breath pounding on her wet skin as he tried to stave off his own orgasm.

“I would, but you’re not a good girl, kitten.” Grace cried out as his fingers left her cunt, his thumb slowing down as he slipped his cock between her legs. She braced herself at the feeling of his thick dick sliding against her wet folds, teasing her entrance with every movement. She wanted him to fuck her like a dog but she had already begged him enough for one night as far as she was concerned. Grace held her breath as the sensation threatened to overwhelm her, her legs locking up as she grew closer and closer to her release. She felt her teeth pierce the skin of her lip and grunted, rolling her hips against his manhood as she fought herself for her orgasm.

“Jacob,” she moaned again, her head falling back and knocking into his as he pinched her clit between his thumb and forefinger, toying with it as his hips slapped against hers. Grace gasped and squirmed, wishing for just a little bit more to send her over the edge but refusing to ask for it.

“What do you want to hear, Grace?” He gasped, speeding up his thrusts against her without ever slipping in her tight channel. “ _Only you_ ,” Jacob whispered violently, biting her ear sharply as her orgasm finally crested, her knees nearly giving up underneath her. Grace felt her eyes roll back in her skull as he thrust a few more times, his cock twitching against her soaking center before his own orgasm came and he spilled his spunk down the drain.

Grace pressed her hot face against the cold wall, fighting to regain her breathing as Jacob struggled for breath behind her. Even with her lip bleeding and her ear hurting something fierce, her headache was gone and she felt a lot better. Maybe there was something to be said about the remedies found in old wives tales after all. When she finally felt solid enough to walk on her own, she slipped out of Jacob’s grasp and danced away from his reaching hands. Grace refused to look at him as he rinsed himself off under the cold spray, her face hot as she dried off quickly and stepped back into her panties. Behind her, the water shut off and Jacob approached her from behind, wrapping massive arms around her middle and pulling her back against him again. She cried out in protest, trying to wiggle away from him and his soaking wet body, but he only laughed at her struggles. Just as he was about to kiss her throat, he froze and Grace noticed something she should have noticed much sooner.

John’s voice was softly echoing out from the other room and Grace frowned at the sound. At least with the noise of running water, they hadn’t been able to hear the radio from the other room. The second John’s voice registered in Jacob’s ears, the older man bolted from the bathroom as bare-assed as the day he was born. Grace blinked and followed after him when the realization hit her. It wasn’t one of the days that Jacob was in contact with John. Something must have been wrong.

“John? This is Jacob, over,” Jacob spoke into the microphone, leaning over the desk and dripping everywhere. He lost his fucking mind if he thought Grace would be cleaning that up later.

“ _Jacob, where were you?_ ” John’s voice immediately answered back. “ _Thank god that wasn’t an emergency. Over._ ”

“We were in the shower,” Jacob growled, pinching the bridge of his nose. “If it’s not an emergency, then what is it? Over.”

“ _We?_ ” John’s voice was oddly absent of emotion. Grace blinked and felt a wave of something threaten to overtake her. She’d never heard John so unemotional before and the uncertainty downright scared her.

“Yes,” Jacob stated plainly, his hands clenched tightly. Grace sat carefully on the chair in front of the desk, trying to put herself between him and the radio if he decided to try to smash their only form of communication out of anger. “What did you need, John? Over.”

“ _Hmmm. I’d thought but I didn’t… It doesn’t matter now. Faith wanted to talk to our little saving Grace,_ ” the younger brother mocked, his voice turning as malicious as she has ever heard it. Jacob didn’t even glance at her as John spoke, only stepping aside so that she could talk to John if she wanted to.

“Let me talk to her,” she commanded, proud of herself for how strong her voice sounded. She folded her hands carefully so that Jacob couldn’t see how badly they were shaking.

“ _Deputy,_ ” John was almost giddy as his voice all but dripped through the radio. “ _Just one quick question for you before we get started. Do you know what exactly lye does to the human body? When it gets wet and really gets started? Well, let me tell you, the smell is enough to make you never want to eat again._ ” Just like a child denied a toy they had wanted, John snarled into the radio, gleefully telling Grace every little thing in a detail so fine she could almost smell the wisps of burning flesh curling against her nose. She was numb to it all, barely even feeling the tears drip from her eyes as John’s words tore at her. Eventually, Jacob's hands appeared before her, swimming into her vision as he shut off the radio without a single word to his baby brother. 

“John was a good kid,” he told her in an oddly hollow tone, his eyes unseeing as he stared at the same wall she'd been trying to burn a hole through with her eyes.

Grace wanted to scream and rant, to accuse him of apologizing for a monster, but she knew it would be useless. No matter what she said, she knew that the words would fall on deaf ears. Jacob didn't want to hear it. Not after he had given up so much of his life for his brothers. He hadn't turned off the radio for her sake. He just hadn't wanted to hear his brother capable of things so terrible that even Jacob blanched at them. Grace had to admit that was pretty rich coming from an actual goddamn cannibal.

“John hasn't been a kid in a long time,” she finally pointed out, looking away from the tall man. 

“I know.” The silence was almost serene with the now comforting rumble of the generator working away. Even after the end of the world, life went on. Grace hated it.

“I should have killed your brother first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Johnny... Some things you just don't even say to someone else. You ain't gotta confess every sin you commit. Sometimes you just gotta bury that shit deep inside and just never tell nobody.
> 
> Even if you're curious about how they look, I cannot caution enough about looking up pictures of lye burns. It is some truly gruesome stuff.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 42. 323 weeks remain.

Grace stared at Jacob from her cot, watching him as his eyes calmly followed the page, occasionally pausing to cough or to turn to the next page. She’d known he’d been able to read, of course, but she had yet to actually see him pick up one of the books from the shelf and sit down to enjoy it. Usually, she would just end up reading whatever it was she had out loud while he worked away at something. Grace had woken up from a nap and there he was, leaned back against the opposite wall and reading like it was something he did daily. His massive hands blocked the cover and she couldn’t tell which book was missing from the shelf. “Whatcha readin’?” She asked, only partly hoping she would surprise him.

“ _Moby Dick,_ ” he answered calmly, turning a page and not even looking up at her. Grace felt her nose curling in disgust and turned onto her back.

“God, why? That’s such a boring book.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’ve never been able to finish it,” he agreed, holding his place in the book with his finger as he finally looked up at her. “ _Moby Dick_ is my _Moby Dick_ at this point.” Grace thought about it for a split second and laughed hard.

“I’ve never tried to read it before. I hear it's supposed to be good, but it’s old as shit.” Grace sat up and tried to stretch out the kinks in her back, groaning to herself about how shitty the cheap cots were.

“I’ve been trying on and off since I was… Shit, fourteen, maybe? Before John was born.” Grace hardly even blinked at his brother’s name. Jacob had reacted to her declaration about as well as she would have expected him to and it ended with her spending another few days in the supply closet. That’d been weeks ago, though. She tried to make a point to not react to either of his brothers now.

“I usually just read nonsense before we got here,” she shrugged, changing the topic slightly.

“Didn't get a chance to go to school a lot,” Jacob pointed out softly, looking down at the book in his hands. “Didn't really get a chance to read until Juvie. I think I stole _Moby Dick_ from a library because I liked the cover.”

“An important lesson on judging books by their covers,” she joked softly. Grace was relieved when he actually chuckled at that, shaking his head slowly. “I mean, you know what's going to happen, so why bother reading it? Just to say you did?”

“That can be said about a lot of things.” Jacob opened the book again to dogear the page and return it to its place on the shelf. “Why bother trying to survive this if we both know we'll die eventually?”

“That's not what I meant.”

“So?” Jacob stretched and rolled his shoulders, preparing himself for another round of working out. “I know why I'm surviving, but what about you?”

“You're the one who dragged me in here.” She looked away from him, staring at the bookshelf in hopes that a title would catch her eye. “I want to get out of here and go back to my friends. I want to leave this fucking county and go home. See what hasn't been ransacked that I used to own.” Her hand drifted up to her neck, fingertips brushing against her bare collar bone where John had torn into her skin with a needle and ink.

“Ambitious,” he commented dryly as he dropped down to the floor to do push-ups. “Optimistic, too.” She tried to ignore the implication in his tone and bit her lip. Grace knew she would be free, one way or another.

“I left something important behind. I need to find it.”

“What is it?”

“It doesn't matter.” Jacob looked at her silently a moment, his icy eyes seeming to chip away at her. Some small part of her wished that he would at least offer to go with her, to help her find whatever she was looking for, but she knew that was little more than an innocent dream. He would never leave his brothers the moment they got out. He’d been through too much, forced away from them for too long to even entertain the thought of leaving. “Jacob, how sure are we that Dutch’s calendar is right?”

“As sure as we have no other choice but to trust it. Why?” Jacob asked, pausing his exercise and looking towards the little chart he’d made for the wall.

“Just wondering. Means I missed my birthday and didn’t even realize.” She didn’t know how she felt with the knowledge, looking at the little ‘13’ Jacob had etched under the August month. “Missed it by five days.”

“You’ve been sleeping a lot. If it makes you feel any better, mine was five days after The Collapse.”

“You mean that you’’ve been older than I thought you were this entire time? Jesus. What else do I not know about the man who occasionally shares my bed?” Jacob shrugged as best as he could and stared at her with an unreadable expression on his face. “Okay. What’s your middle name?”

“I hate it.” Jacob’s immediate response had her lifting an eyebrow.

“Okay. So. You guys all have Jay names, but do you all have the same first letter in your middle names, too?” Grace couldn’t help but grin at the thought, eager to try to pry something embarrassing out of the older man.

“Yes,” he grunted reluctantly, meeting her gaze without flinching.

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours,” she offered, scooting closer to the edge of the cot.

“Yours is Davida. Grace Davida Clark.” She blinked at him before scowling. Of course one of them would figure out her file. Fucking Nancy, probably.

“Why do you have to kill my fun like that, Jacob?” Jacob laughed at her question, hard enough for him to start coughing. “Jesus, don’t cough up a lung and die. I couldn’t fit your fat corpse down the trash chute.”

“And yet I haven’t seen you do a single push-up since we’ve been down here.” As if to illustrate his point, Jacob loudly counted out what number he was on. 

“Whatever. So, if you won’t tell me what yours is, what’s John’s?” She didn’t really want to know, but she was tired of being so quiet and not doing anything. She was too lonely to let the conversation go and it wasn’t time to call Dutch yet.

“Ezra,” Jacob answered simply, cocking an eyebrow at her sudden scowl. Of course John would have a name she’d always liked as his middle name. That was just her luck.

“I was expecting something over the top like Ezekiel or something.”

“That’s Joseph’s.”

“Of course it is.” Jacob shrugged before switching to one-handed push-ups as if he was trying to prove a point to her. “I’m not about to start guessing your name. Hell, you probably would just say ‘no’ even if I got it right.”

“Probably.” Grace glared at him but he didn’t seem to care as he kept working out, the muscles on his back rippling under his t-shirt. Even when annoyed with him, she could certainly appreciate how his shirt was worn from constant use, the grey fabric becoming thinner and thinner as the months trickled by. After a while of watching him go through his routine, Grace sighed and flopped back down, draping her arm across her eyes and wishing desperately for something to do. She supposed that she should be thankful to be locked away safe and sound with Jacob rather than fighting for her life in the anarchy that was sure to have erupted on the surface.

Still, she couldn’t help but wonder how the Whitetails have been doing. She hadn’t heard of them in months and it was starting to make her anxious. Grace hoped they were okay, even if she never wanted to see them again. She couldn’t even bring herself to think about how she would likely have to kill one of them if they backed her into a corner. The Deputy didn’t want to kill anyone. Not ever again.

Grace rolled over on the mattress with a huff of frustration, hating that her thoughts had wandered to that for what felt like the millionth time in the last week alone. If she closed her eyes as tightly as she could, Grace could almost imagine that she was sitting on the end of a dock with Grace, sipping on an ice cold beer and softly sharing stories of their pasts and pretending to be serious about actually catching some fish. The other woman hadn’t wanted to speak with her when she contacted Fall’s End. Pastor Jerome had tried to tell her it wasn’t because she was locked away with one of the Seeds, but sometimes things just didn’t need to be said. Hell, Grace didn’t blame the woman she shared a name with for her hesitancy. After all they’d talked about, she wouldn’t know how to talk to the other Grace if their positions were reversed. That didn’t make her miss the other woman any less, though.

“Jacob?” She asked, knowing that she was muffling herself with her arm. “Do you mind if I try to raise someone on the radio?” It wasn’t her day, but she was a step away from tearing her own hair out.

“Go ahead,” Jacob replied after a moment of silence, resuming the sit-ups he had been doing. “Who are you going to try to call?” Grace didn’t say anything for a long moment, rolling over the possibilities in her mind’s eye. As much as she loved them, she wanted a change from calling Dutch’s Bunker all the time and she knew if she tried to call Fall’s End’s bunker, she would surely end up asking for Grace, begging the older woman to just talk to her again.

“I was hoping to try to get Adelaide Drubman.”

“Oh, _joy._ In that case, I’m going to take a shower. Come and get me if someone is dying.” Grace watched as he stood up and removed his shirt, tossing it onto the other cot and striding into the bathroom without so much as a glance in her direction. Grace tried not to let it bother her as she wandered over to the desk, carefully sitting down in Jacob’s chair as she listened to the shower turn on in the other room. She stared at the notes she’d taken down, running her finger down the column of her friends and lingering when she got to Adelaide’s name. Realizing that she was stalling out of anxiety, Grace squared her shoulders and carefully set the radio to what Dutch had told her was Adelaide’s frequency.

“Adelaide, this is the Rook,” Grace spoke into the microphone, chewing on her lip as she tried to think of what she was even going to say if the other woman responded. “Adelaide, are you there? Over.” She waited for what felt like an eternity, repeated her message every so often in hopes that the other woman would just pick up already.

“ _Grace, is that you, honey?_ ” Adelaide’s voice finally rang out and Grace felt her heart soar. She sounded a little breathless as if she had rushed to the radio or if she had been up to her usual antics with Xander. Either was just as likely as the other when it came to Adelaide.

“It sure is, Addie!” Grace felt herself grin so wide she was half afraid her face would split in two. “How’ve you been? Over.”

“ _Oh, hush with that ‘over’ shit. Gets in the way of a conversation,_ ” Adelaide laughed and Grace wished she was close enough to hug tightly and never let go. “ _I’ve been fine! Me and Xander got to a shelter as soon as we could and I tell ya, it has done wonders for our sex lives._ ”

“Oh?” Grace found herself asking, leaning in closer to the radio as if she would get the juicy details any faster. A year ago and she would have been groaning in embarrassment but after having gone so long without the older woman, any sort of chitchat was more than welcome. “Are you guys by the marina? Have you heard from anyone else?” She stopped herself just short of asking about Hurk Jr, wincing as the thought popped in her head.

“ _Just up the road from it,_ ” Addie confirmed in a drawl, grunting softly as if she were popping her joints. “ _I imagine I’ve heard from the same folks you been hearing from._ ” Grace wasn’t sure what to say, biting her lip sharply and regret washing over her. How did you even begin to politely ask someone if they knew if their child was still alive? “ _Heard some interestin’ rumors about you and honestly? I’m kinda hurt you didn’t tell me you landed one of the Seeds yourself._ ”

“I didn’t,” she protested, glad for the change in subject. “Jacob picked me up and carried me down here.”

“ _Really? Talk about dream come true! Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I thought of him carrying me around over his shoulder, I could buy a second damn marina! You’re living in a regular romance novel, honey!_ ”

“It wasn’t like that.” She meant to explain what had really happened, but Adelaide’s laugh cut her off.

“ _You mean to tell me y’all haven’t been knockin’ boots or nothin’?_ ” Adelaide all but giggled on the other end, snorting with open glee. “ _Why, if I were you, I would lounge around in my underwear all damn day._ ” Grace looked down at herself and groaned, wishing that she’d at least put on pants. She just couldn’t get used to wearing them again after her first time locked away in the closet.

“I don’t know, Addie,” Grace shrugged, scratching her ear and trying not to picture Addie’s seduction of Jacob. She had a feeling the older man would be baffled in an angry sort of way. “Just never occurred to me.”

“ _I see._ ” From the light tone of the other woman’s voice, it was clear that something was up. “ _Funny how gossip still manages to function, despite everyone bein’ locked away from each other and all._ ”

“Gossip?” And there went the rug out from under her feet.

“ _Honey, trust me. I ain’t about to judge you from showering with Jacob. He is one sexy mountain man. Maybe just don’t advertise it over the radio where other people can hear._ ”

“Addie, I can explain.”

“ _That’s good, but you ain’t gotta explain anything to me. I told everyone they’re welcome to judge their own goddamn lives before they judge yours. I’m in your corner, honey._ ” Adelaide had never sounded so serious before and on some level, it unnerved Grace. Even when facing down near-certain death, the older woman hadn’t seemed perturbed.

“Thank you,” was all she could manage around her dry throat. The deputy wasn’t sure if there were even words for what she wanted to say, but she figured Adelaide was used to her silences and sparse sentences to begin with. “Are… Are there a lot of people mad at me?”

“ _Who cares? It’s none of my business what other people think of me. You’re living your life the way you want to._ ” Grace sat in silence for a good minute, letting the elder woman’s words sink in. They certainly made sense in an odd way. “ _Now, I am dying to know. Does he bite a lot when he’s eating you out?_ ”

“Adelaide!”

“ _Oh, c’mon. Don’t tell me he doesn’t eat pussy!_ ” Adelaide’s laugh was almost enough to drown out the sound of the shower shutting off in the other room, but Grace heard it and felt a chill run down her spine.

“Addie, c’mon,” she pleaded, burying her face in her hands. “You just got done tellin’ me not to talk about that sorta shit over the radio.”

“ _Oh, hush. People already know,_ ” Adelaide pointed out between snickers, “ _what’s the harm in telling me if that boy can finish a meal or not? You ain’t just giving him scraps, are you? That good ole Georgia boy knows how to eat a peach, right?_ ” If it were actually possible to die from embarrassment, Grace was sure she would be dead by now.

“I think you ought to turn off the radio, Deputy,” Jacob drawled from where he leaned against the doorjamb leading to the bathroom, a towel strung low on his hips as he watched her like a hawk. Grace tried not to flinch under his gaze as she quickly said her goodbyes to Adelaide and shut off the radio like he’d asked her to do.

“I’m sorry, Jacob, she’s just excitable sometimes and I haven’t…” Grace found herself trailing off as he waved his hand in the air as if brushing off her concerns.

“I’ve known of her longer than you have.” He stepped away from the doorway and leisurely made his way over to her as if he didn’t have a care in the world. She couldn’t help but watch the way the droplets of water slither their way down his body, snaking through his hair and disappearing onto the floor. “Am I not eating your _peach_ enough, Grace? Is that it?”

“What? No!” Forget embarrassment, Grace was positive she was about to die from mortification first. Jacob snickered at her, shaking his head as he dropped the towel to the floor and held a hand out to her. Not knowing what else to do, she accepted and allowed him to pull her to her feet in a smooth motion that would have made her swoon as a young girl.

“Kitten, I want to take care of you. If you need something, let me know.” Grace winced as her body pressed against his damp one and tried to think of something to say. She should have just taken another nap instead of calling Adelaide.

“I’m fine. Honest.” He raised an eyebrow at her as he began to pull her towards her cot, gently running his calloused fingers down her bare arms as he coaxed her after him. “Jacob, really. You don’t need to do anything.”

“Grace, I want to. Really.” She frowned up at him as he started to back her against the frame, bending her head so she wouldn’t knock it against the cot above hers. He followed her down onto the bed, caging her in with his arms as he leaned in and kissed her the way he had when they’d first started whatever it was between them. She gasped into his mouth as his tongue ran across the seam of her lips, teasing and just a step away from rough. Her hands clung to his bare shoulders, nails digging into his damp flesh as he settled his weight between her legs.

His lips left hers, running his teeth along her jaw as he made his way up to her ears to gently nip on the lobes. Grace gasped and wrapped a leg around his waist, pulling him closer against her as arousal started to curl in her belly. Jacob soon made his way down her throat, his beard tickling her sensitive skin with every movement. He pulled away long enough to help her get her t-shirt off, flinging the cloth to the side like it was nothing. The deputy couldn’t help but stare at the metal rungs holding the cot above them in place as he licked along her collarbone, breathing heavily through her nose and trying to just enjoy the moment.

As if sensing her hesitancy, Jacob pulled himself up and kissed her again, lacing his long fingers through her hair and holding her against him. Grace let her eyes fall closed as she tried to lose herself in his kiss, enjoying the way his fingers tugged at her hair and his beard scraped against her face. “Jacob,” she murmured when he pulled away again, starting another trail of kisses down her body as he stopped at her breasts.

“It’s alright, Grace,” he assured her, sucking a nipple into his mouth and teasing the bud with his teeth. Grace moaned below him, carding her fingers through his hair and trying to press his face closer. Almost too soon, his fingers were hooking in the edges of her panties and pulling the underwear down her legs, quickly tossing them over his shoulder to join her shirt once her legs were freed.

Grace couldn’t help but wince and wish that she had kept up with shaving her legs as he kissed up them, starting at her ankles and slowly working his way up her body. “Jacob,” she tried again, nudging his shoulders to try to get him to either hurry up or stop. He grunted above her and finally zeroed in on her cunt, pressing an open-mouthed kiss against her slit and running a hand up her legs to join in on the fun. His tongue rolled against her clit, broad shoulders driving her legs apart and fingers thrusting lazily into her soaking cunt. Under him, Grace sighed and tugged at her breasts, eager for some sort of stimulation to work. Jacob was in no way bad at giving oral sex and although she was wet, nothing seemed to be getting her even close to orgasming. She sighed again and tapped the top of his head to try to get him to come up for air. His jaw had to feel like it was on fire by now. “Jacob, honey, I just don’t think I’m feeling up to anything today.”

“Do you want to try something else?” He worked his jaw, trying to loosen sore muscles as he looked down at her with a frown. Grace shrugged half-heartedly and reached up to run her fingers through his beard soothingly. It was starting to get long again. While he didn't jerk his head away from her touch like he would have at one point, he didn't bother to lean into her touch as he grunted more out of annoyance than anything else.

“I guess we could just fuck,” Grace shrugged, shifting her hips to accommodate his. Jacob huffed above her, balancing his weight carefully above her as he pumped his cock a few times, trying to get it fully hard. She looked away, trying to remind herself that it was nothing against her and that he was closer to fifty than to forty. He kept his weight off of her when he finally thrust into her, his movements almost mechanical.

When he wouldn't respond to her touches except to tell her to knock it off, Grace just gently rested her hands on the sides of his waist, closed her eyes, and let her mind drift. She thought about how Staci would have fucked her, kissing her neck and all but singing praises. She thought about how Sharky would, all fumbling hands and loud cries as he declared his undying love for her. Hell, her mind even gave her the image of what it would be like under Addie, their bodies sliding against each other as the older woman taught her things she never imagined. With a strangled cry, Grace came sharply at the thought of Adelaide, her toes curling and her body shaking.

Jacob quickly pulled out and wrapped his hand around his cock until he came on her stomach, grunting softly and all but ripping himself away from her in an effort to get off of her. Grace laid against the cot, blinking helplessly against the tears that pricked at her eyes. If he'd done that from the beginning, they wouldn't be stuck in this shitty situation in the first place. Not even caring about the jism painted across her, she rolled over and faced the wall. “You didn't have to if it was such torture for you.”

“It's not.” Grace couldn't tell if he was lying to placate her or telling her the truth from his voice alone, but she refused to turn and face him. “We just don't know for sure if it's safe.” Grace couldn't argue with his logic. From her occasional bleeding and their agreement to not tell anyone for as long as they could, Grace didn't blame him for being cautious. If anything, she blamed herself. She should never have discussed masturbation with him, fucked him, let him cum inside her… The list seemed endless when she considered her faults.

“I know.” She let him roll her over, silently accepting his touches as he cleaned off his spunk with a damp washcloth. When he was done cleaning her, he laid a rough hand against her barely swollen belly and Grace felt tears slip down her temples and into her hair.

She was never going to escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not meant to be dubious. Sometimes sex just isn't good. It happens and is perfectly normal.
> 
> I tried to sneak in a bit more backstory on both of them, but I'm not sure how it all worked. I do absolutely take all of the comments and feedback into consideration while writing this and I would greatly appreciate feedback on if the readers would prefer Grace to be more anonymous and better able to view however the reader would like or if the readers do like knowing more about how I see the character. Grace Armstrong is one of my favorite GFH and I do like to imagine they would have had many jokes about sharing the same first name. I imagine the sense of betrayal she must feel is pretty rough.
> 
> Honestly, I would have had this out sooner if I hadn't discovered that awful fucking show Hotel Hell. I'm too much of an honest to god dirtbag not to watch garbage television in my free time.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 44. 321 weeks remain.

The roads wouldn’t be the same, she knew. If they had survived the blasts then there was no telling how much debris would be covering them. Besides, the only way out of the valley itself was by air, thanks entirely to Eden’s Gate. Fall’s End was too far in that motherfucker’s turf, even if they were locked away in their bunker it was too much of a risk. If anyone had been left behind she was done for. The same went for if she stayed in the White Tails.

Who knew what the militia would do if they caught her _this_ this around?

She could go to Dutch’s… But the shortest route would take her right through the heart of Joseph’s territory. It probably wouldn’t be a smart idea to just swim across the lake, either. Grace wasn’t sure exactly where Addie’s bunker was and she wasn’t foolish enough to think he wouldn’t hear the radio over the shower. She would be lucky if he ever let her out of the storage closet again if she tried that.

“What are you doing?” Jacob’s voice jerked her out of her thoughts but she forced herself to smile at him as he toweled himself off in the doorway.

“Can’t a girl plan out where she’s gonna build her own post-apocalyptic settlement? I’m gonna call it… Well, I’ll name it something good when I find the perfect spot.”

“I see,” he said in a way that implied the opposite. “And who’s going to help you build this new place?”

“What, like it’s hard?” Jacob threw the towel at her with a snort and wandered back into the bathroom to get dressed. Grace frowned and glanced back at the tiny map of the valley before she found herself following after him, a mindless complaint already bubbling up her throat. “Why do you always gotta doubt me like this? Do you think I’m incapable or something?”

“Do you really think I would have wasted time dragging your ass here if I thought you were incapable?” His lips curled as he spoke, his cold blue eyes watching her for any sign of an ulterior motive.

“Fine,” Grace crossed her arms and forced herself to switch gears. She wasn’t doing herself any favors and she needed to knock that shit off, pronto. “I’ll have my older boy toy help me build the settlement of the future.”

“Uh-huh,” he grunted, still eyeing her with suspicion. “And what about your baby?”

“Every ruler should have an heir. We will be a kingdom of Amazons. Queendom, maybe. You get my point.”

“Oh, really? So you’re having a girl now?”

“It makes sense with your age,” she shrugged, watching as he pulled his jeans up his hips.

“Odd. You were so utterly convinced you’re having a boy a week ago.” He mimicked her pose, leaning against the cement back wall as he considered her. “I guess time will tell if you’re right or not.”

“Fifty-fifty chances aren’t so bad,” she huffed as playfully as she could. “I have bigger things to worry about than what color to not paint the nursery that I don’t have.” They didn’t say anything for a long moment, the truth of her statement hitting her harder than she was prepared to deal with just yet. She felt her breathing increase as anxiety tried to clamp down on her heart but she did her best to ignore the feeling, pushing it to the back of her mind to be dealt with later. Or never, if she could manage it.

“Grace,” Jacob started to say but Grace quickly laughed him off.

“What could go wrong? Your brother is practically White Jesus, after all. Just have him pray over me and everything will be fine, right?”

“Grace,” his tone was serious now but she could not find a fuck to give within herself.

“Right. The radio. I know, I know.” Grace pushed herself into motion, wandering out of the too small bathroom out into the definitely too small room they lived in. The claustrophobic piece of shit bunker she was going to burn even further into the ground the second she could.

“Why are you always like this? You’re like a fucking coyote, always trying to chew your leg off.”

“They only do that when they’re caught in a bear trap, Jacob. Stick to wolves.” She stuck her tongue out at him, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to see the childish gesture. It was the thought that counted, right? Besides, it made her feel good to allow herself the simple pettiness. It was a better stress relief than letting her sworn enemy knock her up, at any rate.

“Very funny,” he called after her, soon following her out into the main room. “You planning on actually having some useful ideas or do you just want to keep your head in the clouds?” Grace shot him a dirty look, trying her hardest not to point out how her original idea had gotten them into their current mess as she stomped into their supply closet.

“I did, actually,” she snorted, glaring at him over her shoulder to try to get an idea of his mood. “You have more experience with your younger brothers but do you think it’d work if we used one of these boxes for a crib?” Jacob leaned against the door jam and watched her kick one of the larger boxes, frowning at the clinking of cans inside. “There are enough clothes you don’t fit in to use as bedding.”

“Could work,” he finally agreed, “you’d have to make sure it’s pretty flat.”

“Why?”

“SIDS, mostly.”

“Oh.” She considered him for a moment, trying hard not to think about how much more experienced than her he was. She hadn’t had younger cousins and the only friends she had who’d had a kid were The Ryes. Grace knew better than to try to ask Jacob about trying to radio a doctor for help.

She just hoped that if she didn’t get away, it wouldn’t be too late for her by the time he changed his mind.

“So, where you thinkin’ of putting this box of yours?”

“Crib,” she corrected reflexively, “and I dunno. You’re the resident baby expert around here.” The idea of him trying to change diapers was funny but she tried not to remember what she knew about his childhood. Poor kid probably had to care for his brothers by himself. Then again, he wasn’t the only kid in the world to have had an awful childhood.

“Hardly,” he scoffed, stepping into the small room with her. Any other time, she might not have felt as trapped but something about his large frame boxing her in made Grace feel like she was having a heart attack. “We could keep it in the closet like one of those feral kids.”

“You’re not funny,” she felt herself snap, shoving his shoulder. “It’s already going to be rough on her. I don’t need you-” Grace bit her tongue hard. From the look on his face, it was pretty clear that he knew she had been about to compare him to his own shitty parents.

“You don’t need me? Oh?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Jacob.” Why did she always have to go and put her foot right in her mouth like this? “I’m… I’m scared and I’m trying not to be. Everything’s gone. How are we supposed to do this?”

“People’ve been doing this for how many thousands of years? Stop working yourself up over nothing.” He laid his massive hands on her shoulders and squeezed, the closest he got to being comforting. She didn’t want to point out historical mortality rates. He was probably well enough aware of them on his own.

“Alright. Okay.” His hands slid down her shoulders as she mumbled, slipping around to her back and pulling her against his bare, damp torso. “Jacob.”

“What? It’s been a while and you’re all worked up. Let me comfort you.” She grunted as he pressed open mouth kisses against her throat, her mind racing as she pushed his shoulders.

“I wanna talk to Adelaide,” she protested weakly, trying to ignore how his beard tickled her.

“You can later.”

“Jacob!” Grace yelped as he all but slammed her into the wobbly metal shelves. “Jesus, at least try to be careful.”

“I’ll clean it up,” he chuckled as he pushed her shirt up, running his hands over her ribs. “’Sides, we’ll need to get used to fucking in here or the bathroom soon enough.”

“Once she’s born, we’re never going this shit again, Jacob. One mistake is enough for me.”

“You ever hear of Heir and Spare? What if something happens to your Amazonian heiress? Your kingdom wouldn’t last very long,” he pointed out as he helped her slip her pants and underwear off. Jacob pressed a rough kiss to Grace’s mouth before he turned her around, guiding her hands up to brace herself against the shelf. Grace slid her feet apart and closed her eyes as his hands enveloped her breasts, squeezing and caressing the weight.

She helped him slide her shirt over her head, only slightly grateful that he was there to pull it along when it caught her arms. Grace frowned, knowing that she really needed to get back to exercising regularly. She was starting to lose her flexibility on top of her muscle definition. It was his beard tickling the back of her neck that pulled her from her thoughts, his breath hot on the back of her head. With her torso bared to the world, Grace moved her hands back to the shelf, determined to look ahead and ignore Jacob as best as she could. She’d always heard of the phrase ‘lie back and think of England’, so why couldn’t she just do that?

She felt his cock brush against her and Grace allowed her eyes to slide closed. Lately, she had been going with the tactic of imagining someone else over her but it would be hard with the way his unruly beard was brushing against her shoulder. She didn’t know many other people with beards that she cared to think about that way. There was always Eli but that felt especially wrong with who was actually behind her.

“Fuck, Grace,” he grunted in her ear, his calloused fingers finding her clit. He managed to pull a moan from her throat as his fingers danced around her and instead, Grace tried to picture them in better circumstances. A small cabin away in the woods, them actually liking each other, a _future_ for them to both look forward to. Anything but the crushing reality they had to face.

“Jacob,” she whimpered, rocking her hips back towards him. “Just fuck me already.”

“So needy,” he groaned, removing his hand from her clit so that he could guide his cock inside her. The Deputy cried out at the loss of contact and all but sobbed when his cock slid into her. Jacob took a moment before he started thrusting, resting his scar covered forehead against her sweaty shoulder. Grace jerked her hips in an effort to get him to actually move and with a grunt, Jacob finally obeyed her.

Squeezing her eyes as tightly closed as she could manage, Grace tried her hardest to picture them in better times. Tried to picture her daughter with an actual future. Despite the pleasure that Jacob was coaxing from her body, Grace gasped as she felt tears escape her eyes. She shook her head to try to clear her thoughts but nothing seemed to work as Jacob’s thrusts began to get more and more erratic. With a sharp grunt, she felt his cum spurt into her and Jacob once again rest his forehead against her shoulder.

They stood like that for a long moment, Grace’s fingers cramped from where she held on to the shelves and the sweat cooling against them. The cloying scent of them hung heavy in the air as her cunt clenched pathetically against his softening cock. Jacob slid out of her easily, gently patting her hip as if to reward her for a job well done and stepping back to pull his jeans back up. Staring at the cans before her, Grace finally let go of the shelves and adjusted her underwear. Scooping her shirt up from the ground, she watched him leave the supply closet without a word.

For just a moment, Grace debated on if it would even be worth it to bring herself to completion, but she didn’t feel like it. Some things just weren’t worth the effort. Letting herself take a moment to calm down again, Grace redressed and joined him in their main room. “Can I go ahead and call Addie now, oh Glorious Mister Seed?”

“Sure,” Jacob waved absently to her from where he laid sprawled out across the cot she’d all but claimed as her own. Grace nodded even though she knew he wouldn’t be able to see it with how his arm covered his eyes and padded over to the desk. Easing down into the seat, Grace sighed as she reached for her notes and looked for Adelaide’s frequency. Taking care to adjust the dials as needed, Grace briefly wondered what Jacob would do if she raised the Whitetails by accident. He probably wouldn’t believe her that it was an honest mistake.

Not the sort of thing she wanted to risk if she was planning an escape.

“Addie, this is Grace, over,” she spoke into the microphone, hoping that her voice came out clearer than it felt. Her throat was still tight with emotion she couldn’t seem to brush off. “Addie, this is Grace, over.”

“Give it a minute, kitten,” Jacob grumbled from the cot. “Who knows what that woman is up to right now.”

“It’s not like she’d answer the radio in the middle of fucking Xander,” Grace agreed quietly, glancing over at the old sniper.

“She probably would,” he disagreed with a sharp exhale. “Probably not stop fucking him to talk to you, neither.”

“Don’t be gross,” Grace complained, wishing she had something to throw at him. “She wouldn’t do that… Probably. Not with you around, anyway.”

“How considerate of her.”

“What, like John wouldn’t answer the radio in the middle of getting his cock sucked? No? Don’t like thinking of your baby brother like that, huh?”

“Gracie, do yourself a favor and shut the fuck up, yeah?” She winced as she realized he was absolutely right. If Jacob was already on the defensive with her, she really would have zero hope of trying to sneak anything by the older man.

Turning her attention back to the radio in front of her, Grace tried not to tap her fingers impatiently as she waited for Addie to answer her radio calls. She glanced over to Jacob to make sure that his forearm was draped across his eyes and his breathing deep and even. At least one of them had been able to sleep lately. “Adelaide? You there? This is Grace, over,” she spoke into the microphone, biting her lip as she checked over the dials. Everything looked right to her limited experience and she wasn’t about to call Jacob over to check. “Adelaide? You there? Over.”

“She’s not there,” Jacob grunted from the cot. “Give up or try someone else already.” Taking comfort in the fact that he wasn’t looking at her, Grace quickly stuck her tongue out at him before turning her attention back on the radio.

“Adelaide, this is Grace, over,” she tried again, knowing that it was more and more likely that the other woman was too busy with Xander to answer the radio. “Would you rather I try Fall’s End and talk with everyone there who’ll speak with me for hours?”

“I’d rather you find something quiet to do.”

“Would you mind leaving the room? Suddenly, I’d like to have phone sex with Sharky. Radio sex. Whatever.” Jacob grunted but Grace didn’t bother looking in his direction as she stared down at the sparse notes she’d taken down about the radio.

“I’d rather not think about that Boshaw kid even being capable of sex, thank you.” It sounded like he rolled over on the small bed, the sounds of Jacob making himself comfortable long since familiar to her. “I’d be more worried about that moron around a kid than any of my family members with one.”

_Your brother killed his newborn daughter._

Grace grunted but wisely kept herself silence for once.

“Maybe,” she replied after she managed to suppress the urge to scream at him. “Guess I’ll never know.”

“Would you really want to know?” His voice had a different edge to it than she was used to hearing from him. Definitely not softer… Maybe jealous? No, that didn’t seem much like him at all.

“He’s nice to me.” The admission felt like a strange betrayal and she hated it. There was no reason to feel bad. The goddamn world had ended, they fucked from time to time, and most importantly they didn’t even like each other.

“That’s real helpful. I’m sure it would do wonders to help you and yours survive.” She didn’t bother to respond to him. What would she say? That he was probably right and that especially now those who were ‘weak’ were likely dying by the thousands, if not millions? He didn’t need any sort of positive reinforcement from her on any of that shit. Instead, Grace turned her attention back to her notes, reaching out to gently run her finger over the indents that she’d made as she pushed the pencil against the page to write their names. It didn’t even remotely come close to being next to them, actually seeing how well they were doing but goddamnit, it was something and it made her feel better. Less alone, less hopeless.

“I’m going to try Dutch,” she finally spoke up, reaching for the switches in front of her. Jacob grunted but didn’t comment further, much to Grace’s relief. “This doesn’t count as our weekly call, either. I’m just trying to find out if they’ve heard anything.”

“Sure, if you say so, Kitten.”

“I do say so,” she snapped, flicking the dials with more force than she needed to. Not that she cared but in her defense, she _was_ a little hormonal lately. She needed to find where Addie was if she had any real hope of escape.

“Sure. It’s better to get it out of your system now than to listen to you bitch about it forever.”

“It’s amazing that you never married. You’re just so gosh darn kind and considerate, Jakey.”

“Don’t push it, Deputy.” She ignored him and pulled the microphone to herself, taking a moment to plead to whatever god must be out there and talking to Joseph that it really was Adelaide missing and not their radio that was broken. Letting out a held breath, Grace flipped the switch and listened to the soft hum of static. So far so good, at least.

“Dutch, are you there? This is Grace, over,” she spoke as carefully and clearly as she could manage around the lump in her throat. Her father had always brushed it off, saying that the frog in his throat was jumping around whenever he had to clear his throat. The thought made her clench her eyes tightly, relieved that her old man had passed before having to see the world end. “Dutch? Please be there. Over.”

“ _Hey there, Deputy!_ ” Sharky’s voice crackled over the radio, bringing a near sob of relief from Grace’s throat. “ _Dutch’s in the shitter but I’m here. You need somethin’, sweetness_?”

“Sweetness?” Jacob snorted from behind her, the irritation clear on his voice. She would need to get Sharky to focus unless she wanted the old sniper to end the call early.

“Hiya, Sharky. Listen, I need you to tell me when the last time y’all spoke with your aunt was. I haven’t been able to reach her. Over.” Even Jacob seemed to be holding his breath as he appeared behind her, resting a hand on the back of her chair and balancing himself with the other on the table. Even an hour ago she would have felt boxed in by him and irritated that he would invade her space so closely when they weren’t fucking but now his presence calmed her nerves like a balm on a sunburn. At least if she got bad news, she didn’t need to hear it alone, she supposed.

“ _Grace,_ ” this time it was Jess’ rough voice sounding in through the radio, her tone the sort of carefully neutral that someone who was about to give bad news always seemed to adopt. Grace felt Jacob’s large hand gravitate to her shoulder and she absently reached up to rest her own hand on his, squeezing his fingers to silently let him know that the gesture was as appreciated as it was needed. “ _We haven’t heard from her in a day or two. It’s not that unusual but if you’re saying you’re not getting her on the line, let us try for a bit. I’m guessing Seed is still letting us have our weekly call, right? We’ll talk more then, okay? Over._ ”

“Yeah, I’ll talk to you guys in a few days,” she confirmed, mentally flipping the table over as she tried to plan her next step. Patience was a virtue but it sure as shit was more of a hindrance when you were pressed for time. “Thanks, Jess. Over and out.”

“Grace,” Jacob spoke as he squeezed her shoulder, shifting to crouch beside her and speak with her directly. “There is nothing that you can do about any of this. It’s no use to torture yourself over something you can’t control. The weak will always be weak.”

“Jacob, I swear to god. Stop saying shit like that at every fucking turn.” She felt more than saw Jacob shrug beside her, a great huff of air escaping his lungs in frustration. “Maybe Fall’s End has heard something?”

“Don’t push it,” the old soldier grunted, pushing her gently away from the desk. She had let herself forget how strong he could be at times. “You don’t know if Roosevelt is trying to hail them right now or what,” he paused as if trying to weigh his next words carefully, “I doubt John’s people would have heard anything from her and same goes for Joseph.”

“No, you’re right. It’s probably going to be okay.” The words felt odd to her and she tried not to think about how likely it was that she was lying to herself. “I hate this.”

“What? Feeling like there’s nothing you can do?”

“Pretty much,” she shrugged, looking up at her unwanted roommate with helplessness. “How did you ever deal with shit like this?”

“Well, when my brothers and I were separated, I fought. Anyone and anything that got in my way.” Jacob crouched down to her level as he spoke, reaching out to hold her hands as if they weren’t still covered in old callouses from all the running around and fighting she had done nearly a year ago. “It wasn’t until Joseph found me again that I felt like I got my head set straight.”

Grace could only nod, the overwhelming thoughts of ‘what if’ running through her head at what seemed like the speed of light. Could everything have been avoided if Joseph never found his brothers? Probably. Would the world have still ended, though? She didn’t know. It wasn’t as if she had been glued to the news before being sent to this fucking valley in the first place. She nodded again and pulled her hands back to herself, turning back to look at the radio and frowning down at her notes.

“Do you want to lie down? You look like shit.”

“Gee, thanks, Jacob.” He held out his forearm for her to hoist herself up with, grunting at the strain of her added weight. He lingered close to her, his breath warm on her face as if he was trying to think of something to say but ended up taking a step away from her without a word. Grace looked at him for a moment, biting her bottom lip as she considered the tall man but soon gave up. She didn’t want to see the day where she could finally make sense of Jacob if she was being perfectly honest with herself.

Grace watched Jacob almost seem to pace the room, his sharp eyes scanning the slight disorder that happened with any lived in space. She tried to think of something to say to him but none of the words seemed right in her mind. She didn’t even know how to comfort herself and as far as she was concerned, she had more reason to be anxious. It was _her_ friend that they couldn’t get a hold of. What did he care?

“Do you want to eat?” He asked, turning like a tiger in a cage. Grace blinked at him, trying to decide if she was hungry. Even if she was, would she be able to stomach anything with her worry for Adelaide boiling in her gut?

“Might as well, I guess,” she finally decided, shifting to lean her weight against the desk. He gave her a look she still wasn’t entirely sure how to decode and shrugged, turning towards their supply closet.

“Might as well,” he agreed flatly as he disappeared into the small room she unfortunately all too familiar with. Her eyes slid to the shiny, red metal leaning up against the wall near the desk while Jacob rummaged through the storage closet, ideas flooding her mind. She had no idea where Adelaide was but she was likely the closest friendly one to her. Dutch’s bunker was far. She didn’t know how she would get in once there. She didn’t have a bang out bag filled with supplies. Grace also knew she wasn’t likely going to get another chance before it was too late. Time was already running out.

Slipping towards the rifle as quietly as she could, Grace tried to think of how to stall him. “Say, are there any cans of that weird tofu chili left?”

“I thought you hated that shit?” He called out as he moved things around, the clanking of the tin thankfully disguising the sound of the gun sliding across the floor.

“I do,” she sighed, wincing at the weight of Jacob’s rifle. “I thought cravings were supposed to be things you actually liked.”

“Can’t say I’ve ever heard of anyone liking pickles and ice cream on their own.” As he spoke, Grace tested the weight in her arms, cursing herself as her forearms shook under the weight. She fucking _knew_ that she should have kept working out all these months. “How about some pork?”

“Fuck you, you’re not funny.”

“Whatever.” Grace pushed her back against the wall beside the doorway, adjusting her sweaty grip on the rifle as she waited for him to appear. “Are you going to let your kid eat it? Because there is more pork in here than anything else.”

“Probably,” she muttered, wishing that she knew how to throw her voice. He could probably hear how close she was. He might know she was just around the corner, waiting for him. Fuck fuck _fuck_. She hoped that wasn’t the case. Risking a quick glance at the floor, Grace had to fight to contain her grunt of frustration. Of course it was her luck that she couldn’t see his shadow moving around.

“Alright, how about some delicious, gourmet spaghetti in a can?” Jacob asked, clinking some more cans around. Grace tensed, feeling the lactic acid burning in her muscles. She felt herself hold her breath, too terrified of him hearing her labored breathing, paranoia growing in the pit of her stomach. The former Deputy barely had a chance to think when Jacob appeared suddenly in the doorway, her arms reacting in an instant as she swung harder than she ever had before.

It was only a lifetime spent honing his reflexes that allowed Jacob to raise his arm in the nick of time, jerking up to protect his head from the blow. Grace heard herself let out an almost inhuman sounding howl as she crashed the gun into him, tearing away from him as quickly as she could without looking back at him. She hadn’t killed him. That was all she needed to know.

The stairs seemed impossibly far away as she all but threw herself towards them. Somewhere behind her, Jacob let out a positively barbaric roar as he gave chase. Reaching for the desk chair as she ran by, Grace threw it behind her in an effort to slow him down. With no idea of how effective it was, she felt herself let out another scream as she finally bounded up the stairs, desperate to climb up them as quickly as she could. Grabbing a hold of the bar jamming the metal doors shut, she pulled with all of her might, refusing to take the time to look behind her and seeing how close he was.

“You fucking _weakling_ , Grace,” Jacob howled from what sounded like the foot of the stairs, only a handful of feet away. “You’re going to get us all fucking killed.”

“Fuck you!” The bar started to give way as his hands wrapped themselves around her calves, yanking her with all of his strength. She screamed as she felt herself lose footing, gripping on to the bar hard enough to make her nails feel like that were being pulled out as Jacob yanked on her legs again, tearing her away from her freedom.

Another scream tore itself from her raw throat as she lost her grip on the door and crashed down into the steps. She barely managed to catch herself with a hand as Jacob dragged her backward. Pain erupted from her wrist as she watched it pop out of place, twisting unnaturally as she was dragged down the stairs. Her hand hit the next step down as she was pulled and Grace was certain that she would either pass out or throw up from the pain as she felt her wrist pop even further.

She was well and truly fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short and that it's been a bit, but man. Life sure does happen, huh? Hope it was at least enjoyable!
> 
> Check out my tumblr, Motical! I'm not super active but sometimes I take prompts and the like!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 47. 318 weeks remain.

Her wrist ached something fierce as she lay on the cot staring blankly at the metal bars above her. It had been weeks since the incident, weeks since he had to all but break her wrist back in place. The damn thing had the nerve to still hurt as if it was a fresh wound, throbbing in rhythm with the beat of her heart.

She’d been sleeping a lot again although this time around Jacob hadn’t bothered to try to keep her awake. He rarely bothered to wake her up, choosing instead to eat his meals cold straight from the can. She still ate, knowing that forcing the largely tasteless gunk down her throat was better than the alternative of Jacob eventually being the one to force her. She was at least gentle with herself most of the time.

The kindest he had been to her since the incident was to take the time to flatten and mold tin cans into a splint for her wrist. They hurt most of the time but if they gave her an actual fighting chance of recovery, she would deal with it with as few complaints as possible. The worst injury, by far, had been the angry, weeping wounds he had left on her back after he realized he couldn’t bind her arms and lock her away like usual if he wanted her to be useful to him in the future. It had taken almost two whole weeks before she could sleep on her back again, his leather belt leaving her back a wasteland of skin. She’d had to tend to those wounds by herself with only one good hand.

Grace was kinda glad that she would never see those particular scars without the aid of a mirror.

The worst punishment had been the revocation of her radio privileges. If it wasn’t his time to speak quietly with John or listen to Joseph’s sermons drone on, the radio was turned off and woefully silent. There was no way for her to reach anyone, to hear news about Adelaide, to tell someone about her injuries. When she wasn’t sleeping, it was just her and Jacob and the unbearable silence. She hadn’t even had to strength to try and entertain herself with one of the books Jacob had taken claim over.

Instead, she dreamed of life in other bunkers, other lives where she’d never met any of the Seeds, had never become a cop. She dreamed of her parents, of her daughter, of siblings she’d always wanted but never had. Sometimes she dreamed of killing Jacob and other times she dreamed of loving him. She dreamed of him being his brother instead, sometimes John but mostly Joseph. Grace dreamed of being free.

For the most part, they were good dreams.

Today, the ache in her wrist was preventing her from slipping back into the warm embrace of sleep. She knew she really ought to eat and try to shower but it really was a painful chore that she didn’t feel like asking Jacob for help with. It wasn’t so much the idea of asking for help that didn’t sit well with her as it was the thought of having to beg _Jacob_ for help taking care of herself. Though, she supposed it was better than having to ask John.

Grace knew that he was at the desk behind her, likely trying to polish the scrapes she had left behind on his rifle during her escape attempt. A part of her was surprised that he hadn’t forced her to do it, although it was likely because he didn’t trust her with much of anything anymore. Not that she blamed him. She wouldn’t trust him if their roles had been reversed.

Grace tried to keep her breathing slow and even, hoping to continue the streak of avoiding the old soldier’s attention. She was thirsty but that could wait. She remembered reading somewhere that the human body could go around a week without water and Jacob had sure as shit pushed her close to that before. Besides, now she wasn’t sweating and wasn’t helping her body lose fluids. It could at least wait until Jacob was asleep, she reasoned.

“So, you planning on doing anything but slowly dying today, Deputy?” His voice was cold, far colder than it had been when she was his captive at the Veteran’s Center. She tried to snap back at him and show him that she still had some bite to her but her throat was too dry. All that came out was a gross sounding croak. “Yeah, that’s about what I thought.”

“I’m doing stuff,” she managed to squeak out a protest, however weak she sounded. It was a lie and they both knew it but if she argued with him, maybe she could pretend there was nothing wrong in the world. “I just don’t feel well.”

“Yeah, I bet not.” Grace did little more than blink at his cold tone, knowing there was a trap in his words. “Course, I didn’t feel good while starving in the desert. I imagine Miller didn’t either. The sound of wolves closing in on us, our muscles being stripped away by our own hungry bodies under the hot sun.”

“I get it, Jacob. I’m not as strong as you are.”

“No,” he sighed, pushing himself away from the desk, “you’re really not.”

“What would you like me to do, Jacob? What could I possibly do to please you?” Grace sighed, angry at the feeling of hot tears welling up in her eyes.

“You could start by taking a shower. You smell like death and that’s better than you look.” The worst part was that she knew he was right. It wasn’t doing her any good to wallow in her own filth. Besides, the warm water would probably do wonders for her aching body. With a groan, Grace started to roll off the cot, careful to not bang her wrist on anything or rip open any of the cuts on her back. She knew he was probably watching her every move, judging her and turning his nose up at her overwhelming weakness.

As much as it hurt, Grace pushed herself up, wincing at the strain on her underused muscles. If nothing else, maybe he would reward her with the radio if she jumped through enough hoops. She couldn’t help the hiss of pain that escaped her when her back felt like it was buckling as she tried to hoist herself into a standing position. She had thrown her back out once or twice in her life but that pain didn’t even come close in comparison to what she felt now. It was sheer luck that she didn’t start sobbing from the pain alone. “It… It might take me a minute,” she weakly gasped out, trying to ready herself for another try at standing up.

“Yeah, I bet that doesn’t feel too good, now does it, Deputy?” She should have tried harder to bash his brains in when she had the chance. Instead of replying, Grace tried to focus her anger into spite to fuel her next attempt at standing up. She would crawl to the bathroom before begging him to help her when he was the reason she was in this mess to begin with. “You almost had it that time. Keep on at it and you should be able to stand up by the time you’re ready to have that kid of yours.”

“You’re not helping, ya know,” Grace snapped at him, shooting him a glare. He only smiled at her and for a moment, despite the wrong hair color and the scars, he looked like John. She really should have tried harder to bash his fucking skull in.

“And you’re lucky I only gave you a few good licks for what you did. I could just as well of broken your ankles to make sure you never tried that shit again.”

“Yes, thank you for only somewhat crippling me.” Grace felt exhausted and was half tempted to just go back to sleep so she didn’t have to face the reality of her situation anymore. Besides, wasn’t sleep supposed to be good for healing? “Jacob, at this rate, I’m not going to survive seven years.” If she even survived childbirth in the first place. “Just let me go.”

“You’re not worth the risk of exposing myself to radiation. Sorry, Deputy. Shoulda tried harder. You don’t have your precious fuck buddy Peaches to help you get out this time around.” The reminder of Staci hurt. She wondered how much he would hate her if he ever found out she was knocked up with Jacob’s child. And Joey and Sheriff Whitehorse, for that matter. Come to think of it, all the friends she’d made who had been hurt by the Seeds. Then again, Joey wasn’t Joey anymore, was she? The Joey she’d known and loved was long dead, buried deep under a broken psyche.

“I wish you’d killed me.” The truth of the admission brought fresh tears to her eyes. She hated herself for the weakness, for wasting the moisture when she had gone without for too long.

“When I was a boy, I remember riding my bike in the street while my father was on the porch drinking. I was only five or so. Joseph either hadn’t been born yet or was brand new to this world. Anyway, I caught my shoelace in the gears and I fell. Skinned my knee deep as hell and I cried,” he stood from the chair as he spoke, making his way to crouch in front of her. “My father heard, of course. He went inside and he came back out with one of those TV antennae. The rabbit ears. He came up to me in the street and asked why I was crying. I showed him my knee and he told me that crying doesn’t get you anywhere in life. He whipped me with that metal rod for daring to cry.”

Grace watched him through teary eyes while he spoke, her heart too hurt to feel sorry for him. Instead the cold realization of what she needed to do settled deep in her gut. “If you ever, and I mean _ever_ , raise your hand to my baby, I will fucking kill you, Jacob Seed.’ His cold and terrible eyes watched her for what felt like an eternity before a grin broke across his features.

“There it is, Momma Bear. Protect your cubs.”

“I mean it, you sonovabitch.”

“You’re gonna need to with the world we’re going to be stepping into. Now, c’mon, let’s get you showered and fed.”

“Fuck you, Jacob,” she spat, pitifully jerking away from him when he reached for her, “you don’t get to be nice to me, not now.”

“A wolf helping the pack isn’t about being nice,” he grunted as he grabbed a hold of her arms, “it’s about survival. We’re a pack, you, me, and that pup.”

“We’re not wolves, Jacob.” She hissed in pain as he pulled her up, the strain on her back painful but not nearly as bad as it had been when she had tried on her own. “We’re people. Human beings.”

“You’re being obtuse, Deputy. Still a social creature no matter how you slice the pie.” Now that she was standing, Grace could get a full whiff of the miasma that seemed to cling to her weak frame. No wonder Jacob was so insistent on her taking a shower. She had been in swamps that smelled better than she did. ‘We can’t survive on our own forever.”

“I thought you wanted to,” she snorted, leaning on him heavier than she cared to admit as they walked to the bathroom. Jacob shook his head and sighed as if she were a child who just wasn’t getting the lesson he was trying to teach.

“I have my brothers.”

“They’re seven years away.”

“More like six now,” he pointed out, letting her lean against the wall as he adjusted the water. Holding his hand under the spray as the water warmed up, he looked at her carefully, almost as if wondering if she was once again worth the effort. “Six years is nothing compared to how long I was away from them before. ‘Sides, I can talk to them whenever I want to this time around.”

“Must be nice to be able to talk to people you care about whenever you want.”

“You only have yourself to blame, Deputy. Besides, Joseph still wants to speak with you.”

“That’s just not gonna happen, Jacob.”

“Your decision,” he shrugged, shaking the water off his hand before reaching for her once more. Grace allowed him to help her undress, the strain of bending and stretching too much on her back. She waited for him to carefully unravel her wrist, setting the homemade brace aside so it wouldn’t rust in the shower.

Grace stepped into the shower with his helping hand keeping her steady so that she didn’t slip on the slick tiles. She waited for him to join her but when he did little more than hand her a washcloth, she gave him a look. She could count on one hand the times he hadn’t joined her in the shower since this all started. All to conserve water, of course. “Jacob?”

“It’s time for Joseph’s sermon,” he shrugged again, uncaring at how difficult it would be for her to bathe herself.

“Oh. Right.” At least she wouldn’t have to try to sleep as Joseph’s prerecorded message droned on and on. If she was lucky, she would miss the entire thing. “Well, will you at least keep an ear out in case I fall?”

“Sure, Deputy,” Jacob sighed, leaving a fresh towel on the back of the toilet for her. “I’ll keep an ear out.”

“Thanks,” as she spoke, Grace found that she meant what she said. He might be the reason she was even in this position but at least he hadn’t abandoned her to her fate. She watched him leave the bathroom before reaching for the soap, carefully lathering it in the washcloth. If she dropped the soap, it wasn’t like she could bend down to get it on her own and she doubted Jacob would come running to help her.

She tilted her head back, closing her eyes and letting the spray wash over her tired face. Even knowing that their water was largely recycled didn’t stop her from parting her lips and letting the water fall onto her tongue, slipping down her dry throat as the water rejuvenated her. After a few drinks of the warm water, Grace swirled some around in her mouth to try to banish the stale feeling not having brushed her teeth lately had left behind.

The scrape of the cloth felt good against her skin as she carefully ran it up and down her arms, careful not to twist her bad wrist too much. Logically, she knew that she hadn’t gotten covered in too much dirt and filth but that didn’t matter. It felt like a sort of catharsis to wipe away the dried sweat and dead skin. She may have been the same ole Grace but the self-care had been neglected for too long. It would be pointless to try to promise herself that she would never neglect her own needs again, she knew, but it felt good to lie to herself over something so small and insignificant.

It wasn’t like she would just have herself to think about for much longer, anyway.

Washing her legs was more difficult, her center of balance already thrown off. She didn’t think she was that far along… Then again, what experience did she have? She shook her head to clear her mind and focus on her task again. She would have the time to think about things later. Grace didn’t bother with washing her feet or back - she knew all too well of her limitations. Besides, if she was lucky, she could get Jacob to wash those for her if she did everything else by herself.

Her hair was another beast in and of itself. She should just shave it all off, she knew, but that was a hard pill to swallow. She had her mother’s hair. Without her necklace, it was all she really had of her anymore. Sure, it would grow back, she could have it again but would it be the same? Grace always remembered her mother with long hair. Would her daughter have her curls or… Would she look more like Joseph and John? Grace didn’t remember much from high school biology but she did know Jacob had recessive genes.

By the time Grace was finished with her shower, she would hear Joseph’s voice softly crooning from the other room. Hearing him didn’t make her want to move any faster but the cool air was raising gooseflesh on her damp skin and being buried under blankets on her cot sounded pretty good right then. She didn’t bother with trying to dress herself, knowing that Jacob had already seen it all and it would be a better idea to get help to put on fresh clothes. She was careful to hand the towel and to leave her discarded clothes in the sink where it would be easier for her to gather later before wandering out of the bathroom. She started to ask Jacob what his brother was ranting about when the look on his face froze the words in her throat.

“ _… But anyone who hates another brother or sister is still living and walking in darkness. Such a person does not know the way to go, having been blinded by the darkness._ ”

“He’s back on this shit again?” Grace complained as she sat down heavily, hissing as her back ached in protest.

“Shut up, Grace,” Jacob snapped without even looking her way. “This is different. This proves I was right about the Whitetails being a danger.”

“You think everyone who isn’t a Seed is a danger,” she pointed out, hoping that they would ‘accidentally’ talk over the end of the sermon.

“They are.”

“ _Even those who reject me are my children,_ ” Joseph spoke on, much to Grace’s displeasure, “ _but there are those in our world who spit in the face of God’s love._ ”

“Shit, count me in on that bandwagon.” If the look he gave her was anything to go by, Jacob did not find her joke as funny as she had.

“I’m serious. Shut up, Grace.”

“Fine, alright. No need to bite my head off for making a tiny joke. Jesus.” He gave her one last lingering look before turning his attention back to the recording of his younger brother and Grace knew he would likely try to raise his youngest brother on the radio the second the sermon ended.

“ _They are like wild waves of the sea, churning up the foam of their shameful deeds. They are like wandering stars, doomed forever to the blackest darkness._ ” His words reminded Grace of the video of Joseph she had seen a lifetime ago, the first impression she had gotten of the self-proclaimed prophet. His tone alone promised to lay unspeakable cruelty upon those who opposed him.

And here she was, in the process of adding another lamb to his flock.

If her wrist hadn’t been enough of an awakening for her, then that realization sure as shit did the trick. Grace watched Jacob as he listened intently on the rest of the recording, noting his changes of expression, no matter how slight. She knew now that even if she’d wanted to raise her daughter within the Jewish faith like she hadn’t been, Eden’s Gate would never in a million years allow it to happen. She would be baptized, likely by John. She would be taught the words of Joseph’s god. Even if Jacob didn’t give a shit, his brothers would.

If she had anything in her stomach, she knew she would have thrown it up by now.

The sermon ended with a promise of more hopeful words to come in a week but the words rang hollow in Grace’s ears. She should have waited before trying to escape. She lost everything by failing to kill Jacob. Neither of them spoke or even moved for a long while after Joseph’s voice faded from the airwaves. She considered trying to ask to get into contact with Dutch or to even try to raise Addie again but she was exhausted. Both mentally and physically, the former deputy felt like she could sleep for a month.

“Well?” Her eyes snapped to his at the sound of his voice breaking the silence. The old soldier stared at her with a raised eyebrow as if he’d been trying to get her attention for some time. She knew good and well that he hadn’t been.

“Well what?” She asked back, knowing full well that she sounded like a total brat.

“Are you planning on doing anything else today or go right back to willing yourself to death?”

“What was Joseph talking about in his sermon?”

“Oh, so now you’re interested in what he has to say?”

“No,” she snorted, half tempted to scream into the nearest pillow, “it just didn’t sound like his usual bullshit, is all.” Jacob didn’t bother replying to her as he got up out of the chair and made his way to the supply closet.

“Are you hungry yet? I’m getting tired of watching you starve yourself.” Grace bit her tongue to stop herself from asking if he preferred to be the one to starve people. She might be a fool but she wasn’t _that_ stupid. “Grace?”

“I can try to eat something. Is there any chicken noodle soup or anything like that?” Her stomach grumbled at the very thought of warm broth and Grace regretted starving herself for so long. It’s not as if she was teaching Jacob any lessons by punishing herself in the first place.

“No luck,” he called out to her, clanking cans in his search to find something to eat. “Tomato soup would probably give you a bitch of a time with acid reflux. What about minestrone?”

“That’ll work,” she called back, curling her nose in disgust. She’d always hated her father’s recipe for it and couldn't see it being better from a can but she was hungry. Even something she hated sounded better than nothing at this point. Jacob came back out with one of the cans, carefully looking the tin over for any signs of bulges. For a split second, she was glad to be with Jacob. She would have never known on her own to look for signs of botulism.

As the smell of the warming soup wafted over to her, Grace felt her mouth water as her mind drifted to thoughts of apples dipped in caramel or a nice honey spread across crunchy toast. She could have cried knowing that tasting such sweet treats would likely never be possible again. Probably not in her lifetime, at any rate. It would be years before she felt the warm sun on her face, the chilly breeze of an Autumn day, hear the thunder of a summer storm. Hell, she’d give her left hand to have to shovel snow again, no matter how much she hated it.

“Christ, why are you crying this time?” Jacob asked as he forced a bowl of soup into her hands.

“Thinking about everything I’ll never do or taste again,” she hiccuped as she accepted the bowl from him.

“Is it that or just your hormones talking?” He sat beside her on the cot, his own bowl cradled in his massive hands as he looked over at her, a look of disgust shadowing his features.

“Shit, maybe it is just that,” Grace admitted after thinking it over for a second. Taking a bite of the soup felt like a chore and she wasn’t sure if her stomach was protesting having food after nothing for so long or the fact that it was minestrone. “I’m kinda surprised that you didn’t call John right away.”

“Were you looking forward to hearing from him or something?” Grace grunted and debated the merits of shoving his shoulder with her own but she didn’t think they had quite gotten back to that level yet. “I’ll call him after I finish eating. Didn’t want to give you any more excuses to not eat.”

“Right,” she agreed absently, “now I just have an excuse to throw up.”

“You should have gone into comedy instead of law enforcement.” Grace definitely regretted not killing him. “What is it?”

“What’s what?”

“You look like you want to ask me something. Just get on with it already.” Jacob didn’t look at her as he spoke, focusing on slowly eating the bland soup as he waited for her to speak. At least she hadn’t looked like she had murder on the mind, she supposed.

“It’s about the radio,” she began, pausing to see if he would immediately deny her whatever she was surely going to ask. When he didn’t, she cautiously continued, trying to build up confidence in herself, “I haven’t heard from Dutch in weeks. He has to have found something out about Adelaide by now, Jacob. Please.”

“If he knows something now, he’ll still know it in a few weeks when you’re ready to handle things like an adult again.” Even if he had a point, she hated the way he spoke down to her as if she really were nothing more than a child.

“I’m adult enough to have gotten knocked up by you,” she pointed out, knowing that it wasn’t likely to win any arguments for her. “Besides, what if… What if something attacked Addie and we could be in danger?”

“And what if she had a heart attack while fucking her boy toy and died? If you’re that concerned about it, I will call and speak with him but I am locking you in the closet while I do it. Do you still want to hear from him so badly?”

“Look, I just want to talk to someone about Addie. Someone who would actually give a shit.” Jacob didn’t seem to give a shit about her explanation and Grace felt her face heating up with the frustration.

“And I just want to know that you’re worth trusting. You tried to be a big girl and you failed. Consider this you being grounded, Deputy.” By the look on his face, she knew it was pointless to try to argue. Hell, he’d probably break the radio out of spite or something if she did. She gave him a sour look despite that, wishing that she had something, anything to hold against him, to try to get some form of control over the situation she’d found herself in. Wishing that she’d been left to die, wishing that it’d been anyone else but one of the Seeds was pointless. She might as well try to change something she could actually control.

“If I make nice with John, can I just have five minutes with Dutch?” The former deputy knew it was a long shot at best, that she was pushing him harder than she really should have, but what was that saying about fortune favoring the bold? Surely it had to be her turn to be lucky, right?

“Five minutes, huh?” Jacob had the audacity to laugh at the ludicrousness of her pleas. “How ‘bout you _‘make nice’_ with John and I take a week off your sentence instead? Prove to me that you can at least act civilized so I can sleep better at night.” For all she knew, her so-called sentence could be for fifty-two weeks and he’d only knock it down to fifty-one. It would barely make a difference to her, but what if it was shorter than that? What if it meant that she could go back to regular radio contact with her friends in as little as a week from now? Was that something she was willing to suck up and deal with?

“Fine,” Grace eventually relented, feeling a sick feeling of dread weigh heavily in her stomach. It almost felt like she’d somehow swallowed a lead weight without meaning to. “Alright. I’ll do it.”

“Great, now he can stop bothering me.” Jacob set his empty bowl to the side as he pushed himself up off of the cot, his spine cracking with the motion. Jacob grunted and rolled his shoulders, looking back at her in deep thought as he limbered up. “Remember to be nice.”

“I know,” she sighed, already regretting her decision. Grace watched him stroll over to the radio, leaning over the worn wood of the desk to adjust the dials. He looked over at her with a strange expression on his face as his hand lingered over the ‘on’ switch, almost looking like he wanted to say something to her, to give in and let her just use the radio without having to suck up to his little brother. She knew he was damn well aware of how… _unpleasant_ John could get with her at times.

“Might as well get over here now if you’re gonna talk with John, Deputy,” the old soldier said instead of granting her the slight mercy. She should have known she would never get lucky. With a groan, Grace tried to push herself up, her back nearly screaming in protest at the sudden motion. She should have known sitting down for even a short while was gonna hurt like a bitch in the long run of things. From the sigh he let out, Grace didn’t think that Jacob would be falling over himself any time soon to help her up again.

Eventually, she was able to stand on her own, having to take a moment to squeeze her eyes shut and hope that it was sweat running down her spine and not blood from a freshly reopened wound. Jacob kept silent the entire time, watching her with his icy eyes, ready to rub her weakness in her face at the drop of a hat. But she did her best to ignore him, knowing that he was just a distraction and if she lost focus, she might as well just stay curled up in bed for the next six years. “You could have helped, you know,” she grouched as she shuffled towards him, wrapping her arms across her stomach to try to distract herself from the lingering throbs of pain.

“You did it on your own, eventually.” He flicked the switch on as he spoke, leaning towards the microphone as she approached the desk. Jacob waited a moment, listening as the static filled the room before he cleared his throat and spoke clearly. “This is Jacob Seed,” he told the radio, glaring at the little metal box as if it were some dirt on his boot. “I need to speak to my brother John, over.”

“ _Right away, sir,_ ” the voice on the other end answered back immediately. Grace couldn’t recognize the voice but it wasn’t like she’d taken the time to learn random cultist’s names. There were just too many of them and she had better things to do with her free time. “ _Someone is sending for him now, sir. Over._ ”

“Having second thoughts?” Jacob asked as he leaned back in the chair, looking like he was a cat that had captured a canary. Grace frowned and shook her head, too afraid that her voice would shake if she tried to speak. It wasn’t that she was afraid of John, not anymore. As she waited, flashes of Joey raced through her mind, memories of how lively and determined the older woman had been. But that was before the end of the world. Who could really say how she would be as Faith Seed?

“ _Brother, what a surprise,_ ” John’s voice came over the airwaves, seeming to drop another heavy weight in her gut. “ _I could have sworn I wouldn’t be hearing from you for another few days, over._ ”

“We’ll talk more then,” Jacob agreed, his eyes locked on Grace the entire time he spoke. “Our friend wanted to talk with you about something and I didn’t think you would mind, over.” There was a long pause on the other side of the line and if she didn’t know any better, she would have thought that the connection had dropped or something. Grace wished she could have punched Jacob for how he made it sound, though.

“ _Deputy,_ ” John eventually breathed into the radio, the tone of his voice immediately sending chills down her spine. “ _I’ve been thinking about you a lot since we last spoke._ ” The former deputy glanced over at Jacob, hoping that the eldest brother would step in and nip his baby brother’s shenanigans in the bud. “ _Praying to God every night for the chance to… Get to know you better as soon as we’re free to enter Eden. How glorious it would be if you would just join us as the Herald you were meant to be, Grace._ ”

“Jacob, I really can’t say I enjoy your brother’s company.” The way John put emphasis on her name was enough to turn her already upset stomach, memories of his cold voice describing what he did to Joey echoing in her mind.

“He’s harmless.”

“That’s what you want to call him? After everything that man has done?” She couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of his statement, laughing over whatever John was ranting about now. She knew the promise she had made but as far as she was concerned, she was still keeping it. She hadn’t said anything nasty to John yet, after all. “Have you not noticed the tattoo he left on my tits?”

“He’s harmless to you now,” Jacob amended with a grunt, crossing his arms over his broad chest and glancing back at her as if considering the covered tattoo.

“Do you think so? I wonder how he’d react if I told him I was pregnant with your bastard,” she mused, leaning forward to reach for the radio with her good hand. As she expected, Jacob firmly wrapped a hand around her wrist, although he did not squeeze as hard as she knew he could very well have. “C’mon, Jacob. He went to law school. He _has_ to know what one of the consequences of unprotected sex is.”

“You know I don’t want to tell people that. It would invite attention we can’t afford to receive.” His voice alone was enough to convey the threat she knew lingered in his words. She also knew that he was more than capable of making her life an actual living hell if the mood ever struck him.

“Okay, say we get out of here and I do encounter John again. How exactly do you see that going? Hmm? If he tried to kiss me, would you turn your head so you didn’t have to see it? You keep saying it’s my kid but she’s your daughter too, Jacob.”

“You’re not something to be shared, Grace.” Jacob squeezed her wrist gently, bringing it toward his face so he could brush his dry lips against her knuckles in the semblance of a kiss. “Our family? We’re part of a larger pack, but it’s still me, you, and the pup. Once he sees, my brother will know his place.”

“It’d be nice if you at least tried to get him to knock this shit off before it comes to that. There is no way in hell I’m gonna let my daughter have to deal with some Uncle Touchy bullshit.” She jerked her hand away from his grasp, once more reaching for the radio as she tried to think of what to say to John. “John,” she spoke carefully into the microphone, clearing her throat to buy herself some time.

“ _Ah, she does speak at last. And it is so good to hear you say my name, Grace._ ” Jacob shrugged at the sour look Grace sent his way but didn’t seem too bothered by his little brother.

“John, I was actually hoping I could talk you into letting me talk to J-… To Faith, I mean. She was my friend and I hope,” Grace lied quickly, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “I hope she can still be my friend.”

“ _I see,_ ” there was a long pause and she once again wasn’t sure if it was from the connection being dropped of John deep in thought. A part of her was expecting him to ask what was in it for him for allowing that basic human kindness but she reminded herself that she was supposed to be playing nice with the lawyer. Beside her, even Jacob shifted in his seat at the prolonged silence. “ _Well now, who am I to be the one to keep our little family apart?_ ” By the tone of his voice, Grace had a feeling that was exactly what he wanted to happen.

“I thought you were going to play nice with John?” Jacob asked, gently knocking his booted foot against her bare ankle. “Not exactly what I had in mind when you asked me for a deal, Deputy.”

“I’ve been nothing but cordial to John this entire time.” she pointed out in return, worry mixing with the weights in her gut. She wouldn’t put it past Jacob to back out of their deal because of this and she knew she would have no one to blame but herself for this one.

“That’s true,” he agreed, shifting in the chair to find a more comfortable position. With his legs spread wide, Grace couldn’t help but glance at him and wish he’d offer to let her sit in his lap. As much as she hated the idea of being close to him at that moment, all the standing around she was doing wasn’t exactly helping her back feel any better.

“ _Before I go and get our dearest sister, there’s something I’ve been dying to ask you, Grace._ ” Grace once again found herself looking in Jacob’s direction, hoping for any hint as to what was about to come out of his youngest brother’s mouth. Unfortunately for her, Jacob looked almost as concerned as she felt. If she didn’t know better, she could have sworn he was leaning towards the radio like he was ready to shut it off at a moment’s notice.

“And what’s that, John?” Grace forced herself to ask when John had been quiet for a little too long.

“ _If our roles were reversed, if it was me all alone in that bunker with you instead of Jacob, would you have let me do all the things that he’s surely done to you?_ ”

“See, Jacob, what did I _just_ fucking say? He’s Uncle Touchy,” her joke felt off, even to her, but her heart still pounded in her chest. How was she supposed to answer something like that? Telling John the truth and that she’d prefer if he fucked himself wouldn’t count as ‘playing nice’ by anyone’s definition. Was she supposed to lie to him, tell him everything that she knew he probably wanted to hear and lead him on?

“I’ll talk to him about it later,” Jacob finally agreed, pinching the bridge of his nose between two fingers and letting out a grunt.

“John,” she spoke into the microphone after licking her lips, regretting the deal that she’d tried to make. “I don’t think I would ever be able to answer that. It _didn’t_ happen that way and if there’s one thing I’ve learned down here, it’s that there’s no use in asking yourself all the ‘what if’s. I don’t love your brother.” She surprised herself with how true the words were and she snuck a glance at Jacob to see how the older man was reacting to her words. He didn’t seem to give a fuck, much to her relief. “At the end of the day, I just want to survive this, John.”

“ _I see,_ ” John’s tone was as cold as she’d ever heard it before but she tried to not let it get under her skin. The former deputy couldn’t shake the feeling of how off the entire situation was but she figured she would have more time to think about it later after Jacob went to sleep. “ _Well then, I’d better not keep our darling little sister away from you, dearest Deputy._ ”

“Joey’s older than John,” Grace couldn’t help but point out to Jacob, her heart racing in her chest as anxiety caught up to her. What the hell had she been thinking by asking to talk to Joey? Would Joey even remember who she was anymore? Would she blame her for not being quick enough to save her all those months ago? It was her fault that she was tortured, turned into some person that she wasn’t, her identity and past erased carelessly.

“Grace,” Jacob stood next to her, his body heat seeming to roll off of him in waves. Was it just her or was it getting harder and harder to breathe in the bunker? Grace felt like her heart was beating a hundred miles a minute and the lights were too fucking bright. She felt like she was choking. “Grace, I’m not going to force you to talk to anyone. You need to calm down.”

“I need to do this, Jacob,” she protested, barely resisting as he grabbed a hold of her and maneuvered her into the desk chair. She felt her back protest the movement but barely felt the pain that was surely coming with it. Dimly, she knew that she was having a panic attack but she refused to give up. She owed it to Joey to finally say goodbye to the woman she once was and to try to get to know this new Faith. “I can’t leave any more friends behind, not anymore.”

“Jesus, Grace,” Jacob grunted, wrapping a massive hand around the back of her neck and bringing their faces closer together so that he could press his brow against hers. “You didn’t leave anyone behind more than they left you behind.” She wanted to fight, to argue that he didn’t know what he was talking about but goddamnit, she’d done so much today already. She was tired.

“I can’t do it,” the whispered admission felt like acid on her tongue and tears burned at her eyes. “I can’t face her now.” Grace was weak, worthless, and a failure of a friend.

“I know, Deputy. I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first chapter smut free and I apologize for breaking the promise that I made way back when. Given the subject matter within the chapter as well as the end of the last chapter, I made the decision not to include any smut and I hope that all three brothers appearing in the chapter, physically, over radio, or via a previously recorded message make up for it. My apologies to those who read this story specifically for that. We should be returning to our regularly scheduled content with the next chapter. Thank you.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 54. 311 weeks remain.

The space was cramped enough where their breath mingled together, limbs pressed tightly against one another as Grace tried to avoid smacking her head on the bunk above her. Jacob’s thumbs dug into her hips as he tried to adjust her position over him. Her wrist was still too tender to really be used to support herself as she tried to buck against the older man, a hiss of frustration escaping her lips. It had been her idea to try being on top, Jacob too uneasy about hurting their kid so far from medical care. It wasn’t like they could call the doctor and ask without raising suspicions.

“Grace,” Jacob grunted, using his hands to still her. “I think we should try something else.” She grumbled in agreement, leaning down against his sweat-soaked chest to make it easier to flip her. Jacob groaned as the swell of her stomach pressed against his, leaning up so he could press his forehead to hers, his eyes squeezed shut.

“Floor?” Grace asked, desperate to break up the odd moment of tenderness from him. There was a time when she would have welcomed any sort of gesture from him but now she only felt trapped and uncomfortable. Breathing heavily through his nose, Jacob nodded and helped her slip off of him, hissing as his cock pulled out of her. Following her up, he held a hand out to help her lower herself to her knees. Grace tried not to be too embarrassed, knowing that it was only a matter of time before her center of gravity was thrown even more off. She stopped herself, looking at the cold, hard floor and considering her bad wrist. “You want me to just use my mouth?”

“If that’s what you want,” he shrugged, scooting closer to the edge of the cot and spreading his legs to give her more room.

“We sound like an old married couple,” she complained as she wrapped a hand around his length, wincing at the feel of her slick that coated his cock.

“How do you figure?”

“Just how used to each other we are, I guess,” she shrugged, gesturing between them as she slowly pumped his cock, taking care to run her thumb along the head of his dick. “You don’t think we sound… I don’t know. Bored?”

“I’m not bored,” he groaned, reaching forward to slid his fingers into her thick hair. Grace took it as a hint, leaning forward and enveloping his cock in her mouth. Her slick made his member taste more tangy than it usually did and Grace looked up at him as she bobbed up and down. Just like she knew he would, Jacob groaned at the sight, running a calloused finger along her jaw as she tried to fit even more of him into her mouth. She knew that she could fit all of him with some effort.

With her weaker hand, Grace trailed down her own body, stopping to pluck at her nipples, gasping around Jacob’s cock at the sensation. His hips bucked up towards her face with a mumbled apology following soon afterward as she finally stopped teasing herself and stroking her clit. Her cunt clenched on nothing as she gently twisted the little nub, her eyes sliding closed as she tried to multitask. It didn’t take long for her wrist to start cramping up, but she forced herself to continue, her fingers snaking down into her folds. She took three of her own fingers easily, her body still stretched open from Jacob’s length rocking inside of her just moments before.

His cock twitched in her mouth and she knew that he probably wouldn’t last too much longer, tortured by both the sensation and the sight of her getting herself off. With any luck, he’d be willing to eat her out in return, his tongue dancing around her labia in that way he liked doing because her fingers just did not feel like enough right then. “Fuck, Grace, do that thing,” he gasped, his fingers pulling her hair as his legs spread a little wider. If she’d had more room, she was sure her lips would be pulled into a grin, using the hand around his cock to slip down and cup his balls, feeling their weight as she gently caressed them. Above her, Jacob groaned so loud that she was sure that the Whitetails could hear him all the way in the Wolf’s Den, his other hand reaching to grab at her tender tits. Grace could have cried at the feeling, rolling her clit roughly between her fingers in a mimic of what Jacob’s were doing to her nipple, heat pooling desperately in her lower stomach.

The former deputy struggled to focus on sucking him off as he pulled her flush against him, her nose buried deep in his pubic hair. She could feel herself drooling around him but didn’t let it hold her back as she managed to force her eyes back open to stare up at him. Jacob was looking at her with barely open eyes, his mouth hanging agape in pleasure. Grace slipped another finger in her cunt, wishing that her fingers were just a little bit thicker as she rolled her hips against her own hand wantonly. Jacob squeezed her nipple harshly in time with the bucking of his hips, slipping his hand to the back of her head to stop her from coming up as his cock twitched and throbbed under her tongue’s weak ministrations.

“Ah, _fuck,_ ” Jacob grunted deep in the back of his throat, his seed soon spilling down her throat in a gushing wave. For a second, Grace was sure she was going to choke on him and the thought pushed her savagely over her own edge. Her cunt clenched on her pitifully too thin fingers, a scream trying to struggle out of her but the sound was too muffled by his still spurting cock. “That’s it, baby, that’s it.” He let go of her nipple, petting the back of her head as he let her up on his dick. Stopping before she was fully off of him, Grace made sure to lock eyes with him as she took a final swipe at the slit at the end of his cock.

It was all she could do not to cry laughing as his hips bucked almost violently up at her at the sensation, his fingers quickly finding themselves back into her hair. Grace finally let his cock drop from her mouth, keeping a hand wrapped around the base as she looked up at him, making a show of how she swallowed his spend, licking her lips as she slowly pumped his cock. “So?”

“Hmm?” He grunted, letting his head fall back as she continued to work at his slowly softening cock.

“Can I use the radio yet?” She knew she probably should have tried to beat around the bush some more, but the anxiety of having gone so long without speaking to her friends was driving her up the wall. It had been one thing when they had first gotten into the bunker but now it was a whole new beast since she _knew_ that she had the ability to talk to them nearly any time. When he didn’t answer right away, Grace slowed her movements, knowing that he was about to turn her down yet again. She’d tried everything she could think of to try to get the privilege back.

Well, nearly everything. She still wouldn’t speak to Joseph and she hadn’t even allowed herself to be in the room when he called John.

“Grace, we talked about this,” he sighed, gently pushing her hand off of his cock. Jacob held out a hand to help her stand up, shaking his head at her as he spoke.

“I think it’s been enough time.”

“I know you do,” he snorted, damn near looking down his nose at her, “It wouldn’t be a punishment if you could end it whenever you wanted to.” He left her sitting on the cot as he stood and walked to the bathroom, not even bothering to look at her. Grace blinked and took a deep breath, knowing that tears wouldn’t do her any good and her hormones had been seemingly eager to make her cry every other minute lately. From the bathroom, she could hear him turn on the sink and what sounded like him brushing his teeth. She ran her tongue around her own teeth and winced at the feeling.

Grace pushed herself off of the cot, not even bothering to slip on a pair of panties, Grace joined Jacob in the bathroom, calmly waiting for him to step to the side to let her have some space at the sink. He didn’t even look at her as he spat and rinsed his toothbrush, carefully examining the bristles as if she weren’t even there. A part of her was used to it, having dealt with his turbulent moods one-on-one for more than a year now but a small part of her couldn’t help but realize that her child was half of him. Every annoying behavior he had, every little cruel thing he did, her child was just as likely to pick up as they were to pick up any of her behaviors.

Things could be worse, right? At least they weren’t gonna be starting any fires like Sharky or sharing any sort of DNA with Hurk Drubman Senior. Grace couldn’t help but shudder at the thought, glad that she and Jacob hadn’t had any contact with the man, although she knew Dutch had.

“If you’re cold, go put some clothes on.”

“It’s not that,” she protested, trying to think of a way to explain her thoughts. He probably wouldn’t think it was funny, so why bother? “It’s nothing.” Jacob just grunted and spat in the sink again, stepping around her to go back into the main room. Grace tried to not let it get to her, telling herself that he was probably just as stressed as she was and he’d never been exactly skilled at handling stress, from what she knew of him.

Still, it hurt when he was an ornery asshole after they were intimate with each other.

Grace knew that her best hope was to try to give him space and play nice whenever she could. It was childish but at least Jacob would be in good company for that soon enough. Brushing her teeth quickly, Grace took a moment to examine herself in the mirror, leaning in as close as she could to see all the little lines that had appeared on her face over the month, checking her hair for any signs of grey. She didn’t look as old as she felt, even if her skin had lost some of its natural elasticity and the bags under her eyes seemed almost alarmingly deep but she wasn’t sure how much of that came from having been away from the sun for so long.

Taking a step away from the mirror, she turned her body this way and that way, looking at the way her body had been changing to carry her child. Sure, her breasts were larger and there were stretch marks she just didn’t have the lotion to try to deal with, but there were other things, too. Her ankles looked and felt swollen even though she had tried to not spend any time on her feet. Maybe she could get Jacob to give her a massage if she pointed out how the pregnancy was affecting her looks? Probably not but it might still be worth a shot. Above everything else, it was her stomach that she focused the most on. It didn’t look as big as she thought it should have looked and the skin was firm to the touch. Grace wished that she was able to ask a doctor or at the very least Kim or Addie about her fears, just some sort of way that would prevent her from feeling like she was losing her mind in worry.

Was she not eating enough? Probably not. Was there something wrong or was it normal to not be the size of a house? She didn’t even have the beginning of an idea. She didn’t look like herself anymore but then again, she hadn’t really since the whole mess with Project at Eden’s Gate had started in the first place. God, talk about a lifetime ago.

Thinking about the past did about as much good as crying over spilled milk, as her father used to say. She had less than six years to figure out how she was going to make it home with practically nothing but a five-year-old on her hip and a likely malnourished one at that. Grace sat heavily on the toilet, staring at the floor in concentration. The first thing she needed to do was to get her radio privileges back. Bribing Jacob hadn’t worked and she’d played to his every whim for weeks now to no avail. She had to be missing something. It wasn’t like she could just stroll up and use the radio like she owned the place, right?

Aw hell, what was the worst he could do? Break her other wrist?

With a sigh, the deputy pushed herself up, taking a moment to find her balance and walked back into the main room. Jacob didn’t even look up at her from where he read on his cot as she walked towards the clothes she had set aside for herself. Grace was more than used to stepping into a pair of dead woman’s panties, not even sparing a thought to who this bunker used to belong to as she pulled on an old man’s shirt. Her breasts had been so tender lately that she hadn’t bothered with her worn bra in weeks. Satisfied that she was as dressed and as ready to fight Jacob was she was going to get, Grace finally let herself look at the seemingly innocent radio across the room.

It wasn’t until she was halfway there that she felt his eyes burning into the back of her head. Grace was so sure that he would stop her before she could get there, let alone turn the radio on, but still he said nothing. The few feet between her and her goal felt like miles as Grace put one foot in front of the other, struggling to keep her breathing calm. Jacob had a certain way of pouncing on even the smallest weakness he could find and try to tear it out of her. After an entire eon, the cool wood of the desk chair was under her fingertips and she was getting ready to sit down. It wasn’t until she was reaching for the switches that Jacob spoke up. “And just what do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m letting Dutch know I’m still alive.” Grace forced her shaking hand to continue onward, so sure that she felt his massive hands clamp down on her shoulders at any second.

But they didn’t.

Even when the radio hummed to life, Jacob sat back and just watched her. Grace checked the number pad to make sure she’d dialed Dutch’s frequency correctly and paused. Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, she leaned forward and tried to think of what she should tell them if she actually reached them. “Dutch, this is Deputy Clark trying to reach you. Dutch, this is the Deputy, over.” She was pretty sure that even Jacob held his breath as she waited for someone in Dutch’s Bunker to answer her call. “Dutch, this is the Deputy, over.”

“ _Aw hell, Deputy!_ ” Sharky all but screamed through the speakers. “ _How you been, Girl?_ ” Shockingly, Jacob didn’t comment on the fact that his life was no longer blissfully Boshaw free.

“Sharky, I am so glad to hear from you, I have no idea,” Grace struggled to get the words out, feeling as if she was about to burst into tears at any moment. Fucking hormones, ruining her life at every turn.

“ _Well uh, I better uh… I’d better give you the news then. ‘Fore this goes any further._ ” The deputy felt her blood run cold, fear racing through her heart. What had happened to Dutch?

“Sharky, what’s wrong?”

“ _Now, I know we got a thing going on between us and we’re real good friends, Deputy, but uh..._ ”

“ _Oh Jesus Christ,_ ” Jess’ voice took over, sounding as though she shoved the pyromaniac aside. “ _I fucked up and this idiot knocked me up. Can you believe my shitty luck?_ ”

“That’s the funniest fuckin’ thing I’ve heard in years,” Jacob all but chortled behind her. “Holy shit.”

“I’m sorry?” Grace asked, trying her best not to let the sound of Jacob’s laughter get through to Jess.

“ _Look, don’t rub it in, okay? This already sucks._ ” Grace wished more than anything that she could tell her friend that she knew exactly what she was going through but she knew better. He may have looked relaxed but Grace had learned time and time again how fast Jacob could be when he wanted to be. “ _Dutch hasn’t said a word to me since I told him._ ” She knew how much her uncle meant to Jess but Grace couldn’t help but think of Dutch’s own son and grandson, both likely long dead by now.

“Oh, Jess… It’s gonna be okay, don’t worry.” The words felt sticky on her tongue as her hand drifted to her belly, wishing that someone could give her those false reassurances. “What did the doctor over in Fall’s End say when you told him?” Grace tried her hardest to sound concerned for her friend, and she was, but she couldn’t help but lean forward, desperate for any information she could use for her own benefit.

“ _Pretty much that it was gonna be dangerous but women do it all the time, so it could go okay. I… I wish my mom was still around._ ” For the first time since she had met Jess, the other woman sounded well and truly terrified. The deputy tried to think of something, anything to say without giving her own condition away. She wished her mom was there, too.

“I know,” she finally said, the words coming out as slow as molasses, “at least you’ve got your Uncle Dutch and Sharky’s not _so_ bad.” He wasn’t Jacob, John, or Joseph at any rate.

“Bet you’re thinking about how that coulda been you, Deputy,” Jacob spoke up from right behind her, making her nearly jump out of her skin. She hated the way he drew out her title, the word making his faint accent all the more apparent.

“Shut up.”

“Very clever come back, my dear.” She knew that he was only trying to rile her up, to just hand him another excuse to tear her away from the radio. Grace kept her mouth firmly shut, even as her mind seemed to prowl and snarl like a caged tiger.

“ _Deputy._ ” Dutch’s voice snapped her out of it, just like it had countless times in the past. “ _Went a long time without hearing from you. Was starting to fear the worst._ ” Just like she had expected them to, Jacob’s hands came down firmly on her shoulders in a silent warning.

“Jacob, what harm could it seriously do to tell him the truth?”

“I don’t want them to know about our little… marital spat.”

“We’re not married.” He just seemed to shrug when she pointed it out as if it wasn’t even that big of a deal. Grace knew better than to push it, though. The last thing she wanted was for Jacob to force her in to listen to Joseph marry them over the radio or something.

“Either way, I’m not about to let someone come up with some ‘divide and conquer’ bullshit.”

“ _Deputy, you didn’t go and disappear on us again, did you?_ ” Dutch asked in a carefully dry tone as if he were dipping a toe in shark-infested waters.

“No, I’m here,” she confirmed quickly, doing her best to ignore how Jacob’s hands started to slowly massage her tense shoulders. “Things have been a little hectic around here, is all.” One day she would have to cry on Dutch’s shoulder and confess everything to him, but now wasn’t the time. Grace reminded herself that she had at least six more years of staying strong before she could allow herself the luxury of falling apart.

“ _Right,_ ” Dutch sounded as far from amused as a person could get, but he thankfully let it drop for now. “ _You heard our happy little news but I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you, kid._ ”

“You found out what happened to Addie, didn’t you?” Grace had known in the back of her mind that this moment was coming but actually staring it in the eye? That was a tidal wave of emotions she just couldn’t handle right then and there.

“ _That’s the thing, kid,_ ” Dutch sighed and Grace could almost see him pinch the bridge of his nose in her mind’s eye, “ _No one’s been able to reach her. Not Fall’s End, not us, not anybody else. Now, that could just mean that they broke their damn radio._ ” Grace knew it wasn’t likely, but she still appreciated Dutch for saying it. At least it could give her some hope to cling to.

“Yeah,” she murmured, closing her eyes as Jacob grunted in disapproval behind her, “you could be right. There’s a ton of things that can go wrong with a radio, right? Not like they’d have the tools or know-how to fix it on their own, right? We’ll see them in six years, no problem.” The more she spoke, the more desperate she knew she sounded. She knew damn well that she was trying to fool herself but ignorance was bliss, right?

“ _Sure, Deputy. Listen, is Jacob there? I have some news for him._ ” Dutch's voice was grim over the radio, more serious than Grace had ever heard him. Jacob squeezed her shoulders and nodded when she turned her head to look up at him.

“He's listening, Dutch. What's up?”

“ _Now, I know you won't like this but I asked the Whitetails about that incident you had a while back. You remember the one,_ ” the older man paused, either trying to gather his thoughts or to make a final decision on how he wanted to word whatever he was going to say next.

“Dutch?”

“ _Well, turns out they haven't been out of their bunker since the nuclear bombs hit. They've been following everyone else's example of staying put like Joseph kept preaching. Seed… It wasn't them._ ” Grace looked to Jacob, desperate for any clue on what his thoughts were.

“The valley’s been closed to outsiders for months before the Collapse.” The words came out slowly, almost as if the old soldier regretted having to say them. Fear of the unknown seemed to have shaken even Jacob Seed himself to the core.

“ _You thinking what I'm thinking, Seed? Ain't no one else around who could have done it._ ” As Dutch spoke, Jacob all but shoved her aside to get closer to the radio, keeping a firm hand on her shoulder as he did so. He stared at it for a long moment before finally reaching for the microphone.

“What do you know about them, Roosevelt?”

“ _They're calling themselves The Abandoned, far as I can tell. I haven't picked up any of their radio broadcasts and if this is the first you're hearing about it, neither have your brothers. Or anyone else, really._ ” Jacob ran a hand down his face exhaling loudly as he tried to think.

“You mind telling me how the Whitetails know about them before anyone else?”

“ _It seems they've been breaking into bunkers and dragging out whoever's inside. No idea what happens after that._ ” Grace felt like her heart was both beating like a drum and frozen solid in her chest at the same time as she processed Dutch’s words. “ _Guess a radio transmission was interrupted or something, far as I can figure._ ”

“Jacob,” Grace spoke up, feeling the tears prick at her eyes as she tried to think clearly, “Do you think that’s what happened to Adelaide?”

“Could be,” he shrugged again, pointedly not looking her in the eye as he spoke. “Roosevelt, do the Whitetails know anything else about these cowards? Are they only in the Whitetails?”

“ _Far as I know,_ ” Dutch replied after a long moment and from the sound of it, he’d been consulting with Jess on what she knew about it. At least he seemed to be talking to his niece again. “That mighta changed depending on where Addie’s bunker-” Dutch immediately cut himself off but he had already said too much. Despite his words just minutes ago, he didn’t think Addie and Xander were alive anymore, especially considering what these Abandoned were doing. Grace felt her heart clench in her chest as she squeezed her eyes shut and wrapped her arms around her stomach. She hated feeling like she was powerless but there really wasn’t anything she could do to protect her friends, the people who had quickly become a sort of quasi-family for her other the months she was fighting alongside them.

“Deputy.” Jacob’s hands seemed like iron clamps on her shoulders, just a mere step away from shaking her back to reality if he had to. “Grace,” he tried again, swooping down to crouch next to her, “Grace, you need to try to calm down. I’m not a doctor but I can’t imagine freaking out like this is particularly good for you right about now.”

“Jacob,” she knew she was on the verge of crying but she didn’t give a fuck as she reached for the old soldier, all but crumbling into his arms, “we’re going to die down here, just like our friends.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far,” he shushed her, wrapping his arms around her as he adjusted them into a more comfortable position on the floor. “There’s no telling what’ll happen in six years. ‘Sides, maybe Joseph saw something, heard The Voice or whatever warn him about this.” By the tone of his voice, Grace could tell that he doubted his own words, that he was probably just as worried as she was. It was one thing to be expecting an enemy that you knew and had fought with enough times before, but this? This was a whole new beast.

“I thought things were supposed to be safe after The Collapse. Isn’t that the bullshit that he always preached?” She pressed her face against his neck and ignored Dutch’s calls for them over the radio. There was only so much that she could handle and unfortunately for him, Dutch wasn’t one of them.

“Shit, I don’t know, kitten. I only half-listened when it came down to it. I thought I knew my role, how this would all happen. Shit.” While his words weren’t comforting on their own, the fact that Jacob had doubted in something John and Joseph both believed so fervently in brought her some sort of sick comfort. She wasn’t trapped alone in her doubts with a religious lunatic.

“How are we supposed to protect ourselves if someone comes back knocking on the door?” How were they supposed to defend a heavily pregnant woman or a newborn? They were as good as dead, as far as she could tell and she hated it. Grace tried to force herself not to think about what would have happened if she had been successful in her escape attempt all those weeks ago, what would have happened to her if these people had gotten a hold of her.

“The way I figure it, we got two options. We can roll over and die or we can fight back, try to at least take one of those assholes out before we’re captured.” He didn’t even need to waste his breath saying ‘or worse’, the sentiment already hung heavy on the air between them. Once again, Grace found herself at least a little bit glad that if she had to have been stuck with one of the Seed siblings, at least she got the one who seemed most capable of taking care of himself and those around him. “Nothing’s gonna happen to your cub, mama bear. You need to relax.”

“Yeah,” she sighed, pulling away from him and rubbing at her eyes. Grace wished that she could say that she hadn’t felt that exhausted in a long time but it was starting to become a common enough occurrence for her that she was starting to think it was her new normal. “Can you sign off with Dutch for me? I… I think I need to go lie down somewhere dark and cold for a few weeks.” He grunted under her and carefully helped her stand, an arm hovering protectively around her as Grace tried to heave herself up. It probably would have been easier if he had stood up first and pulled her up but it was too late now as she braced herself against the desk.

“Damn, you figure you’re how far along?” Jacob grumbled, looking up at her from his place on the ground. “This isn’t going to be getting any easier.”

“No shit,” she tried not to snap at him, glaring down at him. “You’re not the one with another human being growing inside of you. This seriously sucks.” Jacob gave her an odd look that she didn’t even bother trying to analyze whatever thought crossed his mind. Instead, she just focused on trying to bite down the heartburn that seemed to spring up whenever it damn well pleased and making her way to her cot.

“Roosevelt, this is Jacob,” she heard him speak from behind her, “The deputy isn’t feeling too good after your news. She’ll call you next week, same time as always. Over and out.” She could hear him flipping off the power to the radio before Dutch could reply but found herself too exhausted to really care. She would apologize for Jacob next week if she needed to. Hell, not like he would ever apologize for his own actions. He walked by her as she was making herself as comfortable as a foam mattress could get, disappearing into the bathroom to the sound of the sink running. When he came back, Jacob held out a glass of water to her expectantly. “You need to stay hydrated.”

“I know.”

“So drink.”

“I’m not thirsty right now, Jacob. I’m just tired.” He stared down at her as she spoke, not quite a glare but definitely in the neighborhood of one.

“You’re neglecting yourself.” The irony was pretty rich coming from him but Grace didn’t think he would appreciate her pointing that out. Instead, she grunted and tried to push herself up, wincing at the strain on her back. Taking pity on her, he braced her with a massive hand on her back, once more helping her. She cast a look his way, trying to see if she could tell what he was thinking. It wasn’t like him to be suddenly so giving towards her.

“What’s this about?” She found herself asking as she accepted the small cup from him.

“It’s not my fault you haven’t been taking good enough care of yourself lately, Grace.” Rather than point out the opposite, Grace wisely chose to take a long sip of the cool if a bit metallic tasting water. “Like it or not, we’re a team. Lone wolves away from the pack and weak on their own. Neither of us can afford that weakness if what Roosevelt was saying about The Abandoned is true. There’s no point in letting ourselves be our own enemy if we’ve got them all around us in the first place.”

“You’re right,” she was tired of fighting him but at the same time, she couldn’t deny that his words had truth to them. It’s better to fight with an ally behind you than more enemies. Grace just wished that it was someone else she had been stuck with. “I’ll try to be better at that.” A part of her just knew that he was getting around to telling her that she was weak, that she wasn’t fit to survive on her own, or any other sort of Darwinistic bullshit that he could come up with, but he didn’t. He just waited quietly for her to finish the glass before helping her settle again and vanishing into the bathroom again. Despite how tired she felt, it was like she had lead weights keeping her eyes open and her mind alert. Jacob came back into the room and it sounded like he paused by the bathroom door before he sighed and made his way over to her.

“Scoot over,” he commanded as his weight sank the mattress behind her. “I’m not sure if it’s on account of these beds or if you’re just the world’s worst bed hog.

“What are you doing?” Grace grunted, trying to wiggle forward but the extra weight wasn’t exactly helping her efforts.

“What does it look like?” He grumbled, nudging her towards the wall. “You’re just gonna keep yourself up, tossin’ and turnin’. You don’t when I sleep with you.” Normally she didn’t get much sleep when he chose to spend the night sleeping close to her, too afraid that she would disturb his own already troubled sleep by tossing and turning all through the night. Her mother had called Grace ‘her little starfish’ for how she’d always seemed to end up perfectly in the middle of whatever bed she found herself in, sprawled out without a care in the world. The memory hurt to think about, fresh tears teasing at her tired eyes as Grace longed to feel her mother’s slender hands running through her hair just once more.

Not that she would ever trade places with her, Grace couldn’t help but feel a little envious of Jess. She might be stuck just the same as her, but at least she still had family around to ease the burden. Dutch had been through it before. He knew what to do when someone was giving birth and he was almost positively bound to have a field manual on it or something. As much as she hated it, Grace knew that she had to make do with what she had around her, especially now that they knew for sure that it wasn’t just radiation she would have to contend with on the surface. Escape would have to be pushed aside for her own sake now. She wasn’t foolish enough to think that just because she had taken on Eden’s Gate that she would be able to do the same to some unknowable entity.

“Jacob?”

“Go to sleep, Grace.”

“No, this is serious.”

“What is it?” He grunted, pressing his forehead against the back of her head in frustration. She could feel his exhales ruffling the hairs on the back of her neck.

“The Whitetails. Since we know for sure it wasn’t them and that they’re locked up in The Wolf’s Den somewhere,” she let herself trail off, biting her lip at the feeling of his tightening his arm around her like a vice.

“No, Grace, I’m not about to go running to fuckin’ _Eli_ for help. Even if they’re knockin’ down our door, that fuckin’… I’m not asking for anything from some coward, a housewife, and a teenager. Get that idea out of your head now, deputy.”

Ultimately, she had known that would be his reaction, but she still had to try. If nothing else, she could try to run straight to them once the bunker door was open in six years. It was worth the risk of leading Jacob right to them if he followed after her. Then again, if he did, it would be one man against at least a dozen militia members. And there was no doubt that Wheaty wasn’t going to be a teenager forever.

Comforted by her newfound plan, Grace settled down to sleep with a smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a hot minute since I updated last and I apologize. I truly meant to get this one out sooner but dang. Life sure does happen! There's a lot of new information in this chapter that previous chapters have been building towards and I am dying to hear what people think!
> 
> Anyway, I hope my American readers have a Happy Thanksgiving and my non-American readers have a very happy Thursday regardless. I know I am thankful to have a supportive readership and people who genuinely enjoy my writing. It really does mean a lot to me and all of the comments truly do make my day, even when they're bad days.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 72. 293 weeks remain.
> 
> This chapter may contain sensitive content.

The warmth of the shower spray felt good on her aching shoulders, slipping down her sore back and tickling her legs as it slid past. She wished she could just lay back and soak in a hot tub for hours on end, drinking a glass of wine and reading a good book. But that was a lifetime ago, a world away from the hell the deputy found herself in now. Hell, she would settle for being able to soak her swollen feet in a hot bath if she could. 

She heard Jacob’s muffled voice calling out to her from the other room, rudely letting her know that she was well beyond her daily allotment of comfort. Grunting as she turned the knob of the shower off, she shivered as the cold air enveloped her wet body. Everything felt like a chore now as she carefully reached for the towel, drying herself off as she eyed the floor for any potential slip inducing puddles. Her center of gravity had gone to shit months ago and she wasn’t eager to find out what it would be like to slip and fall in her current state.

Ignoring the latest twinge coming from her kid, Grace did her best to balance herself as she dressed herself. It was another one of Joseph’s scheduled sermon days and she wasn’t in any hurry to go out and listen to a recorded message lecture her on how she was a bad person or whatever. So, she wasted time by trying to reorganize the bathroom, taking stock of their lone medkit and making sure that everything was still inside of it in case they needed anything from it. She even wiped down as much as she could reach in the shower, grumbling to herself about mildew and how big of a bitch Jacob would be to deal with if something like that dared to grow in their humble abode.

When she finally stepped out of the bathroom, her eyes landed on the cardboard box that she had been shoving around lately. The cardboard box sat firmly wedged against the wall, even when the deputy nudged it a few times with her foot. She frowned at it before leaning down as best as she could manage and picked the blanket filled box back up again. It felt wrong to just shove it in some corner, but everywhere else she’d put it seemed just as off. She hated that she had no other choice but a fucking box in the first place. 

“Sweetheart, I promise you she won’t give a fuck where that thing ends up so long as you feed her and don’t leave her wallowing in her own shit for too long.” Grace grunted in response but didn’t bother looking his way as her eyes skimmed the small bunker. How the hell had the family who built this even intended to fit a family of four or five or however many in it? Hell, more often than not it seemed too small for just her and Jacob. “Grace, you’re driving me nuts over here. You’re just going to move it again tomorrow.”

“Maybe if you helped me find a place for our child’s crib, I wouldn’t have to constantly move it.” She knew she was probably being childish but she couldn’t bring herself to really care. If she didn't focus on _something_ Grace was well aware of how badly she would worry herself sick over the impending birth of her child.

“We'll end up moving it after she's born and we find out what is the most convenient,” Jacob complained as he stood up, making a show of grunting and stretching out his back. Grace glared at him, her back still hurting after the lashing he gave her months ago.

“Probably,” she sighed, wincing at what felt like her kid using her kidneys as punching bags. “We can’t even agree on a fucking name.”

“There’s nothing wrong with calling them ‘Jacob’,” he grumbled back, setting the box on the scratched up table.

“Yes, because that is such a cute girl’s name. You’re just mad because I keep telling you that I’m gonna make sure your grandkids are part Boshaw with Jess and Sharky’s baby. Besides, I hate it.” He snorted as he turned to her, the skin around his eyes tightening slightly as he approached her.

“Thank you, kitten. You’ve always had a way with words.” Jacob enveloped her in a loose hug around her shoulders, making sure to keep a gap between himself and her ever-growing stomach as if it were a wild animal he hadn’t quite figured out yet.

“Jacob Seed, your first suggestion was to call them ‘The Accident’ until someone suggested something better. It’s not my fault you didn’t like any of my numerous and perfectly fine suggestions.”

“Suggesting that we give it my middle name just to finally figure out what my middle name is, isn’t exactly what I would call a perfectly fine suggestion, deputy.”

“And I don’t see why you’re so against just telling me your middle name. Hell, it’s not like I didn’t get made fun of for having a name like Davida as mine as a kid!” As much as she savored his touch, she pulled away from him and carefully plopped herself down on her cot, pointedly not looking at him as he joined her on the bed.

“It’s a post-apocalyptic hellscape out there. Why are you so determined to find out something as boring as what my parents burdened me with for a full name?”

“Jesus,” she choked out, already feeling the tears pricking at her eyes and her throat constricting at the thought of their future. “It really is all gone, isn’t it?”

“Aw fuck, Grace. I’m sure it’ll be different in six years when we get outta here. The Project had plans to rebuild.” He waved his hand uselessly in front of himself and Grace nearly cried at the sight of him so unsure of anything. “We’ll probably use something pointless like bottle caps as currency, people will drive around in bondage gear, and apes will have taken over the world.”

“Shit, maybe Larry was the lucky one,” Grace sighed as she leaned back against the concrete wall as best as she could, sick and tired of seemingly never being able to find a comfortable position anymore.

“What?”

“Larry over in Holland Valley,” she explained as she waved her hand in front of her face, “Anyway, I helped him make a… Well, I don’t know exactly what it was but one moment he was there and the next he was gone. Left his shoes behind and everything.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Larry Parker?”

“Yeah, I don’t know who that is and I’m glad for it.”

“He was convinced that there were aliens on Mars and he had to go fight them,” Grace tried to explain better, doing her best to shift herself to face him. For his part, Jacob looked like he regretted ever hearing about this in the first place. Before she could try to explain further and end up digging herself into a deeper hole of weirdness, the radio seemed to crackle to life behind them, jerking Jacob’s attention away from her.

“That might be John,” he grunted as he stood up, leaving her to try to wiggle off the cot by herself. Grace rolled her eyes and tried to settle further into the stiff mattress but her tailbone felt like it was on fire no matter how she tried to adjust herself.

“ _Jacob, are you there? This is John, over,_ ” sure enough, John’s voice came to life over the radio. Grace debated on if she wanted to go poke around in the bathroom to save herself having to endure John’s voice or if she would be better off asking Jacob to grab her a book from across the room to spare her from getting up like a turtle stuck on its back. Besides, Grace _did_ have to pee, so it would give her an excuse to pick at her fingernails while sitting on the toilet for a half hour or so.

“I’m here, John,” Jacob spoke into the microphone, the noise of the chair scraping across the rough concrete ground ringing out through the bunker as he sat down heavily. “What’s going on? This is The Father’s frequency.”

“ _I know. The sermon is set to start in a few minutes._ ” On the other end of the radio, John sounded as exasperated as she felt, drawing Grace’s attention back towards him. What could be important enough to risk talking over their dear and darling Joseph’s recorded sermon for? “ _Our dear and devoted sister decided she had to get through._ ”

“And what does she need to say?” Jacob asked and Grace could all but feel his gaze burning into the side of her head as she blinked uselessly at her swollen ankles.

“ _Well, the thing is, I don’t know. She’s wonderfully cryptic, this sister of ours._ ” From the tone of his voice, Grace had a sickening feeling crawl up her spine. She’d heard John sound angry, resigned, unsure, and basically any other emotion he was capable of but this was something different. He sounded...nervous. Maybe disgusted. She wasn't sure.

“Grace?” Jacob’s voice snapped her out of it, her eyes darting up to see him standing before her, her teeth catching her bottom lip between them. “Say the words and I’ll shut the radio off. Joseph would understand. I’d make him understand.” He laid his massive hand on her swollen belly and she could feel his fingers twitch in hesitation. He’d spent the last few weeks doing his best to avoid touching her stomach, not even showering with her the few times she had invited him in. Hell, he hadn't even been interested in touching her the first time she felt her daughter kick.

“Sometimes it’s better to just get it over with,” she shrugged, forcing a smile on her face and hoping that she sounded more confident than she actually felt. “Besides, it can’t be too bad if she’s willing to broadcast it to the whole county when who knows how many people are listening in, ready and oh so eager to hear your brother’s latest sermon.”

“Jesus, I hope you’re right,” he grunted as he helped her settle into the chair before the radio, his other hand hovering protectively over her back in case she lost her balance.

“I’m here, John,” she kept her tone coldly neutral as she spoke into the microphone, refusing to be anything but civil to him after their last conversation where he’d called her a whore and she’d called him a worthless little shit who was too impotent to do anything. Jacob hadn’t exactly been thrilled with either of them after that friendly little talk a few weeks back. “Might want to hurry up, though. I got a sermon I need to ignore coming up soon.” 

“ _Grace, it’s so lovely to hear that simply angelic voice of yours again,_ ” the youngest Seed sighed over the radio, almost sounding like a lovesick teenager, “ _every day I don’t hear from you is like torture._ ”

“I have no doubt you know all about torture, John. Now, does she actually want to talk to me or are you just jerking my chain again?”

“ _Rook,_ ” a voice breathed into the microphone. It was Joey, she knew that as well as she knew the back of her hand, but something had happened. It sounded different, almost as if speaking was painful or she had healed a broken jaw wrong. Grace felt Jacob’s hands heavy on her shoulders, his thumbs brushing against the sides of her neck as if to try to comfort her. “I’ve been waiting a long time to talk to you.”

“I know.” It was all she could think to say, memories of the tough-as-nails deputy flashing through her mind as she forced herself to keep still and listen to the other woman. She felt like her organs were jumping around as her baby kicked inside of her, banging into anything it could reach.

“ _I didn’t think you were ever coming back for me, Rook. Grace. I was right._ ” Even Jacob seemed to be holding his breath behind her as Grace shook in the sheet, struggling with keeping her breathing calm and her heart rate in check as Joey continued on. “ _And so was The Father. It is important to remember that. He loves us all. He loves you, Grace._ ” 

Apologies seemed to clog her throat as she struggled to force herself to listen in silence, squeezing her eyes shut against all other sensation. If things had been different, if she’d gone for Joey first instead of wasting her time with motherfucking Marshall Burke, if she had never slapped those cuffs on Joseph Seed’s hands to being with. Grace could almost see it in her mind’s eye, John laying on the ground before her, covered in blood and laughing as he died. She wished it was more than just some pitiful fantasy.

“ _You have a spark inside of you, Grace. It's getting brighter by the day. Oh, I can almost see it. You're afraid of it, I know you are, but you have to believe that the family around you loves you. They will help to nourish that spark, too._ ” Her uterus clenched painfully in tune with Joey’s words, almost as if it was recoiling in fear at the implication. They hadn’t told anyone. There was no way Joey of all people could have ever even imagined that she… No, she was being ludacris and she knew it.

“Joey,” Grace sounded like a toad as she croaked out the other woman’s name, her _true_ name. “I’m so sorry that I failed you. If I had known, I would have come for you sooner, fought for you-”

“ _Grace, don’t you see?_ ” Joey giggled, sounding eerily like the Faith who came before her. “ _I have a family now! We’re sisters._ ” She wanted to rage, to remind her of the brothers and parents she’d left behind when she’d boarded that fucking helicopter alongside Grace. Joey had always had a family. John Seed just poisoned her, twisted her mind to impossible ends until she broke and forgot who she’d been. And it was all Grace’s fault. Inside her, the baby kicked again, painfully hitting her in the bladder and feeling like she had torn something with her latest muscle spasm.

“We’re not,” Grace argued weakly, feeling her face flush crimson as she felt herself lose control of her bladder and wet herself on the chair. Jacob was gonna kill her. God, why couldn’t she just be lucky for once in her life? She still had to ask Jacob to help her up to get to the bathroom because her bladder still felt like it was on fire, ready to burst. “Look, I’m sorry for everything. I’m really sorry.” She quickly leaned forward and flicked the power switch off, desperate to waddle into the bathroom as quickly as she could before Jacob noticed the sodden mess she left behind.

“Grace?” Jacob asked, quickly grabbing onto her arms as she struggled to stand, his eyes locked on the puddle on the chair. “Grace, what the hell is happening?”

“I’m sorry, I’ll clean it up,” she cried, wishing not for the first time that he had left her behind to die cold and alone like she deserved. The tears were hot on her cheeks and she wished she could just curl up in a ball and vanish like Larry Parker had a lifetime ago. This was worse than the first time he’d dragged her out of the closet, covered in her own filth. 

“Grace, what the hell is going on?” He demanded as he stopped her, his fingers digging into her upper arms like bands of metal. Jacob shook her once, sharply trying to bring her attention up to him as she sobbed in pain. When she finally met his eye, she was surprised to see that he didn’t even look upset. He looked scared like he had a better idea of what was happening than she did.

Oh, _fuck._

“It’s too early for that! Isn’t it too early?” She screamed, trying to jerk out of his grasp like that would change the reality of the situation.

“Grace, it’s going to be okay. Just keep walking around the room, back and forth. Nice and easy.” Jacob gently released her, taking a step back to watch what she did. Grace felt like a newborn giraffe with how badly her legs wobbled beneath her, doing her best to follow his command as he disappeared into the bathroom to gather up towels. She had half expected him to mop up the mess she had made on the chair but he immediately went to work with pulling one of the cheap mattresses down to the ground and setting the towels to the side.

“I’m going to die today,” she ground out as she followed his orders, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other as she made her way from one end of the confined bunker to the other. She knew she wasn’t ready for this. She doubted that she ever would have been, even if it’d been a perfect world and they hadn’t faced a nuclear annihilation not even two years ago. “Will you _please_ call Fall’s End?”

“We can handle this,” Jacob argued, not even bothering to look at her as he piled their few pillows on the mattress, stripping it of its cheap sheet. While he sounded as confident as he could get, Grace wasn’t so sure. She didn’t exactly trust him to cut her open with his massive combat knife if anything were to go wrong.

“Maybe you can,” she snapped at him, wrapping her arms around her stomach as another spasm ripped through her. “Fucking you was the worst idea I’ve ever had.”

“Probably,” Jacob agreed as he finally looked up at her with a frown etched into his scarred features. Jesus, how was their kid supposed to not be afraid of him, looking like that? Then again, it wasn’t like they’d have anyone else to compare it to for the first several years of their life. “How far apart are your contractions?”

“How the fuck should I know? It’s not like we have a clock down here or anything.”

“If you’re getting this snappy now, I can’t wait until I have to deal with you when it comes time to push, deputy.” Grace snarled at him, knowing full well that she sounded downright feral as he only laughed at her, pushing himself up off of the ground and making his way into the storage closet. “My mother gave birth to John at home. Too expensive to go to a hospital a third time. Fuck, I’m pretty sure they were still paying Joseph and I off by the time he rolled around,” Jacob explained as he stepped back into their living space, holding their small collection of pots and pans.

“Let me guess,” Grace ground out, pausing in her steps to brace herself against the cots as another contraction hit her, “you had to deliver your brother yourself because woe is you, nothing good has ever happened to Jacob Seed.”

“No.” Jacob didn’t even look at her as he went to the bathroom, calmly filling each container with water. “Some lady from church came to be her doula. My father sat in his recliner and drank as my mother screamed and screamed.”

“How were the cops not called?”

“Even if they were, do you know how long it takes law enforcement officers to give a shit and actually go into slums in this country?” Grace almost bit her lip but stopped herself in fear of accidentally biting it off it a contraction manager to surprise her. She knew about his past, sure, but how much did she really know? Grace was raised knowing that she could go to the police if she ever needed help. It was obvious the Seed Brothers didn’t have that same luxury. “It was past due for a collapse.”

“Can’t we just call Fall’s End, Jacob? You and I have no real idea of what we’re doing here! I don’t even know what a doula is!” She wished that her mother was here, holding her hand and pressing kisses against her sweat soaked brow. She wished Addie was around to actually give her some kind of advice. She wished she actually wanted this.

“They’re like a midwife but don’t actually pull the kid out.” His words didn’t exactly reassure her and a part of her didn’t think they were exactly meant to. It’s not like he’d be acting as her doula or anything to begin with. If anything, it just served to remind her how woefully inadequate their situation was to handle something like this. 

“I’m so glad you’re my midwife.” If he was annoyed by her, he didn’t let it show as he set up the water over their little burner, arranging things to go perfectly in order. The deputy supposed she should be happy enough that she was here with Jacob instead of nearly anyone else in the county. Not that she would have gotten pregnant by half the men she had known, but he was leaps and bounds better than someone like Chad Wolanski or that bogus CIA dickbag who’d hightailed it outta of there the second he didn't need her anymore. She was sure Chad was a sweet guy once you got to know him but… Well, she just had no desire to find out first hand. Grace couldn’t help but shudder at the thought of some of the other bachelors in Hope County. “If you’re cold, go take a hot shower. Might help relax you.”

“I’m not,” she protested with a grunt, knowing that riling him by talking about other men might not be the best idea at the moment. “I’m… I’m scared I’m going to die in some bullshit hole in the middle of nowhere and my friends will never know. Besides, I already took a long one today.”

“What? You think I wouldn’t tell them you died?”

“No, but would you tell them _how_ I died?” Grace snapped as another wave of pain overtook her body. Jacob didn’t bother to respond, let alone look at her as he grew quiet. Grace thought about Joseph’s ill-fated daughter and hoped that the other Seeds would have better luck bringing the next generation into the world, if only for her sake.

“Grace, kitten, don’t you think there’s other things you could be wasting your time thinkin’ about instead of that shit?” The old soldier finally ground out, casting a look at her over his shoulder as he set a boiling pot of water off to the side. “Hell, think about how you can annoy the shit out of me with help from another human being in just a few years.”

“Well, when you put it that way, it sure sounds fun,” she whimpered, pressing a hand against her stomach and feeling a sense of relief when the baby made a show of kicking back in protest. At least they seemed to be doing just fine. “Not like I can’t already do that now by calling Sharky or anyone else on the radio.”

“Why don’t you call Dutch and let them distract you for a bit?” He was being nice to the degree that it was starting to put her on edge but Grace knew that if she pointed it out to him, Jacob would likely snap at her and return to his cruelty.

“During Joseph’s sermon? Dutch would immediately know something was wrong. Besides, I don’t know if I’d be able to keep sudden screams of pain from him, Jacob.” God, she would kill to have her mother there with her, telling her not to worry and that everything was going to be okay in the end. Jacob grunted behind her, knowing full well that she was right, but didn’t say a word as he just moved on to the next container. As she watched him between squeezing her eyes shut, his movements seemed almost mechanical as he prepared for her, moving the boiling containers to rest on the floor carefully out of her pathway as she paced back and forth.

“That spark Faith was talking about,” Jacob spoke up quietly, still looking away from her as the words seemed to tumble from his lips. “Think she knew about this somehow?”

“How could she have? And I told you, her name is Joey Hudson,” Grace hissed, wishing the pain would just hurry up and be over with already. “Neither of us have ever so much as mentioned it to anyone. Unless John’s been telling anyone who’ll listen about us.” Jacob grunted and finally left the water alone, moving to walk beside her as she continued on her path. “I don’t need any help walking, Jacob.”

“I doubt it. You look about ready to fall over and die.” He wrapped an arm around her back as he followed her, the feel of his giant hand pressed against her back bringing her a warm comfort as much as she hated to admit it.

“How’d you get to be so _fuckin’_ kind, Jakey?” Grace bit out, reaching for his free hand to clasp tightly in hers as their kid tried to use her liver as a springboard out of her body.

“You already know, little girl,” he chuckled as if she didn’t have his hand locked in the tightest death grip she could manage. “With any luck, our kid’ll look like you.” She wanted to point out they’d probably look like the rest of his brothers, knowing how luck had abandoned her long ago but she didn’t really want to accidentally jinx herself. God, what would she do if she somehow gave birth to a carbon copy of John? It was possible, the genetics were technically there for it to happen. Talk about being in the deepest pits of hell.

“As long as they’re nicer than you,” she scoffed, leaning more of her weight against his frame as her steps got more difficult. The urge to crawl into a tiny ball and disappear washed over her again, but Jacob’s hands around her grounded her to her thoughts. Try as she might, there was no escaping the hell that was right in front of her nose.

“Grace,” his tone took on that exasperated quality to it that she’d long since grown used to and she already knew where he was going. They’d discussed it hundreds of times over the months, about how he thought their kid would have no choice but to be stone cold if they had any hope of surviving. The deputy hadn’t wanted to hear it then and she didn’t want to hear it now.

“Jacob, I want you to shut the hell up about that weakness shit for at least a month after your child crawls their way out of my body, do you hear me?” Grace groundout, making a point to dig her nails sharply into his hand to make sure she got her point across. “Hell, for all we know, your kid and I could be dead in an hour.” His fingers twitched against her but he kept his thoughts to himself as she felt herself slowing down. Every new contraction brought a new spike of fear, regret for not calling Dutch when she’d had the opportunity clawing sharply at the back of her mind.

Sweat clung to what felt like every part of her, making her more and more uncomfortable with every moment that slipped by. It would be pointless to take a shower now, knowing how filthy she would be getting soon enough. Even though Grace probably smelled like roadkill on a hot summer day, Jacob didn't complain once as he walked beside her. Instead he shushed her screams, pressed his brow against her head, and whispered praises for how strong she was, how beautiful. They were lies but they were sweet ones. He only let her go to reheat the cooling water, rubbing comforting circles into her back whenever he returned to her.

“Jacob, I want the Sheriff. I want Earl,” Grace found herself sobbing out, desperate for any kind of familiar comfort.

“Grace, we haven't heard from him since The Collapse,” he pointed out as gently as he could, keeping his voice low and calm. “Do you want to call that hack priest in Fall’s End?” 

“You hate my friends.”

“You hate my family.” He was right but she ignored him in favor of screaming herself hoarse as another contraction struck, this one not far from the one before it. “How's it coming, baby? How we doin’?” If she wasn't so sure she was dying, Grace would have laughed at how thick his accent was getting as worry overcame him.

“I'm dying.”

“You ain't dying. You're going to grow old and watch our boy become a hero just like his momma.”

“Girl,” she protested weakly, gesturing wildly to the mattress on the floor. Grace didn't know if it was time but goddamn she was sick of walking. Jacob helped her peel her ruined underwear off, quickly tossing it out of the way to try to help her get more comfortable. “If I start to die in childbirth, I swear to god you had better put me out of my misery and shoot me in the fucking head, Jacob Whatever Seed.”

“It's Elijah. My middle name.”

“Fuck you, Jacob Elijah Seed. Fucking promise me.” Jacob had the nerve to actually grin at her, quickly leaning across her to try and steal a kiss from her. Furious, Grace gnashed her teeth at him, just aching for an opportunity to rip his throat out with her teeth. “Letting you fuck me was a mistake.”

“If I have anything to thank god for, darlin’, it's for you making that mistake.” At some point, Grace was sure that young and idyllic part of her would have made her cling to the sweet nonsense Jacob whispered to her as he pressed towels warmed by the hot water against her. He had made her bitter, though. Even if she wanted to take comfort in his words, her back spasmed in another painful reminder that he didn't actually love her. She didn't know if Jacob was truly capable of loving someone who wasn't one of his brothers, but Grace hoped that he at least loved their child. “How we doin’, baby?”

“Just peachy,” she whimpered, letting her head drop back as the towels helped to relax straining muscles. God, she did not want to think about how things looked from where Jacob sat. “Jacob? I hate you for doing this to me.”

“I know, darlin’. I think it's getting to be about that time, Grace. Tell me again what Jess said the doctor told her about breathing and all that, will ya?” Grace glared at him, knowing perfectly well that he was just trying to distract her, but as another contraction hit and Grace felt something pull, she couldn't help the scream that ravaged her throat.

“I can't breathe!” She hollered, her nails feeling like they were breaking as she dug them into the mattress beneath her. “Holy shit, I'm dying!”

“You're not,” he insisted, trying to quickly pull a blood-soaked towel from her line of sight, “everything is going to be fine and you'll have her in your arms in no time at all, Grace. You're doing great.”

“Fuck you!” The breathing exercises didn't seem to do much for her as she struggled to follow Jacob’s increasingly less confident directions. The anger that erupted in her chest at the thought of actually dying down there gave her enough strength to reach out to try to grab him. Her fingers were too short to bridge the gap, but she had his attention all the same. “Call Fall's End. _Please,_ Jacob.” She knew there wasn't a damn thing they could do but maybe the sound of friendly voices would help coax her through this. His pale eyes flickered downward with a frown and Grace tried to stay brave. Sweat dripped into her eyes as she waited for Jacob to answer her, following his silent commands to try to spread her legs a little wider, to try to keep her breathing even, to _push_ when it came time for it.

But she couldn't. It hurt too badly. Grace felt like she'd been in another helicopter crash, everything hurt so intensely.

“Grace, baby, you've gotta try harder!” It was the first time she had ever heard Jacob sound panicked and she laughed through the pain. She was right. She really was dying. “Push!”

“Jacob, I,” she tried to force herself to continue talking, to get the point across that she just wasn’t capable of it and that he’d been right all along. She was too weak for any of this. The words failed her as another scream crawled its way out of her, broken and hollow. Trying to push and scream seemed like the only two things she was capable of doing any more, so she put all of her effort into them, bracing her feet against his jean-clad knees as she tried her best to follow his gentle directions.

For a brief moment, she wondered what Joseph’s sermon had been about.

“Hold on a second, baby, I’ll be right back.” She wanted to kill him for getting up and leaving her, vanishing into the bathroom again when she was so obviously on her deathbed but he was back before she could figure out how to make the words intelligible. She tried to watch him tuck the medkit out of the way, but her vision was blurry from all the sweat that dripped into her eyes. Or was that tears? She wasn’t sure anymore. “You’re doing good, Grace.”

“How close is it?” The deputy managed to bite out, wishing she had the strength to kick Jacob in the head for lying to her so much.

“Close,” he told her, glancing up and trying to force a smile at her. 

“It’s bad, isn’t it?” She thought she asked, but she wasn’t sure if he could hear her around clenched teeth. Jacob ignored her as he grabbed another fresh towel, gently pressing on her stomach with a blood-soaked hand. Grace howled in pain at the pressure, swearing to any god she could think of that she would tear him apart, bit by bit the second she could.

“Oh fuck,” Jacob yelped, his voice higher than she’d ever heard it before. “Grace, keep pushing!”

“What the _fuck_ do you think I’ve been doing, you gigantic asshole?” He glared up at her with a snarl, his fingers digging into her ankle as he directed his attention back downwards. 

“I think that’s his head,” Jacob grunted, reaching for another fresh towel as he spoke. “Grace, you’re doing great.”

“Fuck you, you don’t know that.” Jacob glared at her again, his eyes tight around the corners with his failing patience for her quickly slipping away. Grace didn’t care, she could barely see as the pain seemed to be like the only thing she could feel anymore. She felt like she was slipping, falling out of herself as she struggled to try to follow his command and push already. It wasn’t until her voice gave out that Grace even realized that she had been babbling incoherently, barely able to keep her head up.

“Grace? Grace!” She tried to hold on, she really did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Found out my cat has feline acne and I had to make fun of her for it. I have been working on the next chapter since June and I am high-key excited for it. I'm Motical on tumblr and don't worry, I'm half dead there, too.
> 
> Here's to hoping that everyone enjoys the holiday of their choosing to its fullest potential!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **  
> _“I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams we can be together all the time.”_  
>  **

“ _Grace._ ” 

The young woman wasn’t sure exactly how long her eyes had been closed for but she opened them with a snap, looking around and wondering if it was just a blink or a full nap. The first thing that Grace noticed was the brightly colored party hat that Cheeseburger was wearing, the bright red and cheerful green spots clashing oddly with his thick, blue collar. She grinned at her furry friend and reached out to wrap her arms around his massive neck. “Oh, you silly old bear,” she sobbed, burying her face in the thick fur. “I’ve missed you so.”

“Oh, Grace,” Cheeseburger greeted her, sitting back on his haunches after she released his neck. “It’s good to see you again.” The forest was almost overly bright around them, a stream bubbling away somewhere without a care in the whole wide world.

“Where have you been?” She found herself asking him, setting off towards the stream. Her voice sounded small, almost childlike, but she didn't think anything of it. She'd sounded like this before. “I haven’t seen you in so long.” She didn’t have to look behind her to know that Cheeseburger was trailing behind her, wobbling along on his hind legs as she made her way down the worn and somewhat familiar path.

“It has been a long time,” the bear agreed happily, “you had things to do.”

“I wish I hadn’t done them,” she sighed even though she couldn’t quite remember what she had done, stopping when she got to the river finally. She didn’t recognize it as being any of the rivers of the Whitetail Mountains and stood there frowning as Cheeseburger lumbered up behind her.

“Do them you did,” Cheeseburger pointed out, plopping down heavily on the ground with a soft ‘oof’ and a relaxed smile. “You can fall down, you can feel like you’ve failed, but you just need to keep getting back up, up, up again, Grace.” There was a strange echo ringing out in the woods, but Grace couldn’t hear it clearly. She looked around and frowned. It sounded familiar, but odd somehow. She got the feeling that it was a sad noise and she didn’t like hearing it.

“I think I’ll stay here with you for a little bit, if that’s okay, Cheeseburger.” She tugged on the red balloon that had appeared tied to her wrist just like she had done when she was little and her mother bought her a balloon just as big and just as red at the county fair. She watched it bob up and down in the breeze, gently swaying as she moved her hand this way and that way.

“A day spent with you is my favorite day,” Cheeseburger pointed out, laying back on the soft grass and stretching lazily. “So today is my new favorite day.” Grace sat next to him with a grin, letting herself fall back on the grass to join him. He always found the best spots for naps. Through the canopy of the trees, clouds puffed on by, some shaped like silly rabbits, some like little lambs, and others looking more like fierce wolves. Grace found that she didn’t like those clouds very much and liked even less how they looked like they would spill rain at any second.

“Cheese, do you think it’s gonna rain? I don’t want our perfect day perfectly ruined.” Cheeseburger considered the slowly moving clouds with her, huffing as he pointed a massive paw towards a particularly large wolf that crept into view.

“That one looks sad. They get sad when they’re all by their lonesomes, you know.”

“I know.” She didn’t want to look at the clouds anymore. The sound was ringing through the forest again but she still couldn’t make out what it was over the water trickling by around them. “I’m afraid of wolves.”

“They don’t have to look like wolves,” Cheeseburger pointed out simply, drawing her attention towards a small one that followed the scary looking one closely. “That one there makes me wonder what Boomer is doing. Should we go find him? I saw him picking pumpkins to pickle earlier.” Grace looked at the small cloud he’d pointed out to her and felt a wave of sadness crash into her from nowhere. She did miss Boomer and Peaches, too. It had to be that.

“Well, we might as well.” She stood up and watched as the massive bear rolled back onto his feet, taking a moment to dust off the blades of grass that had stuck stubbornly to his rump. Grace couldn’t help the giggle that welled up in her, merrily chasing away the sorrow she had felt only moments before. “Wait, Cheeseburger, I don’t know how to get to the pumpkin patch! I don’t even know where we are!”

“Oh, think, think, think,” Cheeseburger folded his arms across his chest and tapped his temple with a claw that was even bigger than her tiny hand. He hummed softly to himself as he looked around the woods in thought. “You’ve been here before, but where is here?”

She looked at the stream and tried to will herself to remember, but there was a soft crying coming from the woods now. A part of her wanted to be afraid of the noise, to run and hide from whatever was making it, but it seemed to fade into hardly anything as she tugged thoughtfully on her balloon and tried to think. If she knew where she’d been, she would know where she was. “Well,” Grace finally mumbled in defeat, growing more afraid of the woods around them, “let’s just go this way for now.” Together they crossed a log that had fallen across the stream, balancing easily on the old wood as Cheeseburger began humming a little tune she recognized but couldn’t place where she knew it from behind her. The small, scared part of her froze at the little love song sounding tune, but she closed her eyes and smiled. It made her feel important to someone, which was an admittedly strange feeling to have. Being something to someone felt like how a blanket felt, fresh from the dryer and wrapped tightly around her shoulders on a cold winter’s day.

The pumpkin patch was closer than Grace thought it would be and sure enough, there was Boomer with his head trapped inside a giant pumpkin. There was a cheerful jack-o-lantern carved onto the gourd. It reminded her of the picture her father always kept in his wallet. It had been the Halloween before she turned seven and her mother was still alive. Her face forever stuck in a grimace while she was elbow deep in a pumpkin her mother was drawing a massive grin on. Grace smiled back at the pumpkin and wandered closer to Boomer. “Oh, Boomer, how did you get stuck in such a mess like this?”

“Thanks for noticin’ me,” Boomer gruffed out, his voice muffled by the pumpkin. “There was a nice and blue butterfly trapped inside.” Grace reached out and tugged gently on the pink bow tied to the end of Boomer’s tail and giggled again.

“It’s good of you to help something so small it can’t help itself.” She looked back at Cheeseburger and felt a frown twist over her features. He was eating a big plate of cheeseburgers, happy as can be. She didn’t remember what exactly but she had a feeling that there was something wrong. It stuck to her mind and she blinked when the sobbing sound rang through the pumpkin patch, sending a shiver down her spine despite the warmth of the day. “Do you guys hear that?”

“Sounds like rain to me,” Cheeseburger sighed, gulping down another burger without even pausing to chew. She would have giggled again at the sight, but the thought of rain was making her too sad to. She knew her luck had to run out at some time but at least it was only silly old rain on their happy little day.

“The nicest thing about the rain is that it always stops,” Boomer added in, shaking his head to try to dislodge the pumpkin. “Eventually.” Grace supposed that he had a point, but the thought was still a little bit of a sad one. She would have to leave if it rained, she knew. No one wanted to be stuck outside in the rain.

“Still, I don’t think I want it to rain today,” she argued quietly. She wasn’t sure if she was speaking to anyone or just saying for it to be said. She finally reached down and helped Boomer slip his head out of the pumpkin and smiled at the seeds stuck to his nose. There was no butterfly in sight when she looked inside.

“Don’t blame me if it rains.” She smiled at the morose little Boomer, plucking the seed from his nose and offering it to him to eat. Grace looked around the pumpkin patch and couldn’t help but grin when she spotted a tail wandering along between rows, looking for all the world like a little sail on a ship. “Looks like it’ll be worse than rain coming,” Boomer sighed and wandered over to Cheeseburger to help that silly bear eat his burgers.

While Grace was watching them eat the hamburgers, something pounced on her back. Rather than sending her crashing to the ground, she was spun around in a strong set of arms while Peaches danced around with her. “Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!” Peaches said by way of greeting, pulling her in closer for a tight hug. “I’ve missed you, Gracie!”

“Peachie,” Grace crooned, hugging the cougar back just as tight. “Now, where’d you go off to?”

“I had a lot of bouncin’ and pouncin’ to do!” The large cat announced, hopping away from her on one foot and then the other. “You had some bouncin’ of your own, you said. You’d come back and get me when you were done, you said. Does this mean you’re done now? You said!”

“I’m not sure,” she admitted, looking at her wrist and wondering where her balloon had run off to now. “I had something to do, but I don’t know what it is now.” She could have sworn she felt the words on the tip of her tongue, eager to spill over but when she opened her mouth, nothing came out.

“Sounds like it wasn’t very important, then,” Peaches guessed, dancing around Cheeseburger and Boomer who did their best to ignore her. Grace frowned and looked away from them, trying to think. She didn’t think Peaches was right, but if it really was important, wouldn’t she remember?

“Oh bother,” Cheeseburger sighed when Boomer swiped the last of their lunch. “That was a perfectly good cheeseburger, Boomer.”

“It was,” Boomer agreed, licking his chops and thumping his tail against the ground. Grace watched his tail, half afraid it would pop right off of him if he kept hitting it against the ground so hard, but there was that awful sound again, pulling her away from her friends.

“You have to have heard that,” she cried, falling back against the soft ground and burying her face in her hands. “It’s getting louder, I know it. Like a big bad wolf knocking on my door. Knock knock _knock_!”

“What would you like to do?” Cheeseburger asked her, wandering up beside her. She looked at him and considered his honey eyes and smiled.

“I don’t know but I know where I want to go.”

“Over the river and through the woods,” Peaches sang as she bounced over, playfully batting at the air with her big paws. “To grandmother’s house we go!” Grace smiled and shook her head no. Her mother wasn’t a grandmother, that was just silly. As the gang started walking, the wailing resumed, choppy echoings seemingly nipping at their heels with every step. Surrounded by her friends, it was easy to ignore.

The path was peaceful and well worn as Grace skipped between her friends, giggling and twirling in the gentle breeze. The scary clouds were gone, replaced by all sorts of things from planes to bow and even to an arrow. Grace liked those much better, she decided with a nod and a smile. They reminded her of loves far away but their names danced around her mind, just out of her grasp. It didn't bother her as much, she knew deep in her heart that they were there to stay.

Peaches clasped their hands together, humming a Merry little tune as she walked along. Grace remembered this one and it made her oh so happy to hear. She had always loved her father scooping her up in his massive arms, spinning her around and around in the kitchen, and dancing with her as he sang it to her mother all those years ago. Or had it just been last night that he'd done it? She just couldn't be sure anymore. If she closed her eyes and tilted her face up toward the sun, she swore she could feel his arms around her again, strong and safe.

“ _By the waters, the waters of Babylon,_ ” Cheeseburger and Boomer softly joined in on the singing, linking hands together and happily padding along. “ _We lay down and wept, and wept, for thee Zion._ ”

“ _We remember thee, remember thee, remember thee Zion,_ ” Grace finished with them, her heart swelling with hope at the lyrics. They were sad words, her daddy had confided in her once, but so long as you keep the memory of something you want to come and be again, then you have hope that someday it will be again. It hadn't made sense then but she knew she understood it now, even if she couldn't think of what it had meant.

All it took was a glimmer of hope, Marcus Clark had told her a lifetime ago.

“ _Daughter Babylon, doomed to destruction happy is the one who repays you according to what you have done to us._ ” Grace heard the voice ring clearly through the woods and couldn't keep the smile from her face. She knew that voice and was happy as could be to be away from him. He blamed her for nasty things she hadn't done. One day she would pay him back in kind, even if she didn't know how yet.

When she looked back to her friends, it was Boomer’s hand she held now, Peaches having vanished into the sunshine without a word of goodbye. Grace felt her heart sink but a part of her knew that was the way it was always meant to happen.

“Grace, do you want to hear a story?” Cheeseburger asked her out of the blue, drawing her attention away from the missing Peaches. She knew that there were always people you just didn't get a chance to say goodbye to, but it still made her sad. Cheeseburger must have known that a story would have been just the thing to cheer her up again.

“Cheese, I would love nothing more,” she smiled at the bear, squeezing Boomer’s rough paw tightly in her hand.

“There once was a little boy, he really was his brothers’ joy. One day he had tracked in mud after it rained, and boy oh boy did he leave that kitchen bloodstained. Oh how they made him admit, to sins and sins he did not commit.”

“That is a bad story,” she frowned, shivering and looking away. “I don’t like hearing that sort of thing, Cheese.” The bear didn’t seem to hear her as they continued on their merry way, stopping to watch the fat honeybees bumble by and the way the sunflowers bobbed in the breeze.

“I’m sorry, Grace,” Boomer sighed, resting his head against her shoulder as they followed after Cheeseburger. “Not every story is a happy one.” She knew that in the same way she’d known that her own story wasn’t a happy one. That didn’t mean she didn’t want to hear good things at least once in a while.

“Boomer, were you happy? I miss you so much and I’m sorry.” Grace couldn’t put her finger on exactly what she was sorry for but the grief welled up in her heart all the same.

“With you, I was,” the canine confided in her, giving her a soft and sad smile as he spoke. “You loved me as much as I loved you.”

“I still love you,” she protested weakly, knowing in her heart that she always would.

“I know. Sometimes love isn’t enough to keep things from happening, Grace.” He gave her another sad smile as he let go of her hand, his tail swishing behind him as he caught up with Cheeseburger. Grace stayed behind, watching as her friends followed the path before them. Again, she heard the noises among the branches and when she looked around, she couldn’t see anything at all. A chill crept down her spine despite the warmth of the day and Grace hurried to keep up.

“Grace?” Cheeseburger asked as she wrapped her arms around him from behind, doing her absolute best to envelope his massive frame in her small arms. “What’s gotten into your silly head?”

“I don’t ever want you to forget how much I love you.”

“To the moon and back?” He asked with a smile.

“To the moon and back,” she confirmed with a grin. She knew it in her heart to be true, despite the pang of regret that made her heart falter in her chest. Grace forced herself to keep smiling, determined not to let her friends have their perfectly perfect days be ruined by her.

By the time they had reached where they had always perhaps meant to go, her heart felt three times lighter when her eyes landed on her grandmother's cabin, unchanged by the sands of time. With light blue shutters, the blue tin roof, and the dark logs, it really was the cabin she had spent her summers in. Memories bubbled to the back of her mind, warm, soothing, and just out of reach. White daisies dotted clumps across the yard as the trio made their way closer. 

Grace found her eyes drawn to the mailbox, the funny little painted on ducks forever frozen mid-flight on it just under the carefully printed ‘ _Clark Family_ ’ that her grandfather touched up each and every spring. The cherry red mailbox flag stood proudly at attention, silently begging her to open it for whatever treats it stored inside. 

With a grin thrown over her shoulder to Cheeseburger, she opened the mailbox and looked at the small, red velvet box that waited for her inside just like it had waited for her a lifetime ago. Grinning, she reached into it and pulled it out. “What’s that?” Cheeseburger asked, shuffling up next to her to look over her shoulder.

“It’s what I miss the most,” she told him, carefully opening the box and grinning at how the small gold star caught the sunlight. It was proof of what she was, even though they’d never followed anything, never did anything special or celebrated things. It was the Star of David her mother had gotten her when she knew she was dying. She had worn it every day forever and ever, but Grace had left it behind because… Well, she couldn’t remember why, but she remembered that she’d been worried about something in the news.

“Do you want me to help you put it on?” Cheeseburger asked, clapping his paws together in excitement. Grace grinned back and moved to hand him the box but there was something wrong. She didn’t have anything in her hands anymore and the mailbox was closed. She opened the mailbox again but it was as empty as her hands and Grace began to cry. “Oh, Grace, I’m sorry.” Grace frowned at the mailbox and closed it again, her hand lingering on the small metal handle. The breeze played with her hair and she looked off towards it. She couldn’t help but smile, the scent of flowers lingering on the breeze. Without even thinking of it, she opened the mailbox again and this time there was a box sitting inside, glittery and blue. “Oh, what’s that? Something new for you?”

“Maybe,” Grace smiled at Cheeseburger and reluctantly reached for the box. She held onto it, rubbing her thumb over the velvet for a second before she opened it. It was a cross, but it wasn’t like any she had seen before even though it was familiar in some way. It almost looked like an iron cross, a thought that made her shiver and frown, but it was different somehow. “Do you want this?” She asked Cheeseburger, holding the box out to him. “I don’t think it’s for me.”

“I don’t think it’s for me, either,” Cheeseburger frowned, gently pushing the offered box away from him. “Perhaps we should find you a collar like mine?” He asked, pointing to his burger covered collar with a massive claw. Grace giggled and put the box back in the mailbox, shutting it and wrapping an arm around Cheeseburger’s furry one.

“I would love a collar like yours, Cheeseburger.” They walked arm in arm together towards where she knew there was a garden, her eyes sliding closed as she tilted her face up to let the warmth from the sun reign down on her. “What would be on mine?”

“Hmm,” Cheeseburger considered, scratching his chin and looking around cheerfully. “Perhaps a cake? Or maybe some honey?” Grace laughed but shook her head. Neither of those sounded right for her. “How about a sheriff star?” Grace stopped walking and considered him for a second, feeling like there was something itching at the back of her mind, begging her to just remember already.

“No… No, I don’t think that’s right for me either.” She already had a star once, one that glittered golden in the sun but she lost it, left it where she thought it’d be safe. Well, she’d lost two now but those things happened. Nothing was supposed to last forever. She reached up and felt the area around her collarbone where one of her stars had hung once before, only to find raised skin that seemed to weep and burn. “Cheeseburger? How long have I been bleeding?”

“Since you came,” he smiled at her, reaching out to tap a claw against her fingers.“There was a man, no more than a boy. Grew up too soon, a baby on the way. He didn’t have much, he didn’t have pay. His wife went away, never to come back. His daughter in his hands, held tight until slack. There is a man, no longer a boy.” Grace frowned at the odd rhyme, thinking it over carefully. She felt like it was a story she had heard before, but where? And from who?

“Cheeseburger, who told you these stories? They’re so very sad and it makes me sad.” Her companion didn’t seem to hear her as he bumbled along, pausing to sniff at flowers every so often. Grace looked down at the sticky black blood covering her fingers and would have wiped them on her pants, but she was wearing such a pretty dress now. It would be such a shame to stain the silvery white. The Father would be mad. Her father? No. _The_ Father.

“Grace, do you think we should find us some more cheeseburgers?” The bear asked, pulling on her arm to get her to keep walking. “I am getting awfully hungry again.” Cheeseburger patted his stomach with one hand, rumbling softly to himself as he sadly looked around.

When she looked around herself, Grace realized that this time it was Boomer who had vanished from sight without so much as a peep. She sighed, wishing that he had at least given her the chance to say goodbye to him but she knew life worked out that way sometimes. Her own mother hadn’t gotten the chance to say her farewells before she departed and Grace knew there was someone she needed to say goodbye to. Then again, she didn’t have a clue as to where she was going and for the life of her couldn’t figure out his name. For a moment, she didn’t think he had one but that couldn’t be true. Everyone had a name.

She followed behind Cheeseburger as he ambled along in search of some more of his namesake, whistling that same tune from before softly to himself. She wanted to sing along, but the words to the song seemed to stick to the tip of her tongue like molasses, stubborn and heavy. She tried her best to push the story from her mind despite how it seemed to echo through her. She knew it once before and it had scared her just as badly to hear it the first time, too. Grace remembered being hungry. She remembered praying to any god who would listen for rain, just for some kind of relief from the pain.

Grace didn’t like those memories too much.

Cheeseburger did not seem to notice her discomfort as he ambled along around the side of Grandma Clark’s cabin, humming softly to himself in search of more burgers. As badly as she yearned to, Grace kept herself from looking into the cabin’s windows, scared of what she might see inside. She knew that she had seen too many cabins torn apart, although she wasn’t sure where. It might have been in a movie but Grace was getting awful tired of not being able to remember a single thing clearly.

She did remember being brave once but it all seemed so long ago, Grace really wasn’t sure if it had happened after all. She missed who she used to be.

“Cheese?” Grace found herself asking as she stopped to plant herself on a wooden bench. The bear wandered back to her, pausing to sniff at some flowers on his way.

“Grace? What’s got you in such a lump, my littlest love?” If she closed her eyes tight enough, she could hear her father’s voice saying those words again.

“Do you ever wish you could go back to who you were before things made you the way you are?”

“I don’t know that it could ever be forgot,” the bear pointed out softly with a sullen grumble as he plopped down beside her on the gravel covered ground. For just a second, the breeze carried a scent she knew like the back of her hand on it, as comforting as her mother’s perfume but so very different.

“I think I’ve forgotten it.” The admission brought tears to her eyes, hot and burning as she tried to wipe them away with an angry fist. “I think I want to be forgotten. I don’t deserve much else. Not anymore.”

“It’s too late for that, my dearest friend.” His paw patted her comfortingly on the shoulder as he spoke, muzzling his massive head against her neck. “He won’t ever forget you.”

“Who?”

“You’ll love him one day,” Cheeseburger said instead, squeezing her tight. “Hold him in your arms, look him in the eye, and you will be glad to lose your heart to him.”

“What if I don’t want to?” She knew it was perhaps childish but how was she supposed to react to something like that? Some secret part of her heart whispered to her that it would mean her death one day.

“You’d let him die?” The giant grizzly bear asked with a look colder than… She didn’t know but she knew that look as well as she knew ice blue eyes.

“I don’t know who he is.”

“The son of the father.”

“But I don’t know who the father is, Cheeseburger!” She knew the words to be a lie as she spoke them. It seemed like the entire world knew who the father was.

“Grace, one day he will be strong for you. Until then, you have to remember how to be strong yourself.”

“Please don’t leave me. I’m afraid to be alone,” Grace reached for him, petrified that he would vanish just like Boomer and Peaches had before him. He smiled the sort of sad smile that comes with knowing something that was better left unsaid and looked away from her.

"One thing you should know, no matter where I go, we'll always be together." She clasped their hands together and forced herself to laugh, jumping up from the bench and pulling him into a hug.

“Oh, just look at me, Cheese! I’ve gone and ruined our perfectly perfect day, haven’t I? Will you ever forgive me?” Cheeseburger laughed and scooped her up into his massive arms, spinning her around with glee. She clung to him, digging her fingers into the course fur covering his arms and for just a moment of time, she could swear that someone else to clutching her close to their chest at the same time.

By the time she blinked, the sensation was gone.

“Oh my, Grace! You couldn’t ruin this perfectly perfect day if you tried! It’s good to say the thoughts in your head when things need to be said!” He put her down once more, her shiny black ballet flats hitting the gravel carefully. Cheeseburger kept his paws on her, leaning forward until his forehead was pressed firmly against hers in a sign of love and devotion.

“Cheeseburger, are you sure I haven’t done anything to muck it up?” Her voice felt small to her again, standing on her tiptoes to try and press her face even closer to his. Grace couldn’t put her finger on exactly where she had learned that such signs were proof of your love for someone, sharing your breath and devotion with that person, but she found that she was okay with not knowing in this case.

“I’m positive,” he confirmed as he pulled away from her. "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

“Is it time to say goodbye now?”

“Not just yet, my littlest love.” She grinned up at him, even though she was saddened that he had pulled away from her so soon. Grace knew that good things had to eventually draw to an end though. Even her story would someday be forgotten, no matter what that silly old bear said.

“Cheeseburger? Can I ask you where Boomer and Peaches went off to? I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to them and I need them to know that I love them.”

“They already know, Deputy,” the bear smiled at her and the title felt wrong. She had been that once but not in a long time. Grace knew that she had done some terrible things before. Things that broke people’s hearts, that she thought was the right thing to do. But that hadn’t been true, had it? Things didn’t turn out the way anyone had thought.

But that wasn’t true either, was it?

“Can you tell them when you see them next? Just as a reminder?” She smiled up at her giant friend, once more reaching for his enormous paws. He gave her that sad little smile again but still nodded his head, turning away from her once more as he began humming her father’s song again.

They made their way around the cabin to the backyard that should have lead into the neighbor’s wheat field with their happy little scarecrows. Instead, there was a barn she’d never seen before, painted a faded red, half chipped away with time. It didn’t smell like it’d kept animals in it for a very long time but it scared Grace nonetheless.

Something terrible had once happened in that barn but she knew it hadn’t been to her.

Cheeseburger held her hand and tried to lead her towards the barn, but she dug her heels into the soft earth, wishing she had her boots for better traction.

“Cheese, I don’t think going near that place is a good idea. What if we get lockjaw from a rusty nail? I don’t know when the last time I saw a doctor was!”

“It isn’t safe,” the bear agreed, finally letting go of her hand and sitting on the ground again. As Grace looked around them, she realized that her grandmother’s house had disappeared and they were somewhere she had never seen before.

The air was the sort of stickiness that clung to the back of your throat whenever you tried to breathe as the gentle breeze only succeeded in bringing more humidity along with it. Spanish moss hung lazily from the branches of trees surrounding them and Grace could hear the sharp song of a cicada call on the wind. The only thing that had remained from where they had once been was that terrible barn before them, standing there as if it were a beacon of all the things that had gone wrong in life. But not hers. Someone else’s.

“Cheeseburger, where are we? How did we end up here?” The noise of the cicadas seemed to grow ever louder around them, feeling as if something were closing in on them. Something was coming and she only wanted to run as far as she could to escape whatever it may be.

“Well, you know what they say, Grace,” the bear grinned at her, “when in Rome!”

“That isn’t funny,” she complained, her voice suddenly older than she’d ever heard it before. “Cheese, I don’t know what’s going on but I want to go home now.”

“Burning hot, the barn came down and they tried to throw away the key. Burning bright, the fields were alight and the oil spilled out like a sea. Burning pain, the wolves already came and his friend perished with a plea. Burning tears and oh Grace, you were almost free!” Cheeseburger actually looked saddened by his own words, his soft brown eyes locked on her face as his bottom lip trembled feebly.

“There’s no running away anymore, is there, Cheese?” Grace couldn’t say for sure what she thought was trapping her but she could feel it all the same, surrounding her heart in a grip so tight she thought she might die. Even with the sun shining down with her and Cheeseburger at her side, she felt so very cold and so very alone. The crying came again then, louder than it had been before. It scared her even more now. “Am I supposed to be somewhere else right now, Cheeseburger? I think I’d rather stay here if I can.”

“I would like that more than you, I think.” The grizzly looked sadly around the bright forest, reaching out a paw to hold her hand. “Some people care too much. I think it's called love.”

“I don’t think he loves me,” she thought out loud as she scratched her chin, “I don’t believe he ever will.”

“Oh bother,” the bear sighed, mimicking her movements with a frown of his own. “I don’t think so, either. But it’s _him_ who I think will love you more than life.”

“Him? Who is him?” She didn’t understand a word of what the bear was telling her, although she knew she was lying to herself. Grace could feel the hot tears of frustration burning at her eyes as she tried to deny the truths tickling the back of her consciousness.

“ _ **Grace**_ ,” a voice erupted across the forest, sending strange shockwaves through the trees despite how quiet it actually was. Cheeseburger looked at her quite sadly, waving a massive paw as if trying to tell her farewell as words began slipping away from the silly old bear. The woods around her seemed to fade into a strange sepia tone before vanishing completely, a rushing echo almost as if her ears were filled with water washed over as the world disappeared around her. She was all alone, only she wasn’t. Not really. Suddenly, she was afraid.

Grace’s eyes jerked open and all she felt was pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man. I have been so excited for this chapter for so long, I really hope that people enjoy it. I tried to do something I've never done before and I am sad to say I think it ended up just like everything else I write, unfortunately.
> 
> See if you can spot all the Winnie the Pooh quotes that belong to those rat bastards over at Disney!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 80. 285 weeks remain.

Sitting up still felt like she was being torn in half and a small part of her wondered if it would feel like that for the rest of her life. When the pain got especially bad and she was sure she would pass out from it, Grace would grit her teeth and remind herself that she had already survived the worst of it. Luckily, it wasn’t every day that someone pulled an infant out of her. Even after she woke up after her week unconscious, Grace had been weak as a kitten, her muscles atrophied from disuse and sick with a fever that took another week to break.

That had been more than a month ago and Jacob had barely left her side. He slept on the floor between her cot and their son’s makeshift crib, constantly waking up to tend to them both. It seemed like he was a new man, never annoyed and always there with a glass of water before she even knew she was thirsty. Some small, scared part of her was constantly on edge, wondering when the other shoe would drop and he would do to their son what Joseph had done to his daughter.

Seven weeks since she woke up and they still hadn’t named him. Knowing that Jacob would probably veto most of the names she had always loved, Grace struggled to remember Biblical names she didn’t outright hate or knew someone with that name that she hated. Like John, for example. Grace tried to only hold him while feeding him, terrified that she would get attached only for him to die in a few months from something simple like a common cold. While their kid was awake, he was rarely out of Jacob’s arms while his father muttered under his breath about how babies needed physical interactions to be able to properly thrive. She thought it sounded like something he’d made up to try to guilt trip her but she knew better than to voice that opinion.

“Grace,” Jacob spoke up, adjusting their son from arm to arm as he watched her from the doorway to the bathroom, “how’s the pain? Did you want a hand in the shower?”

She thought about it for a moment before shrugging, easing herself to the edge of the cot to swing her legs over. It wasn’t that she couldn’t walk so much as it seemed to drain her completely. “Is he gonna be okay for long enough for you to help me?”

“He probably needs a nap at this point. He’ll be fine.” She waited for him to put their son in the crib, watching as detached as she could as he blinked slowly up at Jacob as the old soldier gently smoothed down the baby’s dark, wispy hair that lay across the top of his little head. Grace felt guilt shoot through her heart over the knowledge that the scene before her probably should have tugged at her heartstrings but it didn’t.

“How about James? For a name, I mean. It sticks with your weird name theme.”

“No.”

“No? Why not?”

“My father’s name was James. There is no way in hell I would ever honor that sonuvabitch by naming my kid after him.” Grace looked away from him, knowing it would be useless to wish she could kick herself for it. Hell, it wasn’t like she had any way of knowing that about Papa Seed in the first place. A part of her wished she could name him Marcus after her own father, but Grace didn’t want to taint her memory of the man she loved so dearly with the dour circumstances of her son’s birth.

“Alright, not James. Got it.” Jacob grunted and reached out a hand to help her up, pulling her up as if she weighed nothing at all and supporting her every step to the bathroom. His fingers were careful as he helped up to unbutton her flannel shirt, too big for her frame but the easiest thing to wear while breastfeeding. His calloused fingertips brushed her swollen breasts and Grace had to squeeze her eyes shut, embarrassment rushing over her as arousal peaked its head between her thighs. It was a simple touch but it had been a long time since he touched her last, as her body seemed eager to remind her. “Are you going to join me?”

“In the shower?” Jacob gave her a stern look, raising his thinning eyebrow as his pale eyes burned into hers. “Are you askin’ me to help you get your back or are you askin’ me for something else, Deputy?”

“The doctor said it should be fine after six weeks,” she told him, biting her lip as she avoided the look in his eye. “It’s been eight. Besides, who said anything about you shoving your cock in me?”

“Grace.” Although his tone was warning, she could tell by the look in his eyes that he was warming up to the idea quickly.

“Jacob. I need you to take care of me,” she murmured, running her hands across his stomach, “ _please_.” His lips were just as chapped as they always had been pressed against hers as if he were starving and she was a three-course meal. Her hands fumbled with his pants as he led them to the shower stall.

“You tell me if anything hurts, yeah?” His grunt was harsh against her ear, his voice deep and strained like she hadn’t heard it in what felt like a lifetime. When she failed to answer him right away, Jacob pulled back from her, wrapping his massive hand around her chin and forcing her eyes to meet his. “I’m gonna need to hear you say ‘yes sir’ here, kitten.” She tried to nod but his hand kept her head still as he narrowed his eyes at her in a clear warning.

“Yes, sir,” she finally murmured out, blinking rapidly as she felt his fingers digging bruises into her skin. At that moment, Grace wished that it were her tights that he was digging his fingers into, not her face. His eyes bore into hers for a moment longer before he released her face, only to capture her lips into another brutal kiss. 

His pants were soon on forgotten on the ground as they fumbled with the shower knobs, trying to get the water to a reasonable temperature without breaking too far apart. Being with him again felt too much like relearning how to breathe for her liking but she still couldn’t seem to separate herself from the older man. Grace knew that she was most likely getting on his nerves with how she nipped at his neck, lapping at the wounds with her tongue as she moved towards his collar bones.

“Grace, it’s been a while and I’m getting old,” he grunted, slapping her ass sharply to make sure he had her full attention while he spoke, “keep that shit up and this party’ll be over before it really starts.”

“You keep making promises like that, but you never seem to come through on them,” she pointed out, gasping as he slapped her ass again, sharper this time. 

“One day you’ll learn to watch that mouth of yours.” He all but shoved her into the shower stall, not even flinching as he followed her into the still too cold water. The deputy had to bite her tongue to keep from yelping out too loudly at risk of waking their son up when the cool water thundered down onto her skin.

“Asshole,” she snapped, making a point to dig her nails into his shoulders as their bodies came together again. “There’s no point in me watching my mouth with you around to do it for me, Seed.”

“You’re lucky I can’t fuck you the way I want to fuck you yet,” he groaned, his fingers quickly finding their way to her soaking cunt. Grace tried to think of something clever to say back to him but his thumb was doing marvelous things to her clit and she couldn’t be bothered to. “Once we get out of here, I’m going to fuck you into the dirt. I’m gonna fuck you raw against the first tree we come across.”

“Now who’s making promises?” Grace managed to gasp out, trying not to think about how old he would be by the time they got out. “Besides, you do that and who’ll be watching our son?” Jacob grunted and curled his fingers in her in response, smirking down at her as she clung weakly to him. 

She wasn’t sure which one of them pressed their foreheads together first, their breath mingling in the steam of the shower as she wrapped her hand around his cock, groaning at the velvet feel of him under her fingers again. His hands avoided her breasts, almost as if he knew that they were too full and painful to squeeze the way he seemed to like. Instead, his hand wandered up towards her face, his long fingers wrapping loosely around her throat as he drew her closer and closer to her peak. In response, Grace dragged her thumb over the head of his cock, twisting her hand in a way that always made him cum quickly.

“Baby girl, I can’t wait until you’re ready for me,” he gasped, jerking his hips in time with her ministrations. 

“I’m not about to have another kid, daddy,” she pointed out, using her free hand to caress his heavy sac. He grunted, his fingers briefly flexing against the column of her throat before drawing her in for a kiss. It was mostly teeth as they clashed together, both trying to make the other come undone first. In her hands, she felt him jerk and sputter as he came on her stomach, his jizz soon washed away by the shower spray as he panted against her forehead. He hadn’t been kidding when he told her that he probably wouldn’t last long but at least he kept up his own movements, adding a third finger as she rode his hand.

“C’mon, momma,” he groaned, his thumb almost painful as he twisted it around her clit. Grace gasped and let go of his dick, wrapping both of her arms around him to try to ground herself in case her feet slid on the slick tiles. She barely even listened to the dirty things that spilled from his lips, promises that she would never let him keep as he tried to get her to come undone.

When she came, it wasn’t the earth shattering orgasm that she had been desperately hoping for but instead the sort where she felt like she couldn’t breathe, her body locking up and curling towards him at the same time, desperate for more of his touch. He murmured sweet nothings against her temple as he coaxed her down, his lips catching against her skin. Neither of them seemed eager to be the first one to actually speak as he quickly helped her wash off the sweat that had piled up over the last few days, holding her as she stepped out of the shower.

They helped each other dry off in silence, each of them with their ears tuned towards the other room, both on the edge for any strange sounds and suspicious of the silence. The garbled voice that rang out suddenly hadn’t been one either of them had been expecting, judging by Jacob’s raised eyebrow, but he didn’t seem concerned about his baby brother calling out indigently for him.

“Do you wanna get that or do you want me to?” Grace finally asked dryly, raising an eyebrow as Jacob picked at his beard in the mirror.

“Go ahead,” he shrugged, his eyes meeting hers through the fogged over mirror. “He doesn’t sound like it’s an emergency.”

“Lucky me.” She held her tongue from the quip she wanted to make about him just being pissy because he blew his load so quickly. Instead, she waited a moment before going into the main room, trying to ready herself for having to speak with her child’s unfortunate uncle. “John, what do you want?”

“ _Ah, Grace. My lovely, it’s so good to hear your voice again. Tell me something, have you ever heard this verse before? ‘“Teacher,” they said, “here is what Moses told us. If a man dies without having children, his brother must get married to the widow. He must provide children to carry on his brother’s name.’_ ” Grace grunted at the sound of John’s voice, disgust curling in her gut.

“I hate to break it to you, Johnny, but Jacob does have a son. Besides, I’m sure as shit not his wife, so why don’t you fuck off with that bullshit already.”

“John, that’s enough.” Jacob’s voice left no room for discussion as he gently handed their son to Grace, careful with his delicate neck, before turning his attention to the radio. “What’s going on? It’s not our usual day. Tell me this shit isn’t just to wake my son up.”

It was a long moment before John’s voice came over the radio again, his news the worst thing that Grace had heard in a while. " _There are a few bunkers of faithful who haven't been reporting in._ " John sounded like he was being forced to eat broken glass as he forced the words out.

"You think they lost faith?"

" _No. If it were one or two, maybe. But it's not._ "

"How many outposts were there?" Jacob asked, his voice strong and confident despite the worry Grace could see bubbling just under the surface of his relaxed expression. It had been his job to protect these people and she could see the failure shining dimly in his eyes.

" _There were twelve,_ " John admitted, sounding for all the world like a little kid who didn't want to admit his mistakes. Jacob pinched the bridge of his nose, casting a glance her way. She wasn't sure what he had been looking for but he seemed to find it as his jaw clenched and he nodded softly to himself.

"How many are there now, John?"

" _Three._ "

"Fucking _nine_ and you didn't tell me before, John?"

" _Joseph knows,_ " the protest sounded more like a reflexive response, barely even thought out before the words tumbled from his lips. " _Besides, what were you going to do? What can any of us do locked away in our bunkers?_ "

“Where were these bunkers located? Just in the Henbane?”

“ _Most of the ones we haven’t heard from were but a few were in Holland Valley, close to the Henbane._ ”

“Jacob, how big were these bunkers? How many people were in them?” Grace found herself asking, clinging to the old soldier’s shoulder desperately. If they were larger than theirs, then what hope did they really have of defending themselves a second time? Or hell, even a third? What chance did they really have if someone knew they were in there or if they discovered just who they were?  
What about Dutch and Fall’s End’s bunker?

“Definitely larger than we are,” Jacob sighed, gently tugging at his beard as he thought things over. “I’d say they had about four people per bunker, on average. Enough room for twelve. Supposed to be like little bunkers of Adam and Eve in case overcrowding in the main bunkers led people back to sin, in Joseph’s mind.”

“Why didn't I know about these?”

“Honey, do you mean to tell me that you’ve told me all of your Plan B ideas with the Resistance?”  
Grace looked away with her cheeks flushing, mostly from embarrassment because she _hadn’t_ had any backup plans of her own. She’d left everything like that to Dutch and Eli had never bothered to share his plans with her until he needed her to do something for him.

“ _Brother, what do we do?_ ” John’s voice rang out, nearly making her jump. How in the world had she forgotten that he was still on the radio? A lot of things had been slipping her mind lately.

“All we can do for now is to keep in contact with the other bunkers. Call them twice a week instead of just once. Make sure they’re keeping in contact with each other, too.” It’d been a long time since she had heard Jacob take that tone of voice, her mind unhelpfully supplying her with memories of his cages, of the things he had done to the people around her, to her. What if their son grew up to be a splitting image of how cruel he was?

It was all she could do to shake her head and resolve to be better. It was too late to stop him from having the kid but at least she could try to help him to be a better person than she ever was. Aside from that, who even knew what kind of world they would be stepping into in a few years? Would kindness just lead to her son’s death one day?

How the hell was she even supposed to teach him anything anyway? Grace had never taught anyone to talk, walk, or not shit themselves before. At least Jacob had some idea of what he was doing, even if the people he’d helped raise had turned out to be terrible people. Maybe that’s what it would take to survive in this brave new world of theirs. A world where the strong culled the weak and all that bullshit about ‘love thy neighbor’ was a thing of the past.

“Grace?” Jacob’s voice broke her from her thoughts, his hand resting heavily on her knee and concern flashing in his eyes. “You still up for calling Fall’s End or would you rather rest?” She knew she must have looked like death warmed over but she had promised Kim she would check in with her more often after the other woman had learned of her near-death experience.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” They traded seats and Grace took a moment to try and clear her thoughts before reaching for the dials. If nothing else, she could just ask for parenting advice so she had a source other than Jacob. Beside her, their son cooed as Jacob gently rocked him, blowing in his face to make him yell in a way that sounded like he was trying to laugh.

“ _Grace? Sorry for the delay! Carmina just wasn’t feeling like taking her bath today!How about you? Have a name for the little man yet?_ ”

“Not yet,” she admitted, making a point to not look in Jacob’s direction. “Nothing seems right for him, you know?”

“ _Tell me about it,_ ” the other woman groaned and Grace could almost picture her running her hands down her face in frustration. “ _I just know if we have a second, they’ll be named some kind of Nick._ ”

“Well, at least I don’t have to worry about ten other kids in his class having the same name or anything like that.” Jacob snorted from his place on the cot but she didn’t bother looking at him. “How has potty training and everything else been going? I’ll be needing any tips you may have soon enough.”

“ _You have to use homemade diapers, right? I bet you’ll potty train sooner than we did. And at least you have Jacob. Nick’s been… Helpful in his own way,_ ” Kim laughed and Grace could have sworn she heard Nick grumbling in the background, still unwilling to talk with Jacob.

“Yeah,” she found herself agreeing weakly, wishing she could be comforted by his presence the way her friends seemed to think she was.

“ _Listen, I shouldn’t say anything but we’ve got a betting pool going on what you guys eventually name Baby Clark and not that I’m trying to bribe you or anything, but I might just have a bottle of moonshine to split with you in a few years if you go with ‘James’._ ”

“Sorry, Kim, no can do,” she forced herself to laugh around her flinch, “we just vetoed that for Baby Seed today!” Grace hoped that her friend had picked up on the correction and politely let the others know her baby was a Seed and not a Clark.

“ _Damn, can’t blame a girl for trying. I’ll see if I can change my vote. Any other names that I should know about?_ ”

“Not that I can think of.” She glanced over to Jacob to see if he had anything to add but the big man only shrugged before turning his attention back on their son. “Nope, no other names that we’ve really considered!”

“ _Well listen, I’ve gotta put Carmina down for the night but you have to let me know first, got it?_ ” Grace laughed and promised, even though both women knew that Joseph would most likely be the first to know.

“How about Samson?” Jacob asked as soon as she had signed off with Kim and shut off the radio.

“Samson? What kind of name is that?”

“You know, ‘The Book of Judges’? Performed superhuman feats but lost it all after a woman cut his hair?” As he spoke, he bounced their son in his arms while giving her a dry look.

“You’re fucking with me, right? There’s no way I’m naming my son that and you know it.”

“It’s a good name,” he argued with a smile, his eyes as cold as they always were. “His violence had a righteous cause.”

“That’s great for him and all but I’m still not naming my kid that.” Grace was torn between hoping Jacob was joking and wishing that he would take things more seriously. It wasn’t like they were trying to name a human being or anything.

“Stronger name than James,” he shrugged with that cold smile of his.

“Fine, I see your point. We already agreed on no James.”

“We’re the ones who get to name our son, Grace,” he spoke softly as he handed the boy to her as he started to fuss. “No one else. Not bets, not because you’d think Joseph would like something.” She wanted to snap at him, to tell him that she’d already known that. But had she? She had struggled to think of biblical names without any prompting from Jacob.

“You’re right. Fuck, half the time I think you already have a name for him and just haven’t bothered telling me yet.”

“You already said ‘no’ to Jacob.” She scoffed at him, turning her attention to Not-Jacob. She tried to smile at the babe in her arms but even he seemed to know how forced it was if his wail was anything to go by. “You’re a natural at that, ain’t ya, Kitten?”

“Shut up.” Grace hated that he’d noticed but of course he did. “Not everyone helped raise their siblings.”

“No,” he agreed softly, sitting back and watching her try to get their son to feed. “Has it helped to be able to talk to The Ryes about all this shit? Someone who isn’t me, I mean.”

“How are we ever going to agree on a name?” She hadn’t thought it was possible while she had been pregnant and now it just felt like they would refer to him as their son for the rest of their lives. They were just too different to see eye to eye on that.

“Grace, it’s a name, not the cure for cancer,” he chuckled, running a hand down his tired face. He really did look exhausted. “We’ll figure it out eventually.”

“I guess you’re right. Jacob, why don’t you try to take a nap? I’ve got him and you look like shit.” She knew she could at least wing things for a few hours while he got some shut eye for once. Besides, he was eight weeks old. How hard could it really be with him that young?

“Are you sure?” The Herald asked, looking sorely tempted but completely unsure of her.

“Jacob, c’mon. It’s not like I can’t wake you up if I need help.” He grunted, looking at the cot and seeming to weigh his options in his head. “He was fine while we were in the shower.”

“Alright,” he finally agreed, pushing himself off of the chair and gently taking the boy so she could struggle off the cot. Together they dragged his crib and the extra mattress into the bathroom so they could shut the lights off for Jacob in the main room. “You’ll get me if you need anything, right?”

“Yes, daddy.” The words caught them both by surprise, Jacob looking much more alert than he had a second ago.

“Alright. Well, good luck, momma.” The word was awkward as he nodded and left them alone in the bathroom, turning off the lights in the other room as he readied himself for bed.

“Yeah, I guess so, huh?” Grace mumbled, looking down at her son. He didn’t respond, just staring up at her with deep blue eyes that Mary May had told her would probably lighten to that damn blue his uncles had. If that were true, Grace wondered what kinda shitty thing she’d done in her life for her baby to resemble John fuckin’ Seed.

With a sigh, she set him down on the cot, carefully unwrapping him from his makeshift swaddle like she had seen Jacob do a hundred times before. He’d told her that he needed to build up strength in his legs now if they wanted him to crawl and eventually stand before they got out of this hellhole. With a new view of the world, the babe made soft grunts to himself as he looked around the bathroom, kicking out his limbs like he just couldn’t wait to explore the world for himself.

“Hello little guy,” she spoke softly, gently running a few fingers over his soft head. “Do you know where you are? This is where Daddy gives you baths, isn’t it? Yes. you hate bath time, don’t you? Daddy hates it when you pee on him, doesn’t he? We both know the water is too cold, don’t we?” She felt awkward as she babbled at him, knowing he had no idea what she was saying and wondering if Jacob could hear her whispered from the other room.

He seemed to consider her as if trying to figure out just who she was before going back to the important task of discovering the world around him. Grace wondered what her parents would say about their first grandson. First? No, the only one they would have, she reminded herself.

At least, the only one they would have by Jacob.

Below her, her son seemed to be considering her again, his little eyebrows scrunching together in concentration. Grace really hoped he wasn’t about to fill his makeshift diaper. She knew that she would surely throw up if he did. Would she have to wake up Jacob? He wouldn’t have gotten any sleep and he’d never want to leave her alone with her son again.

How would she escape with him if he didn’t want to leave his daddy? Could she leave her son behind when the time came for it? Could she abandon him?

Grace didn’t want to think about that and she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be ready. The rancid smell tore her from her thoughts as her baby sniffled, wiggling uncomfortably as he filled his diaper. Grace sighed. It was now or never on figuring out how to turn an old shirt into a diaper for him.

“Fuck,” she groaned, picking him up as she looked around, feeling herself grow frantic as she tried to remember everything Jacob had done. She left him in the sink as she gathered toilet paper hand over fist, trying to keep an eye on the squirming infant so he didn’t fall out of the sink. It would have been just her luck to have him fall and bash his head open on her watch. Luckily, he didn’t as she came back for him, trying to shush him as she struggled to pick him up while still supporting his neck. Placing him back on the mattress, she took a deep breath to try to mentally prepare herself.

He gurgled like he didn’t just create the worst smelling thing Grace had ever encountered and she had to struggle not to vomit. That would just be another mess she was woefully unprepared to deal with. She held her breath and all but dove in head first, trying to get it done as quickly as she could. Once she had his old diaper off, the deputy found herself looking around frantically, trying to think of what Jacob would do with it. They didn’t have any sort of trash bin in the bathroom and she wasn’t about to plop it in the shower.

She eventually settled for putting it on the back of the toilet, trying desperately to keep an eye on the infant. Fuck, why had she thought this would be a good idea? Was she that big of a dumbass? Luckily, he just seemed interested in staring up at her, probably wondering where that great orange beast who usually did this was. When she went to wipe him, he gurgled and Grace was sure he would be glaring up at her if he only knew how to.

“Yeah, me too, kid,” she grunted, nearly gagging as she tossed the used tissue into the toilet. “How much longer until we wake up daddy, huh?” He made a noise in the back of his throat that sounded like he was about to cry but instead he peed. Everywhere. Grace cried out and tried to cover him with more tissue but it was already too late.

“Grace? Everything okay in there?” Jacob’s voice rang out, groggy but still alert, ready for anything. When she started crying, her son quickly followed suit and Jacob came close to breaking down the door as he came in. “What happened?”

“I just can’t do this,” she sobbed over the baby’s cries, wishing that he would just stop, just go back to being a nice and quiet baby. Jacob took one look at the scene before scooping up their son and gently holding him as he turned on the sink and adjusted the water temperature. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to help you with something.”

“It’s okay. Just… Just try to clean this up and take another shower. I’ve got him,” Jacob sighed, looking more exhausted than he had before his nap, “I’ve got him.”

“I’m sorry.” She stared down at her flood as she listened to Jacob clean off their son, just wishing that her heart would just stop clenching in disappointment already. It wasn’t her fault. How was she supposed to know how to do any of this? She never wanted any of this shit.

“You done feelin’ sorry for yourself yet?” He snapped down at her in the same clinical and cold tone he’d used at the Veterans Center all those years ago. It looked like the other shoe dropped after all. “Actin’ like you’re the first person this has ever happened to. I know you’re not this weak, Deputy. I suggest you snap out of whatever this is and do what needs to be done.”

“I don’t love him,” the admission escaped her before she even realized the thoughts. It was the truth, though. “I don’t want him.”

“And you think I love him?” He snorted, coldly looking down his nose at her. “He needs a chance to grow strong.” There was a flicker of something behind his eyes. Grace wondered if he was thinking of his long dead niece but the look was gone before she could make sense of it. “Not like I ever forced you to spread your legs for me. That choice was all yours, honey.”

“Fuck you.”

“Yeah, whatever.” With that he took their son and vanished back into the main room, not bothering to look at her as she sniffled weakly on the floor.

Would she just be wasting her time if she vowed to one day kill him again? They both knew that she wouldn’t do it. Hell, she wasn’t sure if she was ever going to successfully run away from him in the first place. She should just leave her son behind. It was painfully obvious that she just wasn’t capable of taking care of him.

But could she just leave him to a cult? He would never know anything of her parents. How kind his grandmother had been, how regal his grandpa was in everything he did. Would Jacob tell him anything about her? He’d be five, maybe six by the time she was able to get away. He would hate her, sure, but would he ever realize how badly she wished that she could love him? One day he would be a Herald like his father before him but would he really believe in that shit? What new dawn would they even be walking into?

That didn’t change the fact that she still had a couple years to bide her time and for all she knew, she would find something to love about her son as she waited. Maybe he would go willingly with her, maybe he would follow because he was too young to understand what was happening. Hell, if she was wasting her time by being an optimist, maybe Jacob would want to come too. Safety in numbers, right?

She hated to waste more toilet paper on cleaning up the mess so Grace grabbed a towel. She already had to wash her shirt after she showered, so she might as well do more and waste less detergent. Better use of her time, too. Though, it wasn’t like she was struggling to find some spare time in her day in the first place. A part of Grace had always known that babies were difficult but actually having to do it without being able to ask the internet every little thing was a special layer of hell. She thought about it for a moment before setting the towels down and grabbing the diaper.

Running it under the sink faucet, the Deputy gagged, trying to remind herself that she had dealt with worse and it needed to be done. On the bright side, Grace would be able to add another thing to her wash load, at least. A part of her just knew that if Jacob saw her, he would probably just tell her everything she was doing wrong and then some. All she could do was figure out her best and do it, even if it meant going against his advice.

With her task done and the old shirt sitting in the sink, Grace pulled her shirt off and tried not to catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She knew she had changed, gained stretch marks and loose skin, but she didn’t care to see them for herself. Hell, for all she knew, she looked like Jacob now. The thought made her heart clench painfully in her chest and blinking away tears, she reminded herself that there was no use having pride, not anymore.

If she was lucky, maybe John would lose interest in her, knowing how her body had changed since carrying his brother’s child. There was a difference between knowing something and actually seeing it for yourself, after all.

Stepping into the shower for the second time in a day, Grace let herself cry, allowing herself the luxury of self-pity and promising herself that there would be no more tears after this. Not about this and certainly not over Jacob. Grace had had enough of that shit. The water washed her tears and the filth away in equal measure as she tried to gather herself once more. Pushing her mind elsewhere, Grace tried to focus on the feeling of her hair clinging to her back, thinking about how long it had gotten over the months of isolation. She tried to think about how her skin seemed to finally be adapting to the world’s worst soap, about how brittle her nails were getting without the proper nutrition. 

If Jacob had bothered to keep up with the calendar, then she would be twenty-six in a few months. She would be thirty-one by the time she got out of the bunker, by the time she saw her friends again, and by the time she would be free. The thought didn’t scare her as much as it had before as they were approaching the two year anniversary of being stuck in the hellhole. Jess would have her own kid, not too much younger than her son, and Carmina would only be a little bit older than him. He would have people other than his father to be around.

Stepping out of the shower again, Grace didn’t bother to dry herself as she worked on the laundry, her mind racing around like a hare being chased through a field. Her movements felt robotic as she wiped down the cot, making sure that it was leaned against the wall to keep out of the way as it dried. Hanging the clothes up to dry, Grace looked at them with unseeing eyes as she tried to psyche herself up for dealing with Jacob again. She hoped that he would just give her the cold shoulder for the rest of the week but something told her that she just wasn’t lucky enough for that to happen.

By the time she made it out into the main room, Jacob was asleep on the bed, their son curled up on his chest as the great bear snored. She hadn’t thought it was possible for an eight week old to snore, but he sounded like a much smaller version of his father, as content as could be. The Deputy watched them, her eyes keen for any sign of a night terror about to take over Jacob, but the old soldier seemed utterly at peace for once. Looking down at them, she wished that she could love them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the Polar Vortex, a lot of my appointments were canceled and I was able to finish this. Ugh.
> 
> Anyway, my tumblr is Motical and I'm in the mood to do some drabbles, if anyone has any requests!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 106. 259 weeks remain.

Stubby little legs did their best to balance on their own even as tiny hands clung desperately to her fingers. Grace found herself grinning back at her son when he only wobbled a moment or two before gaining confidence. Within the protective ring of her arms, he took his first step. His eyes locked on her face as he took another, quicker this time, and she could see the confidence building there. Another wobbly step brought him closer to her and soon another followed after that.

“Atta boy,” she cooed at him, trying to scoot herself backward to give him more space to walk. “Jacob, are you seeing this? Asher is doing great!”

“Asher? You mean Mordecai, right, kitten?” Jacob grunted behind her, suddenly a lot closer than she originally thought he was. In front of her, their son squealed in delight at his father’s presence. 

“You’re kidding me,” Grace groaned and shot him a deadpan look, “that’s the single worst name I’ve heard from you yet.”

“Don’t insult our son to his face, Deputy.”

“Oh, Jesus _fucking_ wept, Jacob Seed. We’re not calling him that. Ever.” Behind her, Jacob laughed and reached around her to playfully nudge their son on his plump cheek. Grace felt a swell of affection surge through her heart at the casual sight, silently wondering to herself when it had become commonplace to see.

Jacob still scared the absolute shit out of her sometimes but she found herself finally seeming to find a kind of peace with him. A part of her wondered how long it would last for.

“Better name than some,” he shrugged behind her and Grace sighed.

“What, like you expected Sharky motherfuckin’ Boshaw to have named his son literally anything else in the world?” Grace glared back at him, knowing perfectly well that he was heckling her just to get some sort of reaction from her.

“Woulda thought that Roosevelt or Black had the sense to stop him from naming the kid that.”

“I think Axel is a cute name.”

“You also think Asher is,” he pointed out with his shitty little smirk that she would one day love to just wipe off his face. “I think the only person who’d come up with a worse name is Drubman.”

“Oh wow, thanks. Maybe you should have had a kid with him, then. Your kid would never get a name.” Grace turned back to their so far unnamed son and smiled at him, happy to see him blissfully ignoring their bickering.

“I’m happy with the one I have,” Jacob quipped, walking around them to poke around in the storage closet for their lunch. “What are you in the mood for? Want to try to feed him some instant potatoes again?”

“Only if you’re feeling up to cleaning up that mess,” she sighed, shuddering at the memory of their previous attempt. “Why couldn’t we have gotten lucky enough to get a bunker stocked with baby food or formula? My breasts _hurt_ like a bitch.”

“My offer to massage them for you is still on the table, kitten,” he called out with as near to a laugh as he got. 

“You think you’re real funny, huh, Jacob Seed?” She watched as her son tumbled onto his t-shirt covered rump, looking around him with pale eyes as he tried to figure out why he’d fallen down this time. “You’ve almost got it, littlest love.”

“Is he doing it?” Jacob peeked his head out of the side room, watching their son with a raised brow. “Not yet, little wolf?” Grace couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him, hating his nickname for their son. He’d taken to calling their boy that around the same time that she’d taken to calling him her love. He probably did it to annoy her, knowing him.

“He’s getting real close. Kim might have some advice on how to get him to really take off. I’ll have to remember to ask her the next time I talk to her. Do we have any spaghettios or anything else that’d be easy for him to try to eat?” He’d been teething for a few weeks now and she wasn’t sure if her breasts could take much more of it.

“Not that I’m seeing. Did you hide it in your squirrel stache or something, Deputy?”

“Are you seriously trying to tell me that I was wrong to try to hide food in case we ran out of food, Jacob? Seriously? After everything you told me about yourself?” Grace snapped, sending him a dirty look he didn’t see since ducking his head back into the side room. When he didn’t even bother to answer her, she just sighed. “Do we have any beans or anything? He didn’t seem to hate the kidney beans you made last week.”

“He can deal with pinto beans,” Jacob grumbled as he reappeared, a can clutched in his massive hand. She helped Jacob set up their little cooking area, making a point to keep an eye on their son in case he wandered too close to the small, gas burner they had to make do with for the foreseeable future. “I don’t know about you, but I have something sweet planned for dessert.”

“Jacob, stop. He is literally right there.”

“He can’t understand us yet,” the old soldier laughed, reaching over to tussle their son’s dark locks. “Besides, he knows mommy and daddy need some space from him once in a while, right, little wolf?”

They watched as their son considered the small plate of beans placed before him, reaching out with a tiny fist and doing his best to coordinate picking up a single bean. He missed it and grabbed a handful, looking for all the world like he wasn’t sure what to do with it now that he had it. Looking up at the redheaded mess before him, their son made the firm decision that his father would look better with some beans smashed across the front of his shirt.

“He seems to have a good enough idea of what to do with you,” Grace laughed, reaching over to hold one of the pinto beans to his lips to try to get him to bite into as Jacob pulled his stained shirt off with a huff. The baby ignored her, slapping her hand away from him with a tired grunt.

“You’re both very funny and I’m glad to be stuck in here with you. If he’s not hungry, why don’t we put him down for a nap?”

“Jacob, you can’t put him in his box whenever you’re done with him. This kid never wants to nap.” The older man ignored her as he scooped up their son, pressing his face close and murmuring something to the youngest Seed.

Their son giggled and slapped a bean juice covered hand against his daddy’s cheek as Jacob set him in his makeshift crib. “I asked and he said he’s ready to take a nap.”

“Oh, I’m sure of it.” She couldn’t help but grin as Jacob wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly against his larger frame and pressing his face against her shoulder. “Jacob?” Grace asked as she tilted her head to give him more access to her neck. “There's something that's been eating at me.”

“Hasn't been me,” he grumbled as he nipped under her ear. Jacob ground his denim covered cock against her ass, doing his best to lead her to the privacy of the bathroom. 

Their son might be falling asleep but he had a terrible habit of waking up at the drop of a hat.

“Hush, you know what I mean,” she whimpered when his hand found its way to her breast. “Jacob, bathroom, now.”

“As you wish,” Jacob chuckled, easily pulling her smaller frame into the other room with him as if she weighed nothing at all. Her hand found the light switch and bathed their child in darkness as they disappeared into the confined bathroom. For an old man, Jacob still had the strength of a man twenty years his junior. They broke apart long enough to carefully close the door behind them, taking care not to let the faux wood slam too loudly and wake the baby up.

“We have to be quick,” she told him as firmly as she could, resting her hands on Jacob’s broad shoulders with a smile. “Your son is about as light of a sleeper as you are, Seed.”

“Better than sleeping like the dead like his mother does,” he grinned back at her, stooping down to press his lips against hers once more. 

“How else am I supposed to get a good night’s sleep around here between the two of you?” Grace snorted, playfully tugging at his beard to draw him into another deep kiss.

“On your back, kitten,” Jacob ordered, pulling away from her and pointing at the ground.

“Sir, yes sir,” Grace quickly obeyed, throwing off her shirt and shimmying off her panties on her way down. The ground was freezing against her back, forcing a gasp from her lips at the sensation. Biting her lip, she caressed her breasts as she watched Jacob peel his jeans off above her. “Taking your time all the sudden, Jake?”

“Admiring the sight. Been a while since I had you on your back, dripping for me.” His pants hit the floor next to her as he spoke and Jacob carefully stepped out of them, pushing them to the side as he looked down at her. “God, you’re beautiful.”

“Jake,” she protested softly, doing her best to resist the urge to cover herself. Maybe before her pregnancy she would have agreed with him. Grace still had trouble looking at herself in the mirror and she doubted if that would ever change.

“Quit it,” Jacob grunted as he laid down beside her, propping himself up on an elbow. His fingers gently teased the soft skin of her stomach, trailing up to the bottom of her breast and down to her mound where she wanted him most. “Once we get out of here, I’m gonna take a week to show you that you’re wrong. Joe would be happy to watch the kid.”

“Jacob,” Grace protested again, her voice a lot harder than it had been the first time. He knew exactly what she thought about leaving their kid with either of his brothers. Or any other Peggie, for that matter. Besides, it’s not like she would even be around for a week after they got out of there, right? “Just show me now.”

He didn’t need to be told twice as he leaned forward and kissed her, all teeth and tongue. Grace tried to roll to meet him halfway but Jacob pushed her down, quickly rolling himself on top of her instead. She moaned softly at his weight, immediately raising her legs to wrap around his waist and draw him closer. They hadn’t been completely bare together in a long time, since before they knew she was pregnant. The feel of his cock pressed against her drew another deep moan from her as she squeezed her eyes shut. Above her, he grunted and pushed himself up on his arms, looking down at her with an odd look in his eye. “I got something else in mind.”

“Oh?” She asked, letting her legs fall from around him. Jacob didn’t answer her, instead leaning down to nip at her jawline. Her fingers found their way tangled in his hair, longer than it had been since she met him and perfect for trying to guide his head to where she wanted him most. He a chuckle, Jacob let her pull him up for another kiss of her own as she tried to coax him flush against her again. “There’s time for that later,” she argued when he pushed himself up again, “we don’t know how long the kid’ll be down for and you gotta call John later.”

“You gotta quit thinkin’ about my brother when I’m about the fuck you,” Jacob pointed out, pushing himself back onto his knees above her. “Gonna give me a complex doin’ the shit.” When she rolled her eyes at him, he just snorted and leaned over her again. His beard tickled her collar bone as he teased the junction of her neck and shoulder, picking at the fading hickey he’d left behind the last time they’d had a moment alone together.

“If you hurried up and fucked me, I wouldn’t have to be thinkin’ about your brother, ya know.”

“Goddamn, when did you get so funny?” He asked as he pulled away from her again, his rough hands gripping her waist tightly. Grace grinned up at him, reaching up to run her short nails through his chest hair and earning herself a pinched nipple for her trouble. “You know, it’s been a while,” he mused to himself, testing the weight of her breast in the palm of his hand. “I don’t think you’re ready for my cock just yet.”

“So why don’t you do something about that?” Her hands wandered down her own body, gently teasing her clit as she looked up at him with hooded eyes. “You’re not just going to leave me to take care of myself, are you?”

Jacob grunted and scooted himself back, spreading her legs far enough to give his shoulders space. She watched him, never letting up on the pressure she was putting on her clit as his tongue joined her fingers. For a moment, they awkwardly worked around each other before he reached up and grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand away. Glad to not have to do all the work, Grace propped herself up on her elbow to watch him, wincing as the still weak muscles of her lower stomach pulled uncomfortably.

The pain was quickly forgotten as Jacob’s tongue circled her clit, teasing it out from under its hood. His fingers found their way to her slit, teasing her folds in time with the movements of his tongue, drawing her slick out of her. His large fingers pumped slowly into her, reaching just deep enough for her to wish he’d just hurry up and fuck her hard and fast against the cement floor. While he added another finger to her cunt, he sucked her clit into his mouth, gently running his teeth along it just shy of actually nipping at it. With her free hand, Grace pressed the heel of her palm against her mouth, knowing all too well how loud Jacob had a habit of getting her to moan while eating her out.

Little gasps escaped her still, her legs falling even more open to try to get him to speed up his movements already. “Jacob,” she moaned, letting herself fall back against the floor so she could tangle her hand in his hair again. Her hips jerked towards him as a third finger found its way inside her, curling with its brothers and pumping slowly in and out of her. She could feel herself dripping for him, her slick pushed out of her with every thrust of his fingers and Grace moaned again, trying desperately to grind up against him. Wordlessly, he pulled away to nip at her inner thigh in warning, the pain sending shocks straight to where the warmth was pooling in her stomach.

“You should see yourself, kitten,” he groaned above her, running his other hand roughly against her cunt and the fingers that spread her wide. “You look like you’d do just about anything for my cock right about now. To feel me come in you, fill you up nice and stuffed. To get knocked up by me all over again.” When she opened her eyes, she saw him slowly running his hand up and down his cock, pumping himself with a hand covered in her slick. When he saw her watching him, he started pumping his fingers in and out of her even quicker, twisting his thumb against her clit with a grin. “How ‘bout it? You think you’re ready for my thick cock?”

“Yes,” she moaned without thinking about it, spreading her legs and reaching up for him. “Oh fuck. I’m ready for your cock.” The heat was building quicker inside her, his words replaying on a filthy loop in her mind. She tried to pull him down against her but he resisted her, spreading his legs and forcing hers further apart.

“I don’t know. You don’t look like you’d be too ready if I turned you around and fucked you hard from behind.” His fingers stilled inside her, drawing a cry of protest from her. “You look like you’d beg me to slow down.”

“Jacob, please,” she begged, letting go of him to grab at her breasts. She couldn’t help but hiss at the sharp jab of pain it brought her, quickly reminding her that she was still feeding and using them regularly.

His fingers thrust back into her, ripping a cry from her throat at his wrist jerked wildly. All thoughts of waking their son vanished from her mind and his fingers danced in and out of her, quickly running her towards the edge of what promised to be a powerful orgasm. “How ‘bout I let you bounce on my lap, show me how much you need my cock, huh? Show me how much you love my cum,” he grunted over her, the sound of his hand jerking off his cock speeding up in time with his hand pushing her to the brink.

“Jacob,” she found herself chanting his name, trying to jerk her hips in time with his movements as her cunt clenched wildly around his fingers. “Daddy,” she tried instead, her mind clinging to how the simple word had gotten him to do what she’d wanted in the past.

“What’s that, baby? You wanna make me a daddy again? That it, huh?” From the way he was huffing like a bull, Grace knew he was driving himself to the brink just as quickly as he was to her. She cried out when he grabbed her leg, forcing it over his shoulder and pressing even closer to her. She could feel his cock leak against her thigh as his hand sped up, spreading her wide. “You’re gonna feel so good on my cock, Gracie,” he groaned out as she wrapped her other leg tightly around his waist, “gonna fuck you so good.”

Grace cried out as her orgasm finally slipped over her, nearly sobbing as he jerked his fingers out of her only to replace it with his cock. She clung desperately to him as he bucked into her, nearly sliding her across the coarse floor with his thrusts. He huffed like a bull, his breath thundering out of him as he pressed his face against her neck. “Oh fuck, Jacob,” she sobbed, her orgasm turning almost painful as Jacob drew it out. She felt like she could barely breathe as her cunt clenched fiercely around his manhood. “Oh god.” Grace felt another orgasm wash over her, nearly forcing her eyes to roll back into her head as the sensation overwhelmed her.

It’d been a long time since Jacob had gotten her to cum so hard and her body seemed to rejoice in the feeling of it all. 

“C’mon, Gracie,” he groaned, his hips slapping painfully into her, “that’s it. Good girl.” He sounded like he’d been running a marathon, his voice choking in the back of his throat as his thrusts grew sporadic.

“Don’t,” she gasped out, digging her nails into his back to try to draw them both back to some clarity. “Don’t cum inside me.”

“Grace,” he groaned, sounding like he was just seconds away from doing it anyway. Grace dug her nails into his back as hard as she could, feeling her heart race uncomfortably as some clarity washed over her frazzled mind.

“Jacob Seed, don’t you dare.” He grunted above her, pressing his forehead against hers before finally obeying her and pulling out. A few quick jerks and his cum was spilling across her stomach, some spurts hitting the underside of her breasts while others pooled all across her abdomen. They laid there for a moment, just breathing each other’s air and trying to will their bodies to calm down.

“Fuck, kitten,” he mumbled, burying his scarred face against her neck. “Feel like I could sleep for a month.”

“Gracie?” She managed to ask under the weight of Jacob pressing her down. “Fuck, you know I hate that shit, Jacob.”

“It worked, didn’t it?” He asked, finally pushing himself off of her with a wince. Their stomachs stuck together uncomfortable for the briefest of moments, both of them ignoring the feeling of his jizz painting them both. “Surprised you didn't wake the boy up with how loud you were yowling.” 

“I was not that loud,” she argued, slipping out from under him to grab a towel to clean herself up with. “By the way, you knock me up again and I will _kill_ you, understand?” She winced at the feeling of the damp, rough terry cloth rubbing against her sensitive skin, hissing at the pressure.

“Whatever. Sounded like a goddamn mountain lion,” he argued as he motioned for her to toss the towel his way, “scratched the shit outta my back like one, too.”

“Let me see,” she sighed, too tired to argue with him about something so foolish. He grunted and let her see the deep welts she’d left behind, some of them slowly weeping blood. “You want me to get the peroxide and clean them out?”

“Might as well,” he sighed, tossing the filthy towel into the sink to deal with later. She was sure as shit hoped that he didn’t think she’d be the one cleaning it up but something told her she would be, not him. Cohabitation was the worst part of their confinement sometimes. A part of her wondered not for the first time how she would have done locked away on her own or with anyone else in the world. “Getting too old for this shit, that concrete fucked up my knees.”

“You said it, not me.” He shot her a sour look over his shoulder as he settled himself on the toilet seat so she could easily reach everywhere on his back. She ignored him as she got the peroxide from the medicine cabinet, quickly swishing the liquid around to try to get an idea of how much they had left of the disinfectant. Jacob had unfortunately used more than either of them wanted while she was busy dying just a handful of months ago. “Maybe we should just fuck in the shower from now on. Clean up is sure easier.”

“We don’t even fuck half as much as we used to.”

“Parenthood,” she shrugged simply, wincing at the soreness in her hips. “You know, you don’t have to bend me like a pretzel when we do fuck, Seed. There, you’re unfortunately not gonna die of an infection anytime soon.” She tossed the balled up toilet paper she’d been using to clean off his back into the trash can, gently slapping his flank like she would a horse.

“You were fine with it when I was doin’ it,” he grunted as he stood up, reaching back to swat at her. She ignored him as she quickly dressed, worried that their son would cry out for them at any second. 

“Neither of us are as young as we used to be,” Grace pointed out, checking her hair in the mirror to make sure it wasn’t too bad of a rat’s nest.

“Oh, please. You’re still younger than my youngest brother.”

“Speaking of that asshole, when do you have to check in with him? I can feed Asher while you’re doing it.”

“Knock that Asher shit off,” he grumbled, glaring at her as he zipped up her jeans. “Probably late enough in the day where he’s not wasting his time on some sort of bullshit to do it now. Think the boy’s awake yet?”

Grace shrugged and left the bathroom, carefully stepping into the darkened main room and trying to listen for their son moving around. With the light of the bathroom spilling out from behind her, she could see him watching her from his makeshift crib, quickly sitting up and busy trying to eat his fingers. “Hey little buddy,” she cooed as she reached for him, “did Daddy wake you up with all his bitching?”

“Fuckin’ comedian,” Jacob grunted behind her, flicking the lights on in the main room and flicking them off in the bathroom. Grace snorted and glared at him as their son blinked slowly at the change in lighting, grumbling softly to himself in the baby language only he understood. God, the last thing she needed was him being a tiny copy of his father. Jacob ignored him as he tidied up the room, throwing the pillows she’d been using to play with their son back onto the cots and kicking the books back towards the bookcase. “So?”

“So what?”

“You said something was eatin’ at you,” he huffed, annoyed that she didn’t catch on right away. “What is it?”

“Oh,” she murmured dismissively, gently brushing their son’s hair out of his eyes. She knew he would just be annoyed by her questions and would probably just tell her to talk to Joseph about it instead of bothering him with it. “It’s really dumb.”

“Okay. So are you going to make me ask you again, Deputy Clark?”

“What Joseph was talking about a few days ago,” she struggled to explain, the words she’d been wanting to use spinning just away from the tip of her tongue. “Something about a judge and paying back the proud or something didn’t sit right with me and I don’t know what he meant.”

“Oh.”

“Oh? Just ‘oh’?” She found herself snapping, quickly shushing the baby in her arms as he wiggled uncomfortably at her harsh tone.

“What do you want me to say, Grace? I don’t know what he’s on about half the time. It’s one of the Psalms, I think.” She frowned at him, the words still feeling like they were scratching the inside of her skull.

“I don’t remember them from when I was a kid,” she confessed, turning her attention back to their baby. “Then again, not like Joseph’s ever made much sense to me before.” Grace wasn’t sure if it were the words themselves or the way that he had spoken them that had stirred a dark feeling deep within her chest but she hated it. “Come on, littlest love. Aren’t you hungry?”

“I had them memorized a lifetime ago, back when I thought it’d do any good in my life. Other than Joseph doing his thing, I don’t know that I gave it much thought back during all of the fighting.” The admission felt wrong to hear, almost as if she wasn’t the person who should really be hearing them. Then again, it wasn’t like Jacob could ever utter them to his brothers or anyone else. Their son was years away from understanding and everyone else wouldn’t be right either.

“Do you…” Grace cut herself off, allowing her words to linger heavily in the still air between them as she tried to gather her thoughts. Their son finally latched on to her, biting a little too hard while he tried to get himself comfortable. “ _Ow._ Can you believe this kid? Vicious little shit. Do you want to raise our son like that? Even after everything you just said?”

“Joseph was right,” he shrugged, coldly meeting her eyes. Jacob shook his head, reaching out to brush a finger against their son’s cheek as he fed from her breast. “But Joe’s been wrong about things before.”

“So what are we doing here?” She knew damn well that she was probably pushing buttons that shouldn’t be pushed but how else would she ensure her son wasn’t raised as some batshit crazy cultist? “We’re… We’re parents now. We have to make sure that our kid has the best life.”

“So he doesn’t turn out a Seed? Is that it?” Jacob’s chuckle was far from kind, his tone just dripping with an unspoken danger. “You think you know all about how we were raised and how we turned out the way we did. You want him to fit in all nice and perfect with the other doomsday babies who couldn’t possibly know the world we grew up in, wouldn’t know the history of our world, our civilizations.”

“I want him to be happy, Jacob.”

“And I want him to survive, Grace.”

“We have years to try to figure all this stuff out,” she sighed, looking away from him and wishing there was somewhere she could go to really be away from him. Besides a closet and a bathroom, of course. “I’m afraid that he’s going to turn into some terrible thing, thinking he’s more right than everyone else around him or some shit. Just because…”

“Just because what?” Jacob snapped, pushing himself off the cot and pacing around the room in frustration.

“Just because he’s Joseph’s nephew.”

“Before anything else, he is my son, Grace.”

“We know that!” The former deputy hissed, wincing as their son jerked his head to try and look at Jacob while still latched on to her. “But what will everyone else see besides his name?”

“And so what? Are you seriously trying to tell me that your little Resistance friends will look at him as his own person? Not just your son?” Jacob snorted, sending her a cruel smile. “Not just the son you had by one of the Seeds? Fuck, for all they care, I’ve been raping you since day one.”

“That isn’t what happened. They don’t think that!” Grace protested, wanting to believe that her friends would trust her enough to make her own choices.

“Isn’t it? You think The Ryes will ever trust me? That everyone who barely knows you will? After what I’ve done? My family has done?”

“Jacob…” Her voice was barely more than a whisper as tears gathered in her eyes. He was right. They would never fully accept her back, too worried about some sort of Stockholm or whatever else would be whispered behind hands just barely out of earshot from her. What would her son have to grow up listening to about her? About his father? “We don’t always get on, but you’ve never once… I never said no.”

“Grace, I know. Who knows what kind of world we’re going to be walking into out there.” Jacob stopped his pacing and ran his hands down his face, tugging absently at his beard as he tried to think of what to say. “My family…”

“What, understands?” She scoffed, gently coaxing their son to swap which breast he fed from.

“Will listen,” he corrected, shaking his head and slumping down on the cot across from her. “Judge not lest ye be judged or whatever. Joseph already loves him, already tells me about how eager he is to meet his nephew and see his brothers again. He wants to greet you as a sister, Grace.”

She wanted to protest, to yell and scream that it would never in a million years happen, but she knew that wasn’t true. It just wasn’t true and the reason was in her arms, clinging to her, happy as a lark. She was the mother of his only nephew.

“And John? After everything John has said and done, you really trust his word that he wouldn’t cast us out the second he could, not treat us like shit the second your attention was somewhere else?”

“John has always listened to Joe.”

“I need him to listen to me if I’m ever going to trust him near me, Jacob.” He looked up at her with a frown but he looked like at least some small part of him agreed with her. “He needs to respect me.”

“I know. I’ll talk to him today.” Jacob pushed himself up and walked over to her, leaning down to press a kiss to her brow and run a gentle finger down their son’s face again. “I have years to get him to listen to me.”

“You can lead a horse to water, Jacob.” He sighed against her head and pulled away from her, giving her one of his trademark cold looks.

“What more can I do here, Grace? Wait until I see him again and beat the shit out of him until he agrees to respect you? Somehow keep my youngest brother away from my family? Knock a man who’d been abused his whole life around a bit until he agreed with you? Joseph might have some protests about that, you know.”

A part of her still wanted to argue that just because they had a kid together didn’t make them a family, but Grace was tired. She was tired of fighting with him and tired of feeling like it was her against the world. He was right. They had no idea what kind of hellscape could possibly be waiting for them on the other side of the steel door. They had to be a team, if not a family.

She wanted to live, goddamnit.

“So, I guess you’re going to have your work cut out for you the next few years,” she mumbled, looking back down at their son. “Something tells me he’s not going to be exactly open to greeting me at the family dinner table or shit like that.”

“I’ll talk to him about it tonight,” Jacob promised, pinching the bridge of his nose. “He’ll listen to me. Eventually.”

“This doesn’t mean that I’m about to turn around and become a Peggie either, okay? I don’t believe Joseph and I’m only agreeing to this shit so our son can lead as normal of a life as possible. Even though he won’t see the sun until he’s seven, won’t know anyone besides us, and is probably going to be exposed to hundreds of terrible diseases the second that door opens up.”

“Grace, enough. One day at a time.” It was something they’d spent hours discussing in the past and would very likely keep talking about in the future. Still, Grace filed it away in the back of her mind to keep asking the doctor in Fall’s End about, whenever she got the chance to sit down and chat with her friends again. Jacob always seemed to have no problem finding the time to talk to his brother’s, but she was struggling to remember to check in with Dutch like she promised to every week.

Granted, Dutch having a new grand nephew around made it harder for them to call her, too, but it was something she knew would get better with time. Besides, no matter what Jacob convinced her, Grace knew in her heart that Dutch would accept her and be glad to meet her son when they finally made their ways out of the bunkers.

Grace tried not to think about how the old man might project his love for his grandson, Ricky, on her son, or Axel for that matter.

She definitely didn’t want to think about what Sheriff Whitehorse would say to her after all this was finally over. Like a sheepish kid with a rotten report card, Grace wasn’t sure if she wanted him to know at all.

“Are you sticking around for my call with John?” Jacob asked, drawing her from her thoughts as he settled himself down at the shoddy desk.”Would you rather feed him in the bathroom?”

“I’m comfortable enough here,” she shrugged, trying to mentally prepare herself to have to deal with John. “You know those ‘get along shirts’ or whatever? Make two bratty kids wear it and be stuck together until they quit fighting? Your calls to him can be our ‘get along shirts’.”

“I hadn’t, but it’s nice that you admitted that you’re bratty,” he drawled, messing with the dials on the radio without looking over at her. “John, this is Jacob checking in for the weekly check-in. Come in, John, over.” There was a burst of static following Jacob’s words and for a second, Grace was sure that the radio had somehow managed to get broken since they last used it. Even Jacob seemed surprised by the sounds it was making as he quickly checked the dials to make sure it was set up correctly. His hand came down swiftly on top of the radio, nearly causing her to jump out of her own skin in surprise. The last thing they needed was him breaking it for real out of anger. In her arms, their son pulled away from her and cried out, surprised by his father’s sudden brutality. Dimly, Grace knew that he would have to get used to it one day in the future if he ever wanted a relationship with his father. 

“Jacob?” She asked as she set their son on the ground, leaving him to temporarily find his own way in the world as she hurried to Jacob’s side to try to help.

“Hold on,” he nearly barked at her, slapping the top of the radio again in frustration. “John, are you there? Over.” Somewhere behind them, their son cried out in surprise, slapping his little hands against the ground as he tried to stand up on his own, determined in his own little way to make it to them.

Finally, the radio seemed to correct itself and crackle to life as a voice wallowed through the murkiness of the reception. “ _Brother Jacob,_ ” the voice on the other end of the radio sounded shaky and uncertain. It was definitely not John.

“What happened?” Jacob demanded cooly, the muscles covering the back of his neck twitching anxiously.

“ _There’s been… The sinner, she attacked Brother John._ ” As they stumbled over their words, Grace’s mind raced, trying to make sense of it all. What sinner? What happened to John? Was he dead? It all seemed as unreal as the end of the world had, numb and terrifying beyond her mind’s ability to process.

“Where is my brother now?”

“ _Sir, he-_ ”

“Where the fuck is John?” Jacob snapped, his knuckles blanched white where he gripped the table.

“ _He’s with some of the others. They’re trying to stop the bleeding. He’s in bad shape but we’re trying to do our best. His face… Oh god. We wanted to contact you before we called Father Joseph,_ ” the nameless man explained as quickly as he could, half stumbling over words as they spilled from his lips. Even years and miles between them, the man still feared Jacob.

With good reason, no doubt.

If John was well and truly dead, Grace didn’t even want to consider what that meant for everyone else in Joseph’s family. The self-proclaimed prophet was sure to take it in the worst possible way, turning John into a martyr to be grieved and cherished. For a moment, Grace considered locking herself in the closet with their son to avoid Jacob’s wrath that was sure to spill over any second now. But it didn’t. All at once, his features went slack and he slowly let out a breath she hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

“Where is she now?” If she’d ever heard him that cold before, Grace honestly wasn’t sure. Even when he had been mad enough to break her wrist, mad enough to lock her away without food for days at a time, Jacob had never even come close to sounding that utterly devoid of emotion.

“ _We locked her in one of the rooms we kept the sinners in before they converted. She killed three followers before we managed to get Brother John away from her. We wanted to wait for the Father-_ ”

“Keep her alive or it will be you I deal with when we get out of here. Understand?” Jacob once again interrupted the other man, sending a chill down Grace’s spine. Whoever this sinner was, the deputy did not envy the other woman’s fate.

“ _Yes, sir._ ” There was a heavy pause on the other end of the radio, just a moment too long. “ _Brother Jacob, how do we tell the Father that Faith… That Faith lost her way?_ ” 

“Jacob, what the fuck does he mean?” Grace gasped, lurching forward and clutching desperately at the older man’s arm. “Jacob?” Grace knew beyond a doubt that she would never again get the opportunity to talk to the first friend she’d made in Hope County, to try to plead with her into remembering her past life, or to even dream that things could one day go back to how things were before. 

Now even Faith was gone.

“Go tend to my brother,” Jacob demanded as he ignored her, “I’ll be the one to tell Joseph. If my brother doesn’t make it, you will regret the day your mother decided not to swallow,” Jacob barked into the microphone, doing his best to put the fear of god into the anonymous heretic on the other end. Shoving the microphone away from him, Jacob all but let out a truly frightening wail. Never in Grace’s life had she heard such a haunting noise and she instantly wished she never would again. A part of her marveled that a person was even capable of making such an animalistic bellow. Behind them, their son joined in on the wailing, his little hand clutching at her leg.

“Jacob, please, you’re scaring the hell out of our son,” she pleaded with him, trying to remind herself not to shake him when he was so obviously out of his mind with grief. She’d learned one time too many that it was a dangerous thing to do. “You have to get a hold of yourself, Jacob. Please.”

Finally, Jacob fell into silence. Their son cried pitifully at their feet, scared and oh so alone as he tried to figure out his place in everything. Resting his head in his hands, Jacob took a deep, shuddering breath. “Grace, take our boy to another room. I have to call my brother.”

Knowing there was nothing more she could do, Grace scooped up their sobbing baby and vanished deeper into the bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this took a lot longer than it should have to get out. I've been going through some seriously tough financial times and have had to work a lot more as a result. If it's something people would be interested in, I do take commissions as well as have a ko-if and patreon now. 
> 
> That being said, I've decided to scrap the idea for a sequel and instead pack a whole lot of wild shit into this as a result. The next few chapters will speed right along in terms of the plot due to the adjusted planning. I apologize if people were really eager to see several years of an infant growing into a child. If you really wanna see that, hey, I do commissions!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 123. 242 weeks remain.

“ _Spoke to Eli the other week,_ ” Dutch’s voice was almost clinical as he spoke as if he were carefully treading shark-infested waters.

“Oh? How’s he doing?” Grace kept her eyes trained forwards, not looking over at Jacob where he sat with their son only a handful of feet away. She knew he was hyper-focused on their discussion, even if he hadn’t said a word yet.

“ _Had the funniest theory that he wanted to share with Jacob. I told him I’d run it by you before I did anything first._ ”

“What sort of theory?”

“ _He wouldn’t tell me the exact details, said he wanted to talk to Jacob directly. Afraid of mixing the message in a game of telephone and all that. Said it was about John, though._ ”

“Grace,” Jacob spoke up finally, his voice softer than she ever expected it to be while talking about Eli, “I don’t want you talking to him without me in the room.”

“What, Eli? Jacob. Come on. Do you seriously think I’m going to plan some elaborate escape the second you’re not looking? They’re locked in a bunker too, remember?” Grace sighed as she rolled her neck to look at him, watching him play quietly with their son. She did want to talk to Eli in private but he didn’t need to know that.

“ _I’ll give you the frequency he passed along,_ ” Dutch continued talking after a moment, probably guessing that she was busy talking things over with Jacob to respond to him.

“Dutch, do _you_ know what happened to John?” They hadn’t heard anything important from John’s Gate since the incident, other than that he was stabilized one day and battling an infection the next. She had no idea what had happened to Joey, how the daily lives of those locked away in his bunker were doing, and if John would survive in the long run. Even despite not knowing just how bad his injuries were, something told her that an infection would be the death of the lawyer.

“ _I’d be willing to bet that I know less than you do,_ ” the older man grunted, sounding like he was running a hand down his face, “ _Old Joe made an announcement, gave a cryptic prayer, and people have been real on edge since. It’s been weeks and I’ve had my hands full with too many Boshaws over here, Deputy._ ”

“Jacob, do you know anything else?” She looked over at the old soldier again, watching as their son stacked some empty cans together. “Is he going to be okay?”

“I don’t know.” Jacob didn’t bother looking at her as he reached out and ran a finger down their son’s cheek. “It depends on if he wants to work through it or if he’s just going to roll over and die. I’ve seen lots of people do that with less.”

“Fuck. Dutch, why don’t you let Eli know Jacob’ll contact him in later this week,” she raised an eyebrow at Jacob as she spoke, trying to guess when he’d want to talk to the other man he had spent so much time despising. 

“I’ll call him later today.”

“Dutch, make that later today, will you?” She sighed, trying to resist sticking her tongue out at Jacob. Of course he would want to try to wrench every little bit of control over the situation as he could. 

“ _I’ll radio Wheaty just as soon as we’re done here,_ ” Dutch confirmed after a moment’s pause. “ _Listen, Jess wants to get a moment to talk to you about new mom stuff. You got the time or should I tell her to wait for another time?_ ”

“Not sure how much help I could be, but sure.” 

“ _Deputy,_ ” Jess’ voice rang out through their small bunker quickly, letting Grace know that she’d probably been standing by her uncle’s side the entire time. “ _How uh… How’s your boy doing?_ ”

“He’s fine. Still not named yet,” Grace shrugged, doing her best not to spook the skittish woman. “Dutch said you had some questions for me?”

“ _Yeah, but I’m waiting for Dutch to leave the room so I can actually ask. Are you alone or is Jacob there?_ ”

“He’s here, just on the other side of the room. Do you… Do you want to talk to me alone, Jess?” Jacob sighed, glaring at her when she looked over at him. He didn’t look like he was particularly willing to leave the room, even if Jess wanted him to.

“ _No, it’s okay. You said you guys only had a small bunker, anyway. He’d probably find out if I wanted him to or not. Just… Don’t go spreading it around, got it, Seed?_ ”

“How in the hell did the Resistance last so long with each and every single one of you so dramatic?”

“Shush, Jacob. Jess, no one is gonna tell anyone else anything, okay?”

“ _Okay, okay. How uh… How long did you guys wait after giving birth before you started fucking again?_ ”

“Jesus _fucking_ Christ, do not tell her that.”

“Jacob quit it!” Grace barked at him, burying her face in her hands as she tried to process the question. “Jess, I’m not sure if I’m the person to ask about this. Have you asked Kim?”

“ _I can’t ask Kim. I don’t know them as well as you do and there’s no one else I can really talk to about this. Sharky’s been great and everything, but I don’t know._ ” From the sounds coming from the other side of the bunker, Jacob was regretting his decision to stay in the room as Jess spoke with her. Served him right.

“Okay. It was probably rougher on me than it was on you since I almost died and everything. I guess we just waited until I felt comfortable and wanted to? I know that’s not helpful, but this isn’t exactly my area of expertise, Jess. Have you tried anything yet? I’d say to just wait until you feel ready.”

“Did I die and go to hell, Jedidiah?” Jacob asked their son and for a moment, he sounded just like his youngest brother.

“Seriously, Jacob? You say no to my perfectly normal suggestion of ‘Joshua’ but seriously suggest Jedidiah? Fuck you, you asshole.” Grace balled up the closest sheet of paper and tossed it at him, managing to hit their son in the face as she did so. To his credit, the boy just looked up at her in confusion, trying to figure out where the paper had come from.

“Great, Grace. Try not to take your anger out on my son, will you?”

“ _Thanks, Grace. I’ll just convince Sharky that I’m not ready and could die. He’s got a hand, he can deal._ ” Jess snickered, thankfully oblivious to their domestic dispute. “ _He’s driving me up the wall with tellin’ me about all the shit he’s going to teach my son when we get out of here. I don’t want Hurk to have anything to do with my kid. This is hell._ ”

“Tell me about it,” she sighed into the microphone, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I worry about Hurk being around my kid, too. My nightmare is my son asking me about the monkey god or something.”

“ _At least you have a chance of escaping it. Hurk is my kid’s cousin._ ”

“I know how it is to not be exactly thrilled about my kid’s relatives.”

“ _Shit, Deputy, I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about it before I said it. I’m sorry._ ”

“It’s fine. We’re just worried about John right now.” It was a lie but Jacob was even quieter on his side of the room and Grace just didn’t have it in her to argue today. “At least we know our kids have a family that gives a shit about them, yeah?”

“ _Yeah. I guess you’re right. Dutch loves him, even if he won’t admit it._ ”

“Listen, I know Jacob needs to make some calls today. Is there anything else you needed, Jess?” Grace would have loved to spend the rest of her day chatting with her friend but they had things they actually wanted to get done that day. Besides, it was her turn to try to find something for their son’s dinner. She was sick of breastfeeding. She’d had to try to remember to ask Kim about weaning him off it the next time they spoke.

“ _Oh, right. I spoke with Wheaty the other day. I’m sure Eli would be able to tell you about it when you talk to him. It’s not good news, I’m sorry._ ”

“I didn’t figure as much. I’ll talk to you later, Jess. Over and out.” Grace switched off the radio, carefully checking the dials and making sure the signal Dutch had given her to write down was easy for Jacob to find later as she tried to gather her thoughts. It’d been years since she had last spoken to Eli and just as long since she last allowed herself the hope of talking to him again. “Jacob, please tell me you don’t think it’s some kind of ruse or something. Eli isn’t like that.”

“Because you know the man so well,” Jacob snorted as he tugged at his beard. “I don’t like it but he might actually know something that can help me with my brother. I’m not about to let you talk to him yourself. Then again, even if Eli accepted you, none of the others of that pathetic militia ever would.”

“Just because I had your kid? That’s bullshit, Jacob.”

“Because you’ve been locked away with me for years now. Unless you think that soccer mom thinks I’m capable of being a good person, by all means, Deputy. They know nothing about our family. Fuck, I’m sure they would forgive you for having a kid, but for not hating me? Never.”

For a moment, Grace wondered when he’d started considering it to be their family. For a second, she wondered when she had.

“What do you think he knows?” Grace found herself changing the subject, turning in the cheap chair to watch them quietly play. Their son could walk on his own now, falling only every once in a while, but he was impossibly small next to Jacob still. She wondered if he looked more like John or Joseph did at that age but she knew that even if the pictures still existed, she would never in her life see them.

“Hard to say.” Jacob seemed to consider the empty tuna can in his hand for a long moment, running his thumb over the worn label as he tried to gather his thoughts. “I still don’t know all the details of what happened in that bunker. Haven’t spoken to John, none of the people he picked to help him lead are worth a damn, and Joseph only knows what the voice supposedly tells him.”

“I guess this changes what you had planned to do after we get out of these bunkers, huh?” Grace stood from the chair and joined them on the floor, gently running her fingers through her son’s dark locks by way of greeting. “I could… I could try to talk to Joey, see if she’s willing to tell me her side of what happened.”

“And you think that’s something I would let you do?” The big man snorted, shaking his head as if she’d suggested something as ridiculous as moving to the moon. “No, it’s not worth your time to talk to a dead woman, Grace.”

“Well, can’t blame me for trying. She was a good friend back before all this shit happened.”

“When this is all over, we’ll find Joseph and then… Then we’ll deal with John in whatever way we need to. If we need to bury him, then we will bury him.”

“That seems cold, Jacob.” Grace smiled at their son even as a shiver went down her spine.

“I spent most of my life mourning for my brothers. To actually know… I’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” Between them, their son seemed to sense the seriousness of the conversation as he frowned and looked between them, grumbling to himself in his strange baby language. Jacob leaned forward to press a kiss against the boy’s temple, causing him to squeal in delight at the feeling of his father’s rough beard.

“We really do need to get around to actually naming him, you know,” she sighed, reaching out to tap his nose. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you named him on your own and just haven’t told me what you decided on.”

“Oh, I already have.”

“Jacob, I told you already, Jedidiah is a bullshit name.”

“I know. I was fucking with you, Deputy.” Jacob laughed at the look on her face, leaning across their son to press a kiss on the corner of her mouth.

“Alright then, what did you decided to name our son all on your own without asking me first?”

“Are you sure you want to know? You don’t just want to argue with me about it, do you?” He teased her, raising his hand to support her neck as he brushed kisses along her jawline. Between them, their son squealed again and pushed against Jacob’s chest, trying to wiggle out from between them while laughing the entire time.

“Just get on with it and tell me, Jacob Elijah Seed.”

“Cyrus,” he said as he pulled far enough away from her to look her in the eye, “Cyrus David Seed.”

Grace frowned at him but thought the name over. Jacob seemed so sure of it as he spoke it out loud and Grace didn’t hate it. “Where’d you come up with David?”

“Your middle name,” he shrugged, eying her carefully as she thought over his decision.

“I like it.” She looked to their son as she thought about the name, watching as his eyes crinkled with laughter over something only he understood. At first she resented how alike he looked to the rest of the Seeds, but now it only brought her comfort. He might not look like her side of the family, but his name would. “David was my father’s middle name. And my grandfather’s. I never even thought…” She trailed off, feeling foolish for having doubted Jacob.

“That I’d let you? I didn’t know, but it was _your_ name.”

“Cyrus?” Grace asked, reaching a hand out to her son. He immediately looked her way, giggling as he slapped at her outstretched hand. “Did he know his name before I did, Jacob?”

“Maybe. I haven’t told Joseph or anyone else. Wanted to see if he liked it first.”

“Do me a favor and let me think that I had more say in my son’s name than he did, yeah?” She laughed, shaking her head as she watched Cyrus tug on her fingers. “Well, might as well let everyone else know.”

“I’d like to tell Joseph before anyone else.” From the way he said it, she knew that if she’d wanted to, he wouldn’t have let her pick anyone else to be the firsts to know anyway. “John should know second.”

“We can tell him when he wakes up.” The words felt hollow even to her own words but Grace forced herself to smile anyway. “How long ago did you even decide on his name?”

“When he was born and I didn’t know if you were going to make it. I wanted him to have a connection to you if you didn’t make it.”

“Oh. So you decided it’d be funner to jerk me around for months than to bother to tell me all this?”

“Don’t turn this into something it’s not, Grace. Our son has a name. He’s healthy and doing great. What more could you want?” She knew it would be worthless to try to argue, to point out that she should have had a bigger role in something so important, that it wasn’t all his to decide, but she just didn’t feel like it. He wouldn’t listen to her. 

“Alright, then let’s get calling Joseph out of the way and then you can call Eli.” She wasn’t sure if Jacob would even be able to reach his younger brother, but she had a feeling that the balding man always kept his radio on just in case one of his flock needed him or some bullshit.

“Yes, mother, of course, mother,” Jacob bitched as she prodded him along, smirking at her when she all but growled in frustration.

“Whatever, you’re the one giving Cyrus his bath today, father.” She pushed him, making a point to try to dig into his kidneys as she tried to shove him to the radio. “Have I told you that I hate you lately, Jacob?”

“Not lately,” he laughed, looking at her over his shoulder with the most devilish look she’d ever seen on his face. “Just last night, you were saying something different while I was eating you out.”

“You know, Cyrus is going to learn to talk like that and it’s going to be all your fault,” she flushed, pushing at him even harder. “And you make it sound like I professed some kind of undying love for you. I seem to remember just saying ‘yes’ over and over, thank you.”

“Same thing, if you ask John,” Jacob joked but stopped himself, his smile quickly dropping from his face when he remembered himself.

“Jacob…” Grace wanted to tell him that his youngest brother would be fine, that everything would turn out okay in the end but if she was being honest with herself, she wasn’t sure if that’s what she wanted to have happen. She wasn’t sure if the world would be a better place without John in it. Her heart seemed to want her to scream yes from the rooftops, he is a menace, but something kept her back. Some little voice in the back of her head wondered what it’d be like if John turned out okay, if he got better, and he got to be Cyrus’ uncle.

Hell, for all she knew, he wouldn’t wake up from his coma in the first place and it’d all be pointless to even consider.

“Let’s just get this over with. You sure you wanna stick around while I call Joe?” Jacob asked as he sat down heavily in the chair. 

“I can’t avoid him forever.” 

Jacob grunted and flicked the switch on, pausing to check his sheet with the frequencies before quickly adjusting it away from Dutch’s. He sat for a moment, looking at the radio before leaning forward and speaking into the microphone. “This is Jacob Seed for Joseph Seed,” he spoke clearly, with an authority she hadn’t heard from him in what felt like a lifetime.

“ _Brother Jacob,_ ” a follower greeted him quickly, “ _I will go get The Father right away. He’s been expecting you for a few days now. Over._ ”

“So, is our son going to be known as Brother Cyrus or some shit? Because I don’t know if I can get behind that, Jacob.” Grace could feel herself starting to fidget, her fight or flight lighting up like a carnival ride in her mind’s eye as they waited for Joseph to appear. She hated the fact that she was actually waiting for him to speak, looking forward to hearing what he had to say. It felt like she was betraying everything she’d stood for before.

She wondered what Sheriff Whitehorse would say if he could see her now.

Grace just had to believe that she was doing what was best for her family now. She had to keep telling herself that when she saw him again, he would understand, that he wouldn’t blame her for the situation she had found herself in. He’d been the one to urge them all to leave at the beginning of everything. He just had to understand where she was coming from. But from what Grace knew about his past, with his recent heart issues and divorce, she mostly just found herself hoping that he would survive for her to see him again.

“ _Jacob,_ ” Joseph’s soft voice broke her from her thoughts. Her memories of Joseph still haunted her and she doubted that they would ever go away. She just had to hope she got used to his presence. “ _Brother Ian told me you were asking for me. Is there something wrong? Has John succumbed to his fever?_ ”

“No, Joe. The last I heard was that things were still touch and go with him. The Deputy and I agreed that you should be the first to know what we decided to name our son,” Jacob explained softly and Grace knew for sure that if they’d been together, they would have surely pressed their foreheads together by now. As it was, his choice of words drew a cold look from her. It’d be a cold day in hell before she ever looked forward to speaking with Joseph in any capacity and Jacob damn well knew it.

“ _That’s wonderful news. Deputy, I’m honored that you would think of me,_ ” he sounded amused as he spoke, almost as if he were well aware of her reluctance to have anything to do with him, “ _Tell me, what is my nephew’s name?_ ”

“We decided on Cyrus David, in honor of Grace’s father,” Jacob explained and Grace couldn’t help but wonder if he would spend the rest of his life saying it as if they picked it out together. It still irked her that she’d apparently gone for so long without even knowing her son’s name but it wouldn’t change anything to be mad at Jacob over it.

“ _That name… I had a feeling you would pick it, but to actually know…_ ”

“What the hell is he talking about? How could he have known something like that?” Grace asked, leaning over Jacob as if being closer to the radio would make it easier for her to figure out what Joseph was talking about.

“ _Cyrus, I am sending for you by name,_ ” Joseph’s voice was oddly quiet as the words seemed to tumble from his lips, raising in fervor as he went on, “ _I am doing it for the good of the family of Jacob. They are my servant._ ” His voice was nearly yelling across the airwaves, reminding Grace so viciously as to why she had refused to speak with him for so long. He terrified her, utterly and completely. “ _I am doing it for Israel. They are my chosen people. You do not know anything about me. But I am giving you a title of honor._ ”

“Jacob, what the fuck is he talking about?” Grace hissed, clinging to Jacob’s sleeve as his brother spoke.

“I don’t know. It’s some verse from the Bible but I don’t know it. Not as well as Joe does.” Jacob seemed just as perturbed as she felt about the situation. For just a moment, Grace wondered if it was the voice speaking through Joseph’s lips to her but the thought was gone just as soon as it crossed her mind.

“ _Deputy,_ ” Joseph’s voice was quiet again, almost breathless as he addressed her, “ _I never expected this when we first met but I should have known. I’m sorry for ever doubting you. For wishing you harm. For all the pain my family has caused you. That I have caused._ ”

“It’s… It’s okay?” She leaned over Jacob to respond, shooting the eldest brother a confused look. She wasn’t honestly sure if it was okay, but it seemed like the right thing to say anyway. “You couldn’t have known.”

“ _I should have. I did not listen to the voice when it first told me about you._ ” It seemed like he was crying and Grace had no idea what she was supposed to do. Cyrus, she could handle when he cried. Hell, she could even handle Jacob reasonably well when he was upset. But Joseph? She didn’t even like the man.

“Jake?” Grace found herself asking, looking to the redhead for some hint as to what she was supposed to do. “I don’t really wanna be here all night.” 

On the other side of the room, Cyrus gurgled with his fingers shoved in his mouth, watching them intently. He seemed to hum to himself like he reached a decision and started to crawl over to them, making little noises to himself the entire time. Grace watched his progress, glad for the distraction.

“Joseph,” Jacob spoke as he rested his hand on her wrist, squeezing it in a way he probably thought was comforting. “I’m glad we got a chance to tell you. I have some other calls to make on the radio, but I’ll talk with you after your Sunday sermon like usual, okay?” He flipped off the radio when Joseph agreed, leaning back in the chair and looking towards her.

“Has he always been that… Intense?” Grace asked, the memory of Joseph’s confession about his daughter playing on a loop in her mind’s eye. She was suddenly thankful that Cyrus would be older by the time he met either of his uncles. She could teach him to be skeptical of anything Joseph told him, to question whatever the unstable man said. Jacob might not be on board with it, but she was Cyrus’ mother. She was allowed to make decisions in her own kid’s life.

“It wasn’t always this intense when we were kids,” Jacob shrugged, watching as Cyrus pulled at his pant leg. Giving in to his unspoken demands, Jacob picked their son up and let him settle in his lap, gently guiding his curious hands away from the radio. “Kid, if you break this thing, you’re grounded until we get out of here.”

“That’s what you get for letting him near it.” Grace watched them quietly interact, biting her lip to keep herself from laughing at the faces he made whenever Cyrus looked up at him. She tried to focus on her family before her and not letting her mind get too lost in thinking about what Joseph had spouted off or whatever Eli might need to talk to Jacob about. It’d been just about two years since they entered the bunker and he hadn’t tried to contact them before now.

Dutch had said he knew something about what happened with John but how could he possibly know something like that?

John was just as likely to contact Eli as Jacob was, maybe even less so.

But who else in that bunker could have been in contact with Eli? Joey? No, that didn’t make sense. Why would John have ever let her near a radio, regardless of if she was the new Faith or whatever bullshit they kept trying to spew? Even if that _was_ the case, she sure as shit couldn’t have operated it by herself. Grace had seen their radio room when she was last captured by that jumped up little shit. It was seriously complicated, even if she’d been able to see what she was trying to do. They made sure that Joey couldn’t have when they blinded her with lye or some other chemical.

“You look like you’re trying to figure out something tough there, Deputy,” Jacob drawled with an edge to his voice. When she looked up, his eyes were hard and his jaw just a step away from being clenched tightly.

“I guess I am,” she shrugged lightly, trying to figure out why he was suddenly so on edge. “Just wondering what Eli could possibly know. I… I think it might be some kind of trap but I can’t figure it out.”

“Suspicious of that pseudo-revolutionary now, kitten?” He chuckled his expression not at all matching his light tone.

“I don’t know,” she admittedly freely. “Even if he does know something, I don’t know. I don’t know Eli that well, but why would you share information with someone you consider to be an enemy? I guess I just don’t know why.”

“Huh, never thought I’d see the day you doubted your precious militia.”

“Don’t have to be an ass about it, Jacob.”

“Just commenting. I’ve been thinking about it, too. I’m definitely not going to let you run around talking with them but thanks for admitting you don’t trust it either.”

“Did you… Did you do something? With the music box, I mean.” The memory of him digging around in her mind, making room for whatever he wanted her to do still upset her. It was part of what had made her realize that her friends wouldn’t ever truly trust her after all of this. They had no way of knowing he wasn’t up to his classical conditioning bullshit in the privacy of a bunker for almost a decade. Shit, sometimes she doubted herself. She knew she wouldn’t trust her if she was in someone else’s shoes, not fully.

Maybe Eden’s Gate was her only choice if she wanted to stay in Cyrus’ life. The more time that passed, the more she realized that Jacob would have to be dead before she’d ever be able to take him away from all that.

“No.”

“No? Just no? You don’t think I deserve more of an explanation than that?”

“You’ve never needed more of one before now.”

“Would you have told me if I asked before?” Grace knew that there was a fight brewing, likely their first one since Cyrus had been born months ago. She didn’t know if she honestly wanted the truth from him at this point. So much had happened between them that she felt empty just thinking about it possibly being all some sort of lie.

“Grace, there’s been a lot of changes in the past few years,” Jacob shrugged, shifting Cyrus’ weight around in his lap as he spoke. Their son still kept trying to reach for the radio, eager for the new, shiny things he hadn’t gotten a chance to chew on yet.

“Alright.” It felt like all she could bring herself to say, her heart hanging heavy within her chest. She didn’t have any other choice but to accept that as an answer if she didn’t want to fight. She was tired of fighting. She was just tired in general. Things had been so good lately, so peaceful between them. The former deputy didn’t want to rock the boat if she didn’t have to.

She stood from where she’d ended up on the cot, reaching out to gently brush Cyrus’ hair as her mind whirled. Jacob watched her silently, his hands cupping Cyrus’ head as she leaned down to press a kiss against his head. “Grace?”

“I’m going to go take a shower,” she explained softly, leaning in to press a light kiss to Jacob’s cheek.

“Are you asking for company?”

“If you want. Who’ll watch Cyrus, though?” They were both well aware of how curious the boy had gotten lately with his newfound ability to walk around. It seemed like nothing in the bunker was safe from him anymore. Jacob said his explorations were a good sign, that he was perfectly healthy but Grace wasn’t so sure. She never knew if he’d find some little thing they’d miss and end of choking on something as simple as a bottle cap or something.

“We’ll pick everything up and make a barrier with the mattresses,” he suggested, shifting Cyrus’ weight to his other knee. “Better that than just waiting until he goes to sleep tonight and trying then.”

“I don’t know,” she frowned, seeing nothing but potential dangers as she looked around their small space. “What if he pulls the bookcase down on himself or gives himself tetanus playing with the old cans?”

“What if he does that with us in the room? Just a few months ago, you didn’t want anything to do with him and now it’s like you’re glued to his side.”

“Fine, I’d rather you didn’t join me and instead sat with our toddler and made sure he doesn’t die before he reaches his first birthday in a few months.” Grace didn’t wait for his response, instead turning and leaving the room. She would just make it a quick shower to wash off the sweat and grime the last day or so had built up on her. She would go without washing her hair for another day and it would probably be fine. Besides, Jacob would probably want to also shower later on after giving Cyrus a bath and she didn’t want to waste too much water.

It was hard to remember that this bunker had originally been built with a family of five in mind and that in theory, they would have more wiggle room with their resources. They should be able to support another two children and still make it the remaining five years but that wasn’t something Grace was about to put to the test.

She was done having kids, as far as she was concerned.

The shower felt amazing against her sore muscles, her breasts aching from Cyrus’ near constant hunger. Closing her eyes against the spray, Grace tried not to let her mind wander back to Joseph’s words, refusing to let that little voice in the back of her mind tell her that they’d made a sort of sense. She refused to believe anything that vile man told her. She wouldn’t let him pollute her mind or her son’s if it was the last thing she ever did. She should have known better than to have let Jacob come up with a name all on his own, should have known that even if he’d insulted her for leaning towards Biblical names that he would be a hypocrite and choose one himself.

With an annoyed grunt, Grace turned off the shower and leaned her forehead against the cool tiles. When had her life become such a glorified circus? She wasn’t someone to come to for parenting advice, someone responsible enough to name a baby, or any of the other dozens of things people had been expecting from her for years now. Toying with the idea of just abandoning them all and living by herself as some sort of witch in the woods, Grace dried herself off, pointedly not looking in the mirror.

She sat on the toilet, staring blankly at her hands and buying herself just a few more minutes by herself and away from her hapless family. Maybe if she waited long enough, it would be time for bed and she would be able to avoid having to listen to Jacob getting into a screaming match with Eli Palmer.

“Grace?” Jacob’s voice rang out, muffled by the light door. “Did you die in there?”

“I’m fine,” she called out, running a hand down her exhausted face. “Just tired.”

“I wasn’t able to raise the Militia on the radio,” Jacob continued on as if she hadn’t spoken at all, “sounds like they weren’t as ready to talk as Roosevelt said they were. I fed Cyrus dinner, too, and if you’re done in there, I’d like to give him his bath before bedtime.”

“Sure, sure.” Grace hadn’t realized she’d wasted so much water in the shower that he’d been able to do everything. Either that or he had tried to multitask and left a giant mess for her to clean up on the other side of the door. When she finally was decent enough to open the door, Jacob looked unamused as he held a bean-covered Cyrus in his arms. She smiled at him, placing a kiss to Cyrus’ brow as she walked by without a word.

Jacob grunted and shut the door a little harder than necessary. 

She was glad for the distraction the mess provided, her eyes wandering towards the radio whenever she gave herself a minute to stretch and just breathe. The urge to call the Militia boiled away in her mind, the desperation she had thought had left her months ago trying to claw its way back into her life. Even if she did give in and call them, then what? Be stuck for another five years with a livid Jacob? There was no telling how much longer he would be in the bathroom. He _would_ catch her.

Sitting down on her cot, Grace found herself looking down at her hands. Although they had grown soft, the soap had dried them out so painfully. Her nails were brittle from lack of proper nutrition and she would have seriously considered chewing off her own arm for just one day of pampering. She hadn’t even been that sort of girl before the end of the world, but hell. She’d been through enough to have earned a day of someone else taking care of her, right? 

“Grace, you ready for bed?” Jacob’s rough voice drew her from her thoughts, urging her to look up to watch Cyrus shakily walk towards her, a toothless smile wide on his face. “Because I sure as shit am.”

“His first word is going to be vulgar and if you blame it on me, I swear I will castrate you, Seed.” Jacob only laughed, following after Cyrus’ hurried steps towards her. Grace reached out and scooped up the boy, pulling him close for a tight hug. “Baby boy, are you ready to keep momma and dadda awake all night? Hmm?”

Cyrus sputtered happily, clapping his hands against her cheeks as she showered his face with kisses. Pressing a firm kiss to the center of his forehead, Grace watched as Jacob adjusted his bedding, making sure everything was still in place to prevent any horrific accidents during the night. When he was finished, Grace passed their son to him, wandering towards the bookshelf for their nightly reading. They both knew that he had no hope of understanding their words, but Grace insisted on it, complaining often that the bunker hadn’t come stocked with children’s books. She’d ignored Jacob every time he had jokingly suggested the Bible.

She eventually settled on _Julius Caesar_ , pulling the thin book from the shelf for Jacob to read. Cyrus seemed to like it best when his father read plays, Jacob using multiple voices for all of the characters. Hopefully, it would tire the toddler out the quickest and allow them a few uninterrupted hours of sleep for once.

By the time Cyrus finally fell asleep, Grace was exhausted. Still, she couldn’t get to sleep as her body seemed to almost hum with an anxious sort of energy. Grace laid on her bed, staring up at the cot above her in the darkness of the room, listening to Jacob and Cyrus breathe deeply. Cyrus was snoring slightly but Jacob’s was even and deep. He was still awake. With her hands laid over her stomach in a mimicry of a corpse on display, Grace weighed her options. She could lie there, waiting for sleep to slowly overtake her and letting her mind run wild with possibility. Or, she could get up and join Jacob on his cot.

Neither of them had any delusions of what would happen next if Grace joined him. They would fuck just as they had a hundred times before, the same old song and dance they’d long since grown used to with the added pressure of staying as quiet as possible. Cyrus still hadn’t outgrown his tendency to wake up at the slightest disturbance to the point where he was often sitting up in his crib, waiting for them by the time they woke up.

With her mind made up, Grace carefully rolled herself out of bed, holding her breath to try to make as little noise as possible. Her bare feet were all but silent on the cement floor as she padded her way to Jacob’s side, making sure to move slowly for fear of tripping over something. Cyrus’ crib was right in the middle of the space, just within reach of either of them should he need them in the night. As she passed by him, she was all but certain that she would feel his little hand reaching out for her, ready to cry until he was purple-faced and hungry again.

But he didn’t.

By the time she reached Jacob’s side, it felt like hours had flown by even though it had only taken her a handful of seconds at most. It was almost as if Jacob had been expecting her as she heard him shift himself over to make space for her. He was still impossibly broad so she found herself half laying across him as she joined him, their faces close together and their breath hanging heavily between them. Jacob grunted softly under her, his massive hand finding its way to her waist as he adjusted her weight over him.

Knowing that they couldn’t speak, Grace lowered her lips towards where she was sure his were, pressing them gently together as her hand wandered across his bare chest. She was used to his scars, the raised texture of his skin almost comforting under her fingertips as she made her way to his belt. His breathing deepened as her hand brushed against his stiffened cock, his fingers digging into her sides.

Jacob’s mouth left hers, trailing rough kisses against her jaw and down her throat as she shifted against him, sliding a leg over his hip to draw herself closer to him. He pulled back from her so that he could reach between them, helping her undo his belt and pants, something they’d done countless times before but never with the added pressure of trying to be as quiet as possible.

“Bathroom?” Grace whispered into his ear, the soft noise sounding like thunder in the silent room. They both paused, waiting anxiously for any sign that she woke Cyrus up, but when the toddler remained silent, they both breathed sighs of relief. Under her, Jacob nodded softly, helping her climb off of him and quickly following her lead.

Once they were safely in the bathroom, Grace shut the door and turned on the light. With her luck, the light shining from behind the bathroom door would be enough to wake up their son, but there were no sudden cries. Before she could turn around to resume, Jacob’s hands found her waist again and he pulled her back against him. His lips met her neck, his beard tickling her sensitive skin as he gently bit her.

“I feel like a teenager or something,” she complained, rolling her hips back against him before pressing the heel of her palm against her mouth to stifle any moans he managed to draw from her.

“Been a while since either of us were teenagers,” he pointed out, pulling back from her to help her raise her shirt over her head. “Then again, can’t deny it was easier before he came along.”

“Yeah, too bad you just had to knock me up,” Grace grinned, looking at the eldest Seed over her shoulder. “I thought old men were supposed to have a hard time getting it up or something.”

“Must have been thinking about someone other than me,” Jacob ground his cock against her as he spoke, proving that he was having no troubles at all with getting it up. “Course, I’m not that old.”

“You’re fifty, last I checked,” she pointed out, guiding his hand up to her breasts. Grace let her head fall back against his shoulder while his fingers teased her, gently massaging her tender breasts and pulling on her nipple. “Or was it fifty-one now?”

“Forty-nine,” he grunted, pushing her forwards against the wall. “I just turned forty-nine a few months ago, remember? You let me pick which canned dinner we got to eat and Cyrus threw up on my face.”

“How could I ever forget the greatest thing I’ve ever seen?” She had to bite her lip to keep herself from laughing too hard and ruining the moment. They were already working on limited time and had to remember that the door to the bathroom was flimsy at best. Cyrus would be able to hear them if they were too loud.

“I miss fuckin’ you in a bed,” Jacob groaned against her throat, pressing her even closer to the wall. “I’m going to find us a house with a King sized mattress and Cyrus can find his own entertainment for a day.”

“I know Addie had a California King in her house,” Grace supplied happily, telling herself that she would one day find Addie and the older woman would understand. Addie would probably love to meet Axel and Cyrus, so long as they weren’t anything like their fathers.

“Too big,” he complained, rutting his cock against her as she shimmied out of her panties. “Wanna be able to just roll over and fuck you whenever.” The idea drew a whimper from her as Grace spread her legs further apart, making room for him to slip his cock into her.

Bracing herself against the wall, Grace bit down on her forearm as Jacob’s hips jerked flushed against her ass, filling her for the first time in weeks. He took a moment to get used to the feeling of her again, his breaths fanning across the back of her neck like a great bear. Tentatively, Jacob started to buck against her, not quite pulling out all the way before quickly slamming into her. Jacob’s thrusts picked up speed and with her free hand, Grace reached down to rub her clit in quick little circles.

Moaning at the sensation, Grace hopelessly tried to meet his thrusts as his fingers bruised her hips. His chest hair tickled her back as his cock rocked against that sweet spot deep inside her, the mixture of sensations driving her closer to her own release. From the feel of it, Jacob wouldn’t be able to last much longer, his cock jerking every time he bottomed out inside of her. Jacob’s hand joined her fingers in teasing herself, his larger digits feeling so much rougher and perfect as the heat started to finally pool low in her stomach.

With her newly freed hand, Grace toyed with her nipples, biting her arm even harder as she drew pleasure from herself. Jacob slipped out of her, urging her to turn and face him as he pushed and pulled to her to where he wanted her, hoisting her leg over his hip. Their lips met in a messy clash as he thrust into her again, her back loudly thudding against the wall. His hand found his way to her clit again, pinching the bundle of nerves gently between his fingers as he rocked into her.

Grace bit Jacob’s shoulder as she clung to him, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to focus on the feelings he was drawing from her body. He grunted in her ear, burying his face in her hair as his thrusts sped up. “Fuck, baby, you feel so good,” Jacob groaned, jerking her other leg around his hips and pressing her tighter against the wall. “Gonna fill you up.”

“Jacob,” she panted, tightening her legs around him for balance as he bucked wildly into her. Grace squealed a little too loud as he pinched her clit tighter, pushing her closer to her orgasm. Briefly, her mind flickered to John, the memory of his heavily tattooed hands ripping apart her shirt sending another wave of heat into her belly. “ _Yes, oh god_ ,” she squealed again, squeezing her eyes shut and pressing her face against his shoulder.

Jacob grunted, slamming into her a few rough times before his cock jerked inside her, spilling his spunk deep within her, filling her. Still he rolled his thumb quickly against her clit, dragging her roughly to her orgasm. Her cunt clenched desperately around his cock as she tried to push memories of his brother from her mind.

Embarrassment flooded her veins like ice water as she was coming down from her orgasm. Not only had she been thinking about her son’s uncle, but the very uncle that might as well have been laid out across death’s door. Jacob pressed his forehead to hers, his face slick with sweat as he tried to catch his breath. “Jacob,” she whimpered, wincing at the feeling of his cock slipping out of her.

“I know,” he groaned, moving his face to press against the juncture of her neck and shoulder, “I should have pulled out.”

“No, it’s okay,” she lied, gingerly untangling herself from him. If she hadn’t been busy thinking about John, she would have ripped him a new one, but since she had been, she was afraid the confession would spill from her lips if she spoke too much. “Just… Just help me clean up, okay?”

“C’mere,” he murmured, quickly wetting a towel and gently cleaning the cum that seeped from her. They moved in near silence, all but hanging off of each other as he first cleaned her and then himself.

“We have to be more careful next time.” Grace took the towel from him, adjusting it for a cleaner surface before wiping away the sweat that still beaded in his chest hair. “I don’t think another Cyrus would be a good idea right now.”

“No,” he confirmed, pulling away from her and walking back towards their clothes. Grace tossed the towel in the sink to be dealt with later, even though she knew the process would be all the more unpleasant then. She would just do a load of laundry when she got up in the morning. “Another when we get out of here wouldn’t be so bad.”

“Maybe,” she whispered, nodding that she was ready for him to open the bathroom door and wander back to her cot. Hopefully now she would be able to sleep and not let her mind linger on a thousand things at once. She didn’t have it in her to point it out that he would be well into his fifties by the time they got out. He already wasn’t lasting as long as he had when they first started fucking.

Besides, something told her that Joseph would probably not be as forgiving as a second bastard child between them and would probably demand they got married or some bullshit.

Laying down on her cot, she listened for any sign of Cyrus shifting around in his bed, the box quickly becoming too small for the rapidly growing boy. That was just another thing they had to worry about some other time. She listened as Jacob settled down on his own cot, his breathing evening out soon after he made himself comfortable.

Before she knew it, her eyes were snapping open, a growl ripping out of her throat and her arm reflexively moving to protect her eyes from the sudden light as Jacob flipped the generator back on. Next to her, Cyrus cried out as well, his wail ear-splitting as he reached for her with chubby arms. “Jacob, you fucker!”

“Language around the baby,” he mocked her as he came back into the room, his trademark smirk spread wide across his face.

“I hate you.” As she spoke, Grace reached for Cyrus, grunting as she lifted the heavy baby into her lap. He pulled at her shirt, knowing that his breakfast was just beyond the fabric.

“Sure,” Jacob agreed, walking by them towards the radio. “I’m going to try to raise the Whitetails on the frequency Roosevelt gave us again. See if those cowards actually want to show up for the talk they begged for.” 

Grace grunted in acknowledgment as she adjusted her shirt, raising it just high enough for Cyrus to latch on as she watched Jacob. When he adjusted everything and flipped the radio on, Grace pushed herself from the cot and shifted Cyrus around in her arms to better carry his weight. The toddler barely grunted as she moved him, reaching out to grab at her shirt to better secure himself. “Remind me to ask Kim how long he should be nursing for,” Grace complained, wincing when he pulled a little too hard on her.

“You ask her every time you talk to her,” Jacob pointed out absently, barely glancing her way when she approached him. “She keeps telling you two years is normal.”

“I don’t know if I can last two years. Shit.”

“This is Jacob Seed for the Whitetail Militia, over,” Jacob ignored her, speaking into the microphone instead. They waited for a moment, listening to the silence as they both hoped they’d finally get a response. “This is Jacob Seed for Eli Palmer, over.”

“ _Seed,_ ” a voice finally responded, gruff with a lack of sleep. Grace felt her heart flutter in her chest at the sound of Wheaty’s voice. At least he was still alive. “ _I’ll get Eli now._ ”

They waited for what felt like hours to Grace’s anxious mind, the urge to pace around the room burning in her legs as Cyrus shifted uncomfortably in her arms. Finally, there was static coming from the speakers, a sure sign that someone was once again on the other side. “Palmer,” Jacob spoke into the microphone before whoever was there could speak, as if that was how perfectly normal people greeted each other. “Word around town is that you’ve been wanting to speak with me. Sure got a funny way of showing it, makin’ me wait a full day.”

“ _Seed,_ ” Eli’s voice was clear as a bell, something Grace had never thought she would hear again. “ _Is the Deputy there with you? You haven’t killed her by putting another one of your kids in her, have you?_ ”

“I’m right here, Eli,” she leaned over Jacob’s shoulder, digging her fingers into him as a warning to keep his comments to himself. Cyrus pulled away from her breast with an annoyed babble, reaching out for his father’s bright hair in frustration. Grace ignore them both as her heart threatened to beat right out of her chest. “What’s going on?”

“ _We’d heard rumors at first,_ ” Eli hesitated, sounding like he wasn’t sure what words to use. “ _The Abandoned ripping people from their bunkers, trying to survive the wasteland._ ”

“The Abandoned?” Jacob asked, his knuckles deathly white against the radio. “Been a while since anyone’s mentioned them. Kinda thought they’d all moved on by now. They had to have run out of food by now, right?”

“ _That’s right, you had your own run-in with them a few years ago,_ ” Eli softly confirmed, shifting papers around on the other side of the radio, “ _Dutch told us about how you had some uninvited guests trying to invite themselves in._ ”

“Get to your point, Palmer. You could have just told Roosevelt all this and saved me the time of waiting around for you.”

“ _How’s your brother doing?”_ ” Eli asked instead, the taunt clear as day.

“Fuck you, he’s fine.”

“ _Alright. They’ve been lurking about, far as I can tell. Ended up with a radio of their very own. Contacting people before they go hunting them down and the like. Could be that they… found someone who was good with radios._ ”

“Nobody like that’s contacted us,” Grace pointed out, glancing down at Jacob for confirmation before continuing onwards. “What does any of this have to do with us.”

“ _Well, Wheaty was able to listen in on one of their broadcasts a few months ago now. Overheard some stuff that wasn’t meant for anyone else, didn’t make sense until recently when we heard another of their little messages._ ” Time seemed to come to a standstill as Eli spoke, fear racing up Grace’s spine with every uttered word.

“What’ve they been saying?” Jacob asked as he reached up and laid a massive hand over her’s, gently prying it from him to stop her from digging her fingers into him any more than she ready had. “You said this had something to do with my brother, so get on with it already.”

“ _We were able to record a message._ ”

“Well, let’s hear it, then.” Grace wanted so badly to scold Jacob, to remind him that Eli was doing them a favor, but she couldn’t force the words from her throat quick enough.

“ _Joey, it’s time to come home now._ ” Grace knew the voice that echoed out from the radio, even if it had been a lifetime since she last heard it, had last thought of it. She would never forget the man that it had belonged to, what he’d done for her in the time they’d known one another, and what he hadn’t done for her when she’d needed him.

_Staci._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This thing was over nine thousand words long! Almost double what a usual chapter is! Hot damn! A long one for you guys in celebration of TC turning one in just two weeks! That's right- on April 28th, this beast will be a toddler!
> 
> Haven't thought of a good way to celebrate its birthday yet, but if you have any ideas, feel free to drop them off in my askbox over on tumblr, motical!
> 
> Hope you like Joseph finally showing up in the story, 18 chapters in!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Week 282. 83 weeks remain.

“Are you sure we’re doing the right thing with all this?” Grace found herself asking Jacob, staring at her own eyes in the mirror. Had she always had bags like these under her eyes? The little lines around her mouth? When did she get so old?

“Not like we have much of a choice,” he murmured somewhere behind her. Much to her ego’s delight, Jacob hadn’t escaped aging either. She wasn’t sure when exactly but somewhere over the years his hair had grown paler, almost a strawberry blonde instead of the vibrant copper it’d been when they met. His beard had grown longer, almost as unruly as him, and had been taken over by grey. There was still a resistance of red but every day seemed like it lost more and more ground to the invasion. “Our family comes first. Survival of the fittest and I’ll be damned if I let us become weak.”

“I won’t let you make our son kill anyone, Jacob. He’s only a boy still.”

“He won’t have to.” Jacob had sworn it to her after their son turned two, promising up and down as he fucked her that he would protect their family himself. He still taught their son the basics of his rifle, hiding the ammo far away from curious hands and making a sort of mantra about how dangerous the weapon was.

He was five now, or at least a few days shy of it. Stubborn as a mule and with a penchant for biting when he got upset that she was trying to put a stop to. While he still looked like his uncles, his face seemed like it would grow to be slimmer, more closer to her own face than any of the Seeds’. Jacob kept telling her that he was getting tall but she had no idea what was normal for five-year-olds.

Grace was worried about what would happen when they crawled out of their hole in the ground in a few months time. She couldn’t even imagine the shock of going from a safe, tiny environment being the only thing she’d ever known to an endless, dangerous world. Jacob reasoned that it’d probably be the same as how they felt in the bunker but Grace doubted it. He wouldn’t have a constant idea of where they were all the time and they were his entire world. Jacob had already been firm about not letting Cyrus sleep curled between them anymore and although she agreed it wouldn’t be healthy in the long run, what kind of shock would that be for him? Would it be too much for him?

“What’s eatin’ you?” Jacob drew her from her thoughts, wrapping an arm around her waist and pressing his massive hand against her stomach. “You pregnant again or something, Deputy?”

“I swear to god I _will_ kill you if I am.” She had spent the last few years doing her best to ensure that didn’t happen again, the memory of her near-death experience lingering always in the back of her mind. “We’re gonna have our hands full trying to scamper to safety with just Cyrus. You really wanna add a newborn into that mix, Jake?”

“We’d make do, same as we always have.” He pressed a kiss against the side of her head, pulling her close to his body. She let him hold her for a moment, their bodies pressed flush together with only their threadbare clothes between them.

“I don’t want to die, Jacob. Not… Not like that.” The words felt like little stones dropping into the pool of her stomach, slowly weighing her down with fear. “Somehow I don’t think that’s one of those things that gets easier with practice.”

“Things’ll be different when we get back with my brothers,” he promised her not for the first time.

“I know,” Grace whispered, closing her eyes and leaning back into his warmth. She didn’t know for sure when she’d started to believe him but his words comforted her now. She had to believe that things would make sense again when they got to Joseph. Even if she didn’t put any stock into his words, she couldn’t handle the stress of being so isolated and endangered anymore. They had been taking watch at night for over a year now since they’d heard a scraping sound against the bunker door. Jacob hadn’t been convinced that it’d been an animal looking for shelter from some kind of storm the way she wanted to think.

Jacob grunted and pressed a kiss against her temple, pulling away from her to listen by the bathroom door. He shook his head with a sigh, sending her an exhausted look. “Your son just doesn’t want to sleep.”

“He’s still moving around out there? Well, maybe he’ll sleep well tonight?” Grace pinched the bridge of her nose, knowing that she was far too hopeful. It was always a gamble if Cyrus would hate naps or vegetables more on any given day.

“If you say so.” Jacob ran a hand down his face as he leaned back against the flimsy door, somehow looking more tired than she had ever seen him before.

“Was it like this with your brothers?”

“Didn’t have to deal with it as much, for the most part. ‘Cept when my parents were drunk.” He shrugged and looked over her, his eyes seeming to burn as he watched her fidget under his gaze. “We could go ahead and give him some more time to try and nap.”

“We could,” she agreed, hopping up on the cheap counter that held the sink basin. “What did you have in mind?”

“Spread your legs a bit and I think I could come up with a few,” Jacob ordered with a deep, husky voice. He boldly palmed the front of his pants as he watched her shiver and do as he told her to, the old jeans she’d cut into shorts riding high on her thighs and leaving little to the imagination. Jacob grunted at the sight, slowly teasing the button of his jeans open as he watched her. “How ‘bout you show me how you’ve been touching yourself, kitten?”

“Jacob,” she stammered, feeling the embarrassment raise in her cheeks.

“C’mon, you don’t really think I don’t know what you sound like, do you?” He grinned at her, his eyes dangerous as they dropped down to the junction between her thighs again. “I heard you crying out in the shower the last couple of weeks. And not a single offer to join you? I’m wounded you care so little, kitten.”

His words tickled at some far away memory as she bit her lip and mimicked his movements, carefully undoing the button holding her shorts up. “Someone had to watch the radio,” she felt herself murmur, almost a whisper as she remembered what they’d said to one another. It was right before their first time together, what had kicked this whole mess off in the first place.

“My poor little hellion, left by the wayside as Daddy had things to take care of, huh?” He asked her, pushing himself off the door and roughly palming the front of his jeans again. “Tell me what you thought about with your fingers buried in your cunt.”

“I thought of us,” she whimpered, abandoning her shorts in favor of pulling her shirt off. “I thought of us before the collapse, spending the day in bed and fucking.”

“Oh? Is that so?”

“I thought of you fucking me from behind,” she all but whispered, wanting to give him all the more reason to come near. “I thought of you pressing my tits together and fucking them. You throwing me over your desk and eating me out until I couldn’t see straight.”

“Hmm, I like those ideas,” he smiled at her as he stepped closer, reaching out for her and resting a large hand on her knee. His thumb toyed with the soft skin there as he looked down at her, watching the way her breasts shuddered with every breath she took. “You know what else I like the idea of?”

“What’s that?”

“You bouncing on my lap, doin’ all the work, and begging me to take you harder.”

“That does sound nice,” she agreed as she shimmied out of the shorts with his help. With Jacob watching her so close, Grace let her fingers dip down to her folds, testing her own wetness. “How about you flipping me over and fucking me on this counter?”

“I think we can do better than that,” he disagreed, reaching out to cup one of her breasts. Grace whimpered as he toyed with her nipple, teasing it to attention. “I still like the idea of you doin’ all the work, sweetheart.”

“You’ve gotten lazy with your old age,” she choked out, trying to keep her eyes open as she continued to tease herself and roll her hips towards him. “We still have to be quiet.”

“We are being quiet,” he pointed out with another grin, gripping her hip with his free hand and pulling her closer to him. “We’re just talking about fantasies.”

“Oh? You have some ultimate fantasy you wanna share with me, Jacob?” Grace teased him, knowing full well that she might hear something she really didn’t want to.

“Could be,” he grunted as he looked down at her, his pale eyes searching her face. “I’m sure you’ve got some of your own you could share with the class, too.”

“I’ll tell if you tell,” she grinned up at him, still rolling her clit lazily between her fingers. He pinched her nipple sharply and smiled when she gasped out in surprise. “Unless you’re scared I’d make fun of you.”

“Been thinking about you and Armstrong lately,” he grunted, pulling her close enough to press against the bulge in his pants. Grace whimpered as she squirmed on his length, wishing that they didn’t have the denim between them. “How it’d be with the two Graces at the same time. My tongue in your cunt while she rides my cock.”

“Never knew you felt that way about Grace,” she mused, curling a hand around the back of his neck and teasing his hair with her nails. “Don’t think she’d be too thrilled, though.”

“That’s why it’s only a fantasy,” he pointed out while giving her a look. “Besides, she’s strong. She’s a natural bone killer. I wanted to fuck her long before I ever laid eyes on you, kitten.”

“That makes me feel great.” She didn’t blame him, Grace was an amazingly confident and strong person who she admired. She still regretted that the other woman refused to speak with her since ending up in a bunker with Jacob. And having a kid by him didn’t help to bridge the gap that had developed between them.

“So, what’s your fantasy?” Jacob changed the subject as he lifted her legs around his waist, rolling his hips against her center as he spoke. Grace hissed and let her eyes slide closed, digging her nails into the back of his neck and leaning back to give him more access to her chest. “C’mon, Grace. You can’t chicken out now.”

“I wanna arrest you and fuck you in the back of a squad car,” she blurted out quickly, wishing she could bury her face against his neck in embarrassment. “I’d handcuff you so you couldn’t touch me and sucking your cock until it was hard,” she paused, whimpered when he thrust harder against her, leaning down to nip at the side of her neck, “I’d ride you until you could barely stumble into the station when it came time to book you.”

“Hmm, I’ve heard of dirty cops before, but I think I’d let you arrest me.” Grace laughed at his words, muffling the sound against his shoulder. She knew that he’d never really let her have control like that. He was too hard headed to ever go for it, no matter what he said. He’d fight her for control.

“Just shut up and fuck me now,” she ordered, trying to put at least a sliver of authority in her voice. “We don’t have all day.”

“Yes, Officer,” he grinned down at her, reaching down to unbutton his jeans and push them down just far enough to free his dick. Grace helped him pump it a few times, spreading some of her slick onto his length in preparation of taking him. It’d been a while since they’d had time alone together but she knew they would find their rhythm soon enough. They’d certainly had enough practice of it over the years. “Ready, kitten?”

“Just hurry,” she whimpered, pulling him closer to her. He nodded once and slid into her easily, pressing all the way in until their hips were flush together and a cry escaped from her lips. Grace bit down on the heel of her palm to try to muffle any more of her cries as Jacob started to rock in and out of her.

His calloused hands felt like heaven as he teased her breasts, pulling and squeezing them in time with his thrusts. Feeling the heat welling quickly in the pit of her stomach, Grace tried frantically to meet his movements, locking her ankles around his waist and trying to get him deeper inside of her. She bit down on his shoulder to try and block out the sounds she was making and wishing that he could make her feel that good all the time. She didn’t even care that his movements were growing erratic, his thrusts becoming shorter but deeper as he huffed and puffed above her. 

Jacob’s hand on her clit surprised her as he pinched and pulled at the little nub, adjusting her in his arms so that he could press their mouths together in a desperate kiss. She let him dominate her mouth, shoving his tongue in and reclaiming her completely as he chased his release. Grace moaned as she felt her toes start to curl, her orgasm just out of reach, trying her best to keep up with him. Briefly, her mind fluttered back to the fantasy she’d told him about, imagining him under her thighs in the cramped quarters of the backseat of a sedan. When she’d told him about it, she hadn’t mentioned that it’d been his brother she pictured, not him.

She didn’t feel as guilty, knowing that he was thinking of other women, too.

Jacob grunted above her, pulling away from her and groaning deeply as his cock jerked within her, weakly spurting his spend deep inside her. Grace whimpered at the feeling, curling into him and trying not to think about how close to her own release she had been. Just as he always did, Jacob continued to tease her to her own orgasm with his fingers, even as his manhood softened inside of her. With another whimper, Grace felt herself crest in a weak orgasm, her body rocking itself closer to him for more stimulation.

They held each other for a long moment, their bodies slick with sweat and other fluids as they tried to gather their thoughts and get their breathing under control. Finally, Jacob pulled away from her and leaving her sitting on the sink, retrieved a wet from the rack to clean themselves with. They were silent as he worked, occasionally reaching behind her to turn the sink on and wet the towel anew before pressing it to the sore juncture between her legs.

Finally, Jacob tossed the towel aside to be picked up later and pressed a firm kiss against her mouth. “Do you think the boy got any sleep?”

“Doubt it,” she smiled, appreciating the heavy sort of laziness that washed over her after an orgasm. She watched as he stepped into his pants, appreciating the sight of his thickly muscled legs wrapped in the tight denim. In just a matter of a few months, she would be able to watch him shirtless and chopping firewood or some other ridiculous task.

“You gonna sit there all day, kitten?”

“Hmm, thinking about it. You wouldn’t mind watching the boy, would you?”

“Get your ass up.” Grace grunted but obeyed his orders, quickly dressing herself and doing her best to clean the bathroom. She was always afraid to leave things a mess in case Cyrus decided to wander in at a bad time. Behind her, she could hear Jacob helping her with the simple task before cracking the bathroom door open to check on their son. “Cyrus, what the _hell_ do you think you’re doing?” Jacob snarled, his voice angrier than Grace had ever heard it, even during her escape attempts. Her blood ran cold as she tried to hurry and pull her shorts up, knowing that she would likely have to throw herself between her son and his father and any second wasted could mean disaster. 

Grace nearly tripped over herself as she dropped everything and ran to the bathroom door, barely catching herself on the door frame as her heart froze in her chest and she saw what had made Jacob so angry. Cyrus sat at the top of the stairs leading outdoors, a look of terror on his face as his eyes locked on his father storming towards him like some great beast. She couldn’t be sure what he’d been doing up there, but it looked like the bar Jacob had jammed in the doors years ago was nearly off.

Cyrus had done possibly the only thing worse than breaking the radio.

“Jacob!” She was dimly aware of herself yelling, trying to distract him from his blind rage. She didn’t have the time to be furious at Cyrus right then and there. The only thing on her mind was making sure he saw tomorrow. “Leave him alone!”

Grabbing his arm, Grace dug her heels into the concrete floor as best as she could, trying to slow him down. She could feel her nails ripping into his flesh but Jacob didn’t seem to even notice her at all as Cyrus scampered down the steps, his wild eyes desperate to find a hiding spot. Jacob snarled and jerked her away from him, damn near throwing her across the room.

She knew what she had to do as her back slammed into their shabby table. Forcing herself to ignore the pain in her hips, Grace ran by him and towards the steps, her wrist throbbing with the memory of when she last did something like this. Cyrus froze in place, his blue eyes darting frantically between them.

Jacob reached his hand back, his eyes locked on their son’s face as he brought his hand down. 

Grace cried out as his slap caught her right in the eye, pain exploding from the force of the blow. She’d managed to squeeze her way in between them to take the slap for Cyrus. She’d meant to scoop him out of the way, but she was happy to settle on taking it for him if she needed to. Behind her, Cyrus cried out, his voice shrill as panic swept through him.

Jacob had never raised a hand to him before.

With her pulse thundering in her chest, Grace kept an eye locked firmly on Jacob as she grabbed a hold of Cyrus, pulling him towards her safety as she planned on ways to kill his father. “You’re no better than your father,” Grace spat at him, her arms tight around their son as she shielded him with her body. “For all that talk you did, you sure as shit ain’t doing the walk, Seed.” Her heart felt like it would escape from her ribs at any moment and the feel of Cyrus’ own heart beating just as wildly damn near broke her. “If you _ever_ raise your hand to him again, I will fucking kill you in your sleep, Jacob.”

For the first time in her life, Grace found herself yearning to call Joseph. Even though he was just a younger brother and still years away, she knew he needed to know about Jacob’s wrath. She needed him to see just how his big brother could still be and that the cycle of abuse hadn’t broken in their family yet. He needed to know the wolf among his flock.

“I’m sorry.” The words sounded hollow as Jacob weakly slumped down onto the cot, his hands shaking as he stared at them and realization burned away at him. “Cyrus, I’m so sorry.”

“Daddy,” he whimpered, muffled by her embrace. “You hurt Mommy.”

Grace kept her mouth closed as Jacob’s face seemed to crumble under the weight of their baby’s words. Cyrus didn’t need to know about all the other times his father had hurt her. He deserved to not be burdened with the truth of everything. He was innocent of their sins.

“I’m sorry.” Jacob looked like it was killing him to not run to them, to hold them both in his massive arms and swear to never do it again, but if he tried, she wouldn’t let him. “Cyrus, I love you and Mommy very much.”

“Why?”

“Baby,” Grace found herself speaking, keeping her eyes locked on Jacob as she adjusted his weight in her arms. “Daddy got hurt very badly and he doesn’t know how to not hurt us sometimes.” It wasn’t an excuse for his behavior but she couldn’t keep the truth of his family from him forever. “Your grandpa was a very bad man. Daddy doesn’t…”

“Daddy doesn’t know how to be a good daddy,” Jacob finished for her, his eyes shifting over to her. She didn’t know how bad the bruise was over her eyes yet but from how badly it hurt, she knew it had to be a rough sight. “I’m sorry. I’m going to be better.”

“I wasn’t doin’ nothin’,” Cyrus sobbed, once more burying his little face against the side of Grace’s neck. His hands clung desperately to her threadbare shirt and Grace struggled to think of something to say. She’d never been good at comforting people, not even when Cyrus just tripped and skinned his knee.

“Baby, what were you even doing up there? We’ve told you how dangerous it is. You could get really sick, or worse,” Grace finally spoke up when Jacob just rested his head in his hands. The terror she’d felt at seeing him so close to danger bloomed once more in her chest at the reminder. There was no telling what would have happened if he got those doors open. They were likely too heavy for a five-year-old to lift, but the danger was still there.

“There was a man. He... He was looking for you, I think.”

“For who?” Jacob finally looked up at them, his jaw clenched tight.

“For Mommy, I think.” He looked confused when Grace pulled away far enough to see his face. His blue eyes were watery as he glanced between them, trying to figure out what he’d done wrong. “He said a funny name and asked me to help him find his friend.”

“Do you remember the name?” Grace brushed her finger against his cheek, trying to comfort him while holding herself back from demanding answers. She’d never been good at questioning kids when she was still a deputy, never knew how to comfort them. “Why do you think he was looking for me?”

“He said Grace Clark, but I don’t know who that is. Daddy calls you Grace but we’re Seeds.” Jacob and Grace stared at each other, neither one of them knowing what to do next. “That’s what Uncle always says, right?”

“Yes, Baby, we’re Seeds,” Grace forced herself to smile at her son, but from the look on his face, she didn’t think it was nearly as comforting as she’d hoped it would be. Her eye throbbed with every beat of her heart. “I used to be Grace Clark before your Daddy and I had you.”

“I need to call someone.” Jacob looked more unsure than she’d seen him in years. “I need to call Eli.”

“Are you sure?” The words tumbled from her lips before she could even think about them. She never in her life would have expected Jacob to go to Eli of all people for help. Before anything else, Grace always thought he’d go to Joseph for some reason. Not that either man could have done anything to help their situation, but Joseph was someone Jacob trusted. He was someone who he could rely on.

“We need to form a plan of attack if this shit gets any worse,” He grunted as he pushed himself off the cot and began pacing back and forth across the room in a few long strides. “We need to be ready in case someone tries to fuck with our family again.”

“Daddy?” Cyrus asked, still clinging to her but looking less afraid of his father now. “I’m sorry.”

“Cyrus, I don’t want you to go anywhere near that door again, okay? Not until it’s time for us to go to your uncles. Do you understand?” While his voice was still rough, Jacob managed to soften it as he paused in his pacing long enough to make sure he had Cyrus’ attention.

“Yes, Daddy.” Cyrus looked up at her with his big blue eyes and tried to look determined in spite of his tear-stained face. “I’m sorry, Mommy.”

“You didn’t know, my love,” she lied, knowing full well that they’d both told him not to go up the stairs. Neither of them ever thought that there’d be someone lurking on the other side, just waiting to hurt them if given half the chance. They knew The Abandoned were roaming around but if they figured out _this_ was their bunker, if Staci knew exactly where to find both of them… “Jacob, I think you’d better call Eli right about now.”

They might not be able to last the full seven years like Joseph had been so sure they would.

Jacob nodded and sat down at the desk. He stared at the radio for a moment, likely trying to get his thoughts together before reaching out to a man he hated so viciously. Beside her, Cyrus shifted to a more comfortable position while still practically glued to her side. She knew he would probably cling to her for the next few days as things settled back to how they usually were. It killed her that he knew to be afraid of his own father now.

“This is Jacob Seed for Eli, over,” he spoke into the microphone when he was ready to, resting his head against a hand as he waited for some response. She and Cyrus clung to one another in silence as they watched him, silent shivers occasionally running through the boy’s body as fear continued to pick away at him. She hated that he needed to be afraid of the world around them.

“ _Seed_ ,” Eli’s voice rang out in their bunker, echoing slightly off of the bare walls. Relief flooded her as she heard him, knowing that he could give them at least some level of safety. “ _What’s going on?_ ”

“There’s been a situation. My son got into something he shouldn’t have and now we might just have a problem on our hands.” Grace could feel Cyrus freeze again in her arms at his father’s words, so she tried to squeeze him and quietly let him know that she was there for him, no matter what happened.

“ _How bad of a problem are we talking here?_ ” Eli asked after a long pause. She knew he must have been discussing something with the others in the Militia at the same time, already trying to figure out some way to help them. Grace knew that Eli was the sort of man who’d help Jacob, even after everything that had happened between them. Well, maybe not if it was just Jacob, but she believed that he would help her still, as well as her son.

“The sort where we’re not sure if we’re gonna be able to make it until next year.” Jacob looked over at them as he spoke, his eyes hard as he struggled to find a way to help his family. “We had a visitor who would love to stop by again sometime.”

“ _Same as before?_ ” Eli immediately asked, likely remembering the time someone had tried to get in years ago.

“Could be. Probably in the same family, if not the same person.”

“ _You talk to your brother yet?_ ” Eli asked after another long pause, this one just long enough to put them on edge.

“Not yet,” Jacob admitted. Grace knew he would want to go to Joseph with a solution already in mind. He hadn't gone to John with much in the years since he was attacked by Joey. She was too afraid to ask him if he didn't trust his youngest brother anymore or if he just wanted to try and save him from as much stress as possible. She never heard the full extent of his injuries even if Jacob knew them. If Grace was being honest with herself, she didn't know if she ever wanted to.

“ _Well, this is definitely bad news. Shit._ ”

“Grace, go and secure the bar in the door and bring me my rifle,” Jacob ordered without even looking in their direction. She nodded, even though he couldn't see, and released Cyrus from her hold. The young boy started to protest but she hushed him quickly, holding a finger firmly against her lips.

It had been what felt like a lifetime since she last climbed the concrete steps leading to the outside. She wasn't sure if she considered the other side to be freedom anymore. The former deputy paused when she wrapped her hand around the rusty bar, half afraid that she would hear Staci on the other side, begging her to come out and join him again. God, she hoped it hadn't been him who spoke to her son but one of his followers instead.

Shaking her head to push those thoughts aside, Grace jerked the bar firmly back in place, pushing against it to make sure it wasn't going to slide out all on its own. She tried to ignore how badly her own hands quivered and wondered when she had turned into such a coward. Barely a handful of years ago and she had no problem jumping out of a plane and taking on countless combatants when she thought that was the right thing to do.

She hadn’t seen Jacob look that scared since John nearly died. She hadn’t seen him that angry since they got word of Joey’s suicide.

By the time she handed Jacob his bright red rifle, Grace was sure she could feel a panic attack on the verge of washing over her. When he looked up at her, the eldest Seed had a strange look on his face, almost as if he was just as scared as she was. But Grace just couldn’t imagine him being truly afraid of anything. Not Jacob. He had survived too much to be scared now.

“ _Seed, why don’t you contact Joseph and touch bases with him,_ ” Eli’s voice calmly suggested. “ _We’re going to try to raise Dutch and see if he has any suggestions. How about we contact each other in two hours and make a game plan then?_ ”

“Roger that,” Jacob confirmed, tearing his eyes away from him to focus on finding a way out of this mess. “Over and out.” They stood in silence for a while, the only sound was Cyrus’ fearful hiccups and sniffles. Finally, Jacob sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Grace, take all of the mattresses and make a comfortable area in the bathroom. I want you two to hold up in there until we have a better idea of what’s going on.”

“Jacob,” she started to protest, knowing that hiding behind a flimsy wall was hardly much safer than sitting out in the open, but a sour look from him dried her complaints on her tongue. She wished that they could go back to how easy things were just a few hours ago. Her eye throbbed in agony at the thought and Grace could feel herself starting to lose some of her vision to the swelling.

“Not now, Grace. We need to figure out a plan,” he shook his head, looking around her to watch Cyrus curl around himself and cry into his bent knees. “I need to call Joe and we need to make sure Cy’s okay.”

“Cyrus? Can you help me gather up all the pillows, please? We’re gonna build a fort in the bathroom, okay?” Grace asked as she stared into Jacob’s cold eyes. She wanted him to know that she was angry with him and that they weren’t done discussing what had happened between them.

“O-okay, Mommy.” Grace turned away from Jacob to help Cyrus gather everything, pulling the cots off of their metal frames and dragging them into the bathroom. Cyrus trailed closely after her, clutching tightly to his small pile of pillows and watching her every move as she tried to make the small space as comfortable as possible. They were silent as they worked together, doing their best to ignore Jacob’s muffled words from the other room as they worked.

“How about we pick out some books to read, my love?” She asked, making a point to keep her voice as low and even as she could manage. “It might help the time pass by a little quicker, don’t you think?”

“Okay,” he nodded, trying to force a smile but not doing a great job of it. “Can I pick them out?”

“How about I do? You keep picking _Moby Dick_ and it’s not bedtime yet. You make me read that and I’ll fall asleep for sure,” she laughed, making fake snoring sounds until he giggled and wrapped his arms around her.

“Mommy? I’m scared. I did something bad, didn’t I?”

“Cyrus.” she struggled to think of the right words to say, pulling him even tighter against her. “Baby, we all make mistakes. Things will be okay in the end. Daddy and I are good at figuring things out. We’re just really scared right now because someone who doesn’t like us very much might want to hurt you.”

“Why?”

“Because Daddy hurt them.”

“Like he hurt you?” Cyrus’ question wasn’t unexpected, he was a smart and observant little boy who liked to get into things just because he could. It still broke her heart to have to look her son in the eye and try and think of how much of the truth he could handle.

“Before all this happened,” she paused, gesturing to the bunker around them, “your daddy and I didn’t like each other very much. We were fighting in a war and things got bad at times. Mommy’s friend was taken from her by Daddy.”

“Is Daddy a bad man?”

“He’s a man, baby. People are good and bad. To a lot of people, I’m a bad person.” The words felt clunky and dull to her own ears. She wished she had Kim there to help her explain everything to the toddler, to make him understand the shitty things people could do for those they loved.

“But I love you.”

“And you should still love your daddy,” she pointed out with a smile, reaching out to gently boop him on the nose. “Just because someone does bad things doesn’t mean they don’t deserve people to love them.”

“I don’t wanna. I want Uncle Joe,” he cried, the hot tears quickly springing up in his eyes. Grace could only grimace and pull the boy closer to her, letting his tears soak into her shirt. How the hell was she going to explain all this to him? He was only a boy.

“If we can get through this year, you can be with your uncle as much as you want, okay? I promise. I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Therapeutic Crying! As of 4.28.19, this beast is a one-year-old! Yay! I wrote this entire thing in a day because I wanted to do at least something for it, so I apologize for any mistakes! I wanted to do something else for TC's birthday, like drabbles or something, but Patreon rewards put a hamper on that!
> 
> Time skip because I'm honestly tired of the bunker and I'm excited about the batshit things I have planned!


End file.
